Long Reads - Blog Posts

Each alien stage character might have an instrument that symbolizes them in the instrumentals (theory below)

credits to my friend @chuuburar1n for adding some points and also helping me figure out what instruments are in some songs ^^

Basically to start, in each song with a character, an instrument is present for them, and that instrument goes in and out to fit the music. More on that later, but let me list them real quickly. I'll elaborate on each, dw!

Mizi - Piano

Sua - Violin

Till - Electric Guitar

Ivan - Drums (all songs have, but more prominent in his songs)

Luka - Violin, but instrument changes when mimicking

Hyuna - No set instrument

My Clematis

To start with my clematis, in the instrumentals, it's a piano and violin duet. Not out of the ordinary, per se, these are two commonly paired together instruments. However, what leads me to believe piano is Mizi and violin is Sua is the monologue sequence where only Mizi is speaking, there's only piano then. That's the only part in the song where there is, as it's the only part where they're not singing together. And, after Sua dies, the instrumentals come to a brief halt. When they start again, the piano remains similar, yet the violin is in a lower pitch sorta? (I don't play violin, im unaware of terminology, sorry ;-;) Because Mizi is alive and Sua is not. This one is a stretch but yeah.

EDIT: @chuuburar1n has informed me the lower pitch violin is a cello. So the violin does actually cease when Sua dies. Thank you Charly 🙏

Sweet Dream

I'm writing this out after an hours work, and realizing I completely forgot to listen to sweet dream's instrumentals and take notes.. No sweet dream, sorry! :( I'd love to see what others find if anyone else analyzes it ^^ /gen

Unknown (Till The End)

Anyway, onto Unknown. Unknown, there isn't much to really say, as it's a solo song, and most of my notes are around duet songs. However, one thing of note, is that Till is quite obviously electric guitar, and in this song, it's accompanied by piano. Mizi's instrument if my theory is correct. They're both instruments of accompaniment, so this choice to use them together interests me. In other songs in Alien Stage, the guitar is accompanied by drums, generally. This one is also a stretch, though.

Black Sorrow

Black Sorrow, there's prominent drums, which is what I believe to be Ivan's instrument based on this song and Cure. I had a hard time figuring out instruments for this one, but my friend (Thank you, Charly :]) said he heard cymbals and guitar which is typical to be paired with drums. Not much else to note.

Ruler of My Heart

Ruler of my Heart contains Piano, Violin, Drums, and possibly another instrument I can't really identify. Piano is present in all songs involving Mizi in some sort of way, as aforementioned in My Clematis. Not only that, but it takes the spotlight (although other instruments are present) when Mizi is beating up Luka. Violin also makes sense, because not only is it Luka's instrument, but it's also Sua's. And he's constantly mimicking others to try and manipulate people so, y'know, he can win. And his instrument changes with each song. More on that in other songs. I claim Violin is also his instrument as it makes his way into every song he's been in so far (Ruler of my Heart, Blink Gone, Wiege). Drums, i don't take any note of as they're present in literally every song, and at this point, neither Mizi nor Luka have any involvement with Ivan.

All-In

There's less instruments in All-In then there is in other songs. Drums, occasional guitar, and other sounds created by non instruments, like clicking and clapping. Adding to my point that I think Hyuna has no set instrument, why? Because she has no hallmark instrument in all her songs, yet also, she's a rebel, she's the only one of main cast free from the competition when introduced, hence why she lacks a signature instrument if that makes sense? It's a stretch, I know. My friend also pointed out that it could be because the rebels are out of alien stage so they don't have much musical equipment or the proper setting to make music. Hence the present of the non-conventional productions of sound to add, and the lack of instruments.

Cure

Cure's two prominent instruments are electric guitar and drums. Electric guitar is more prominent when Till sings. When Ivan begins to sing, the drums are not there at first, leaving just piano, then pick up and are more prominent. And when they both sing, they (as in Electric Guitar and Drums) both are prominent, unlike when the other's instrument is in the background of the other's part, accompanying. Also, when Ivan dies, the drums stop, leaving only electric guitar. Only the guitar, Till is left, and the drums, Ivan, aren't around anymore. I believe an instrument stopping or changing in a duet of instruments symbolizes a death generally, as it's present here, My Clematis, and somewhat in Wiege.

Blink Gone

This is where I get my Luka changing instruments motif. In Blink Gone, there is guitar, drums, piano, violin, and xylophone. Guitar picks up when Till sings, but Luka? When he sings, violin doesn't pick up, although it's played in the song by Luka, Piano does. I was stuck on this, but my friend then suggested the instrument change to represent how he mimics and changes to manipulate others. Yet it's not his true instrument. And I think that works really well. The one i believe is his true instrument, Violin, is present only at the end of the song, when it's clear he's winning. What's also worth noting is that the drums become more prominent in the parts where Till is thinking of Ivan. The end part with the Xylophone I don't have much to note on the symbolism behind it, maybe that it symbolizes childhood/innocence, I've heard people say it symbolizes Till's heartbeat? But although it does slow, you never hear it come to a halt, it just cuts out, which is why TILL IS ALI- (/j, I didn't use this in my evidence for why he's alive bc of how iffy it is. Go check out my Till is Alive theory if you want actual decent points on why I think he's alive lmao.)

Wiege

There's another point why I think Violin is Luka's instrument, and it's because this is what symbolizes him, when he isn't mimicking and he's being more true to himself when he's with Hyuna. Also, fun fact, the morse code in the beginning translates to 'ALIVE.' Because he feels alive when he's with Hyuna. Anyway, wiege has violin, piano, xylophone, and some sort of string instrument. I've talked about in the previous song how xylophone can symbolize childhood, when times were better. There's also just violin and accompanying instruments here because Hyuna doesn't have a set instrument. This is where I got iffy on my theory, because when Hyuna dies, Luka's instrument fades out, not any others. But I've realized it's a mix of how Hyuna has a lack of instrument, and Luka only feeling alive when he has HER. When Hyuna dies, he feels like he's died too; dying inside. Maybe he's still surviving, but is he really living?

I think I've covered everything and all my points and all. I don't know, I've been working on this for two hours, so my brain feels like mush. AuDHD be damned, i guess. Whether you choose to agree with me on these points is up to personal intereptation of the storyline! And if you read this far, thank you :)

First book of 2025 complete: The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Rating: What The Fuck/⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

one of my favourite reads in a while

well, I been thinking about it a lot, and I kinda made my little list, and, I wanted to share it with you.

