Find your tribe in a Sea of Creativity
Mental Illness - Blog Posts
here we go again, hiding in the toilet. fck I hate my life I wanna run away pls someone help mee
also my stomach hurt so bad I'll diee
im gonna skip class again
btw im looking for new metal bands to listen to
The only correct response to confrontation is to fucking book it the other way
Moon knight is literally girl interrupted but marvel
I’m too scared to open my mouth these days what’s going awwwnnn
No bitch 🤣 😒 😭 I'm not ok I'm swell
Light Refracts In Many Angles
Midoriya had always been a mutterer. It was a habit developed through isolation and his parents. Since he had no one to talk to, he spoke to himself. The sound of talking was comforting even if the voice speaking was his own.
Another thing Midoriya got through his lifelong isolation was this “magical” ability to disassociate. His rejection from society “evolved” over the countless years of bullying, but that was beside the point. He was still pretty lonely even with the fan behavior from a select group of losers.
Midoriya would wake up and go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Within seconds of brushing his teeth, Midoriya would be disassociating. Midoriya would be eating breakfast in the middle of spicy gossip. He’d be responding to his mother, but nope, his brain flipped a switch, and just like that he was blanking out. Of course, it didn't happen at the same time every day, but it wasn't uncommon.
Midoriya would go to school and the moment Bakugo opened his mouth Midoriya was out of it. Fortunately for him, it seemed that his body was on autopilot in school. He’d look down at his notebook to see notes he didn’t recall taking. One time he even highlighted specific lines in his textbook.
Midoriya knew it was a problem, but it never really happened when he was doing important tasks that he needed to focus on, so he didn't tell anyone. Unfortunately, he nearly fell down countless flights of stairs in front of his mother, so he was set up with a psychiatrist.
It never took long for Bakugo to notice changes in Midoriya’s behavior. Whenever he made fun of Midoriya or even shoved him occasionally, it was as if Midoriya was looking right through him.
Bakugo couldn’t tell if Midoriya was terrified of him or if he was trying to act tough and one-up Bakugo by pretending to be unfazed. The first time he noticed it was over four months ago.
In certain classes where their seating arrangement changed due to carefree teachers, Bakugo sat near his three lackeys. Hifumi was at the desk to his right and Tejio was in front of him.
Midoriya had already taken a seat on his left before the trio entered the classroom. Midoriya’s seat was by the window, allowing him to gaze out whenever he wanted to.
Bakugo was able to notice the strange behavior, but he never truly figured out what was going on with Midoriya. Midoriya would be writing his notes normally and, out of the blue, his expression would fall as that blank look washed over his face. He couldn’t understand what was happening since Midoriya was still writing away, gaze flicking to the board and then down to the paper to write.
Midoriya spent all of his time alone. He had no friends at school, and he always had everything with him, including his lunch. Midoriya would often stay in his seat for the duration of the break.
Bakugo and his lackeys would sometimes poke fun at him for it before they left for the cafeteria. Other times they’d come back early to study or get away from the crowd of people who were nothing more than nuisances to the three.
Midoriya usually wouldn’t react to them coming in. He would often be spotted with his head against the glass, looking at nothing in particular. Bakugo would never admit it, not even to himself, but he couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the sight.
The golden sunlight would shine on Midoriya and illuminate him. His black freckles seemed to glow a golden hue, and his pigmented skin seemed to relish the warm sunlight. Midoriya’s pale, chapped lips seemed to turn a bright red with the exposure to the sun.
Midoriya’s dark and dazed eyes would light up into a striking electric emerald green, matching the beautiful shade of green his eyelashes would turn as they occasionally fluttered. Bakugo could even see the line where the black patch of his hair turned green when it was usually hidden in his dark hair.
Every once in a while, Bakugo would see Midoriya snap back into whatever he was doing whether that be him writing notes, doing schoolwork, scrolling on his phone, writing his hero analysis, or him looking for something interesting going on outside the window. It seemed unreal the way life seemed to flash back into Midoriya's eyes.
Midoriya may not be exactly conscious of the world around him, but his subconscious was working to keep him afloat. It was a sight to see when he became responsive to things he was hearing or seeing.
Bakugo found it strange, but he’d never pass up a moment to peer at Midoriya without the worry of being caught. He'd convince himself he did it for a good reason after he'd catch himself staring.
On good days, Bakugo would go in early and open the window. He knew deep down why he did it, but how could he ever bring himself to say he wanted to watch the breeze gently blow against Midoriya’s face to watch the way the curls in his hair would sway.
One day, Midoriya had a boba milk tea. The drink was still sealed and the straw sitting next to the cup on the desk. Midoriya had his notes pulled out as he was planning to do schoolwork before homeroom started.
Bakugo had been watching Midoriya and saw the exact moment Midoriya's brain clocked out. It was normally pretty clear as his face fell as he was writing notes.
After a couple of minutes, Midoriya's gaze rose to the drink. He grabbed it and brought it away from the edge where it was sitting. Midoriya snatched the straw and raised it to stab through the lid.
Bakugo felt himself focus on the sight, never having seen Midoriya eat or drink while in a trance.
Thump.
There was a pause.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Now Tejio and Hifumi were looking.
Thump.
It didn’t go through, and Hifumi couldn’t help but snicker. For Bakugo, he was fully invested in seeing how this was going to go. Midoriya’s mind was obviously not functioning, but his body was.
Midoriya's body, not being able to accomplish his subconscious mind's goal, raised questions. After all, it was a new situation where Midoriya couldn’t do anything while being unresponsive.
Thump.
Midoriya suddenly threw the straw at the desk and flopped back in his seat. In a way, it seemed as if his body was visibly trying to pout. Tejio could not help but let out muffled laughter, trying not to lose it.
Midoriya leaned forward, taking the straw and even holding it up to his eyes. Midoriya seemed as if he was observing the straw. Bakugo knew very well not one thought was going through Midoriya’s head as messed with the sharp end of the straw. Fixing his grip on it, Midoriya sent it down one more time.
Thump.
Midoriya once again readjusted his grip on the straw and shifted in his seat before sending the straw down again.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Thump.
Midoriya suddenly picked up the drink, sat it back at the corner of the desk, and brushed the straw off his papers before grabbing his pencil and writing as if nothing had happened.
Hifumi and Tejio lost it, laughing. Bakugo was baffled at the sight, wondering how Midoriya did all of that. He didn’t understand what was happening or why it happened. He’d ask about it, but that would reveal he paid attention and cared enough to ask. He’d rather die than let anyone, especially Deku, know either of those things.
Midoriya seemed to snap out of it a minute later as he took the drink and straw before piercing it easily. He rewarded himself with a drink as he continued the notes. Hifumi and Tejio never suspected a thing while Bakugo was left staring in confusion.
Bakugo knew something was up but decided to never ask. Eventually, he forced himself to stop opening the window and stopped himself from staring too much.
It seemed as if Bakugo wasn’t the only admirer as occasionally the window would be left open in the mornings before Midoriya would enter the classroom.
Midoriya was studying in the school's ginormous library. Midoriya always placed himself at a booth alongside the window, enjoying the sunlight while he studied.
Bakugo and his bullies had snuck in, planning on teasing Midoriya in the quiet area. They spotted him and sat down nearby to figure out how to proceed as the librarian would easily spot them. She was a passionate and stern woman who wouldn’t hesitate to put them all into detention.
Someone suddenly walked past the trio. They looked over to see it was their class president. He was tall, undeniably charming, always received the highest grades, had the best reputation, and was involved in everything going on in the school. His name was Noya Seika, preferring to be called Seika. His book bag was over his shoulder and his arms were holding a stack of papers.
Bakugo and his two followers watched as Seika approached the booth Midoriya was at. Midoriya was casually writing his notes, at peace with the silence.
Seika marched right up to the booth with his charming smile. Everything about his approach was sincere, not an ounce of pity visible in his determined eyes.
Midoriya seemed to notice someone standing by his booth and jumped, covering his mouth. “I am so sorry! Was I mumbling? I’ll be quiet!” panicked Midoriya, whispering only to be met with the sight of his class president.
“No need to apologize, you weren’t mumbling. I was wondering if I may sit with you?” asked Seika with a chuckle, shaking his head.
Midoriya looked at Seika suspiciously before deciding to just let him sit down. It would be extremely rude of him to reject Seika even if he was doing it for a dare or had ulterior motives.
“Oh! Yes, you can sit with me,” approved Midoriya, motioning for Seika to sit down.
Seika smiled, appreciating Midoriya letting him join him. Setting down the stack of papers, he rolled his shoulders in relief. Midoriya peered at him curiously, not used to ever being with good company. Seika sat his bag down and slid into the booth.
“Thanks again for letting me sit with you. I love the student council, but they make it hard to get the paperwork done for the upcoming festival,” ranted Seika, situating the stack of papers before him.
Midoriya, feeling accepted enough to be able to ask questions, decided to ask one of his own. “All of those are just for the festival? Why’d you choose the library out of all places to get stuff done?”
Seika looked at Midoriya, seemingly surprised. The bullies couldn’t understand what Seika was doing. They were already pissed they had gotten their chance taken away from them. It didn't help that Seika was now acting strange after seeking out Midoriya. Bakugo looked ready to break his book bag strap.
