Recently, On June 5th, I Turned 40. This Is An Age I Don’t Mind, And Quite Excited About. I Thought
Recently, on June 5th, I turned 40. This is an age I don’t mind, and quite excited about. I thought my 30s was quite exceptional. It made me feel whole and alive that decade. It healed me from my 20’s where I was quite broken and lost. So at age 40 and on, I hope to find more of myself.
Now I know I haven’t updated my tumblr in more than ages, but I’m more of a creeper than a writer that cuts out different letters from magazines and sends it to the lead investigator kind of gal, but I’ve been busy.
I’m married now and have a frickin 4 year old boy! I’m a boy mom! I just want to sit on a bench under the tree for some damn shade!
So, back to my age. When I was 29, I thought I couldn’t possibly make it to 30. I thought I’d cease to exist. I didn’t actually think I’d die or anything, just that some celestial being would just pluck me from existence. So when I hit 30, that morning I felt strange, I was ready for something to happen, only nothing happened.
The only thing that happened was that I got reacquainted with an old friend, who became my boyfriend, who became my fiancé, who became my husband, who became the father of our child.
I used to question why I was so happy. I would subscribe to the saying, “this too shall pass.” Though poetic, was damaging to me.
Now I ask myself, “why not?” Why not be happy? Why not feel love? Why not be hopeful?
Anyway, I’m 40 now, and I’m excited!
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I am loved
and sometimes I don't know how to handle that feeling. His love for me is all encompassing, true, and beautiful.
For when she drew her last breath, giving up her soul, too tired to run anymore, he was there, taking her away, forever his, mind, body, and soul. He had made her.
Be careful, feminism is just another label people like to throw around and feel superior with. Just live your life and don't worry about it. Treat women the way you treat your phone; with care and intense fear of breaking. I could be wrong.
Destination: Self loathing
It's easy to lose yourself in isolation. With no one to keep you company but the weight of all you've done and the proof of it in front of you as a constant reminder as you look in the mirror. But everything must go back to normal, or as normal as possible as you gather yourself to face the day. You may be screaming on the inside, but on the outside, you have to be alive and not grimace as you smile. I read somewhere, that if you smile, or make any kind of facial expression for 10 minutes or so, you'll become happy, or become sad. I don't know if I believe that or not, I don't want to try, but I do know that you'll become anything if you will it enough. It's easy to hide, it's easy to mask yourself, it's each to blend in if that's what you want to do, and it's okay. There's no written law that says, "War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength." Unless, this is George Orwell's 1984, and if it is, we should all kill ourselves. Destination: Self loathing, but maybe with a few sunny days ahead. Self isolation isn't always fun.
Do not go gentle into that good night; Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~ #DylanThomas #DownIsUp #UpIsDown #HilliardOhio #WhileWalking #Home
Life
I can't wait. Ugh. I think I know when my third one will be.
If a person has experienced just one episode of depression in their lifetime, there’s a 50% chance they will have a second. If that happens, they become 80% more likely to endure it a third time. Source
I’ve always thought she was classically beautiful.
Marilyn Monroe by Milton Greene, 1954
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hog-mage reblogged this · 10 months ago
