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Anxitey - Blog Posts
Mondays…..
It’s the start of a very long week and I’m so tired already…..I wanna be little and colour all day and hold my plushies close!! I’m sick and tired of being a big girl all week. Its so much easier and nicer to turn off my brain put on cartoons as I wear soft pastel pjs as I feel all my stress and anxiety melt away.
being in little space feels so much better than dealing with it all! I absolutely love my stuffies since they are all so soft and squishy and they are the best listeners! Stuffies > people
AAAA IM ALIVE
So, to begin I want to say I’m sorry for not posting about my DR in a lil bit, the past two weeks I’ve been really struggling with my chronic anxiety and illness, so I have been in a lot of pain and haven’t been motivated to write much :[ but!
I’m doing much much better now and I’ll probably post tomorrow for the poll that we did!! thank you guys for your patience, I love this community and fandoms so much and I wanna be involved but sometimes media gets a bit too much for me
have a great day/evening to everyone and see you tomorrow!!
Maturing is wanting to go feral but knowing you'll regret it and that you need to conserve energy to get through the rest of the day
Sleep is the despairing soul's opioid
Whelp I just heard what was either a gunshot or a car backfiring and I want to go home now, america is so fun
I hate popular girls, they're mean as fuck for seemingly no reason other than their own amusement
No better way to express yourself than to vent in your note app
Just walked out of a church meeting because the adults were arguing and being passive aggressive and it was scaring me, might fuck of and never show my face again
Nothing like mean girls at school to make you feel bad about yourself!
Man I fucking hate people everyone in choir, they're so mean to the other people (the noticeably autistic kids and the blind girl), they are so mean to them, the girl doesn't realize they're being mean to her and they don't stop when the others tell them, none of the teachers treat them like people it's so weird and upsetting but if I say something I'm scared they'll make me part of the joke and I can't go through being the punchline again
Getting hives from stress, gotta love finals 🥲
EDIT: it was FUCKING CHICKENPOX
I have to make a fucking foldable for a major grade in English class, WHY?! I could easily do a multiple page essay with properly cited sources (this project is "so we learn how to cite correctly) like we're sophomores what the fuck do we need to be making a college level career pamphlet for?! Just have us write a damn essay this is so unnecessary and stressful! She thinks just because she gave us a week to do this it's MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME. ITS NOT, she talked every day for a fifth of the period expecting us to pay attention, and I'm in her loudest class and I have fucking ADHD and autism! I can't handle working in that class on a normal day much less one with no structure! And it's not like I can do it at home because it's right before finals so EVERYONE is giving us giant projects and I need sleep! I can't even work on my chrome book because it won't support the apps I need my family doesn't have the extra money to get me a decent computer or laptop and the school library is closed for fucking testing! I was just starting to be healthy and get sleep and eat a decent amount of food at regular times and not replace water with energy drinks and then this shit hits me like a bus! I hate school and I hope whoever makes this system goes through 10 times the mental and physical agony that american students and (most) teachers.
Man I hated school people are mean for no reason I wish I could just go home and draw, school is the only reason my depression gets so out of control, I hate it here I don't want to die I just can't keep living like this
My dog kept me up all night and used my comfort hoodie as a pillow so now I'm tired, angry, furry, and I smell like a dog
Anyone know why the school photographers make you take off your jacket/layered button down or headphones? Like these are things I wear everyday they're apart of me why do I have to take them off?
Who the fuck said it was a good idea to force kids to only have natural hair colors I swear to god I feel like I'm killing myself for someone who doesn't give a shit about me just so they can feel comfortable in their own little world it makes me want to kill myself because of them I hate school
There's nothing better in the world than deciding to sleep in and waking up well rested only to find it's still early enough in the morning to take your meds without messing up the schedule
My moms getting married today and "I'm surrounded by idiots."
Almost none of my classmates are self aware and they're irritating as fuck
Why are other people so unaware of their surroundings and other people's space
Time to listen to angsty music and lament my existence
What am i if not an unholy piñata of mental illness?
TW
It's crazy how with a little bit of adhd and excelling grades you can convince everyone that Ur fine, even when Ur OD'ing.
Ok I have a rant. So I take anxiety and ADHD medication, I know great combo but the ADHD meds are appetite suppressants I don’t know why but they are and I am use to that I have learned how to eat on them. But when I am anxious I can’t eat but on the anxiety meds I don’t know what I am anxious about so. I will just be chilling and be like “oh I am not hungry ok” and then that continues for a while so I am like “ok what am I anxious about” because I don’t know because of the anxiety meds. So it’s like I have a gun to my brain asking what is going on and it doesn’t know and then there’s my stomach as this weird third party and non of us know what is going on.
Idk what the point of this was.
Some little sketches of Anxiety from Inside Out 2 because she’s a goofy and adorable little bean who weirdly helps my anxiety? For one of these drawings I drew her surrounded by things that help my own anxiety.
THE OTHER SIDE
theirs this wall made of iron and steal blocking me of the far near I'm no brave man to climb all for I fear the fall Lost, I always seem to walk around its edges What is behind, I ask myself too many times maybe a gleamy forest withholding lilly fields but in my mind it's dark full of starving wolves that lurk curiosity is a sin, I need a redeemer some say it is liberating to be a dreamer but is the freedom worth the injury?
(Idealism is a disease) by joud abu rashed
Idealism is a disease
Once it enters your system it feeds off of your mistakes
It spreads like a wildfire making you quake
Symptom after symptom you start to hallucinate
A thought becomes a reality
There’s no real definition of actuality
All you can do is live in brutality
And endure that cruelty
There’s no one to blame but that little voice in your head
Making you wish on sweet death
Whispering to you as if it was your own closest friend
The doctors say there’s a cure
One that’s pure
But there’s a price
First you have to apologize
To the body you forced to idealize
A vulnerable state of you past mistakes
Drowning you in a lake
The water reflects an image of grief and regret
As it overwhelms you slowly you start to forget
A cold breeze of acceptance washes all over you
A warm feeling is new
A smile takes over you
Now you are cured.
this poem speaks about my struggles with anxiety and perfectionism. I hope you find a sense of comfort in it
i honestly feel so invalid and unaccepted because like i’m doing a shit ton of research and taking quizzes and tests to find out if i’m autistic or not. most of them say that i’m most likely to be on the spectrum. i’m trying to talk to my mom about getting an actual diagnosis by a professional but it’s so frustrating and confusing because she doesn’t think i do but im genuinely concerned about myself!! and i honestly feel like im losing my mind. i hope you don’t mind me ranting on about this because i feel like my feelings are invalid and wrong because of my mom and that she doesn’t seem to care about my mental stability at all. again very sorry that this isn’t usually what i post. i hope you guys understand 🫶
my issue with my anxiety is that the way i typically deal with it at home, i cannot do the same thing at work / in public.
its the reason why i want to start anxiety meds but my mom said that i should try looking at other coping mechanisms first before jumping into something that changes my brain chemistry (shes a nurse and shes for finding other ways to deal with issues before taking something that changes your brain chemistry. which i understand and agree with!!)
im just tired of the anxiety tbh i just wanna live a normal life without the constantly shaking, not being able to breathe properly, fear, etc.