Find your tribe in a Sea of Creativity
True Story - Blog Posts
TIFU
okay so I was sitting in the middle of my psychology class today, re-reading my own fanfic to look for any loopholes I may have missed when my teacher comes out of fucking nowhere and sees my screen. I briefly think that my life is over but instead of yelling at me he nodded and said that he "loves to read that fic" in his spare time. he said that he "really hopes that one of the characters is able to recover from what the author is putting them through" and I just sat there and nodded because WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN THAT SITUATION?! he also said that the character I was going to kill off (for the plot) was his favourite because of how kind he was.
what do I do
TW
It's crazy how with a little bit of adhd and excelling grades you can convince everyone that Ur fine, even when Ur OD'ing.
me remembering the time I did 961 crunches in a row over the span of 4 hours and hurt for the next few weeks: 😨
girls be like “i know a place” and before you know it you’re cuddling in a tree
What cruel made it so the feeling of hunger and feeling of shitting the same thing
Why must it be that I, a pity-less mortal, must suffer for the sins that a forfather from long ago did
Which god was the one that gave us this curse, was it Zeus, I bet it’s Zeus that fucker
I remembered a funny conversation I had with someone, and thought it'd make for a fun redraw. It was during one of my darker chapters, and gave up on holding punches.
*Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of harassment, panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety, threats of physical violence. Mentions of trauma, abuse, bipolar depression, PTSD, anxiety, coping, self deprecating thoughts, dark humor.* Sunday, May 28th, 2023
12:06pm
This is the letter that I wrote to my older (half) sister, before the texts in Part 1 the next day.
Here’s what I said to her:
“Hey Angel… I think it’s time we talk about the distance that we both have experiencing. Honestly, I don’t even know how the distance started, but it’s something that I fell into and followed. I would like to talk when you’re ready because it’s necessary that we do. That we talk about everything for as long as we both need, and that we come into this conversation ready and willing to hear each other out. Just let me know.”
“I was in such a dark place when this all started. I think after looking back on it, that I never took the time to properly explain what happened, what’s been happening…
As you know, I’ve had such an extensive amount of trauma, especially from my supposed father-figures. It was September… I was on a shuttle, trying to get to my rehearsal for dance on a Sunday afternoon. I stepped onto the shuttle, wearing my headphones, listening to the same playlist that I do before I dance. It’s my… ritual, the thing that grounds me, calms me, but also, psyches me up to go. And, that’s the paradoxical thing about having anxiety as well as bipolar depression; you have to calm yourself down in order to build yourself up to feel excited.
In that process, I missed the driver telling everyone to not get on if they were not going to the next stop, which would unfold in our confrontation.
I got on the bus, and when we arrived at the next stop, I didn’t get off the bus, which was odd, but not too unusual… until I noticed the yelling. I took out my earbuds to hear the driver yelling, and it took me a second to realize that he was yelling at me. He was trying to force me off the bus because I apparently wasn’t supposed to be on otherwise.
I was confused, and shocked, and frightened, but I found the courage to ask why. I didn’t know at the time that he had said that he would swing back around to get the people going to main campus. I got frustrated with how he was acting, because we would get there eventually ‘cause the route is continuous, as all bus routes are, but he kept getting more aggressive as he was trying to force me off. His reasoning was, “because he said so”, instead of any semblance of reason. It reached the point where other students were getting on to return home, and that spurred him to park the bus, say that he wasn’t moving until I got off, and threatened to call the police or physically removing me himself. I was panicked, so I did what my mind told me to do in the moment. I made my way off, asked for his name, which was like pulling teeth, and tried to call the office to make a complaint. He drove away, I was officially late to rehearsal, and then, I realized that I had no idea where I was.
My anxiety was building exponentially as I called the transportation office 3 times with no response before I realized there wasn’t going to be, because they are closed on the weekends. I then tried calling all my friends, with cars, to see if they could pick me up to no avail. Then, I had my first panic attack on the curb of a parking lot in an unfamiliar place, while people walked by with odd stares and no concern for me. Then, I tried calling all and any family I could, my mom, you, Camille, and Auntie Roz and Auntie Julie, but no one answered.
Cue my second panic attack.
A friend called me back, I explained the situation, but they couldn’t come get me. So, I made the decision to call an Uber with the last $11 I had. On the drive, my mom called to see what was going on. She responded to the story by saying “Get over it”. Not understanding how triggering it was for me, or caring for how upset or shaken I was. I got out of the Uber, had my third panic attack in 40 minutes, and after, I noticed the time.
Rehearsal was over, and I cried.
I called my professor to apologize and after I explained what happened, he Venmo’d me for the Uber, but that’s where the resolution of the incident stopped. I did end up filing a complaint, and they took my side, but didn’t act on any of the solutions I asked for. After that, well, I spiraled.
Part 1 -- Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
I know this post is meant to be silly but I wanted to explain something about this little European robin and its meaning to my family for no specific reason.
When I was two and 29 days a big sister of a seemingly healthy baby brother, he suddenly was rushed to the hospital and died along the way. He had cardiomegaly, in other words: an enlarged heart. This was because of a congenital heart defect. He was really strong, so he endured it for 29 days and he never really gave a sign of discomfort, at least, not until it was too late. I, personally as a two year old, didn't get much of it. I have some faint memories of me peeking from behind the door at my parents sitting devastated on the couch. I remember running up to them, crawling into my mother's lap and comforting her.
So what has this bird to do with all this, well… My mother once told me a story of a robin, not long after my little brother's death. There was a robin that was sitting in front of the sliding doors to the backyard. My parents didn't mind it at first, but when it flew with them when they walked to the extension of our house and back, they knew it was some sort of sign.
The years continue and every time it's either 9 October or 7 November there appears a robin, in our backyard, frontyard, if we go out to do something fun to clear our minds. There's always a robin.
So yes, this bird is silly, cute and a little obese, but it gave my parents a feeling that everything was fine with my little brother, wherever he might be.
Me about a year ago: *throwing up blood and passing out* I think I’m anemic-
mom: no, it’s probably something else
*a bit later at the hospital*
doctor: you litteraly need to see a blood specialist hold shit you don’t have enough blood at all. You’re severely anemic
me: 👁️👄👁️
Coincidentally, I had Jacob wrestling as my Torah portion at my Bat Mitzvah and my parents had one on leprosy protocols and what to do with mold-infested houses at their wedding. The rabbi said that he generally dreaded having to talk about mold and leprosy at weddings but that it was oddly fitting in the case of my (future) parents: a doctor and a mycologist.
there is not nearly enough media about the bar/bat mitzvah process. anyone remember watching a kid do their fun drash about jacob wrestling the angel and thinking How the fuck. am i going to write a speech about leprosy protocols
The first day of school...
Teacher: *turns to me* And what do you like?
Me: *thinks about everything I like, but they just so happen to be everything that everybody in my class dislikes*
Me: .... A-anime...?
Based on a true story; people called me weaboo for the whole year.
True story
I had a life once but then my friend showed me fan fictions and tumbler and I don't regret the decision to stick with them.😀
Ever drank 400ml espresso in 15 minutes? A little peace of advice, whatever you do, whatever choices you make, no matter how tired you are, don't do it.
source - me
I do not like having jingly keychains, but I like that my father does. His chain has the car keys, a Swiss army knife, a longer Swiss Army knife, a small metal Captain America shield, and a few other trinkets that he wears in his belt loop with one of those big clips (the metal ones for rock climbing- carabiners).
Anyway my dad has been wearing that specific set of trinkets for my entire life. It is not loud but because of the trinkets it makes a very specific jingle.
So when my brother and I got lost at a Disney park during one of your extended family vacations (25 people is a lot and very easy to be overlooked), we tracked down the rest of our family by walking around the general area in a circle to hear down the different streets until we heard it. All the way from the opposite end of the street and around a corner.
We got back to them fast enough that nobody knew of our little crisis and all because of my Dad’s obnoxious key chain.
having a little jingly keychain is all fun and games, until you’re walking around somewhere that’s dead quiet…..like oh i’m sorry i just my trinkets are jangling around……n suddenly your the court jester and everyone is pointing and laughing at you for your noisey fucking keychain…..bobo the clowncore
Seagulls stole my entire burger once 😔
you ever just *goes to make sandwhich* *gets distracted and writes a hyperfixation related essay for four hours* *goes to do a simple chore* *ends up painting a furby that’s been sitting in the closet for three months*
Hello from your friendly neighborhood aromantic mom friend and I’m here to tell you about my aro realization for Aromantic week!
Ok so this will be poorly formatted and maybe a bit long.
Ok let’s begin!
I came to terms that I was aromantic a couple months ago though I identified as aro-spec for nearly a year before that.
I realized I was aro in probably a bad way.
For a little over a year, I had convinced myself that I had a crush on my friend who we will refer to as Eggroll.
Eggroll is a sweet girl, she truly is, but she is also obsessed with romance and love and touch and affection. This was something I had to come to terms with in the time of our “flirtationship”.
She was constantly reaching out for I love you’s, constantly in need of affection and live that I simply couldn’t provide. I tried my best, over and over, I forced myself to see a life with her, dates with her, dances, just sweet little moments.
But I just couldn’t get behind it.
This wasn’t the first time this had happened, throughout school, I found myself trying to find people that I found cute or even mildly liked but wasn’t overly close with and slot them into the all to important role of love interest that society insisted was normal for someone of my age.
But it just wasn’t.
And eventually I had to tell Eggroll how I felt.
She was also a bit codependent and a tad insensitive and didn’t listen while also being constantly but hurt if I ever told her I found something rude or was uncomfortable with something.
I told her, over text, one Wednesday, a really emotional day.
She understood, although she felt sad, she sprung right back to her feet by the next week and now is constantly “in love” with nearly every pretty girl she spots.
I’m happy for her, she’s happy for me.
And I get to be happy in my own skin, with a label that I love, that I can relate to.
My experience isn’t the same as everyone else’s but as someone who witnesses identify crises every week and has had many of their own, I am always open to helping anyone who needs it.
This mom friend is a mom friend to all and is here for anyone who need some help, support, and/or platonic or familial love.
I hope you’re having a great day
🖤🤍💚
I was in the bus and this handsome was sitting in front of me, I sneezed and he chuckled saying "bless you!", I told him plz bless me and gimme your number😔
"I'm what the murderers look like" says the clown that frequently asks Uber drivers to take him to sketchy train yards
They really gave Omega her first sugary drink while Hunter was sleeping smh (they are gonna regret it later when the sugar starts hitting different and she becomes a true gremlin)
Saw this pic and had to draw it with fluffy Hunter
I thought this was kinda cute lol
Skylanders artists only have 2 ways of drawing Ghost Roaster