I been only thinking about the first four in order of numbers (i don't remember the names I'm so sorry) and I been thinking on the first being some sort of cute mole, like, you know the first one is little a full of fur so, I thought it would be nice, the second, since is the only poor girl between all the man's there, I been thinking about a nymph, like Greek mythology ones, the third one I know it's a robot, but I thought would be cooler adding some extra nice detail, and about the odd god inside of it, I been thinking of him as a tiny red demon who lives in a robot, about the 4, that if I remember well is Quitela one, been only thinking about a rat that all, but I already draw him, only gotta colour him

(that's the paper draw I did)

And, now I got also an idea for the one from the 9, like, him but is an elf eheh, well, that all, I hope I gave you some ideas, I be happy to draw something with you if you feel like to💕

Are the god of destruction any different from the originals? Like, they change much on look or directly completely on kind and person?

Havent really thought of them tbh but i know damn well that Beerus and Champa has more egyptian stuff Rumsshi is MUCH more bigger than he canonically is Heles has more noticeable muscles Belmod is a LOT more clown like all that i can think of rn

Rick is my spirit animal i love him with all my heart!! Hes such a nice depiction of an asshole its bordeline giggle inducing. His reasons and motivations to be the way he is are so nuanced its insane. Rick is such a complicated yet simple character. He loves people but pushes them away for their (and his) own good. Being able to read rick (body language, speech, being able to differentiate when he's serious about smth or when hes not) is its own art.

I can seriously rant about r&m alllllll damn day but the more i go on the more incomprehensible everything becomes.

I cant believe i actually got answered because its so sweet<3

TO ANYONE READING THIS, WHO HASN'T SEEN THIS PERSONS ACCOUNT, GO AND READ IT! It has both fluff, and angst (?) At some parts help idk how to describe it BUT AHH

@fictional-men-especially-chuuya

(I'm gonna answer this ask in parts as it's quite long! I'll be putting my response under the read more:

(Hii!! I just wanted to say, when i first saw a post on this, (the most recent one), i was obsessed already! And since it was the first one that i saw, i thought, "i HAVE to know the backstory and binge read it from the start" and so i did! I love your art and everything so much, your storytelling, how you incorporate the asks into the storyline, you even reblogged the explanation of anon! (I js found out what that was) and i love how interactive you are, with your fans.. I cant believe id found a creator so........ AMAZING?! i dont know.. No words can seem to describe what i think of you. Youre amazing. I binge read from the bottom up, heh.. I didn't see the pinned post. But i dont regret it.

Hello!!! I'm so glad you like this blog! I started this blog as just a silly little rp blog for Chuuya but it quickly turned more story based as time went on haha! I've been making different askblogs since around 2017 and I don't think anyone knows my old blogs (which I think still exist, I just don't have the login anymore lol!) but I hope I am able to keep up this one for as long as I can.

Having someone like yourself, interacting and responding, is honestly the lifeline for these sorts of blogs so I really appreciate the interaction!

Plus, I am always an advocate for drawn rp askblogs as they were popular around 2016 but slowly disappeared overtime. I always seem to join things a little bit too late haha!

Since i also got to read the "#modask" ones, and got updated on your life. I hope youre doing really well today.. And im sorry for practically spamming your inbox notifications... I couldn't help. Youre amazing, and i love that. You make others smile, including me. I had jst finished reading angsty stuff and your au healed me sm.. Youre really inclusive, and help some other's voice get heard.. I also love how, youre the only artist i know that can keep chuuya from being ooc or fanon even though you took away his tendencies to swear.. Istg, thats a SKILL. I can NEVER dream of doing that..

I totally don't mind you writing into my askbox! I love recieving asks and seeing the little number pop up next to the inbox button makes me happy. It certainly makes me feel more human to recieve asks that ask about me as it's sometimes quite difficult to get people to care about the artist rather than the fanart, (although I am trying to do more original stuff) but I totally understand why this happens.

I'm not very good at writing angsty stuff but if I do, it'll have to be a combination of 'hurt/comfort' or 'angst with a happy ending'. Seeing happy stuff makes people happy, after all haha! (Plus, I'd love to be an animator for kids media so I suppose it makes sense I like more happy stuff than sad lol!)

It's always a bit finicky to balance between canon and fanon behaviour, especially for situations which clearly would never happen in canon. But I always try to think about how my Chuuya would act, rather than use other peoples' opinions. It makes it easier to be a bit more consistent that way (and you can always convey a message without the use of swearing! Not that swearing is a bad thing, I just personally try and not swear myself haha!).

Sigh.. I hope youre doing well, and you know that all of us love you. Take frequent breaks to rest, and stay hydrated. This is supposed to be fun, and not stressful. So dont be pressured to post everyday. We'll wait for you no matter how long you disappear for breaks, for holidays, for family, for work, and especially for yourself and your mental health. This message is really long, so i dont really expect you to... Err.. Read all this. But I'd be really grateful if you did. I feel like reading the comments and questions, youre not told enough how much you are loved and appreciated by strangers online. Heh.. When i phrase it like that it sounds rlly weirs lol.. But anyways, youre popular, and you deserve it. Although, youre not popular enough. You deserve so much more for making people smile. Its strange, a random stranger on the internet just.... Telling you how much she loves you. I love you so much, your art, you make me appreciate small things, because even just the tags, sometimes it makes me laugh. Sorry if i ever said anything offensive, or mean, when i commented. I hope youre doing well, your family's doing well, your friends, your job, your.. Pets(?) If you have any, and especially i hope your social life and mental health is good, or gets better. Im sorry if i come off as a weird and obsessed fan, but i just felt like i wanted to tell you what i felt. Thank you, for this... Sorry for the long note, sorry for the notif spam, and everything. Make sure to stay hydrated, have a healthy schedule, and not feel pressured by us. Ok? Thanks! We love you. And so does the fandom. Youre not just some outsideoutsider because you love slice of lives instead of slicing lives, or fluff over angst, believe me, we're a cornerstone of the fandom.

Thank you. Genuinely thank you for the kind message. I'm certainly not forcing myself to release updates so that this blog doesn't feel like some chore I need to complete and I really appeciate the fact that you are willing to wait for me. I also understand that you put in time and effort to send this message to me so I'm definitely going to put time and effort to reply to you!

Work has made me quite anxious and a bit depressed which has dampened my motivation to draw. But knowing that people are looking forward to the next update motivates me to continue working on this blog.

I don't think anyone has been particularly rude or offensive on this blog and honestly, sometimes things just come off a bit different than what you were expecting (especially on the internet!) so I try and not assume someone is a rude individual from the get go. But, I'm glad everyone here has been kind and understanding, it's made running the blog very enjoyable. Plus, I don't think this blog is popular enough at all to recieve rude comments haha!

With the BSD fandom, it tends to be full of theorists and writers (which makes sense lol) but it's nice to see that there's a place for me to write my silly little insignificant stories too. I've struggled with keeping up with the manga but that shouldn't be an issue for this blog as it's not really following canon at all.

And i cant wait to wish chuuya his birthday this month, and i cant wait to wish yours in june/july (sorry i forgot if it was 28 jne or 28 jly) and i also cant wait for updates or where this fic (?) Is going! Please do take care, for the last time, and stay healthy, mentally, and physically. *hugs you* and heres a little gift for you! 🫴🎁→🍪🍪🍪🍫🍫🍬🍬🍭🍩🍵🥐🌷🌸🌸🌼🌻🦋🦋🦋📱💻 And a little note 🫴✉️→✨✨✨ "get glitter bombed! And hehe. ❤ from 🇲🇾" And a boquet! like the one Dazai gave our little fashion icon in denial! 💐💐💐 or three.. Heh.. Anyways, its too long now. Love you, Hugs and forehead kisses and headpats for the amazing person behind the screen, byeee I'll be sure to ask more questions for chuuya!! <3)

I am also excited to see all the fun fics and artwork that'll be released for Chuuya's birthday! I hope I can create something for his birthday, even if it's not a big piece or anything.

My birthday is July 28th and I'm surprised you remember the day! It's a small thing but it makes me happy that you remember.

Thank you for all the gifts, flowers, and glitter and I hope you have a good day! Hopefully my response is understandable and readable (as there is a lot of text on screen and I rambled a LOT) and I thank you for asking Chuuya questions.

I hope that you, and anyone else who has somehow read this far, stay happy and healthy.)

Astrology insights on health & more Pt 1.

*Personal observations & research, not from a professional opinion yet*

-> The body part ruled by Aries is the head. I would related this to the root chakra, Leading to how safe we feel in our environment and how we manage our energy levels. Depending on where you have your Aries placements, would show you which type of environment suits you to be more passionate and require you to be more assertive in order to help you take care of your energy. That's why it's important for people with Aries placements to calm down and don't end up being impulsive, embracing the energy of the root chakra (be authentic, safe and secure in your own presence and self).

--> Learning to assert your power, not overdoing it and making sure to engage in exercise to release/gain energy. Also make sure to keep your head in a place where you can connect with when things end up being imbalanced, and always come back to the basics when you feel lost. Your identity is always ever changing and dynamically growing. You might prefer to change your hairstyle according to your mood and like tattoos.

--> Aries placements are very ambitious with a competitive streak, but they need to remember that at the end of the day it's them who has to compete with themselves. People are not trying to put you down when they are in the same things as you. Do not let your ego and pride get the best of you, and do not take things out of anger in a way which ends up exploding, don't add injury to insult.

--> The tendency to be extreme is also present in these placements, so make sure to take this out in healthy ways.

--> Blood & Iron correspond well with Aries. Make sure to take care of your head in order for your energy to remain calm and stable, let your authenticity shine as you become your independent self. But remember to not let your head take the charge all the time. You are powerful when you let your power be shown in your stance.

--> The best way to take care of yourself is through exercising, exploring, being honest and open, taking charge of a project, and finding out your passions as you go after them.

--> Aries placements might have a big forehead if in sun position, big/defined chest if in moon, Their presence might be very powerful in a room if in ascendant position, etc.

Ex: Reese Witherspoon Is an Aries Sun in 9th house, so tendency of having a big forehead as mentioned, also she remains to be very wise, likes to speak from experience and has a philosophical approach to her work. Her movies like Legally Blond also always carry some humor but deep lessons about society as well. She might also have thick thighs as well, since works out and keeps her health maintained. There is also a glow about her, when she enters the "stage" (enters stardom with her own being), People feel a magnetic pull towards her. Like she is the one taking charge. Also why early in her career she came to the spotlight. Other examples are Simone Ashley, Robert Downey Jr. & Lady Gaga. For Aries moon, examples are off Tom Hiddleston, Daniel Radcliffe, Angelina Joule - tendency of being unafraid of how they appear and lead more with their heart & head.

_____________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for checking this out! Other parts coming soon <3

*Please note the above images are not owned by me, these where sourced from the net.*

With Grace and love ✨

intro <3

so uh my two friends on tumblr have intros on tumblr and i felt left out so im making one now :3

Technically my name is Cara, but like idk, I don't like been called by my name. My pronouns are She / Her, but honestly I don't really care. Gender is complicated. (i'm already ranting and i haven't even started someone stab me) So like here's my surface level stuff (i go more into depth below if your interested ig, my links are down there too)

Likes: K-pop, Grunge Music (Specifically Nirvana), Writing, Reading, Space, Geography and shows I like, but if you're really interested in what I'm into I go in more depth below. Dislikes: School!!!!, Art block / Creative Block, Conservatives, People who think everything is 'embarassing', people that hate fun and whimsy, homophobes, sexists, racists etc, the heat, bugs, tbh i complain about a lot of things even if it's minor, yeah it's a red flag, just tune me out i can say some stupid shit Music: Loona, Nirvana, Green Day, Ive , Dazey and the scouts, MSI, MCR, Twice, Red Velvet, Deftones, new jeans, Mitski, Tv Girl, there's more below

Kpop

Hehehehehehehe, I've liked K-pop for 4 (??) years now, I own a couple of albums and went to the IVE concert in Australia. Best day of my life, comparable to my birth. My ult groups are Loona (Loona is an encompassing term of the re-debuts and everything, who knows what's going on in loona island) and IVE. I love nwjns too, but god all the drama going on with them is too much. Other groups I stan: Red Velvet, Triples, New jeans, Le sserafim, Rescene, illit, gidle and more that I can't remember.

Music (In General)

Nirvana is my favourite band of all time, why wasn't I born in the 80's 😔. I mostly follow Grunge, Rock and Punk music as well as other alternative music genres. I don't plan to make a huge paragraph discussing all the genres I like so here is a list of my favourite artists atm: mitski, beabadoobe, laufey, gigi perez, nirvana, alex g, tv girl, green day, weezer, she wants revenge, dazey and the scouts, mindless self-indulgence (i don't support their actions), destroy boys, my chemical romance, radiohead, mommy long legs, deft tones, hole, bikini kill, arctic monkeys, phoebe bridgers, chapell roan etc. There's more but i'm lazy suck it. I ALSO PLAY GUITAR!! I play both electric and acoustic and consider myself pretty cool (ladies, ladies on at a time 😼😼) Yeah i love love love my guitar it is my gf Songs I can play: Come as you are, About a girl, buddy holly, in bloom, apple cider and im still learning more !!

