Aromantism - Blog Posts

the longer I think about it the more I realize I have never actually been in love with someone

this isn’t a sad thing or anything btw I’m aroace and recently I was rethinking it but the more I think about it it’s like ,,, idk

I’ve never felt that true, raw connection w someone like other people have when they met The One

I catch feelings, sure, but they don’t feel ,, idk as deep??? as they would’ve been it’s strange

it’s either the autism or the orientation and honestly I’m not in the mood to think about it too hard anyways

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, y'all!!!!

Be yourself, embrace your aromanticism, and don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be!!

💚💚🩶🤍🖤

Am I the only one who has a few specific friends who I'm really close with and love to be around, and, if they wanted to, I'd be completely down for making our relationship into something different (romantic, queerplatonic, etc.), but at the same time, I don't activity have a crush on them or want to push for a different relationship bc what if they don't feel the same way or don't know what queerplatonic relationships are.

I want a relationship that is completely undefinable by any existing labels or words. Like, we're so close and we hug and kiss each other's foreheads and cuddle and travel and explore together, and we get along so well and have so much in common. But at the same time, our relationship isn't fully romantic or fully platonic; it's a completely separate, open-to-interpretation thing that we tweaked as needed, and we have our own boundaries and things we are and aren't comfortable with, and we respect each other in every way, shape, and form.

Am I the only aro-spec person who switches between wanting a committed partnership, be it romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, etc, and wanting to be as far away from relationships as possible?

Was I the only aro-spec person who had the experience of thinking that I had crushes growing up, but looking back, they might not have been crushes because 1. I could never or only rarely name any traits that I liked about them (and those rare times that I could were traits that I simply admired), 2. I felt immense relief when they rejected me, or 3. I just wanted to have a crush, so I chose a person and consciously decided to develop feelings for them, not knowing that it doesn't work like that?

Something I recently realized that helped me understand my aro-spec identity is that my "crushes" that I can remember weren't actually fueled by romantic attraction for the person. They were actually fueled by attraction towards the idea of dating/liking them, but not actually them as a person. I wanted to find my soulmate and as soon as I found someone that I thought fit that ideal, I would start daydreaming about being with them, but I wasn't really attracted to them as a person, just my idealized version of them and the relationship. As a result, I couldn't really name any traits about those people that I liked, aside from surface level ones like, "funny," "nice," and "hardworking." And while I was aesthetically attracted to them, I never really fantasized about kissing them or being super romantic with them (aside from maybe hand-holding or hugging), and if I ever tried, it made me uncomfortable and felt like I was violating them. Did anyone else have a similar experience or is it just me?

Did any other aroace-spec people try to write fanfiction when they were younger, but struggled to write romance/romantic scenes? Because I vividly remember trying to write fanfiction when I was younger, but not really knowing how to write the romance because that wasn't something that I felt that much. And this goes for all kinds of romantic fanfic, reader insert, OC insert, shipping, etc. I tried writing all of the above, and every single time, I was unable to write, or even sometimes start, the romantic scenes, because I just didn't know what exactly that felt like or how romantic relationships started. And even when I could get through writing fanfic, it just felt SO unnatural and weird to actually write; like not bad, but just odd, like not realistic. But somehow, people really liked it, so I guess I did something right lol

Idk if I'm the only aro-spec person who is like this, but I need to talk about it bc it's been on my mind so much lol

So, like...in general, I have a complicated relationship with romance. In fiction (books/movies/tv/fanfic), I only really like queer romance. Two guys? All for it! Two girls? All for it! NB person with someone else? All for it! Granted, there will always be exceptions and romance stories that I prefer more than others, but by large, I tend to enjoy most queer romance stories that I consume. HOWEVER, for some strange reason, when it comes to straight romance stories, I almost always get squicked out or uncomfortable!! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHYYYY!!! Like, it could be nearly identical to a queer romance story, but I would still be uncomfy if it was heterosexual, and I don't know why!!!!!!

When it comes to irl romance, I'm usually either indifferent or uncomfortable with it, no matter if it's queer or straight. Like, I can usually handle it, unless they're full on like making out or smth, then obviously, I'm extremely uncomfy and averse, but if it's casual, then it's just whatever.

But, honestly, I don't know what my deal is with the fictional romance!! I've even forced myself to like some straight romance in the past, but it's always SO forced.

So, yeah, that's how I feel. Can anyone else relate, or is it just me??

I WANT A QPR SOOOOOO BADDDDD!!