Seika tilted his head to the side, happy to answer. “Yep! I'm in charge of approving and disapproving every single class’ activity. Usually, every student in every class has an idea. So, we have about four classes per year and each class has about 20-24 students. I have to get through all of them a week prior. Oh, and about your second question, I figured you’d be here.”
Midoriya was nodding, listening to Seika until the random and strange words escaped his mouth.
I figured you’d be here.
Midoriya stared at Seika in disbelief, worried he hit his head or got struck with a quirk. “Seika-san? Are you okay?”
“Of course, I’m alright Midoriya. Why wouldn’t I be?” questioned Seika innocently.
Midoriya shook his head, fixing his notebook. “No reason. Well, I’ll let you get to your work.”
Seika slightly pouted, watching as Midoriya seemed to put all his focus back on his work. Seika stared for another moment before going to his work, flying through the papers.
The bullies had been snickering at the expressions of Midoriya. They had never seen him look so confused and worried for someone. What made it even better was how Midoriya’s concern was because someone wanted to be around him. Bakugo couldn’t help but be completely invested in the scene similar to a grandma watching a soap opera.
When the three saw the way Seika gazed at Midoriya lovingly, they all felt their faces drop.
The gray-haired bully, Hifumi, started, “No.”
Bakugo interjected his lackey’s moment with a helpful, “Fucking.”
“Way,” the brown-haired bully, Tejio, cut Bakugo off, finishing their little epiphany.
“Seika likes Deku.” The three said in unison.
They all watched like stalkers as the two worked together in comfortable silence. Bakugo saw a mindless haze coat Midoriya’s eyes as his head raised from the page he was staring at and looked out the window. Seika noticed the lack of Midoriya’s scribbling and looked up. Noticing he was in a trance, Seika glanced out the window to see nothing particularly interesting going on.
Looking back at Midoriya, Seika shamelessly took a moment to admire Midoriya. Bakugo couldn’t help but struggle to swallow the lump in his throat. He knew he had looked at Midoriya the exact same way, infatuated by the stunning view. He could see the way Seika’s grip on his pen just oh-so-slightly tightened as he stopped writing.
Eventually, Seika waved a hand in front of Midoriya’s face. Absolutely no response from Midoriya. Bakugo, Hifumi, and Tejio all freeze at the sight of Midoriya being completely out of it. Seika decided not to shout and tried to wave again. With no response again, he gently poked Midoriya’s hand. Midoriya instantly snapped out of it. Midoriya was quick to shoot his gaze over to be met with Seika’s kind expression.
“You were staring off Midoriya. You didn’t even respond to me waving,” explained Seika, looking at Midoriya in wonder.
Midoriya grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I have a dissociative disorder. It only ever really happens in school. I promise I wasn’t ignoring you.”
Seika smiled, waving his hand dismissively. “Nonsense. I assumed you were daydreaming so no hard feelings. Also—a dissociative disorder?”
It seemed to finally click for Bakugo. The feeling of dread slowly creeped into his chest. The Hifumi and Tejio look flabbergasted, not knowing what a dissociative disorder is.
Midoriya nodded, looking at Seika uneasily. “Yeah, I was diagnosed with it after my mother took me to a doctor after an incident. It’s really frustrating.”
“Oh really? I’ve heard about it before, but I don’t know the details of how it works. Is it hard to focus?” pondered Seika.
Happy to explain his personal experience with the disorder, Midoriya twirled his pencil. “Well, mine is mild in terms of my mental state. Whenever I get triggered or induce it, my mind will lock me out of my body. My body just runs on its own. It causes disconnection and lack of continuity between my thoughts, memories, surroundings, and actions. I basically escape reality.”
Hifumi and Tejio let their eyes widen as their gazes full of shock met. They figured Midoriya was an antisocial loser. Now it was brought to their attention that this was because of a mental disorder that they probably caused. Bakugo seethed from where he was sitting. He couldn’t understand how he had been so blind. It was obvious it was disordered behavior. It was obvious Midoriya had been dissociating. He had been admiring Midoriya and observing that he never actually reflected or saw it as something that was burdening Midoriya.
“Woah, so like depersonalization disorder?”
“I mean… kind of. I’m not exactly observing myself from outside my body and I never feel like I’m in a dream, but I do feel a disconnection or detachment from my body and thoughts,” elaborated Midoriya, not sure if he was making any sense.
Seika bowed his head, taking one of Midoriya’s hands in his two. “Thank you so much for sharing such personal information with me. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable in any way. If I did, I humbly apologize for not realizing this may be something you are sensitive about.”
Midoriya felt his eyes widen, placing his free hand over Seika’s. “Oh no, please don’t apologize! You asked me about it kindly and respectfully. I wouldn’t have talked about it if I didn’t want to.”
