Toxic Relationship? - Blog Posts

I need advice

Oh tumblr gods, how do I know if I have a toxic parent. My mom isn’t abusive but she has a couple little signs that set off little alarms in my head. And if she is toxic do you have advice for how to exist with her because moving out isn’t an option (I’m still in high school). Every time I try to talk to someone about it they say it’s not a big deal because we have an overall positive relationship(because I have to live with her). But I can’t help but notice that I am much happier at my dad’s than at her house. I crave your wisdom oh tumblr gods.

★𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

proofread: yeaaa

word count:4k(lol plz send help)

WARNINGS: pt2 of jealous girl, toxic!Chris, smut but like for the plot yk, p in v, dick suckin, unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex kids😁👍), praise and degrading, crying, mentions of possible cheating, reader talks about being insecure, swearing, pet names, reader is def not standing on business.

A/N:here u gooo @urfavstromboli !this is too long holy shit.the smut part was so strange to write bc like I don't really like writing smut but I had to for like the story.also im sorry this took so long to makes started working on it right after pt1 and just forgot it was in my drafts LMAOOOO. also peep the special banner(I couldn't find any good lyrics).ok ill stop yappin and let you read.

𖦹 𖦹

✧SATURDAY

my heart beat sped up as I slammed the door in Chris' face.never being this upset with him in my life. I mean I never really thought he would choose another girl over me.Especially not one that has problems with me for no apparent reason. As I broke down into sobs I pulled out my phone and ironically called Nick, Chris' brother, knowing he would comfort me.

"Hey what's up?Did Chris apologize?" Nick asked through the phone.Once my crying was heard I think he got the hint of what had happened though.

"Can you uh..can you come over please really just... need someone right now."I stifled out as I paced around my living room.too many yet not enough thoughts running through my head.

"yea of course, do you want me to grab anything on the way?"Nick questioned sympathetically. I only responded with a small 'the usual' before we promptly said goodbye and I hung up.

✧NICKS POV

I heard the front door open as I shuffled down the stairs,Chris huffing and puffing as he stepped into my view. "How'd it go?"I asked even though I already knew how it went.I wanted to see if he would lie to me.

"horrible, its not even my fault though, shes acting like an insane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.fucking stupid.she needs to get over herself." Chris spat out.i was shock at his words about a girl who he used to love so much.the only time he talked about her behind her back was when he was saying how pretty she looked or how kind she way or how funny she could be.all of those feeling were now replaced by cold, rude, bullshit.

"don't talk about her like that, dickhead." I retorted.yes he's my brother and I'll love him no matter what but there is no way I would let him talk about her in such a way.especially when I knew that wasn't what he was like at all.

"what?! How am I the dickhead?" he yelled out as I turned my body to Matt's room in order to ask if he could drive me to y/n's.rolling my eyes and choosing to ignore the boy who had very clearly lost it.

"Can you drive me to y/n's?"I asked while poking my head into Matt's dark room. a small 'yea sure' being the answer as he got up from his desk.walking back into the kitchen area I was met with an angered Chris. God he was acting like such a child.

"don't ignore me,"he slightly shouted. "If I'm really a dick then there must be a reason!" my youngest brother said, looking at me soullessly.

"you literally were flirting with Ashley the other day, didn't  say anything when she insulted your girlfriend, when y/n confronted you about it you don't even care, and then when she asked you to make the very reasonable decision of either her or Ashley you get all pissed and start calling her an insane bitch, so yea I think that makes you a dick."I rambled on frustrated.

Chris didn't say anything before I walked toward the front door.or maybe he was going to but just didn't because of the situation.either way I don't think he really needed to say anything else.as I was getting my shoes on I could faintly hear Matt say "I know your my brother but if you hurt her anymore after today I'll kick your ass." which was followed up by my silence and footsteps towards Chris' room.

Matt huffed as he walked down the stairs and walked out the door to his car with me.Once we got in the car we both sighed deeply. "He's so stupid sometimes."Matt breathed out as he started the car and began to back out of the driveway.

"seriously, also we need to stop by the gas station."I replied.even though I was going to her house in order to comfort her and hopefully make her realize he's not treating her well and that she should just leave I know it would be to no avail.shes a hopeless romantic and there not much I can do about it.

✧YOUR POV

tears sprung out of my eyes like frogs with no hesitation. “Please please please let me get what I want” by deftones playing on my speaker. I looked into the mirror across from my bed as I laid on my side, locking eyes with my own reflection.I slowly picked my body up and now simply sat on my bed.still staring at myself intently.

I found myself simultaneously messing with different parts of my body and face.silently wishing they would morph to look like Ashley.she was perfect.the perfect weight,perfect skin,flawless makeup, model like hair.no wonder why Chris didn't mind her being on top of him.he probably wanted people to think that was his girlfriend.not me.why would anyone wanna be seen with me anyways.

The doorbell ringing for the second time this night broke me out of my thoughts.I slowly brought myself to my feet and dragged myself to the front door.as I opened It I was met with a sympathetic looking Nick holding a gray bag. "hey girl..."he slowly said.

I'm not sure if it was just my brain trying to distract me or what but I couldn't help but notice he had dyed his hair red again. "your hair...its not blonde anymore..."I quietly said.my words making Nick smile

"Yeah I know, just kinda felt like another change, i don't know.do you like it?"he questioned.

"I love it, looks really cool man.''I answered, tired eyes looking at him and realizing he was still outside. "oh shit sorry"I said while moving out of the way. as he stepped into my house I made eye contact with Matt who had most likely been waiting for Nick to go into my house.I waved to him with a small smile as he reciprocated through his car window.

I sighed heavily as I shut the door.remembering what happened earlier. "Okay so I got you red bull, skinny pop, oreos, mints and Lindt chocolate, oh and I got nerds for myself, you can have some though."Nick said once he walked over to my kitchen table, placing the items on said table as he listed them.I don't know how he remembers what I like to eat when I'm sad but this does happen a lot I guess.

I put my head in my hands and let out a deep breath.trying to unwind somehow.a ping was then heard from across the table.i knew it was Nick because my phone had been left upstairs. "Oh God, look who it is."Nick said as he turned his phone to face me. it was Ashley.she had sent him something on snap.

'half swipe it."I said as I made my way around the table, peering over his shoulder to see his screen.

"I don't know how."he responded, panicking.

"Just pull it from the left." I tried to explain.my help wasn't very useful though because he opened it instead. 'Are you mad at me?' read the message "is she fucking stupid.of course your mad at her?"

"She is stupid, that's why she looks like that.im just gonna say no to see what she says."the boy next to me said as he typed out 'no' followed up by 'why would I be mad at you?'.

she immediately opened the message and began typing "wow I'm surprised she opened that fast, probably cause she has no life."I snakily said as we both watched her bitmoji type.

''Oh bc of what happened with y/n the other day. 'she clarified. He was about to start typing again before she beat him to it. 'yk when she was a psycho bitch for no reason' was the next message. "psycho bitch?!oh I'll show her a psycho bitch!"I said as I shot up from my leaned over position on the counter. walking angrily towards my front door.

"y/n you are not going to fight her right now, especially not when you look like that.'' Nick reasoned as he set his phone down. "just forget about her.she's just an irrelevant cunt that has nothing better to do with her life but hate." the red-head said.

he was right.i don't know why I cared what she thought.but when I really think about it,I don't.i couldn't give less then a fuck about how she saw me.it was Chris' opinion I cared about.i wanted him to think I was beautiful, funny and kind.i wanted him to think i was perfect.i wanted him to be able to see me over Ashely.

"did Chris say anything about me?"I asked.switching topics to something more relevant in my head. The face he made when I said this made my stomach drop.Mainly because I knew how mean Chris could get at times and considering what had happened earlier tonight I don't think he said anything good.

"Do you want what he should've said or what he did say?"he asked as I made my way back to my previous placement.

"Tell me what he actually said."I answered.feeling like I was taking a leap of faith.but I knew if I wasn't told the truth then I would never have a chance of getting over this man.

"he was all like 'it went horrible, it’s not even my fault though, she’s being an inane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.she needs to get over herself.'"Nick said, mimicking Chris' voice to make it more light hearted.it was a little funny but the words made my eyes well up with tears nonetheless.

I was feeling so many different things.sadness, anger, stress but most of all betrayal.i mean he said it wasn't even his fault basically saying it was mine.my fault for being upset for a little bit.he would rather call me an insane bitch then just admit he was wrong and stop being friends with Ashley.that fat pig.

"what!?Ugh I hate him so much!!Why do I even like him?He treats me like shit,never listens and is always on top of other girls?!I don't even think I've heard him say he loves me in like 3 months!? do you think he's cheating?oh my God he probably is!"I rambled on.placing my head in my arms at the end of my words.i slowly began to sob into my own arms.once Nick heard my sobs he hugged my hunched over back.

"no don't say that.he's obviously not cheating on you."he reassured.his words didn't do much though because my cries only got louder and more emotional.my best friend ushered me up so he could hug me normally.i pulled away from the hug  once I was able to actually breath.looking up at Nick with tired, sad,eyes.thankful for him being here but also embarrassed for crying over his brother. "wanna watch a movie?" the boy sympathetically asked.i nodded a small yes before I grabbed all my snacks and headed over to the couch.

watching the movie was a good distraction for some time.but nonetheless I found myself thinking of him. how much I missed him and just wishing he was here right now.im not going to apologize though.I did nothing wrong no matter what he thinks.so if that means that we never speak again then I'm fine with that.oh who am I kidding, I'm definitely not fine with that.

✧THE NEXT DAY, SUNDAY

'come over please' and 'I miss you' were the two messages I had been staring at for at least five minutes.the sender being chris made this all the more strange and confusing.i mean he was just calling me an insane bitch yesterday and now he wants me to come over.but for some reason I caved.maybe he wanted to apologize or something.

I threw a zip up over my lace tank top and tied my gray sweatpants.sliding my crocs on as I stepped outside started walking to my car.

Once I began driving I found myself more fidgety in anticipation than what felt like ever before.fingers tapping against the steering wheel rhythmically and constant glancing at the ETA were I knew this.

As I entered the house using my key I felt anxiety rush over me.Matts keys weren't here and neither was Nick's jacket which he never leaves the house without during this time of the year.meaning that it was only the two of us in this house.

My footsteps felt heavy as I walked down to his room.something I had done many times now feeling unfamiliar.I knocked on his bedroom door lightly once I approached it. though as the door was opened I wasn't even aloud a greeting before he placed his hands on my hips and smashed his lips onto mine hungrily.i wish I could say I rejected the kiss but I couldn't.it was like he had put a spell on me.

he walked backwards as we eventually crashed onto his bed.i straddled over his lap as I deepened kiss.he swiftly flipped me over onto my back and moved me so I was sat up a little.i took the hint and unzipped my hoodie, throwing it off to the side while trying my best not to break the kiss.

he then removed my tank top.now revealing my bare chest to him "no bra huh?so you are still my slut." he said as a smirk formed on his lips.

"I was actually about to go to bed but whatever you wanna believe."I retorted.

"do you want me to fuck you or not?"he questioned, looking into my eyes.i stayed silent though.letting the wetness between my legs make my decisions. "that's what I thought."he darkly said. pale arms taking his own shirt off.toned body now all in view for me.

"you know what to do.''was my signal to take my pants off.i undid the tie on my sweats and slid them off.leaving my white laced panties on. "sit up and go on the side of the bed"he demanded.i did as he said.sitting on my knees a on the side of the bed I was closer to.he then came around to the side I was facing.once he was directly in front of me he dropped his baggy jeans and boxers at once, cock springing free.all 8 inches now stood in front of me.his pink tip leaking pre-cum.

