Overload...

This is so true. I believe people should do what they need to to feel more comfortable just existing. I wish I could use my aac app more often, but my parents refuse to believe that my speech issues are still as bad as they once where. I was nonverbal for over 7 years growing up and just recently been able to talk a little bit with my speaking voice but now it’s getting hard again. I don’t know why it’s hard again. I went to speech therapy for years and now that I’ve stopped it’s like everything is just getting worse.

I made a small set of communication cards to wear on a lanyard. It's nothing super fancy, just index cards with basic info and sentences on them.

I don't know if I'll ever need need them because I can usually force at least some words or short sentences out even when it's really hard. I'm not sure if what I have is severe enough to be considered selective mutism, or any other specific, diagnosable speech issue, because I can technically still talk a bit.

Still, I do have autism and anxiety that make verbal speech hard, and I'm tired of constantly pushing myself to speak. Just because I can talk doesn't mean it's easy for me, or easy for other people to understand. I find myself trying to avoid people in case they want me to talk. Often I have to stutter the same word or two several times before I can find the rest of the words needed to finish the sentence. I've broken down crying while trying to ask simple questions at school. My autism and anxiety are real and difficult even if they aren't "severe" enough to make it 100% impossible to speak.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to accommodate for oneself even if you don't need need it, or can technically survive without it. You don't deserve to suffer just to look normal or be more convenient for other people.

If AAC makes communication easier, even if you can technically speak, do it! If using a mobility aid would make it less painful to go places, even if you can technically walk, do it! If turning on subtitles helps you understand videos, even if you can technically make out some of the dialogue without them, do it! You shouldn't have to wait until you're completely unable to do whatever you need to do before you make it comfortable for yourself.

Unless you're literally ripping that disability aid from someone else's hands, you're not stealing resources from anyone. And you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're using disability aids. If someone else doesn't think you need it enough to deserve it, that's on them.

As an autistic person I do not identify with the “autism creature” meme. I am an autism monstrosity, I am an autism beast, I am even an autism horror.

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

Me, right after I get a new diagnosis: HA, I knew it! All those crappy doctors who told me I was faking it were WRONG! This is great news!

Me, several hours later when the news actually hits me: *sobs alone in my room*

Wait wait wait hold up.

Do neurotypicals not automatically look for patterns?? How?? It's so automatic what

Like for example, there's a item of clothing with flowers printed on it. Do neurotypicals not immediately try and find where the pattern repeats?

I spent years trying to figure out what the pattern was in the tiles in my bathroom.

I stared at someone's leopard print blanket for a good 5 minutes to find duplicate spots.

I genuinely cannot imagine a world where your brain doesn't do that.

Ok yeah bye 👍

being a teenager girl is actually livinghell

😂😂 explains my whole life...

My typical visit to an Art Store.

I’m out of canvas boards. I think to myself. 

Then follows a long, elaborate planning process. If I leave work by 6, I can rush to the art store on the way back, and still be home on time. The entire day is spent in a jittery excitement of getting my hands on those damn canvases.

It’s 6:05. I’m at the art store. Soaking in the beauty of my surroundings. I look at the canvases, and if someone observed closely, they would see me drooling. I resist picking up the largest one available, and modestly pick up what I had come for. Eight by tens. Yup, those are the ones I need. How many, you ask? As many as they’ve got in the store.

And then as I casually walk towards the billing counter, I can’t help but notice (because I’m seeking it out) the paint aisle. Didn’t I use up all my white paint!? I don’t recollect, but decide that I have, and pick up a tube. What about texture white? Yup, picked a jar. Oooh would you look at that beautiful turquoise? In the shopping basket.

As I decide that it’s time to leave, I remember that there are only a few blank pages in my travel sketchbook. Walking towards the sketchbook aisle is like opening a can of worms. I know what’s gonna happen, and yet I can’t resist it. Gotta pick up a tiny sketchbook that can fit into all of my purses. So, what do I do? I pick up an A3 watercolour block. Perfect. Oh would you look at that charcoal!? I think to myself, having never used charcoal successfully. I will now. Of course I will.

Three brushes, a painting palette and a set of pastels later, there I am, standing at the billing counter. My eyes glace at a beautiful display of writing pencils. These would be a perfect addition to the seven hundred pencils I already have. Forty five minutes later, I walk out with my bags heavier, my wallet lighter, and I’m smiling. Perfect.

i think all quiet on the western front and the lord of the rings are in direct conversation with each other, as in theyre the retelling of the same war with one saying here’s what happened, we all died, and it did not matter at all and another going hush little boy, of course we won, of course your friends came back

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe