My Diary - Blog Posts

Día 11 Estoy cayendo en un hoyo de depresión, el vacio me llama otra vez.

Ésta es la única llamada de auxilio que voy a hacer.

Día 10

Evidencia que soy joven

Día 9

Desde que soy niña se esperaban cosas de mi. Los adjetivos "inteligente", "curiosa" y "extrovertida" eran aplicados a mi de manera constante. Crecí creyendo ser especial y el charco del que era reina me hacía sentir merecedora. Buenas calificaciones y un gusto por aprender y saber pasaron a ser segundo término, el primero era ser reconocida.

Pasé por momentos duros, situaciones en las que pensé que cualquier persona menos yo merecía eso. Cuando pasaba, era combustible para mi sensación de superioridad. Yo soy especial y necesito esta gran tragedia para serlo aún más. Era egocéntrica y con un gusto para lo dramático. Cuando la vida me tiraba, aquellos que esperaban cosas de mi, esperaban aún más.

No es divertido. La primera vez que te caes, duele y mucho. Pero los ánimos de otros te ayudan a disimular el dolor y seguir, y la segunda y la tercera...

Cuando has caído suficientes veces y todo te duele tanto, prefieres ser normal. Prefieres ser menos. Lo que sea con tal de que alguien te ayude a levantarte ésta vez. Llega un punto en que las manos te arden de tener que amortiguar tus caídas. Las lágrimas desprenden mugre sobre tu rostro. La vergüenza te baña.

Cuando caes, cuando sufres, cuando prefieres dejarte morir, entiendes. Ellos saben que TÚ tienes más capacidades. Las metas que te proponen, son a las que no llegan.

Ahora, respira y vive tus emociones del día a día. Decepcionar a esa gente lo suficiente, es la mejor cura para dejar de decepcionante. Ahora puedes tener metas propias, como tener calcetines bonitos todos los días.

sometimes I have the most brilliant thoughts and when I want to write them, I sound like a five year old.

RANDOM RANT!!

IS THIS FRUTIGER ON MY SCHOOL BOOK????? IN THIS ECONOMY?!?!?!?! (Ignore the text)

Also, me being TOOOOOOOOTALLYYYYY responsible and paying attention to class:3 /s

Best drawing ive ever did in my whole life holy cow

Im gonna put it to digital when i finish and put it as a art example for my everskies commissions frfr

おはよう！！！☆♪

This is my first post here! (And first time here too) (Getting to tumblr now? 2025?? In this economy??? /j)

I'm gonna try to be a blogger (as said on my description/bio) so I'm just gonna post my daily life and other stuff, and see where it gets me!

My instagram is @BasilzinBr too (basically every account i have has this name) but it's private(⁠ー⁠_⁠ー⁠゛⁠)

Sooooooo, to do as my purpose here says (blogger), I'm gonna tell how my day was!

Well uh, i maaaay have skipped school today, because the other car broke and we had to take my mom to her work, and i couldn't make it in time for school, BUT the breakfast in a nearby restaurant was awesome! (I didn't take any photos)

Then i made a school project, but that was lame so no photos!

Theeeeennn we (me and my dad) went to get my mom from her work! Now i have a loooot of photos! (That miiiiight've been the best gal/gyaru makeup I've ever done)

AND OMG LOOK AT MY LASHES I JUST CURLED THEM WITH MASCARA AND THE LASH CURLER (I can't put on fake lashes)

Also, random, but am i monolid or not? Because i genuinely don't know (kinda /rt)

Plus, have some photos of my dog and my lil birdie(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

And yeah! That was my day!

Tuesday, 20th July 2021

At night in quiet solitude of the passing day

I turn the yellowing pages of the waxing moon

Molten in a burning light to show its age

And cast in pooling stains of inky blue

It glows in flickers of a dying candle light

Wrapped in a purple wreath, delicately crowned

An encroaching darkness consuming the night

It dims its eyes to rest amongst the drowned

11th August 1888

The day I stay in “Asylum” after my “mama” adopted me. I though I’ve got mental illness, but I was wrong. It’s a secret place that I’ve never known - Hanako Mizuhara

Tomorrow I'm gonna starve

After tomorrow I'm gonna starve

The day after I'm gonna starve

In a few years I'll be dead

I almost got hospitalised, I'm on antidepressants, I don't live with my parents anymore but I love them more than ever... My brother helped me so much...

I met an adorable person, who has the same name as me...

I'm doing good, I'm feeling better

Nobody inspire me anymore

Yeah maybe I'm losing all my friends

What a fucking bad day

It started with a panick attack and ended with someone stealing my identity

What a joke

I feel that girls thinks I am ugly and it breaks my heart. I usually don't care if people find me ugly or not but sometimes, it makes me sad when I think about the fact that girls don't think I look good.

I know someone, who is a friend and we use to be close friends, when we talk together I get super anxious about almost every topic we talk about...

I try to avoid almost every topic... Like we can only talk about video games and very basic stuff otherwise I get anxious

Everything is so fucking disgusting and I'm sick of it, so sick of it... I wished I lived somewhere with only pure things, I wish I was safe

I wish I was as pure as I should be

I'm tired of living in a world that wants to hurt me so much

I don't want to be pretty, I want to hurt myself, I want to be pure, I want to feel safe, I want to disappear

The more I realise I'm not supposed to be here, the more hurt and lost I feel

It's 0:39 and I'm still working on fucking exercises I do not understand, I'm shaking because I don't have that much energy left, I want to throw up and I'm so angry after people who pretend to care about me but clearly don't

Shit, I'm starting to miss classes

Why there's no safe place for me ? Why do I have to face my fear everyday even if I try to avoid it ? It's everywhere, it's disgusting.

It's so sad to realize that my studies are the only thing that give me the strenght to wake up and go outside everyday... Like at this point my best friend is my master degree

I'm disapointed of myself for being on Tumblr during my derivatives course

Linving in this hypersexualised society is hell

Why the fuck do I exist ? I do not belong anywhere and no one seem to understand me, I do not have any goal, not a thing to achieve... I feel disgusted by the world around me and by myself... I deeply feel that I am not supposed to be in this world...

I don't really want to die, I just want to disapear... And to hurt myself

I'm a paradox

I wanted to look pretty for so long, then I realized it will not protect me at all, it will only make me closer to the danger... But at the same time I want to look at myself and see something pretty because beauty helps me to forget how impure I am and how gross everything is