I looked up at him innocently.as if I had never done this before.i then, on instinct, began to pump him with my hand slowly.my actions making his breath hitch.i placed my lips on the tip and began to lower my head.pace increasing every time I brought my head up.eventually his hands made their way to my hair and began to push my head into his cock roughly. "fuck just like that.keep going.use that perfect little mouth for something good for once."he harshly spat out looking down at me as he said that.i ignored his words though and continued to suck him off.

This feeling being lost on me for almost a week made my throat sting pleasurably.his grip on my hair tightened which told he was close.the signal making me go faster.if even possible.small whimpers fell from his cherry lips as I continued to work. “Oh God yes,please I’m…I’m almost there”he mumbled out, the words working as encouragement for me to keep going.then without warning I felt his cum shoot itself into my mouth.the salty savory flavor touched my taste buds as I swallowed.

Once he came down from his own high he looked down at me.i kept my eyes on his.looking up like a lost puppy. "fuck your so hot" he said as he grabbed my middle area and situated me on my back and so I was on his bed longways.once he laid down with me he whispered "sit on my lap baby"

I complied and did as he said.placing myself more on his legs then his actual lap because I knew he wouldn't be that easy. "you want me to fuck you?"he asked.i nodded 'yes' in response. looking down at him with pleading eyes even though I was on top right now. "use your words.you had so much to say before, what happened to that?"he teased.

"please chris just fuck me, ive been waiting for days!"I squealed out.thankful there was nobody else home right now. 

"good girl.."he hissed out.his words being my command to lift my hips up and hover over his cock.then without warning he thrusted up into me after lining himself up with my entrance.the sudden feeling making me yelp.he continued to buck his hips up into mine as I bounced simultaneously, placing my fingertips on his chest for some sort of stabilization.

moans that were higher pitched than my actual voice spilled out of my mouth along with swears and small pleads.my body was hot as I went up and down on him.his hands were at my waist, guiding my every move harshly. The pale boy grabbed my waist hard, making me wince at the pleasure mixed with pain.the idea that the boy who I was crying over last night was ramming himself into me right now made me feel guilty.but I can't help it.his touch is intoxicating.

my jaw fell open as pornographic noises flowed from my lips.eyes screwing shut and head being now hung low.i was so caught up in myself that I didn't even register the small whimpers coming from the boy underneath me. The noises being my key to realize he really did miss me.at least a part of me. "keep going baby, don't stop, i'm gonna-"I rambled on before being cut off by my own already familiar noises

"Me too..shit.."he whispered.

"chris fuck fuck fuuuuck"I strung out as I came undone on top of him.laying my body on his as he thrusted up into me again,chasing his own high. Whiny whimpers made their way into my ear as I felt him twitch inside of me.knowing he was close I decided to tease him a little by kissing his neck and leaving a trail of hickeys.my sensitive body not mattering at all to either of us.

"fuck baby" he groaned out as I felt his load shoot into me, coating my insides.we sat there in silence.sweaty bodies catching their breath.once we calmed ourselves he pulled me off him and situated me so I was laying on my side, facing the boy who replicated my current position."lemme get you a towel."he said before promptly getting up, putting his boxers on, and doing as he said.

When he came back and cleaned me up I couldn't help but stare at him.all his features slithering into my eyes. "Can I have a shirt?"I asked softy.not wanting to put my tank top back on because of the temperature.he only hummed an ‘mhm’ before tossing me a random black shirt with a white design on it.

"Can we talk? ''he awkwardly said as we both were now sat up and at least partially clothed. I nodded my head to signify I was listening."listen y/n im...im really sorry about earlier.i was a dick and I shouldn't have acted like that.i know you don't like Ashley and i'm totally fine with dropping her.i would rather lose her then you any day and i'm so sorry if I made you feel otherwise.a-and if your ever upset again don't be afraid to say something cause I promise I won't act like a dick again."he nervously rambled on.

I wish I had it in me to stay mad at him but I couldn't.i know this apology was just so I wouldn't leave him lonely and he would pull something stupid in a few weeks.but I can't help it.i'm in love with him and there's nothing I can do about it.

✧MONDAY MORNING

my eyes screwed shut almost immediately after they fluttered open, the bright sunlight causing this.i turned my head around to the best of my abilities to see if chris was awake and it didn't seem like it. I turned my head back and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "you're finally awake."Chris said from behind me,startling me a little.

I hummed a small 'mhm' before trying to get up but to my dismay he pulled me back down to my previous spot. "I have to pee."I giggled.

"pee later"he mumbled, pulling me closer if possible.

"yea no thank you"I said before breaking out of his limp arms grasp and standing up to go to the bathroom.taking a mental note of my sore legs from last night.

"I see you limping!"he teased once I got into the bathroom.

"oh fuck off"I lightly shouted back.once I washed my hands I began walking towards his door, the idea of food in mind.

"Where are you going?"he asked from his now sat up place.holding himself up on his elbows.

"I'm hungry"I said while throwing on my sweatpants that had been tossed here last night.

When I got up the stairs Nick turned his head to me.shock and disappointment coated his face. "Okay I thought we agreed you hated him?"he questioned.Keeping his voice low knowing Chris was still in the house.

"ugh I know but he texted me last night and told me to come over and then one thing led to another and...look he apologized."I tried to reason.nick though, was not having any of this.i made my way over to the fridge and grabbed my strawberry smoothie from Thursday that had been left here by accident.Taking a sip from it while I turned around to face my best friend again.

"yea and he apologized last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.you have to let him go y/n.he's not good for you."Nick explained to me.I know he was right but I couldn't just get over him.I wasn't the type of person to just get over stuff like that.

"Well last night seemed genuine, okay?I seriously think he meant it.''I said before footsteps were heard coming from chris' bedroom which ended me and Nick's conversation.

Chris hugged me from behind and kissed the top of my head.nick shot me a "you need help" look and I couldn't do much besides give him a "yea I know" look back.the brothers began conversing but it was more like background music to me.