Games

Tbh I don't play a lot of games bcs I'm poor asf 😔 but my favourites are: Mincecraft, Roblox, The Sims, Killer Chat, Undertale and Deltarune!! (spamton hangs on my wall)

Art

I am an avid artist, i mostly either draw using pencils or digital :3 I don't know what else to mention on art but it is a huge part of my life and maybe i'll post some art on here !!

Writing

Yeah I may not seem like but I love writing. I swear every other writers intros are so put together and poetic but I'm here geeking out cries. Yes I may seem silly and idiotic but I have thunk some very deep thunks 😼😼 (don't take me seriously please, i assure you i have the capacity to not act like a child) My current projects are Project Card and Project Tunnels, you may see me post about them occasionally 😽 Uh and my favourite characters I have ever written are Seven, Yuhong and Mingsheng (girl no1 gaf)

Reading

I LOVE READING‼️‼️I have nerdy interests sue me, i love reading either classics or fantasy (though I will not turn up my nose at romantacy) I need some more book recs, I'm currently reading to kill a mockingbird and holy shit scout is so me i want to be her friend so bad aofjaiwefiweyghiyaaoiufhqwyeufgqyegfygqywegfasdclhifqwergfitygOQSDIEYGFIADADIYG (sorry i have habit of going feral from time to time, im not contracting rabis i promise)

Space

I will cry if I fail a physics class, i love space so so so so so much, confession time anytime anyone ever mentions space, esp when it's from a tiktok trend or something ("omg titan is so cool") i will absolutely have very violent thoughts, no get away from space she's mine 😾😾 grgrgrgr i don't know i think it's weird to try gatekeep space of all things, and i'm aware of this, but i still will try.

Geography

WHY AM I HYPERFIXATED ON FLAGS FREE ME FROM THIS PRISON. Anyways i know all the flags of the world and some territories (come fuck w/ me 😼) trust i will geek out anytime geography is even barely mentioned i love the world and countries so much (no not countryballs stay away) anytime one of those 'fictional countries' on tiktok makes a flag i think i die a little inside. NO YOUR FLAG WAS NOT MADE UP OF PASTELS. Anyways actual pretty flags: Seychelles, Libya, UK, Russia, Bulgaria, Netherlands, Canada, Bhutan, South korea, Estonia, Kyrgyzstan, Confederation flag (is that weird???), Iceland, Norway, Turkey, Tunisia, Micronesia, idk there's more

Philosophy

no comment, i need to stop having weird interests and freaking people out because i randomly have existential crisis. if anyone wants to listen to me rant about anything and everything hmu ig???

TV

okay so idk how to go about this, i usually like shows but like drop them for a new one?? so i'll go through the shows i loved for more then a week. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Doctor Who, Big Bang Theory / Young Sheldon, Squid Game, House MD. I think out of this list my favourites are Squid Game and Doctor Who :3 I got a tardis blanket for Christmas !!

Links

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/user/31wyfkzcto4d5ejgl5vrcabkhrge?si=da8cceace9c94007

Pin - https://pin.it/40BWRGv9t

Spacehey - https://spacehey.com/theangelshavethephonebox

Fun Facts

I tried to learn both Organ and Saxophone b4 finding my one true love (guitar)

Ive been a girl kisser since i was 9 years old

My longest writing project is currently 31k words !!

l'm literally a purebred Australian, my dads side have literally been here since colonisation, i mourn having culture every day

HUGE THRIFTER, more then half my clothes are second hand, thrifted or from my lovely mother :3

Massive fan of Graffiti but i'm a tad bit of a pussy, i'm like that for most things, finding out and knowing how to do things or by passing rules but never doing it because i'm too scared

anyways thats it, yeah that's it i got tired, i may add to this, anyways byeee 😽😽

Ok, so I have feelings and I need to express.

Ok, so, Kitty Pryde, AKA Katherine Anne Pryde, started in the Claremont era of X-Men. When I first saw her, I was immediately obsessed. I've always liked the X-Men because of what they represent, but haven't gone too far in because X-Men is usually pretty dark and depressing. But I, a little ten year old Jewish girl, came across Kitty right when I was starting to get unsure of who I was. And then here was this hero, aroundy age, who acted like me, looked like me, and believed in the same God I did. When I read the holiday issue I was so excited because they had included Kitty in her traditions. They had a chanukiah (the holiday menorah) and they explained the traditions and it wasn't just a chanukiah thrown in the corner of a panel. I felt so seen. Then they started to go dark. I don't know when, because like I said, I am woefully confused with the current X-Men timelines, but they started to turn her into this assassin. They gave her tattoos(which, btw, the Torah has always been against tattoos and Kitty has mentioned before her distaste for them...) They have her killing, which is so far from the kitty I found, the kitty I idolized. She never killed, she was snarky and smart and strong and she was friends with killers and accepted them but SHE NEVER KILLED. Because she was 13! And she grew up around Logan and they got so close and it was always that she knew what he did, so she let him do the killing and she got the info. Just because you say she was upset about it doesn't erase both the actual act and the complete and utter character assassination. This, to me, is about the same as giving Batman(Bruce Wayne's Batman specifically) a gun. It's wrong. Also, they gave her a cool ass look, made me have hope she was gonna have a dope ass pirate look (which totally fits the Jewish theme, the amount of Jewish pirates is kind of astounding. If anyone wants a separate post on that let me know please:]) and then I read some panels and they gave her the sick coat... And a fucking unitard. A corset belt. With a unitard. She went from this:

To this:

It's like. Bruh. The hell is that?! Talk about a downgrade! Also, that quote, in the panel? I *know* that Logan would be so upset at this because of how the two of them interact. They either have a older-younger sibling relationship, or it's parentally mentor-mentee. Either way, Logan never wanted Kitty to kill, and it sickens me to see this. That's all, sorry for the rant

Confessions Of Memories. | • 4.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Mine never wanted me.

My father is something of a dead myth, and my mother was a criminal.

A perfect upbringing for me really.

Li Jing looked to the unfinished diary entry, the words burning through her pupils. Her eyes constricted, as she cradled herself, shoving it away with her foot. She scrunched her raven strands in her fist, as she chewed on her lip.

XXXX

My dream got eaten last night..

But I'm recovering.

"Xiao wasn't responsible, was he?" She sighed, to no-one in particular.

That was the truth. The secret that she so desperately needed to tell him. To at least chip away at his guilt- even slightly - wasn't possible. He would never know, because she would never tell him.

XXXX

I don't want to stay with her.

The page lay unfinished.

The next week after the entry, Li Jing was alone.

Loneliness plagued her life without hesitance. She dragged herself through a path that only led to more loss. Yet if she stopped, she would betray her mother. Being loyal to her mother was the only thing she needed.

She wished.

