Self Deprecation - Blog Posts

*Me taking care of myself and actually listening to my body's basic needs* Wow I actually feel great"

My mental illnesses and unhealthy habits:

thinking about how fiona's bit in the first shrek movie about how ogres are so ugly and unlovable, which is overheard by shrek, is the perfect example of how self-deprecation can really harm not only the people around you who love and care for you, but also people who share the same characteristics that you are mocking in yourself

That was me three hours ago, I wish I got stuck in traffic or got really lost and needed GPS. Work sucks, especially when you have to fake smile at everyone who enters. But the customer is always right.

You know, sometimes when life shows you your new job is close to a town your family lives in, take a chance and drive down that road. Take a moment to reflect and remember how life was back then compared to now. And if you want, play your tunes or the radio. Follow the road until you get to a point or where you need to go. There's no shame in driving down those familiar roads.

And if you can't drive yet or unable to, walk down the sidewalks and do the same thing in your neighborhood. You'll get the same feeling. How time has passed on and yet, you know the way to church or a relatives house. No shame in it.

A Bad Day Interrupted

A bad day, just like so many others lately. No matter how you tried, moments of actual contentment and joy never seemed to last quite long enough to be a mental break from everything. You have been severely depressed for little over a month, but it seems like you finally ran out of tears. Good, you hated making people worry about you.

Looking at the time on your phone, you are disappointed it isn't time to go home. Work isn't bad; the work is easily completed in time and you work with the nicest people you know. However, it is exhausting to consciously keep up the charade of being happy.

You are concerned for yourself. Nothing had happened, you just awoke one day and just been depressed since. On top of that, you are also anxious and self-abusing. Not physically, though the gnawing in your stomach reminds you that you are not eating as much as you probably should.

A lot of the abuse is mental; the thoughts in your head ripping you down to the lowest level of self-deprecation you have ever been. Words are weapons and they are inflicting so much pain.

You look at your phone as it buzzes. A message from your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whomever. Upon opening, it is a small video clip of a panda cub sitting on a rock. It sneezes so hard it topples over and you can't help but chuckle, smiling a genuine smile for the first time all day.

They knew you were going through personal issues and were helping you look for a good therapist. Everday, they would find ways to show thier love in addition to texts and saying so. You feel guilty but accepted the extra affection, reciprocating the affection as best as you could.

One day at a time, with the love of your life making sure you make it through.

Because you would and have done the same for them.

I go through lots of these moments and I hate to know that others go through this. I just want everyone to know that it does get better. It’s such a hard battle to fight but life is too beautiful to give up. You’re going to wake up one day and be genuinely happy with your life and all this will be a bad memory. I will always be in your corners and I’m here if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on. You’ve got this. I believe in all of you. Win this crazy battle called life❤️

everyday i wake up wishing i hadn't.