Seika looked up at Midoriya relieved. “I’m glad. Still, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Is it affecting your studies?”
“Not too much. I still get everything written down. All I have to do is just review the notes I wrote while dissociating. It’s a pain, but there's nothing else I can do,” sighed Midoriya, removing his hand to flip the page of his textbook.
Seika smiled, removing his two hands from Midoriya’s hand. “You are very studious.”
Midoriya smiled at his notes bitterly. “Well, that's all I can do.”
Seika shook his head, looking at Midoriya adoringly. “I doubt that. I feel like you could do anything you put your mind to.”
Midoriya looked ready to argue but bit his cheek and nodded instead. “Thanks.”
Seika frowned, he had said the wrong thing and Midoriya settled for silence. That was the barrier he was determined to break. He didn’t want their dynamic to be the weak quirkless student who believed he’d be disciplined if he attempted to defend himself and the powerful authoritative student with a quirk who barely had to lift a finger to get Midoriya expelled. Although technically that’s what it already was.
Seika looked at Midoriya who buried himself in his book. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but why do you wear such a face? Do you not think you can achieve anything you put your mind to?”
Midoriya felt his eyes widen, looking up to meet Seika looking at him with such a strange look. Midoriya could sense anger, but none of it was directed at him. Midoriya could see a glint of desire and swallowed hard.
“Oh, it’s not that Seika-san. I’m just not used to uhh…,” trailed off Midoriya, fumbling to come up with an excuse or any kind of response.
“No, don’t feel pressured to answer. I was just worried I had upset you,” confessed Seika, once again stunning Midoriya.
Midoriya looked at Seika and smiled kindly at him, tilting his head gently. “Don’t worry, you haven’t upset me.”
Seika felt his posture straighten, looking at Midoriya lovingly.
Bakugo was quick to move, he wasn’t planning on letting this random extra waltz his way into Midoriya’s life. The end of the school year was rapidly approaching, and he was not going to have Seika be an irritating memory.
“Deku.”
Midoriya jumped but looked up to where Bakugo was standing. “Kacchan?”
Bakugo swallowed his pride and decided to use his only excuse to hang out with Midoriya without it sounding like it was his idea. “The old hag has been bugging me and wants you and Inko to visit soon.”
Midoriya perked up, all the attention that had once been Seika’s was gone. “Oh, of course! I’ll let Mom know.”
“Whatever. Now get the hell out of here, all the clubs left already,” demanded Bakugo, pulling out one toxic tactic to separate Midoriya from a potential friend or lover.
Midoriya smiled, rising from his seat. “Oh, you’re right. Thanks for letting me know Kacchan. Seika, I’ll be taking my leave.”
Seika waved Midoriya off with a disappointed expression. “See you around Midoriya.”
Bakugo walked back over to where his lackeys were with a wide smile. Hifumi had watched the entire encounter with a dropped jaw. Tejio was holding back laughter, enjoying the look on Seika’s face.
“No way you just did that,” snickered Tejio.
Hifumi nodded his head in approval. “While I’m impressed Midoriya listened to you, I’m even more shocked you didn’t bother looking at Seika.”
Bakugo shrugged. “I didn’t have to look. I sent him the message that I had Midoriya wrapped around my finger.”
“You’re evil dude,” sighed Hifumi.
Bruh I wrote this back in 2022 and found this deep in the google docs sorry if it's trash, but I honestly kinda like it even two years later
little rant under the cut about mental illnesses and people being dumb
one of my least favourite things in the world is people who use mental illnesses as insults. "i dont like them so theyre a narcissist" is one, not a thing, two, not an insult. thats a personality disorder, not something to be used to hurt someones feelings. same thing as using gay as an insult but, for some reason, significantly more socially acceptable. being narcissistic, bipolar, schizophrenic, or anything of the sort is not an insult, its just putting down people who are mentally ill. genuinely it just infuriates me.
i was just in the middle of a dissasociation episode and for some reason the song man or muppet or whatever popped into my head and now im concious again. literally pulled me out of a mental state that my therapist struggles with. what the fuck
http://chng.it/sqjdQWfvTH
As someone who personally experiences with psychosis, what Saraya Rees did shouldn't be overlooked. But imprisoning her instead getting her the help she clearly needs is not ok.
If you don't know, Saraya has been on antidepressants due to her being severely bullied at school. She was abruptly taken off of them, which by the way is dangerous in the first place. She was experiencing a psychotic episode as a side affect of withdrawal and poured gasoline in front of her parents door while calling out for help. Her mother had said Saraya DID NOT attempt to light a fire. Her 11 year sentence shouldn't be the response for punishment.
She needs psychiatric care in which she is currently not getting. She was 14 when she was charged without parole.
This is not the way to treat someone with mental health issues!
They are not monsters that should be put away!
We are not something you should overlook because you don't understand!
Please spread the word about Saraya
What am i if not an unholy piñata of mental illness?
“mental health matters until i negatively affect others”
“mental health matters until i cant take accountability”
“mental health matters until i am a genuinely bad person”
“mental health matters until i violate someone’s boundaries”
“mental health matters until the abused becomes the abuser”
why do you expect us to sympathize someone who is toxic..abuse is still abuse, even if done by a mentally ill person.
i’m legit going to cry, does anyone know how to read Menhera Chan manga?(i believe it is called something along the lines of “wrist cut warrior”). i read chapter 1 online once and i’m pretty sure the creator is really controversial which is why it’s so hard to find, but does anyone know how to read it? thank you
Warning: lots of Yapping
Part 1/??
edit: this was originally from march 9th before i editted it in -checks watch- APRIL SIXTEENTH. uuh soooo yeah :>>
no literally i spent like 20 minutes tryna figure out how to make a post and then I went onto a guide that said "First click the pencil icon:D" and I'm looking like- *"Where the fucks the pencil icon??"* Cause I'm used to doing this on the laptop and then I look down and I see the bright blue button that says 'Create' with a pencil icon..
What the fu-
ANYWAYS sooo I got more drawings I wish to share, My Hero Academia drawings that is. MUAHAHAHAHAHA- ok anyways
Ths is for my Cacophony Cacophony series! Which is comprised of five rebellious Teenagers in a rock band. Which comprises of Juro Mizushima, Shikanai Ekusenshi, Ranma Jiyu, Reza Usagi, and Tsuyoshi Tsunemi.
Usually play these characters in c.ai rps (because I have no life) and even then I use mainly Ranma, Shikanai and Juro. soo I've gotten so much more lore on em. Considering they're all parentless. Reza and Tsuyoshi are the only normal kids here (for now >:>)
I WILL tell you. These og drawings I don't NECESSARILY like since they were kinda my first depictions of them but rn I'm too lazy to get off my bed to find their better photos so these'll have to do.
FOR NOW!! I'm going to do two characters since there's alot of Yapping and talking, so we'll be focusing on Ranma and Shikanai this post!!
(plot twist, I finally but off my ass and took their pictures, I'll let you know you which ones are Ogs and redraws.)
FIRST DRAWING (Og) !! One of my favorite guys, Ranma Jiyu!
(redraw of Ranma, I like this one better, my art style kinda changed)
TW: few mentions of childhood abuse, but it's not in detail. and mention of a overdose but only for his mom
Ranma's a certified 'punk', and kind of like an 'evil' version of Hizashi?? He was definitely based off of Hizashi at some point, especially with his quirk, [HARMONIC], which allows him to 'manipulate sound waves to create sonic blasts' and also Hypnotize people. It's a combination of both his parents quirks and also pretty much The same as Hizashi's, but instead of his Quirk always being on, he has to CONCENTRATE to scream. Not concentrate to NOT scream, y'know?
and a lil backstory- his dad was a small time villain (Quirk; SIREN SCREAM) who had Ranma with his partner (Quirk; SIREN) for the purpose of creating another villain to mentor and take on the quote on quote "Family business" (when there wasn't really a family to begin with). Like this man was teaching his six-year-old son how to hijack cars and steal from grocery stores on a daily basis.
At the same time he wasn't really a good dad since he was abusive and neglectful of Ranma. Same with the mom too, she was SSOO neglectful! and he still loved them even as a small child who didn't realize that his parents weren't really good.
Ranma was also taught to hate heros since they 'Made his dad's "job" Harder'?? He was basically groomed into becoming a villain like his dad.
His DAD in question got arrested while Ranma was around 6-7, which fueled the kids hatred for Heroes. He was then put into foster home after foster home but he kept running away and like- hating everyone. How did Dad got arrested is kinda a crazy story.
BACKSTORY: so what happens is that Ranma is you, right? I wanna say 7 or 6, and His Dad basically leaves to go steal cars and resell them, and his Mom watches over him. she tells young Ranma that she's gonna take a nap and to not wake her up, but the thing is that she took a whole bunch of pills (either sleeping or illegal substance) and literally overdoses in her sleep. Little Ranma doesn't understand what happened so he tries waking her up before deciding to call the police (even though he was taught that the Police were 'bad people'). the Police came at the same time as Ranmas Dad and they arrest him before taking Ranma to the Fostering agency because he doesn't have any parents anymore. I totally didn't make this story up in a bot in C.ai, whaaaaaaat, that's crazy! anyways-
He ALSO had another au version where he embraces his father's villain's side and becomes a little villain himself named 'Soundweaver' who's just like.. this teenage delinquent who constantly gets caught by the police and is on a first name basis with like 30 different officers.