I know nick is right, he’s not good for me.but I can't help it.everytime I look into his eyes I feel like i'm sinking deeper in this pit of love I dug so long a ago for him.i hated that I loved him and how I knew he was gonna do me wrong.but with his arms wrapped around me like they were right now I can't help but leave that as a problem for future me.

I love a Dabi/Reader or a Shigaraki/Reader where Reader bites just as hard as they do.

Where they're both fucked up and damaged and angry and so fucking afraid of exposing that soft inner core they're carrying. So craving of attention and affection yet simultaneously repulsed by it.

Where neither of them knows how to hold someone's hand without digging their nails in and drawing blood.

Where neither of them is the sunshine, they're both black holes swallowing up everything in their path.

Where they both know this was doomed from the start.

Where if they come out better on the other side it's one hell of a cosmic joke, because who the fuck allowed them to have a happy ending?

I spoke to god and shes a teenage girl

She’s telling me about K-pop. Was it Jennie or Jung-kook?

I don’t remember and I don’t really get it but she’s so excited so I listen.

Next she begins to show me the dance sequences. They look complicated. And she tells me all about how she and her friends are going to dance together.

I ask how long I’m going to live for.

She says, how tf should I know.

And then she starts telling me about a girl named Marie. She hates Marie. Hates the way Marie holds herself, the way Marie chews her pencils, the way Marie laughs as if she’s been kicked in the teeth. 

She hates Marie so I do too.

My hamster dies tragically as they all do. Escaped onto the road and driven over. When she finds out, she mourns.

Her cries make her body convulse, like she's giving up some part of herself. Her sobbing is so loud it rattles the braces on my teeth.

She cries over my hamster’s body for 5 days and when I bury him, she delivers a eulogy so beautiful I’m almost thankful he did die, just so I could hear her speech.

When my grandma gets cancer, I demand an answer from her. Why didn’t she tell me?

She shrugs and says everyone has their time and goes back to scrolling on tiktok.

I pass my exam with a grade so good it’s shocking for mediocre me and she congratulates me. 

At my congratulatory dinner, she makes it all about herself and says our friendship was the driving force behind my good grade.

I grab her and pull her into the bathroom, where I slap her so hard there are nail marks on her cheek. 

She looks in the mirror, peeved I ruined her lipgloss.

When my first boyfriend cheats on me, I cry so much in her arms that I think I’ve cried enough to fill the Atlantic sea.

She corrects me and tells me it’s closer to The Red Sea.

I ask if I deserved this, she doesn’t answer. I ask if there's something wrong with me, she doesn’t answer. I ask if I am unlovable, she doesn’t answer.

I ask her why she didn’t respond to my last text, she says she was busy.

One day we’re eating ice cream together on a warm summer day, her rum raisin, me elderflower and I ask her what I should do to please her.

She considers the question, humming and haaing on it. Then she tells me, go to the deepest darkest part of the ocean and bring me back one of those funny looking sea creatures.

I ask if she’s being serious and she says she always is.

When i'm dying and we see each other again, she first tells me about all my wrinkles and gray hairs and recommends a guy she knows that could help with that. 

Are we going to be together forever now, I ask? 

She wrinkles her nose at that and says no, you bring down the vibes.

A believer asks their God for love

I want to be consumed. To not be myself anymore and become part of something else. That’s what true love is. I want you to give me new life. Set fire to my soul. I’ve spent my whole life hurting, aching but I know love will fix me. Your love will fix me. Kiss me with those golden lips and pour your sunshine into me. It will fix me. It has to. Everything I touch, I leave with scars. Look what I've done to my body, look at my body and tell me you still love me. Touch the scar on my right knee, caress the mark on my forehead, kiss the old wounds on my achilles heel. Take them from me, I give them willingly. What is my body supposed to do without you, how should I move it without your instruction? 

My whole life I have been waiting for you. I am a believer prostrating before the altar of my god, you. Wash away my sins, make me anew. Let me be reborn in your light. Make me into something lovable, make into something worth holding. Unmake me from what I am. You are purity and divinity, all things I am not. When God made us, we were made in your image, but not me. Not me. I am a wretched thing, I am not your creation but I could be. I could be beautiful, I know you could make it so. 

I once heard someone ask “Do you love God or are you in love with God?” and yes is my answer. Is there a difference? Not to me. 

 I love you like something that can’t be loved back. I know that, I know that.

A rabbit begs a fox to not be be eaten

Little rabbit, with soft white fur like fresh fallen snow, Where are you running to?

Big fox, I’m off to the bakers, to the beavers, to the beach by brewery lane, And you aren’t welcome.

Little rabbit, I am as kind as a cool summer wind soothing a fever, Why am I not welcome?

Big fox, with your big jowls and teeth, you will eat me whole Slurp up all my bones. 

Little rabbit, never in my life for I love you so You quick footed spirit I cannot catch.

Big fox truly? Truly with your corn eyes, your bone teeth, your sunset fur Do you truly love this little rabbit?

I always have and I always will Little Rabbit. You have a big heart Fox. Bigger than you and I. ......................................................................

Big fox, where did you run off to? I couldn’t find you in the stream, in the strawberry bush, in the shadows of the sycamore tree.

Little rabbit, I was not far, not far at all. I went to see if the hedgehogs had any bread to spare during this harsh winter.

Big fox, thank you for trying, thank you loving me, Though my fur is falling out, I’m all skin and bones, and I don’t have much energy for anything these days.

Little rabbit, but of course and thank you for still loving me, Despite my yellow teeth, and patchy fur, and growling stomach

Big fox, I will always love you, You promised not to eat me and even though we have little you have yet to break your promise.

Little rabbit, I never will. Big fox, now come lets see if we can find any berries.

......................................................................

Little rabbit, I am sorry for what I must do, But my stomach can’t survive on love alone and this winter has been so cold.

