Find your tribe in a Sea of Creativity
Am I the only one who has a few specific friends who I'm really close with and love to be around, and, if they wanted to, I'd be completely down for making our relationship into something different (romantic, queerplatonic, etc.), but at the same time, I don't activity have a crush on them or want to push for a different relationship bc what if they don't feel the same way or don't know what queerplatonic relationships are.
I want a relationship that is completely undefinable by any existing labels or words. Like, we're so close and we hug and kiss each other's foreheads and cuddle and travel and explore together, and we get along so well and have so much in common. But at the same time, our relationship isn't fully romantic or fully platonic; it's a completely separate, open-to-interpretation thing that we tweaked as needed, and we have our own boundaries and things we are and aren't comfortable with, and we respect each other in every way, shape, and form.
Am I the only aro-spec person who switches between wanting a committed partnership, be it romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, etc, and wanting to be as far away from relationships as possible?
Was I the only aro-spec person who had the experience of thinking that I had crushes growing up, but looking back, they might not have been crushes because 1. I could never or only rarely name any traits that I liked about them (and those rare times that I could were traits that I simply admired), 2. I felt immense relief when they rejected me, or 3. I just wanted to have a crush, so I chose a person and consciously decided to develop feelings for them, not knowing that it doesn't work like that?
Something I recently realized that helped me understand my aro-spec identity is that my "crushes" that I can remember weren't actually fueled by romantic attraction for the person. They were actually fueled by attraction towards the idea of dating/liking them, but not actually them as a person. I wanted to find my soulmate and as soon as I found someone that I thought fit that ideal, I would start daydreaming about being with them, but I wasn't really attracted to them as a person, just my idealized version of them and the relationship. As a result, I couldn't really name any traits about those people that I liked, aside from surface level ones like, "funny," "nice," and "hardworking." And while I was aesthetically attracted to them, I never really fantasized about kissing them or being super romantic with them (aside from maybe hand-holding or hugging), and if I ever tried, it made me uncomfortable and felt like I was violating them. Did anyone else have a similar experience or is it just me?
- really want a queer platonic relationship - have a QPR - really want an asexual relationship - have an asexual relationship - are aro-spec - are ace-spec - are aroace-spec - have a pet - want a pet - are openly queer - are openly LGBT+ - are a Supernatural-fan - are a geek - are a Sherlock-fan or just love Lilo & Stitch
Did any other aroace-spec people try to write fanfiction when they were younger, but struggled to write romance/romantic scenes? Because I vividly remember trying to write fanfiction when I was younger, but not really knowing how to write the romance because that wasn't something that I felt that much. And this goes for all kinds of romantic fanfic, reader insert, OC insert, shipping, etc. I tried writing all of the above, and every single time, I was unable to write, or even sometimes start, the romantic scenes, because I just didn't know what exactly that felt like or how romantic relationships started. And even when I could get through writing fanfic, it just felt SO unnatural and weird to actually write; like not bad, but just odd, like not realistic. But somehow, people really liked it, so I guess I did something right lol
Idk if I'm the only aro-spec person who is like this, but I need to talk about it bc it's been on my mind so much lol
So, like...in general, I have a complicated relationship with romance. In fiction (books/movies/tv/fanfic), I only really like queer romance. Two guys? All for it! Two girls? All for it! NB person with someone else? All for it! Granted, there will always be exceptions and romance stories that I prefer more than others, but by large, I tend to enjoy most queer romance stories that I consume. HOWEVER, for some strange reason, when it comes to straight romance stories, I almost always get squicked out or uncomfortable!! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHYYYY!!! Like, it could be nearly identical to a queer romance story, but I would still be uncomfy if it was heterosexual, and I don't know why!!!!!!
When it comes to irl romance, I'm usually either indifferent or uncomfortable with it, no matter if it's queer or straight. Like, I can usually handle it, unless they're full on like making out or smth, then obviously, I'm extremely uncomfy and averse, but if it's casual, then it's just whatever.
But, honestly, I don't know what my deal is with the fictional romance!! I've even forced myself to like some straight romance in the past, but it's always SO forced.
So, yeah, that's how I feel. Can anyone else relate, or is it just me??
I WANT A QPR SOOOOOO BADDDDD!!
I want someone that I can call my partner, but not necessarily in a romantic way. I want someone to hug and be close to. I want someone who I can listen to and who can listen to me. I want someone who shares my interests. I want someone that will agree to discuss and respect our boundaries with one another. I want someone who I can just be with, like we can just exist together. I want someone who will go book shopping with me and just listen to me gush about different books. I want someone who will walk down the halls with, and maybe we'll hold hands and maybe we won't. I want someone who will always be ready to comfort me and who I can comfort whenever they need it. I want someone who will help me calm down and think through things carefully. I want someone who I can explore and go on adventures with.
Basically, I just really want a queerplatonic partner/relationship.