I want someone that I can call my partner, but not necessarily in a romantic way. I want someone to hug and be close to. I want someone who I can listen to and who can listen to me. I want someone who shares my interests. I want someone that will agree to discuss and respect our boundaries with one another. I want someone who I can just be with, like we can just exist together. I want someone who will go book shopping with me and just listen to me gush about different books. I want someone who will walk down the halls with, and maybe we'll hold hands and maybe we won't. I want someone who will always be ready to comfort me and who I can comfort whenever they need it. I want someone who will help me calm down and think through things carefully. I want someone who I can explore and go on adventures with.

Basically, I just really want a queerplatonic partner/relationship.

Am I the only aroace-spec person who read a lot of fanfic when I was younger, but instead of inserting myself into the reader insert stories, I would just insert one of my characters or a random OC that was similar to me but not the same, bc it felt weird to put myself into those situations?

Or was that just me?

They call me a triple A battery

Because I’m asexual, aromantic, and annoying as shit

Happy pride month folks

can somebody tell me some more info about queerplatonic relationships as me and my friend are considering entering one and neither of us know much about it?????

isaac is so real tao and elle were really leaving him out on movie night

the struggle of seeing people being happy couples knowing you won’t ever be like that is so real i actually love isaac (as much as i miss aled)

i dont know if i’ve made a post about this yet but i wanted to go over my views on relationships and sex as i was rambling about it to my brother the other day

personally, i view sex as just another part of your relationship with somebody. like i will casually sleep with friends, but not all of them. some of them i will casually cuddle and stuff, but again, not all of them. it just depends on the relationship you have with them.

and when it comes to dating, again, i just view that as your unique relationship with somebody. i understand that not everybody views dating this way, and it’s a conversation to have with any future partners, but i personally would want to still sleep with and date other people while in a relationship, and would be fine with my partner doing that too. i don’t like the idea of devoting my entire body to one singular person.

We’re trending?

Lilith redraw for aromantic awareness week :))

Original from last year ↓

When you reached out your hand in friendship I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to play with you and give you my all. But you didn’t want it. I don’t know why but when I reached back you shied away. “Ah don’t worry about,” you dismissed with a wave of your hand. So I backed off, figuring you just did things in your own unique way.

We never really talked after that.

When I moved schools and you declared me your best friend, the smile on my face I had the rest of the day. I shared all of my love with you, all the things that were important to me and listened to your own rambles. But then you said “you’re a little funny, you know?” I didn’t think much of it, I knew I was a little different. 

“I’m gonna hang out with someone else today,” you repeated day in and out. 

I found some other groups to play with.

Another year meant another school. I talked to so many people, hoped that I could find a place among their love. But I never stuck around too long, never felt welcomed. Hands don’t really reach out anymore. 

Then I met you guys, purely by accident really. 

And it was magical, we would talk for hours and I could be myself. You guys stood there like trees, your roots keeping strong and soaking up the flood of those feelings I felt towards you.

And then the sickness came. We all hid away in our rooms, and still talked many a times. We ignored all of the problems we were facing at home.

Then I had to leave again, and now I only speak with one of you. And for that I will love you forever.

Months seemed to pass in a blur-there seemed to be no love then-and I found myself back at another school, the sixth and fortunately the last. I met one of the most important people there, we bonded over some stickers on her computer and never looked back. You loved me with so much it almost felt like looking in a mirror, I felt like someone matched everything I gave to them. It is a calmer, quieter love, but intense none the less. You, for the first time in my life, made me feel like you cared. Made me feel like someone really wanted all of my love. That I wasn’t just a weird hurricane of emotions with no control over myself. Sure your friends still have me that look, but I didn’t care. Someone wanted my love and that is all I need. 

The other one I met during this time was truely a battle of wits and banter. But despite the aggravation at our clashing differences, a beautiful friendship blossomed from it. It is deep and honest, and it seemed to touch a part of my heart I didn’t know I had. You are a rock in my life and I don’t doubt that it will fade over time (I desperately hope it does not, for I don’t think I could handle another heartbreak)

I’m starting anew next year, this time of my own choice. But that’s just it. I’m starting all over again, with the only remnants of these important people in my life through messages and the odd phone call. While I know I will see you again I won’t be able to hug you for many months, I don’t know if I can survive that. I don’t know if I can survive having to speak to so many strangers again where everyone is so serious and will see my love as childish or with the wrong implications. The polite declines to do something together when I reach out. The distaste for any form of physical comfort. The need to focus on succeeding that I have no one to receive my love.

Sometimes I wonder why I can’t seem to make friends no matter how hard I try. I’m doing everything I was told to do, I followed the rules. I respected peoples space, I listened when the needed it. I reached out. I spoke with everyone about the things they enjoy. But I’m shouting into a void. You all still flinch when I laugh a little too loudly, you share awkward glances when I speak for a little too long. You tell me to quiet down when I get passionate about an important topic. You never want hugs, surely not everyone is that disturbed by touch, right? I see you laugh amongst yourselves. I see the hand holding and kind words exchanged. 

Why doesn’t anyone seem to want my love? Am I that malfunctioned that I can’t seem feel anything correctly? What am I doing wrong that no one wants to be around me?

Why can’t the pain of everything I’m holding within myself go away. 

Why can’t I just be normal?

I both love and hate when people don’t know about/don’t understand aromantism because if they’re super nice about it then I get to explain it to them! But if they say things like ‘oh, so you don’t love people?’ Or ‘so you’re gonna be alone/lonely forever?’ It’s infuriating because that’s not true!! Aromantic people do love! They just don’t feel romantic love like most people!

Pride flags. Second edition ! (I have one flag left, and it's missing me off) (please suggest more so i can live in peace)

OMG THIS LOOKS SO CUTE I LOVED IT

Ah, hey, first post here. My english is not soo good and I'm brazilian btw, but, i have something to share with you 🫵

This is a version of the aromantic flag made by me, honestly i don't like so much the green, gray and black one, so i made this, i tried to post on reddit but I think it don't worked out as well as I expected. Well, here we go

The isolated flag if you want it

Serious question and just to know :

Is there a country where arocace people can feel safe, are not discriminated against and are protected ?? Especially a law that protects us or etc ?

I know that anglophone aroace people talk about Denmark because there are apparently a lot of people on the aro and ace spectrums.

Just asking cause I'm fck tired of allo society every day since many years now and also tired of all arophobia et acephobia on social media in the first place. 💀

And in my sh*tty country it's always "lgbT", hOMo, bI and transgender. WHAT ABOUT THE D*MN + ??????? ALWAYS ABOUT ALLOS PP FCK DAMMIT. 💀

(Of course : generality =/= globality !!!! Cause I don't hate all allos pp obviously. Some are decents, respectfull , share same values as mine and infinity open mind.)

•°•°•°•°•°•

My mood :

Second gif is for allos bigots, allo society and all their fck pathetic and disgusting sh*ts.

I hate you infinitely.

I had the reflection not long ago of why I was uncomfortable at school (regardless of grade level) apart from stress because of the oral to pass and being an introverted person :

Being aroace and have to stay stuck a whole damn day surrounded by allos pp horny asf and who will not understand me, who tell me about their s€x life (at what point do you think it’s fckin normal to talk about it as if it was a banal and interesting subject ?? Wtf ???💀) without taking into account whether it made me uncomfortable or not (I think they didn’t give a shit because it didn’t come to their mind, those dumbass...).

Being surrounded by queer pp but none of them had defended me when I had received acephobia from a straight guy one day and only watched the scene without saying anything. The fact that most of them with whom I hung out invisibilized or even forgot my aromantism by remembering only my asexuality (bitches I'm aroace dammit. I’m both. Not one or the other !) and couldn't remember or didn't know the definition of being aro or ace.

But the worst I would say is that by dint of receiving arophobia and acephobia in about twenty years in the face, as an angry person by nature and who doesn't appreciate disrespectful pp etc, I became allophobe...

But let’s be clear : I don’t hate all allos pp ! Even if I speak in general, be aware that : generality =/= globality !

I know that some of them are decent, respectful and open-minded and these are the pp I appreciate ! Unfortunately, I have never met someone like that before. Maybe one day...

So to return to the subject :

Am I the only aroace person to be uncomfortable at school ??

It's a bit rough sorry and sorty again if my english is bad, it's not my native language but I hope you will understand the essential !

Once I saw a comment on a instagram post about the ace, aro spectrums that said approximately :

"For me, all characters in any fictional universe are aroace until they show romantic and/or sexual attraction and I headcanon them as aroace/are part of both spectrums."

AND I AGREE WITH THIS PERSON IT'S SO OBVIOUS !

You need someone taken out,

Don't come to me. I don't date people

Aro culture is "You're supposed to pay attention to how you look for ur future spouse"- I'm sorry who? How about no? Why would I do this? "You're supposed to pay attention to how you look bc it makes you feel good and might get you more friends" oh damn why didn't you say so.

.

"Friends don't look at friends that way." Am i not supposed to look at them filled with admiration and love??? Am I just supposed to see them and be like

I want someone to be affectionate with, without the stress of 'oh do they think of me in a romantic way'

💚🍏🤍🩶🖤

🧡💛🤍🩵💙