Big fox, you promised to love me forever,  You swore it under the eucalyptus tree, under the Everdeen bridge, under the everglowing moon.

Little rabbit, can’t you see? My stomach aches so badly, my body feels so weak, my tongue has not tasted meat in so many months now.

Big fox, eat someone else! You can’t eat me, I'm terribly thin like you and I wouldn’t taste great.

Little rabbit, you will do, you will do. Curse me not for what I do, curse my nature as a fox.

Big fox, so that’s what it is? I am the rabbit and you the fox so I must run and you must chase?

Little rabbit, yes such is our way. We were deluded to think it could be otherwise

excerpt from a poem i'm writing

a feast

Снег отчаянно хрустел под ногами. Стремительно вечерело. Безмолвным зверем Вадим бежал в гущу леса, пытаясь добраться до поля. 

Уходящее солнце окрашивало дорогу во все оттенки алого. Вадим ненавидел закаты. Сердце в такие мгновения болезненно сжималось в ожидании того, что в обычные дни не имело бы значения. Одна маленькая записка, кривые злые слова и он вновь желает быть быстрее света. Только бы успеть, только бы все было неправдой. Только бы уткнуться в родные плечи, схватить и навечно вплавить в себя. 

Там, куда мы идем, нас пока нет - часто шептал ему Игорь, смотря прямо в глаза так любяще, так тепло. Вадим отмахивался от этой романтичной чуши. Были эти смазливые слова для него неправильными. Сейчас же, он бы все отдал, лишь бы успеть ответить, сказать нечто большее, ëмкое.

Через неделю собирали общак. Звонко пели весенние соловьи, тропинки между заборов проседали в скользкие лужи. С проснувшейся Казанки дул промозглый ветер. Вадим зябко кутался в свое пальто. Он белой вороной выделялся среди универсамских пацанов - бледный, сгорбленный. Всей разномастной компанией стояли возле закрытого гроба.

Желтый с натянутым интересом рассматривал соседей. Вот, прямо у ямы толпятся школяры, недалеко от них задумчиво курил Турбо. Еще один универсамский затерялся где-то ранее, по пути до. Что-то нещадно скреблось внутри глотки, когда взгляд цеплялся за Адидаса. Знакомый траур прослеживался в скукоженной у ямы фигуре. Вадим злился, что почти ничего не знал об общем Игоря с ним прошлом.

Проклятая крышка отгораживала его от полного понимая последних дней. Казалось, будто он до сих пор мог проскочить по знакомой до боли дороге. Окунуться в напевы Синатры, схватить чужие ладони и смотреть беспрерывно в родные черные омуты. Бесконечно шептать и шептать ему всякую чушь, окрыленную чувствами. Но сейчас, под его холодными пальцами, под тонким слоем ржавой липы уходила часть его жизни. Половина.

Вадим опустился поближе к стенкам, уткнулся лицом в жесткие доски. Губы тихо шептали последние слова. Там, куда мы идем, тебя больше нет. Видимо, начал слегка моросить дождь. Отпускать не хотелось.

Вадим не чувствовал сотни рук, оттягивающих его от промокшего гроба. Не помнил того, что было дальше. Как словно чужая его дрожащая рука бросала горсть, как ехали потом все в одном в автобусе. Как зашел потом к себе на кухню и сидел, сидел, сидел. Как прошли часы, быть может дни. Как возле него мелькала Наташка. 

А потом, незаметно, во дворе зазвучала кукушка. 

Okay the second one resonates with me. I had started to write a fantasy book that was supposed to have a war, a disaster, and a REALLY serious plotline.

...

It's now a toxic romance book. The two main characters are only together because of a rumor, images, and manipulation.

Starr(technically a victim but can stop it anytime he wanted to(he's a VERY powerful mage)) is TERRIFIED of Malcolm(the 'abuser' who gets stuck in the relationship too(he is a bully who uses his fist but after they 'get together' he never raises a hand against Starr for any reason. He was taught that an alpha who beats his partner deserves nothing but death)).

Malcolm starts treating Starr better but not really. In the end they have to work together to stop an evil sorcerer and get stuck as a couple.

I feel like some people need to relearn Genre Expectations... "Man, this tragedy sucks!!! Why didn't they just do XYZ, then everything could have ended happily!!" well, then it wouldn't be a tragedy, would it. "Man, this lighthearted teen romcom is terrible, it's so sappy and unrealistic!!" Well, yeah. If it had been gritty and dark, it wouldn't have been a lighthearted romcom, would it. Is the writing actually bad or are you just trying to order a milkshake from a Home Depot

This au belongs to @dyellogin ,

In this au, Vierla is a college student/daycare substitute teacher, she’s a lot more aggressive towards Pete and they are just physically and mentally toxic towards each other, it’s an on and off relationship, and she slept around with Bill but never inclining his feelings towards her (making it a situation-ship)

I’d like to think Vierla is definitely one of those TikTok creators that goes on lives and does ‘get ready with me + story-time’ content on her TikTok.

She’s still an amazing friend and always gives out great advice! (She doesn’t take any of her own 💀)

YES I'M A TRASH

I crave the feeling of you around me even after everything you did. I think about it daily and I would still go back to you in a heartbeat. I once told you all I wanted was for you to be happy. I professed my love to you for years and you used me for your own benefit. You cheated, lied, and stole years of my life and you still have me wrapped around your little finger. I miss you. I miss us. I miss the feeling I had when we were together. I know at some point you loved me too. You just had a shitty way of showing it. I know it's toxic and if anyone else was in my situation I would smack some sense into them. I wish we had never met. I wish I could have ended it differently but if I didn't do it I would still be with you. We'd probably be married by now. I would have given up seeing my family again for you. I would have given anything for you and you fucked up. I fucked up. It's been years and I'm still finding out new things about when we were together. It makes me sick to think that I would still be with you after all of it. I hate it. I hate myself. I will never be the same because you ruined it. You ruined me. You ruined everything. Then I ruined everything a second time. We did this. We both caused the chaos and we're both going to burn in it.

“i hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted and i don’t hear a thing about it” no i hope you lose everything you’ve ever had and i DO hear a thing about it

I’m in love with Spencer “Spider” White and I want him to fuck me.

Come back

(ProHeroAU!Deku x Reader)

Summary: Looking back on what you two used to be and how you are now, you can't help but feel sorrowful.

Warning: Angst, depressive thoughts, toxic relationship, toxic situation, cussing, depression, heart break, aged up characters,

We used to be Best Friends.

We used to be Lovers.

We used to be Husband and Wife.

What are we now?

Two people who exist beside eachother.

How could you have known your life would turn out like this? Wishing your husband would come home. Wishing your husband wouldn't ignore you. When had it all started? A few months ago? After he'd gotten what he always wanted.

Number 1 Pro Hero, Deku.

He was more smug, walked like no one could touch him.

You celebrated like you did everything in your lives together since 3rd year. A nice dinner together followed by passionate love making. Whispering sweet nothings and promises to eachother. Holding eachother close until sunrise, nothing but love and content between your hearts and souls.

But you soon noticed how he'd come home later, you already be asleep and missing his warmth that lulled you to sleep naturally. Leaving sooner, you waking up with a small warm spot where he once laid, even if it was only for a short few hours. Reply less on the phone, never responding or picking up, sending you straight to voice-mail. Acting like a phantom of the man who you once loved, who'd always call you, who always snuggled close when the moon rose high in the sky and until the sun replaced it.

Your home that was once vibrant with colors and life, now seemed dull and gray. The pictures that hung on the walls of memories once shared now seemed bittersweet. A constant nagging of what you once had and had lost too soon. Of course you'd beg Izuku to go to out with you, come home early, have dinner together. Or even just hug once. Reignite the hope and love you were so desperately clinging to.

Your friends and family could see it too. The way you no longer smiled the way you used to, no energy to give them but a weak half assed smile that left them all heartbroken. You were once sunshine that broke through the clouds and rain no matter what, always finding the best in every situation. Now you sobbed silently as you watched your husband on TV who smiled without a care in the world, no worries to hold him back. Yet you knew once he came home that smile wouldn't be for you. The one who such by him, supported him, held him when it all became too much as some points for you both to bear. You pushed through, telling him to lay it on your shoulders, that you could carry the weight for both of you. Now, it seemed he'd abandoned everything and no longer sought to reclaim it.

You couldn't help but twist your engagement and wedding rings around your finger. Heart pounding so fast and deep you felt like you almost couldn't breathe. You wanted it all to end. You were tired of trying and getting nowhere. Trying to put forth the effort you'd promised eachother back then when you were dressed in white and he in a suit.

'We'll always be there for one another. Never apart or forgotten'

You scoffed, tears rolling down your face as you brought your sleeve up to clean your eyes but the tears just kept flowing. Through blurry eyes you picked up your phone, re reading the messages you'd sent to him, all left on read.

'I hope you have an amazing day! I love you!'

'What time will you be home? I'm making your favorite to celebrate another successful assignment'

'I need to talk to you'

'Please answer the phone'

'Izuku.... please'

'I miss us'

You coughed, throat constricting as you sobbed, hands over your mouth to muffle the screams as you let your frustration and sadness out. Throwing your phone across the room, it shattered with a BANG as it hit one of the pictures, knocking it off the wall.

You stood and walked over, careful of the broken glass. Bending down you saw it was of when you and Izuku attended a holiday party with your friends only about a year ago. You dressed in a cute Santa outfit that showed off your body, and him in a simple Santa hat. You two gazed at eachother with such love though, Mina having snapped the picture when you were caught under the mistletoe. Turning away from the picture was hard. You didn't feel like being mocked knowing you were once happy.

The door opening suddenly made you jump up, heart racing as your lips quivered. Had he finally come home to be with you? Did you finally get through to him?

He truged through the door, shaking off his coat and setting his briefcase down as he took off his shoes. You felt a warmth spread through your body as you scurried over, a small smile making its way to your lips.

"Welcome home~" you chirped, though he only glanced at you. "Yeah thanks," he mumbled, shuffling past you and into the kitchen. "Why is the picture frame broken? Whatever, just throw it out." He decided, his voice echoing across the once again gray household as you stared after him in bewilderment. The first time you've properly seen eachother in weeks it seems, and he just brushed you off.

Gaining some courage you followed him where he scowled into the fridge, "Izuku, I was wondering-" You were cut off by him slamming the fridge shut as he turned to you sharply, "Why is there no food in this house!? All you do all day is sit around. The least you can do is make sure I'm fed when I come home. I expect it. You're married to the Number One Hero, I expect better or I'll find better," he scolded you like a child, his large frame towering over yours as you felt tears prick your waterline as you stared at him hurt and shocked. "I..I" you couldn't even speak you were so distraught. Had it really come down to this? "Whatever, I'm going to bed," he scoffed, grabbing some fruit off the table and left you standing there staring after him.

The second the door shut you slowly sank to your knees, fingers clenching your shirt in pain as you literally felt your heart breaking. Shaking and sputtering as tears flowed from your eyes, sniffling as you could barely breathe.

"Please..let this be a dream," you rasped, the light glinting off your rings that caught your attention. You stared at them. What was the use of promises and whispers of forever when the one who was supposed to share them with you no longer cared? What was the purpose of love when it'd been forever since any act of love or kindness was shown to you from your own husband? Things would never been the same. They couldn't be. Not after the hurt and unknowing he'd put you through.

Trembling as you took off your rings, you clenched them right and bright the fist to your lips. Whispering an apology to yourself, you shouldn't have let this happen. Shouldn't have let it carry on so long.

Standing you walked down the hall to the bedroom you shared with Izuku. A room that was a safe haven, now a dungeon where your worst fears and ugly truths had manifested into reality. Opening the door you were greeted with the sight of Izuku in his pajamas now, hair damp as he'd just gotten out of the shower.

"Izuku," you called, voice still raspy from crying. "What," he turned his gaze into your figure, the only thing you could do was move closer. It felt like sharp needles with every step you took, the weight of that of an Elephan. Holding your hand out, you unfurled your fingers to present your rings. "What are you doing?' He questioned, his eyebrows netted in confusion and annoyance .

Taking in a deep breath, you uttered one line, "Letting go," and that caught his attention. "What the hell are you getting at? Let go of what? There's nothing wrong," you shook your head at his statement. Reaching for his hand, you gently placed the rings inside. "I need to let go of you. I need to let go of this loveless marriage," you smiled weakly, wincing as he lashed out again.

"LOVELESS MARRIAGE!? IN WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE!" You stared at him, a neutral look as you stared him down with a slight glare making him wince back.

"When was the last time we made love? The last time we cuddled or ate together. How long has it been since we simply enjoyed eachother sleeping next to one another?" You clenched your fists to your side, teeth gritted as your frustration came out, "Even the last time you uttered I Love You too me!' You yelled at him, your (e/c) eyes full of tears and pain made eye contact with his own that were blown wide in shock. "Ever since you've gotten that number one spot no one is good enough for you! You're never home! I supported you through it all and yet you pushed me to the side like I didn't matter! I'm sick and tired of trying my best to get beaten down, tired of waiting for a man who no longer wants to be with me or love me," you sobbed, lips quivering as you said your piece.

"(Y-Y/N)," he muttered, reaching out a hand as you flinched away, moving swiftly toward your closet where you grabbed a bag and stuffed important items in them quickly. "W-wait we can talk about this," Izuku stuttered, his whole world crashing down. "There's nothing to talk about, goodbye Izuku, I hope you get everything you ever wanted," you slammed the door shut, leaving Izuku in a world of silence as you left the house. Left his heart.

He felt tears rise into his eyes as he tried to recant the last time it'd been just you two together, but he couldn't think of anything. No recent dinners. No recent cuddles. Hell he couldn't even remeber the last time he spoke to you, actually spoke and didn't yell like he'd done in the kitchen moments before. He whimpered and brought your rings to his mouth like you'd done, his strength suddenly gone as he gave out on the bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling as it all sunk in. "I'm not ready to let go," he cried, tears flowing down his cheeks and onto the blankets as his lips quivered,

"Please come back"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thought we'd give Deku a try 😘 Let me know how yall felt about it.

Sylris is such a weird man. He’s the bad guy, but he doesn’t need to use brute force to get what he wants—he just talks. And the most impressive thing? He NEVER lies! It’s something he decided to do, and somehow everything he says is the truth. Maybe part of the truth, maybe the truth of a single perspective, a twisted and sick truth, but still, a truth. (“The people hate you”, “Ethan is safer away from here”, “Hiélo is getting tired”, “You hurt them because you chose to.”)

So when he says he loves Kenyan, he means it???? Like, WUT?????????????

And that contrast is so good, because he never lies and is the villain, while Kenyan is the one who lies all the time and is the victim.

This man is so ridiculously smart, I’m genuinely impressed. To use his shapeshifter skills, he gotta study anatomy in a pretty specific way; so he probably knows a lot about medicine and could work as a doctor, if he wants to (a disguise to use, an easy way to access people…)

In extension, he knows about psychological science and can make a conversation go the way he wants, hence why he’s so good at being a king, do whatever he wants, and blame Kenyan for it. Because of it, he can be both the abuser as the healer; he makes Kenyan hurt them, and he appears to fix everything. It’s so crazy that he convinced even Kenyan that she is to blame, and that he’s there standing by her side, willing to help while “everyone ran from her”.

Now, you tell me, what kind of person would stay sane at these circumstances?????? What kind of person wouldn’t realize that it’s easier to just stop rowing against the waves?????? Kenyan had to give up at some point, go insane, act as he wants, AND I DON’T BLAME HER AT ALL. He made it look as if she had no other choice; what hand would she take if not his?!!!!!

This man is wild 😦

DISCLAIMER: Read the description under the video before watching!!!!

The animation of this music video is soo beautiful. I love it 🥰❤️.

But the story which is telling..... was heartbreaking. It felt like a warning ⚠️ , like a reminder of what happens when you end up in a relationship with a toxic partner. You felt in love ignoring every red flag. You start to gaslight yourself. You start to see him as your only option. You start to convince yourself that you two are suitable for each other when you are definitely not.... And before you even realize it, you end up completely broken by him both physically and emotionally 💔😔...

That's why ladies, be careful when choosing a partner. Not everyone out there is suitable for romantic relationship.

Beware Baby Bunny

Hard Yandere! Akatsuki - Types & Danger Levels

I know it says "hard yan". But that's because my preferred type are soft yans... This is literally the worst extreme, especially in terms of character.

~ Dari

Deidara

Type: Manipulative & Dependent

Danger Level: 3/10

Not particularly manipulative towards you, more so towards any possible suitors. But if he is favored by you, he will milk it to the best he can. This especially shows when he assesses that he cannot physically win over them and resorts to more underhanded methods. A yandere that needs you like he needs air and all his purpose feels like it's gone when he is no longer with you. Like he'd die without you.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Heavy breathing upon close contact. Occasional thievery of your items. Manipulative behaviors towards potential suitors. Occasionally Munchausen.

Hidan

Type: Violent & Delusional

Danger Level: 9.5/10

Intensely wrapped in the bloody thoughts of Jashin, he believes that you were gifted to him for his labors to his god. There is nothing but blood in his brain when it comes to you, obsessively and sexually wrapping himself in how you look drenched in it. He is willing to harm both you and anyone that gets in his way of having you. It is only a side comment that makes him conceal his feelings and behavior.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Idealization. Erotomania. Stealing of bloodied sanitation products. Leering.

