Latest Posts by houseofashesbrainrot - Page 2

Rachel: Why is it that men look so peaceful when they're asleep? Like they aren't actively ruining my life when they're awake?

Salim: Sleep is just death being shy, and no man can hate a woman when he's dead.

Rachel: What the fuck.

Jason: Hey, Rachel, have you seen Goncharov?

Rachel: No, what's Goncharov?

Nick: Oh, only my favorite Scorcese movie!

Joey: It's so good, ma'am.

Rachel: Alright, I'll put Goncharov on my list.

Jason: You do that, Rachel.

Rachel: How do you spell it?

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

Jason: Hey, Nick, quick question. How much is 256 multiplied by 24?

Nick: Do I look like a calculator to you?

Jason: 

Joey:

Merwin:

Nick, sighing: 6,144.

Nick: Are you gonna go talk to Eric?

Rachel: If he really wants to talk to me, he can come to my room. On his hands and knees.

(Zain slinking in after a night out)

Salim: What did you have?

Zain: Two glasses of lemonade and, like, five mints... :(

Salim: Go to bed.

Zain: Yes sir.

Jason: They should have a great American bake-off.

Salim: What would they bake, machine guns??

Rachel: We don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: My tinctures?

Rachel: No, I said we don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: Oh, I thought you said tinctures.

Rachel: Why the FUCK would I say tinctures???

Jason: The alphabet is somewhere between 25-27 letters.

Nick: Oh yeah, it used to be 28 but they got rid of some letters due to budget cuts.

Jason, counting on his fingers: No, yeah, it's 26.

Nick: THAT WASN'T A BIT?!?!?!?

Zain: Is 37 a prime number, Jason?

Jason, trying to help with his homework: Fuckin... I'm a marine!!!!

Salim: My body is a temple.

Jason: Open to anyone...?

Nick: Aw, no batteries :(

Eric: Aw, what were you gonna do?

Nick: Shine a really bright flashlight in your eyes...

Salim: Jason, what is your favourite book?

Jason: Favorite book? ...Do Kim Kardashian's tweets count?

Salim: ...No.

Rachel: Want to take a stab at being social?

Clarisse: I do like stabbing.

Nick: Jason, you're obviously on some sort of non-vampire related self-discovery journey right now, and as your friend, I'm going to pull out my best tools to help you.

Nick: *opens new tab and types "am I gay quiz" into the search bar*

Nick: C’mon, Jason. Why do you not like Eric?

Jason:

Jason: Have you ever met a man and it’s so obvious that no one in his life has ever told him to shut the fuck up?

Rachel:

Salim:

Nick, shrugging: Valid.

Jason: ARE YOU-

Rachel: Fucking.

Jason: KIDDING ME? YOU-

Rachel: Fucking.

Jason: IDIOT!

Nick: What was that?

Rachel: Salim bet Jason couldn't stop swearing for a week, so I’m helping him out.

Zain, reading a book Jason gave him: Baba, what's a brothel?

Salim, after a long pause: It's a place where they make soup.

Rachel: Is that a hickey?

Jason: No, It's a mosquito bite.

Salim, walks in: Hello, good morning.

Rachel: Hey, mosquito.

Salim: I'm going to take a shower, you want to join me?

Jason: I keep a gun in the drawer under my bunk. If I ever say no to that question I want you to shoot me with it

Hey y’all, fun fact if you didn’t know, I wrote a fic like ages ago where Salim moves to London, so... if you wanna check that out it’s linked below<3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35081476/chapters/87385063

Jason: why do the vampires keep trying to kill us?

Salim: maybe they’re homophobic 

Jason: we’re not gay, Salim

Salim: we're not???

Salim: you often use humor to deflect trauma

Jason: thank you!

Salim: that is not a good thing.

Jason: what i’m hearing is you think i’m funny

Nick: What's your favorite color?

Rachel: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.

Nick: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Rachel: My favorite color is blue.

Jason: sticks and stones may break my bones-

Salim, nodding solemnly: but chains and whips excite me.

Jason, wheezing: nO! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Jason: I don’t think Rachel is very happy with you

Eric: why do you think that?

Jason, reading Eric’s phone: “Dear Eric, I hope this message finds you before I do.”

Rachel: now, Eric, I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye on things, but i need you to be prof-

Eric: It’s because you’re short

Rachel:

Eric:

Eric, sweating: I take it back

Nick in the caves: I have to admit, I am not living la vida loca

Salim: no i’m not tired of being nice, yes i still just wanna go apeshit, these things can coexist, stop asking me

Jason: alright, listen up you little shits

Jason: not you, Salim, you’re an angel and i’m glad you’re here