Li Jing shuffled to the door, quiet as she looked to the dawn that was illuminating him. Xiao was perched there, like his usual self. His breaths paced, body stiffly stuck in one place. She sat beside him, watching the sun glide over the debris of the moon.

"You really need to relax sometimes." She glanced at him.

"Hmph. And where's the time for that? Liyue isn't a place for rest."

"Then where is?"

Xiao hummed, looking to her arms. Her arms, were probably warm. But they had also probably forgotten him.

"Well what about you then?"

"History doesn't rest, so I can't either."

"Promise me you'll rest." His eyes clicked with her own, his tone soft.

"I'll keep the promise if you rest as well."

"Fine."

He leaned forward. He hesitated. With her eyes screwed shut, a soft warmth was pressed to her head, his sleeve dragging across the wood as he retracted. Li Jing's cheeks flushed, as her heart was pierced with ache once more.

"What are you guys doing?" The Traveller looked up to them, sleepy and worn with leftover fatigue. Xiao arched his brow, gracefully landing infront of the Traveller. Li Jing took the stairs down.

She linked arms with the Traveller, leading them away from him.

"The book you picked wasn't easy."

"Why?"

"The memories of the author are dead. None of their memories were clear."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I'll need to meet this village's historian."

She brushed her hair rapidly, taking her two hairpins out of her side pocket.

"Who gave you those hairpins?"

"These? Oh."

"One is from Xiao."

Her face flushed red with fever. Days were blurring together as she looked to the outside, which had a quiet pond. The only thing keeping the days apart was Xiao.

His eyebrows were furrowed. Xiao leaned closer, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her head. Her eyes were heavy with fatigue, the cold cloth on her head slightly aiding her.

"Get well soon, please." He murmured, placing a hairpin in her hand.

She held his hand, a soft smile glazing her face.

"The other is from my best friend."

The summer sun was set on the water, as they padded through the sand, their arms gritty with wet sand. She paused, dirting her dress as she searched for an item.

"Mei your dress!"

" My mom doesn't care. Here! I got us matching hairpins! "

"What'd she look like?"

"I can't remember."

-

"I remember you! You must be the village historian?" Li Jing quipped.

"Yes, it's an honour to meet someone who has been documenting for centuries."

Her chest creaked with unease. She looked at his dark eyes, chuckling lightly.

"You knew the author?"

"Quite well actually. She passed on just a decade ago."

"I hoped she lived well."

"She did, being the great- granddaughter of Honghui. "

"Honghui?"

"I'm going to marry Hui! "

"You're only ten!"

Mei huffed, crossing her arms.

"True love doesn't wait, does it?"

"I can't believe she's dead. She was only 18!"

"Honghui is so distraught, he won't even leave his study."

"Yeah, he's an old name now. His tale is quite sad- moving on, you needed information for the book?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Make yourself at home."

"I'll be leaving in fifteen minutes, it's really not necessary."

She shuffled, tucking her sleeves to her side. The man glanced at her, his eyes lingering on her. Li Jing let her eyes fall to the table.

"No need to rush."

-

Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's us—attracting a certain kind of people.

I’m tired of meeting the same people in different bodies.

Y'know if you really think about it "i love meat" and "i love nuts" are the same thing.

But also the opposite.

I Read the Highest and Lowest Rated Books I Own

2/21/25 

I love buying books more than I love reading them. The oldest books on my shelf are from middle school, and some of those elite remain unread. In October I had a realization - if I continued to read and buy books at my current rate, then by the time I die I will have accumulated thousands of books, having only read a rough ten percent of that collection. To combat this issue, I donated several books and started reading more intently. I enjoy perusing BookTube and a recent trend has been uprising, a challenge where a reader finds the lowest-rated book and the highest-rated book in their library and reads them back to back. 

I was enthralled by this concept! I had so many books in my library that sat unread for years. What would be the lowest-rated book, and what would be the highest-rated? How would they compare? I rummaged through my library, cataloging every book, and then with my complete list, I scrambled to Goodreads to see the results. I cataloged my collection in October and at the time the lowest-rated book on my shelf was Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker with an average star rating of 3.35. The highest rated book in my collection was Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman with an average of 4.53. I was excited to dive into the challenge, but school got in the way and I hit a depressive slump in November (I wonder why that was). 

By the time January came around I was excited to complete the challenge. Only I now had more books in my library that I got over Christmas. If I were a normal person, I would have just read the original two I had selected and called it a day. But I enjoy intense suffering, so after cataloging my new books I returned to Goodreads with not-so-surprising results. 

The highest-rated book in my library was now The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson with an average of 4.67 and the lowest-rated book was now Stones to Abbigale by Onision with an average of 1.87. If you know any information about these two books or these two authors, you know how they contrast each other. 

I hear the name Brandon Sanderson a lot in writing circles. He’s known for his writing courses and his stellar fantasy novels. People I know and trust rave about him, so he’s been on my TBR for a while now. The Way of Kings is the first Sanderson novel I have ever obtained and this particular copy happened to be 1250 pages long. Onision is famous for other reasons. Onision, or Gregory James Daniel, or James Jackson, depending on where you look, is a disgraced YouTuber who has been accused of grooming children and sexual assault. I’m not well versed on the controversy, but his books have made the rounds on BookTube and are infamously bad. Like Sanderson, I had never read Onision’s work, but the 1.87 rating scared me. The Goodreads user base tends to be very kind with their reviews. To find anything below 3 stars is very concerning. 

Stones to Abbigale by Onision

This novel is about a teenager named James who falls in love with his classmate, Abbi. In terms of plot, there’s not a lot else going on. Instead of a typical narrative, James stumbles from one plot point to another without real motivations or goals. Even events that should hold weight, such as a school shooting, feel arbitrary and meaningless. The only thing James thinks about is Abbi. James has no interesting traits, despite being told by the author how many good qualities James has, and despite every character riding his dick for the majority of the novel. You got James’s mom who lets him do whatever he wants, Abbi who exists just so James can save her and feel good about himself, Davis who is secretly in love with James, Jason the school bully who hates James but respects him nonetheless, and his teachers who worship the ground he walks on. 

This book is insulting on so many levels. Very real and horrible subjects are shoe-horned in to make the novel feel serious but are handled with the conception of a pre-teen edge lord, the characters are laughably unbelievable, the narrative is pretentious, and eighty percent of the novel is dead weight. It’s hard to justify some plot points when you have characters to sympathize with. But none of these characters were likable, the main character had no goal, no motivations, and no character arc, and the majority of the novel was crammed with trivial plot points that didn’t matter. Why did I read this? I thought, after finishing it. What was the point? Why did Onision write it? What was this novel trying to convey? What was it trying to do? Because it left me stunned, irritable, and unsatisfied. 