Like it'll literally be like-
Rookie officer: *holding a struggling Ranma* I caught this kid smashing mailboxes with his guitar!
Veteran Officer: oh, that's just Ranma
Rookie Officer: what?
Veteran Officer: hello Ranma.
Ranma: *sighs* hello officer Tanaka..
The Kid's kinda famous. Even in his non-villain arc he's still pretty famous around the police stations, just not as much since he plays guitar and sings in the band 'Cacophony Cacophony'. Little fun facts; he speaks English and likes English rock bands, and has a lip and eyebrows piercing which was done by his Bio parents. He's also Cupiosexual, Gender fluid and Bisexual! He's very open about his identity and sexulality and even dyed his hair to match the colourd of the Genderfluid flag! he's also very expressive with his clothing, and likes crossdressing.
In some rps he wears Hearing aids, but I don't know if that's canonical
He was also originally named Kyoka (mainly because I used ai to come up with names at the time and I didn't realize that it was a girl's name) because his parents were expecting a girl, so when the kid was born a boy they decided to just keep the name instead of coming up with another name. Also Kyoka Jiro?? I didn't know her name was KYOKA????
Alright that's enough Ranma,
onto my next favorite boi! Shikanai Ekusenshi! (Og)
this is Shikanai , and uh.. *this is a really bad photo of him.* Reza too, she's got better photos I swear-
(Redraw 2 from 1)
(Redraw 1, the first redraw)
So Shikanai has kinda changed over the months, but basically he's a kid who has extremely bad social issues, DID, and just a heck ton of problems.
His Quirk is called [BATTERY]! He can take the energy out of both humans (life force) and electronics (Electricity) and either store it or transfer it to either himself or other people/electronics. His Quirk was originally called Life force Absorption and he could only take the energy from humans, but I edited his quirk a bit. Basically how his quirk works is that Energy (for him) in all things is a 100% digit battery. Meanwhile he, Shikanai, has TWO 100% batteries. (His second battery is basically a extra storage unit).
He can take a certain percentage of someone/somethings battery and add it to his own battery IF he has the room. For example, say he has 50% battery in himself and he takes 100% battery from something else. That first battery (which is HIS personal battery) fills up to 100% and his second battery gets the excess. This does mean he has a limit of how much he can absorb, but as long as he has the room, he can take it.
*(Thing is that Electric Battery and Life force are completely different things, and he can only use Life force on himself and others (who are alive). So he can use Electrical stuff on other electronics, but they can be stored the same battery unit)*
another thing he can do is USE the energy in his batteries for himself. So, for example, if he himself has 40% battery and his storage battery has 10%, he can use that energy to fill up his first battery and gain more Energy. Fun fact! He can also use this to kill people by taking away 100% of their energy! (Which he may ot may not have done before, but it's not like he'd TELL.) but if his personal battery goes below 10% then he gets super sick (like throwing up and fever type of sick). and if it gets to zero he either dies, goes into a comatose state, or literally starts acting like he stayed up 5 days in a row (like a zombie basically). I wanna say I like Zombie Shikanai better but I ain't too sure which'll be canon
Also, another thing, Shikanai has DID! (Dissociative Identity Disorder; a mental health condition that involves the presence of two or more distinct identities, or "alters". -Wikipedia),
NOTE; (I Do not have DID so i am not a expert at it. I do have 1+ friends who have it though so I have a good understanding of it. I also did a whole bunch of research while making Shikanai's alters/experiences. Please don't like.... Kill me, or something-)
ShIkanai has 7 Alters, Hikiagenshi, Jousuke, Yūkoku, Mukō/Hinata (technically counts as two but nobody really knows), Yachiyo, Dempei and Ren. Each of his alters has their own distinct personality AND Quirk, which leads to my usually pondering question of what DID Alters would look like in the MHA world. Like- would hey have their own quirks? Would they have similar quirks or have like something completely opposite? I know it's one of those "It's not that deep bro" questions but its something I lile thinking about. Soooo i guess Shikanai could be sort of my own take on it??
ANYWAYS. Shikanai is like- such a traumatized, anxious mess. Like this guy has depression, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), Insomina, ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) and on top fo that DID-, Like one at a time, jeez! (Im joking, but he has alot of problems). not to mention he has stuttering problems
So Shikanai, as you can probally guess, has no parents. where are they? not here! They might've abandoned him when he first got his quirk at like.. 3?? 4? I dunno, But i DO know that he doesn't have any. he currently live in either a group home or Foster home (Ain't too sure yet) and Plays guitar in the band.