Hoshigaki Kisame

Type: Protective & Possessive

Danger Level: 7/10

Immensely blood thirsty but unlikely to violently react towards rivals unless they were similar. Views your opinion as important and so is careful in how he presents himself in front of you. If pushed, he could react violently but is a relatively docile type. Very loyal and pretty liberal in committing bloody acts if he knows he won't be caught. Depends on how well you handle these tendencies.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Keeping things you make for him long beyond it's tenure; including food.

Kakuzu

Type: Possessive Provider

Danger Level: 4/10

Doesn't try and especially hide his fondness and generally is one of the more normal types. While people presumably think he'd view the object of his affections as a posession, it's his experience and older age that allowed this more mellowed look. While his rank and level of violence of a criminal is still high. There is still somewhat of a levelheaded way he goes about dealing with rivals. He also won't really attempt to force you into anything.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Minimal Items. Financial Coercion.

Sasori

Type: Apathetic, Obsessive & Possessive

Danger Level: 10/10

Lucid and fully aware his behavior is unhealthy and will keep it to himself. The most dangerous in the sense that he cares little for you, your feelings, or your choices. He's also the master of acting like there's nothing wrong with him. The only one with a full 10 in all categories.

Obsessed with the idea of memorializing you forever by turning you into a puppet regardless of your wishes. Watches you often and at length to be able to gauge your anatomy and measurements perfectly. Has likely made a doll version of you and prepared clothes for a potential wedding... If given a chance, will make a different human puppet if the victim is close enough to your likeness.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Staring(often withoit blinking). Watching you sleep if given chance. Idealization. Objectification.

Uchiha Itachi

Type: Protective & Passive

Danger Level: 2/10

Genuinely the least selfish of the bunch, while he has an agenda in flirting with you and wanting to have you. He simply can go on without having you in a romantic sense, content fo have you in his life and just show you that you matter a lot to him. Will set aside his feelings in favor of yours and let you be happy with someone else. The closest to genuinely loving you. Though can show aggression/violence towards those that mean you harm or disrespect your memory.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Items. Replicating them with sharigan if possible.

Non-Yans / Yan Leashes:

Pein / Nagato

Honestly, someone come help this man. It is their respect for him that they're not acting out. He probably has a soft spot of some sort for you otherwise, he would consider murdering you for causing unrest among the others.

Konan

She's probably used to the creepy leering of men, and is immensely uncomfortable by the knowledge of this behavior. It is her connection with Pein and respect for her that keep them from behaving like insane people. Well, except Hidan, but that's par for the course.

Uchiha Obito / Tobi

He knows EVERYTHING and WOW, he thought he was bad. He takes advantage of his position as "innocent" Tobi to go around and mess with them, just for his amusement... It is his own fondness for you as a member that makes sure they keep from anything too extreme.

Zetsu

If the cannibal himself is grossed out by them, there's a problem. He is the one to report to the others as he can phase through walls and such... Keeps them docile for the sake of that they might know he knows everything.

Something, something... Angst art :>

I played a bit with the filters on the second one

Also Wraith I will write my part as soon as my pretty little head will be so kind and remember what I wanted to write yesterday

Also I know I didn't quote Nightmare perfectly but I drew this at like 10 pm yesterday and I remembered it wrong pretend that's what he said-

Wrote something based on the idea Cray and I thought of:

Desperation wasn't new to Killer. It was what drove him into madness in the first place, filled his soul with so much Hate that he scarecely recognized himself as a Monster. Sometimes, he'd find himself lost in the hallways of the castle while his soul melted like those DT-riddled amalgams.

And he knew Nightmare wasn't far behind, hands and claws grasping at his shoulders and throat, whispering all of his sins like a Judge. It wasn't rare to see Killer hunched against a wall and sob so hard he choked on his own breath.

He'd remember Cross try making his way to him - or was that Horror? - and say something muddled but stop. Maybe they realized he was a lost cause and gave up trying. Or Nightmare simply selt them away. He can't quite tell with how his sockets flood with liquid Hate.

Sometimes, he seeks Nightmare out before an episode, when he can feel it in the back of his mind and thrumming in his soul. Staggering into Nightmare's office and collapsing at his feet as his legs gave out.

If there was one thing he did remember, it was the way Nightmare smiled at him. Like someone sick with pleasure at seeing another in pain. It was a mean smile, one he'd made all the time before the episodes came more frequently. It was a wonder Nightmare still sent him on missions. Maybe he liked watching Killer try to take lives before seizing up.

"Killer."

His head tilts up from his spot on the dark carpet, knees rubbed raw from kneeling.

"Who allowed your thoughts to wander. Pay attention."

With that, punishment came swift and agonizing - a tentacle had shot itself right through his ribs and forced his body to tilt back as he was pinned in place.

"AAAAGH!!! Uhhhnn...! Hah... hah.....hah... sorry...." He grunts out, pain shocking through his bones with every faux breath.

Every moan of pain was met with a slow twist of the tendril, never once giving Killer a moment of reprieve.

"Mm. You came to my office to hurt. Don't waste my generosity."

Killer slowly grins, he cant help it. Yeah... He deserved this. He needed it. Someone to keep hurting him. Because after all that fucked up stuff he did, maybe it was about time he paid for it.

Another tentacle shot through him, and his head was thrown back as he screamed. He screamed and eailed until his throat was hoarse and no sound could escape. Nightmare's laughter quickly filled the silence instead, his twisted glee replacing his bloodcurdling screeching.

Any would have thought this was torture beyond measure, a fate anyone would do anything to avoid meeting again.

But they knew. They both knew.

He would come back for more.

The TARDIS is sick of the Doctor forming toxic relationships with companions and she is not relinquishing control of the jukebox.

obsessed with the Doctor making a promise he can’t keep, kissing Belinda’s hands, and then Toxic by Britney Spears immediately blasting over the TARDIS radio.

yes TARDIS. you have accurately assessed the dynamic there for sure