At one point I was so frustrated I ripped a page out of the book, crumpled it, threw it in the toilet, pissed on it, and flushed it. I sent an explicit text message to my sister afterward describing this event, only to discover I accidentally texted a high-strung conservative Christian relative of mine. Nothing good comes from this goddamn book. Had I not been reading it for a blog post, I would have DNF’d 20 pages in. 

I didn’t write much about Stones to Abbigale in this post. Part of that is because I finished the novel over a month ago and the details aren’t fresh in my mind. The bigger reason is that I was so inflamed with hatred I gave Stones to Abbigale a separate blog post, which you can read here for a more comprehensive review. 

Score: 0 Stars

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson 

I have a love/hate relationship with fantasy novels. They are so easy to screw up, and my first venture into the fantasy realm left me so scarred I didn’t read another fantasy novel for years. At the same time, I heard a lot of buzz surrounding Sanderson, so I entered the Way of Kings cautiously stoked. 

The novel takes place in a land called Alethkar five years after the assassination of the former king Gavilar by a mysterious people called the Parshendi. Now the two lands are at war across the Shattered Plains and the novel switches between three main narrators, Kaladin, Shallan, and Dalinar. Kaladin is a former surgeon’s apprentice and soldier but is now branded a slave, forced to carry bridges from plateau to plateau for the war effort. Shallan is a young girl whose father died, leaving Shallan and her brothers in immense debt. To combat this debt and prevent the desolation of her family, Shallan seeks to become the ward of Jasnah, the daughter of the late King Gavilar, and the sister of the new king, Elhokar. Shallan plans to rob Jasnah of a mystical object called a soulcaster and use it to generate new wealth for her family. Dalinar is the brother of Gavilar and the advisor of King Elhokar, his nephew. Dalinar is studying the ancient texts referred to as the Way of Kings and is also plagued with visions he doesn’t fully understand. Because of this, many question his power, and Dalinar must watch his back very closely if he is going to unite Alethkar and end the war. 

This book is complicated and long. If that’s not your vibe don’t pick this one up. I have the attention span of a gnat, so when reading long books I have to hit them hard and fast before my attention wanes and I move on to something else. I find this isn’t typically a fault of the novel itself, I have experienced this several times with some of my favorite books. With the Way of Kings, I sometimes read 200 pages in one day, while some days I read nothing. I managed to finish the novel within a month. I found my attention draining in the third quarter of the story. 

The Way of Kings is well flushed out but it takes a long time to get from plot point to plot point. Sometimes the slow pace felt necessary and other times I questioned it. Kaladin’s flashback chapters were interesting but how necessary were they? The interlude chapters partially confused me. Having finished the book, I don’t believe the interlude chapters contributed much outside of Szeth’s chapters, as I believe Szeth will contribute a larger role in the next book. I went back and forth on it, but now I know the pace is adequate, however, if you’re into shorter novels please look elsewhere. 

I liked Shallan and Kaladin’s perspectives more than Dalinar’s. Dalinar’s storyline was interesting and important to the overall story, but compared to the other two narrators it was hard to care much about him. Shallan and Kaladin are more desperate because they aren’t royalty, and much of the story focuses on how little power they have and why they struggle with their inner and outer obstacles. Dalinar’s story pales in comparison. 

I will say this book has the same problem that many fantasy and sci-fi novels have; the world-building is so complicated that it can sometimes get confusing. I’m still not entirely sure I understand who the Heralds were or where Shards came from, which is more my fault than the story’s, but I thought I would mention it so any potential readers know that this is a dense, slow-paced novel. 

That being said, I loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed the first half, the third quarter dragged a bit, but the final act of the novel left my jaw on the floor. The spine of this novel was so cracked that pages were spilling out. I was jumping up from my chair, mouth agape, my mind reeling. I paced my house in between chapters trying to digest what the fuck just happened before diving back in. Trying to explain the ending to the uninitiated is like trying to explain Avengers Endgame to someone who has never seen a Marvel movie. 

I have to take a break from this series because it’s so dense, but I will be returning for the sequel with a vengeance. This book is thoughtful and patient and the final act made all the waiting worth it. My rating would be higher, but I deducted points for the third quarter where my attention was burning away like a candle wick. 

Score: 4.5/5 Stars

It was wild to go from one of the worst shortest books I’ve ever read to the most wild and dense. You should do the same with your library, but maybe don’t overcommit like I did. Have fun!

Rick Stepp (irresponsibleink@gmail.com)

i have a teacher kinda like this and i feel like she’s under appreciated

To the hero professors

So, I’m taking U.S. History one and two over the summer at my community college, and the professor is this older white man. Naturally, this is history, and my first assumption walking in to the class is that I’m gonna be stuck listening to this guy drone on for two months of boredom. Great.

Within the first five minutes I knew I was wrong. So, so wrong.

“I don’t want you to be stuck memorizing dates,” he says. “I want you to know the story, the people, the conditions and reactions so that maybe we can all learn from past mistakes.” I was baffled. A history class that doesn’t require you to be able to rattle off dates? Not only that, there’s no homework and we don’t have to read the text book. The only things that are going to be on the test are things that come straight out of his mouth during class. He introduces himself, and proceeds to go around the room and greets every person one at a time. He will do this every day for the rest of the summer one and two semesters.

Then the lecture begins. I say lecture, but it feels more like story time in kindergarten. He begins to speak with such prose and personality that I forget this is a college course. He’s taken something that has so much potential to be mundane and turned it in to a book that I can’t put down. You bibliophiles know what I’m talking about. And then this glorious fucker ends the class in a mid-sentence cliffhanger.

Every class he carries on this way. It feels as if I’m there. Signing the Declaration, fighting against brothers in the Civil War, listening to FDR’s fireside chats, storming the beaches of Normandy… And he remains unbiased. He wants to make sure we see there’s two sides to every story; understand the conditions that lead to those reactions.

We took a test today, a week from our final exam. He goes around the room in his usual affable fashion, but rather than just ask how we’re doing, today he asks if there’s anything he can do for us. Most folks like myself say something along the lines of nothing, or I’m good. This girl next to me jokingly says, “You can buy me a coffee.”

“How much is it?” He asks.

“About five dollars.” She answers.

And without hesitation, this professor, this wonderful man with a love of teaching, and a love of his students, pulls out a fucking twenty dollar bill, hands it to her and just says “Go get your coffee, and bring me the change.” Then continues on his way like it’s nothing.

And it may be nothing. Maybe I’m blowing something small out of proportion. But in a world where it feels as if every class is just dragging you along in the gravel behind it, and the professors seem to just be going through the motions; to see someone actually do something kind and ask nothing in return is so refreshing and uplifting.