(I'll probably do a post with Shikanai's alters. I got actual designs for them and personalities!)
And Lil fun fact, He had a Canonical death! like if he WAS to die, then he has a canon way he dies. actually all of Cacophony Cacophony does, except for Ranma who survives (lone survivor frfr). It's kinda depressing to think about, but It's more like an interesting "what if AU"
Alright thats enoughh Yapping, mainly because I legit forget if I wanted to show any more information... uuuhh anywhoo- So that's 2 out of 5ish of Cacophony Cacophony! I'll show up with more of my guys in the future but for now, enjoy!
ahh so much writing.
Man....
In college I used to be so good at debate
Now every time someone wants to "debate" on feminism or the state of the world I just want to kill my self in front of them
My cognitive function is just gone now
Lmao I'm actually spiralling from reading something so Angst... Does this count as self harm
Not gonna lose this battle this time
Sometimes I realize how much potential I have. Both mentally and physically. And when I come back to my senses I feel ashamed and angry at myself. I could be everything I wanna be, but it's all covered up by my laziness and 30lbs of fat. It's miserable to think about what I can become and I don't have the willpower to act. I can feel it, that I'm destined to be more. But how can I achieve it? Im battling depression for a long time now, I don't know how to get started when my pasts chains are holding me back. Can anyone help me?
Never let it be misunderstood the strength of medication side effects. Holy fuck.
Oh god. My daily reminder that I’m depressed.
I am here if you ever need me. Pls, feel free to talk to me. I won't judge
for every reblog this gets i won’t self harm for a day. if you reblog this i’ll put your @ into a jar and each time i feel like harming myself i’ll pull out a name & dm that user “thank you for caring.” this sounds lame but at least you can say you saved a life.
Stolen from twitter but i need this.
TW
It's crazy how with a little bit of adhd and excelling grades you can convince everyone that Ur fine, even when Ur OD'ing.
Having OCD is so weird and silly. Like, I know that there isn't a monster under my bed who’s gonna take my feet if I stand too close, obviously, I’m a logical adult.
But like,
There is, trust me on this one.
Reposting this self-portrait I titled “The Climb” because I’m feeling this mood today. It’s hard to escape the shackles of despair sometimes, but there is a part of us clawing our way out of the darkness.
You’re not alone, not today, not ever.
First self portrait I’ve done in a while, wanted to do something more expressive
unstoppable force (my anxiety) meets an immovable object (my anxiety)
Mentally I am tired
But physically, I must walk, walk in a circle my body says
How do u make friends in communities?
I know this is a heavily asked question & I know making friends takes time & effort but like- any tips even?
I've been on the internet for a while & only have made 1 friend ovr the whole time, I understand no one owes me friendship or anything, but it's hard not to feel lonely. I love my friend(/p) with all my heart. & I've tried so many ways 2 make new friends but my efforts never work :c Is there something I can b doing better? I want friends like me ig? (alterhumans, xenogender users, alternative ppl & j-fashion enjoyers ect ect) But like- how??? .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.
Tw // mentions of corpses, decomposition of them, a little bit of swearing, and straight up talking about my trauma experiences. This post is not tagreted towards anyone, i just wanted to get all of this off my chest.
—
Ok just me yapping about my c-ptsd again
I've been trying to recover for like 2-3 years and it's hella hard for me, ESPECIALLY the triggers. Sometimes you can just discover what is it that triggers you and you can warn people around you about it, but when you can't discover what triggers you, that's the real problem there.
Yeah, people can trigger me even though they don't mean to. Even though i am the one who has it i don't even know half of my triggers, i am still trying to note them down but trust me it's so fucking hard when you lose half of your memory when you go through an episode. Do i get triggered from people talking about my mental illness unless i don't bring it up myself? Yes. Do i get triggered by people telling that i am a bad person? Yes. Do i get triggered by people i recently met are mean to me? Yes. Tbh i don't really give a damn when it's a stranger but when it's someone i just met it just makes me go up the walls.
And trust me, i have MUCH more triggers, but i don't know half of them due to my severe memory loss and shit, and it's so frustrating!! Like, i want to tell someone to stop doing a certain thing but from how absurt that trigger is people will just assume that i am a fuckass "you are faking your mentall illness!" kind of a person.
No, i don't fake any of this bullshit. Why the absolute fuck i would?? Do you think i enjoy starving myself for days because someone said a word that reminded me one of my traumas? Clearly. I'm sorry but people who say that i am "faking it" learns from shit like this:
And then try to assume stuff about me as if they are the ones who have this disorder. I am sorry but i am not going to listen to someone who learns about disorders from stuff like this, and then tells people that they are "faking it", i apologize once more, but do you even realize how harmful it is for us? Especially for c-ptsd since you don't know the half of your triggers and when they occured. There's a critical importance of learning mental illnesses properly. I apologize dearly but everyone deals with mental illnesses different, and you can't assume that people are faking it unless they are very obviously faking it/don't fit the !!very basic!! criteria.
And then there's this feeling i have, when i see something completely traumatic— i go through a lot of suffering, and then that traumatic thing is nothing to me.
Don't ever get me started on how my mom just let me see an extremely decomposed corpse—she used to work as a pathologist til i was 10—it's was horrifying. I was traumatized. That corpse was just carved into my brain. I couldn't sleep for days, i couldn't eat any meat because it just disgusted me. It lasted a few days and now, i am literally just neutral about corpses. I can visit that morgue just fine. And after all of this— people just tell me that i am being heartless, yeah don't go around babbling that i am an "edge lord", this is literally what i go through. I can't feel emotions like a normal person does, i don't feel any pity when i see people suffering, i don't feel love when i see my favorite person, the emotions i can feel intensely—like a normal person does—is fear and anger, expect these two i am completely numb. I don't really know if something is right or wrong unless someone tells me about it or i watch how people react to it, that doesn't make me a bad person, too. I am just saying that i can't understand right and wrong all by myself, however since i desire to be someone who is good, i always try to do the right thing— and by all of this, i am trying to tell you guys that ptsd is not something all about nightmares and flashbacks, it affects the person's way of thinking too. The reason i got my emotions this dulled down was the fact that I've been emotionally traumatized many times. Ptsd is not something you can learn off from the ableist information from google. It can give you correct information, yes. However the information there is very likely to be untrue, especially for personality disorders.
Okay, let me give an example— the most of the information on google says that cptsd lasts under a month, however, I've been dealing with it almost my whole life, only 2-3 years of diagnosis.
"but ismene, how can we learn about i-" i am pretty much sure that there's THOUSANDS of people who have diagnosed mental illnesses, you can always ask them about it on social media. Or maybe you have someone who's diagnosed? Go ahead and talk to them if they are comfortable. Do a deep research about it, and then compare the information you got from couple of diagnosed people and your research— find the same spots. And these same spots are very likely to be true. Researching about a mental illness shouldn't take you five minutes if you do want to understand people who have them. Mental illnesses are something serious and you need to take them serious.
Welp, i guess i yapped a bit too much— i hope all of this bunch of experiences and information does actually helps some people.
“Hi.”
Cause that was the only thing you could say. Really, you didn’t have a right to say anything. But you needed to. You needed to be here, back in this empty world again. “I know it’s been a... a really long time. You’re probably really angry. I don’t blame you. But I’m here now. I want to do something...I want-“
You want to help?
The sharp chill of the words made you shiver. But it didn’t surprise you. Why should it?
You want to do something...now?
Every emotion in those words is what started the tears. The accusation. The betrayal. The disgust. The despair. Nothing but the emotions of a person long forgotten and left to die. The person you once were.
“I’m sorry-“
You’re SORRY?
Black dust and curtains of dark matter whirled to life around you. You felt the anger in the sudden action. The hurt.
Why have you decided to come back? You left me for them. You abandoned me. You chose to become something you weren’t for them. And you dare to show your face to me again? Wanting to HELP?
The darkness suddenly lashed out and you went flying across the great, empty expanse. Your head hit the ground hard, but you felt nothing. Nothing could be felt in this place. That was the point.
The black winds swirled around you once again, striking wildly, unable and unwilling to stop. The fury within uncontainable.
“Please...” You began.
No.
They made themselves known, a black figure with glowing eyes appearing from the dark storm like a car appearing from a fog. Eyes that were dimmer than you remembered. Much dimmer.
Do not beg for mercy. You know how pathetic it is.
“Yea,” you coughed. “But I wasn’t.” The figure tilted its head.
Then you saw it. The light.
The light in their chest, trapped behind a thousand dark chains. It was barely flickering. The chains were cracked in some places, some were simply hanging from being broken long ago. But many were brand new. Shiny, harsh, and black as the darkness that was you.
“I’m sorry I left.” And that was it. That was all you said. All you could do as you lay there, weak and pathetic in front of the shadow that was once you. The real you. The person you forsook to please the ones you thought were more important than yourself.
The tears came down harder.
“I’m sorry.” Your voice wobbled. “I will never forgive myself for leaving you.”
You began to lift yourself to your feet.
“I will never forgive myself for thinking that I needed others’s approval to be whole.”
The figure began to back away.
“And I will never forget what makes me happy.” You stopped in front of them, shaking and humble, their eyes wide.
What makes you happy?
“Being you.”
...
“Being...
Being me.
Slowly. So slowly, the chains began to shake.
And began to break.