I don’t know. Maybe this is just a boring shit post, but I really needed to share my appreciation for this hero of a teacher. A teacher who after over 30 years of teaching is still happy with what he does.

tl;dr: Some teachers leave a long lasting impact on your life; change the way you think, the way you see the world. Appreciate them for what they are. The unsung heroes of a failing education system.

“Hell is eternal apartness”

- Harper Lee, Go Set A Watchman

Man, everything is just harder, yet easier at the same time nowadays, huh?

Since the quarantine started where I am, things are... Confusing, to say the least. I didn't think I could be any more stressed, but I was apparently wrong.

Big shocker.

I thought I wasn't able to have any more weight on my shoulders of all my school work, just piling up more and more. (Sophomore year of highschool: not really a nice experience if you're in my position.) Again, I was wrong. If anything, it's probably a lot worse.

Big surprise.

Hell, even heating up something for breakfast is harder for me to handle in the morning. I somehow failed the simplest task.

What can I say? I guess my insomnia, ADHD, and me not being a morning person all just sorta teamed up on me. (Small, brief explanation: the schools in my school district have been doing this thing where they send out buses to give out food to anyone that needs it. That's where I got the doughnut.)

All throughout the weekdays, I'm sat at my dining room table, sitting opposite of my dad who has his own setup for his job. That's both an okay thing and a bad thing. I love my dad, I really do, but having to be across the table from him to do my school work? Yeah, he's a total dork and as much as I enjoy him being a goofball, his constant meetings and his randomness is distracting. Not as distracting as my mom, younger brother, and little sister, though.

Mom has a short temper and not necessarily enough patience to work with my sister to make her get her school work done. Every now and then, I can hear Mom yelling at my sister for messing around instead of working or acting like she doesn't know how to answer a problem. Not to mention that if the two kids get all of their work done, my brother is either in his room watching anime (something he picked up from yours truly) or out in the living room where my sister hangs out. Usually, if that's the case, they typically argue, roughhouse, or something else that includes the two being loud and obnoxious.

Just another reason I don't get all my assignments done and turned in on time.

I've been trying to get a break over weekends, playing video games, just lazing around the house, and chatting and role-playing via text with my girlfriend. It helps, a lot, but not well enough.

I still have chores and things I have to do all the time. Dishwasher, litter box, the ever growing disaster mine and my sister's bedroom is, the pile of clothes on the floor in our room that I need to get put away, but either forget or am too busy, and last, but DEFINITELY not least, the piles and piles of work I have to get done. Even so, I have at least ONE thing I THINK I can look forward to:

My birthday is coming up.

The nice thing is that the whole "social distancing" thing was lightened up enough to (from what my parents have told me) allow gatherings of up to 15 people..... I think...

But, as nice as that is, my birthday is in the middle of the week, last I checked.

On the 9th of June, I can look forward to turning 16 and possibly getting to see multiple friends at once, but I also have classes that particular day. Fun..

Well, I mean, on the bright side, my mom likely wouldn't want my 16th birthday to end up not being well spent since she hadn't had that when she had her's.

All in all, this quarantine has been both a good and bad thing in my case. Not to mention my distancing from my girlfriend helped not just myself, but both of us both to discover a lot more about our sexualities.

I knew I was demisexual and pansexual, but it turns out that I'm also polyamorous, which is honestly hard to explain how I did, but that's a story for another day... For the longest time, my girlfriend always thought she was panromantic and apothysexual, but because of the distancing between us, she found out that she was a (hardcore) lesbian.

Who would've thought that all it took to find out that much more about ourselves was a quarantine and not being able to see each other very much?

"Exploring a new case" by existentialcrisis011 on Wattpad is now complete. Check it out

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Exploring a new case

Guys!! I'm new to Wattpad. Please show me the love and support you've all shown to other authors. Thank you!! :)))) ...

I felt very similarly about the story. Of course it's not unusual for the archon quests to feel unsatisfying when it comes to connecting with most of the characters, it's basically designed to introduce you to them and give you the option to follow up with their story/hangout quest later.

But yes, I definitely feel like we didn't really get to get close with the characters enough, which is ironic given all of the filler haha. I think it would be interesting if the Traveler began to question their bonds with the people they meet because of their fame, but tbh I don't think they'd really allow the Traveler to question any kind of playable character that isn't a Fatui.

Going back to your points, I agree that Natlan didn't hit the same "peak" or "hype" as Fontaine. However! It's true that Natlan made me cry a lot more than Fontaine. I'd say that Fontaine was a cool and epic story, while Natlan is about tragedy and sacrifice. While they both have a theme about hope, they approach it with very different tones. And yes, there are very sad moments in Fontaine, but I think the ones in Natlan were more relatable. That's why although the end battle in Natlan wasn't as thrilling as I expected, I don't think that it means the overall story was bad.

I also wanted to add something else that was great about the Natlan quest, the way it demonstrated the bond with Paimon and her separation anxiety. Every moment with her felt sweet and truly like we had been friends for as many years as we've known her irl. They could never get me to hate u Paimon <3

Additionally, Capitano perfectly encapsulated what somebody with a strong sense of honor looks like. It's a mixture of self-sacrificing, stubbornness, and deep respect for all life around them. I LOVE characters with strong honor, it's a trope that I'm kind of sad has faded over time. [Tbh it's kind of weird that I don't like Kazuha more, he's also a man of honor.]

Overall, I don't mind seeing harsher criticisms of the story. I could probably look back at my reactions in my servers and remember parts that I genuinely disliked, but I'd rather hear other people's thoughts. (Sidenote: once saw somebody who did a bad faith review on the final Natlan story, like...homie you had to have spent weeks of your life to get to this point in Genshin, why did you do this to yourself 😭 they made some good points but the vibes were atrocious haha.) Like with every new region, I had a good time after the first version, especially with all of that fascinating lore!

Friendship is magic, and buddy, I could kill an eldritch horror. <- the Traveler probably

Natlan review time!

Finished the Natlan AQ and Idk how to explain it but Natlan is the only nation where I grew an attachment to the nation itself rather than any one particular character in general.

One thing I liked about this nation is that despite the fact that like Fontaine, a plan to save the nation was already in place before the Traveler arrived there, however, unlike Fontaine, it didn't make the Traveler's presence feel like a passerby or a member of the audience.

It felt like their decisions and their contributions mattered. That the praise they received by the characters and npcs in Natlan was actually earned rather than glazing the MC just to make players feel important.

I think a consequence of Natlan being so late into the game (second last to Snezhnaya) is that they needed to shove as many answers about Teyvat and start tying all the plot points together to set up the endgame, which lead to not enough time spent on the main cast of characters.

The key theme of "No one fights alone" actually feels like it means something, and they actually live up to that and you get to see the contributions of the other characters, and not just the playable ones in your final fight with the abyss. Makes your victory feel earned.

I feel like people comparing it to Fontaine shouldn't really be doing it. It's not a fair comparison cause Natlan isn't going for the same thing as Fontaine did. They're two different stories, if they just did rehash of Fontaine it'd just be boring.

Natlan didn't reach the emotional highs that Fontaine did, but that's fine because not every nation needs to be an emotional sobfest. It's okay, to have a happy/hopeful ending sometimes.

(Although ngl Capitano's sacrifice got me a little teary eyes. MY GOAT!)

At the end of the day Natlan was about humanity coming together to fight against impossible odds and finding hope to continue fighting for a better tomorrow. Which they succeeded in conveying.

People will call the "power for friendship" thing corny, but imo y'all are just miserable and bitter. Cause fuck what all of you say, cause humans coming together to support each to defeat an godlike entity is hype as hell!

Truly the shounen arc of Genshin Impact.

Overall Natlan's AQs gets a solid 9.5/10 from me.

*ACENDS* BRO. THIS IS AMAZING! CANT WAIT FOR CHAPTER 3!!!!

Cedric is honored by the royal family beyond anything he could have imagined. But just when things couldn't be better, a familiar threat emerges...

@bettathanyou @moonypears-blog @fantadym (You guys are the best).

I've recently been replaying V3 and writing down like every line of diolouge that I see through an important lens(Because I have an unhealthy obsession with this goddamn game and I know like everything about it)

And it really bothers me how like every line of diolouge outside of trials or just any line that isn't fully voiced gets forgotten, Because it leads to so many relationships between the characters being overlooked or mischaracterized to hell and back

The biggest example is Maki and Kokichi's dynamic

Everyone in the fandom says they hate each other without even bothering to listen to each other. That Maki would try to kill him the second he steps into her line of sight. That Maki was always looking for an excuse to kill him

When it's so aggravatingly wrong.

Maki was mad at him for revealing her talent and putting her in harms way(Keep in mind, Before this, Maki thought of him in the exact same light as everyone else) but this only lasts maybe a day or so in canon or just one chapter at most. Because in the post trial of chapter 3...

This scene happens. And you can perfectly see that Maki talks calmly to him and promises HIM to his FACE. That she's going to work till everyone(Which includes him) can trust her And she would NOT say any of that if she hated him You can also tell Kokichi was genuinely surprised by this, You can tell by the sprite he uses(He only ever stops like that when he's surprised or being honest) Because he's perceived Maki as a cold blooded killer who would snap on him(Trying to kill him) by the slightest teasing word.(Which, ironically, Is how a lot of the fandom perceives her) And he perceived her that way because of his belief that murder is the worst thing a person can do(And he automatically sees people who've committed it as heartless killers until proven wrong, Which surprises him because he obviously doesn't see it often) But this perception of her is false and he learns this first hand when she replies calmly to him, Making a promise, and I can't stress this enough, TO HIS FACE she's gonna fix things between them so he can trust her even if she's an assassin Right after this he makes a comment to cover up the fact he was surprised and keep up the mask he's been playing on the whole game, But honestly I feel like his view on Maki has shifted in some way. Because we already know he hates her JOB and maybe this just helped him separate the sin from the sinner(per say) I will not deny Maki hated him in chapter five though, But that's only because he 1. Kidnapped Kaito And 2. Said he was the mastermind(Which Maki believed) But she would've hated anyone if they did that(Even someone like Shuichi) so it really isn't singled out on him. And I will also admit before this, Still in chapter five, she was angry at him and suspicious of him(Because he was now making promises to kill people if stuff didn't get interesting), But, Again. It isn't singled out on him. TLDR: Maki didn't hate Kokichi until she thought he was the mastermind, And Kokichi hated her job but was able to separate her from it

we were never meant to be permanent

not in

mortality

so the story behind this, today, is that I got emotionally attached to a class I only have for three months ish. that's college for you.

and we came to the end of our time together today sitting around a table, slamming markers and gatorade down in a game in Portuguese I felt so content even knowing it was coming to an end even with the primal fear of someone aboard a speed train about to reach the end of the track one day, it will be permanent but not in this life I will see you all again on the other side Even if I never see you again in this mortal life

It comes down to the principle of Gatorade. That's what I call it because I remember a time when I was a kid that Gatorades were a prize. You could only obtain them by playing soccer because the other kids' soccer moms would bring Gatorade and CapriSun and all those glorious things your parents didn't get for you. Basically, you can't have one Gatorade forever. Makes sense, right?

But what if you could make a Gatorade last forever? What if you were in that one glorious moment forever? The sun shining off the thick clouds in the late golden hour, illuminating the greens and blues in the mountains around, the wind your best friend so exhilarating, the satisfaction of completing a soccer game you loved not for anything in particular other than the fact that you were outside and alive and proving yourself alive and you have a Gatorade.

Make that moment last forever. Now, what do you lose?

Years from now, you'll be at a movie night with friends. You will be scrunched between two people you love on a couch, or maybe curled cozily into a corner, or marinating in a beanbag with a super soft blanket. The movie is the greatest movie you've ever seen and it's only augmented by being cozy with true friends. One day you will finally achieve that skill you spend years trying to perfect. One day you might even learn to cook. You'll meet someone new a thousand times, then a million times. You'll even get to meet the same person again and again if you try. There will be so many people that come and go in your life. So many hobbies and loves and passions and YouTube recommendations.

You will change as a person and maybe you will be scared to. Maybe you'll long for the comfort and safety and glory of the Gatorade in the fresh air.

But if you remain there forever, you will never meet your best friend. You will never have that cozy movie night and never accomplish that tricky thing. You will never encounter so many things to love. TV show or drawing styles or color palettes or characters or songs. You're going to make an awesome PowerPoint one day. Would you give that up for the Gatorade you've already had?

As mortal beings we are confined to a timeline. Time-bound. Afterwards, though, we'll get to be whole, and let me tell you time isn't a problem for God. We'll get to remember each moment of joy we got to have down here on earth. We'll get to live each of them all at once if we want, and be with everyone we love all at once, forever, and I know I'm a mortal and probably butchering this description of what comes next because heck it I've not been there yet but that's sort of what it'll be like.

It's possible for everything we want to be permanent to be permanent in eternity. That's the point of eternity. That is not the point of mortality. The point of mortality is to do many things, experience many things, keep moving.

(As for the loved ones who stay in your life? They change, too, and that's beautiful.)

We were never meant to be permanent in mortality. The permanence comes later.