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Lycanthropic Lesbianism - Blog Posts
Putting myself back out into the dating scene has reminded me of how scary the thought of coming out as nonhuman to others can be, and the thought of having to come out to a human partner has been giving me a decent bit of anxiety.
It's easy with friends, most just accept that there's something a little "not human" about me, whether that comes from being a furry or just a general vibe, they get it. I don't have to actually sit down and explain exactly what I am to them unless I really really want to. But it's different with a partner, someone I want to be in a serious long term relationship with. It isn't something I could just casually neglect to tell them, at least not forever. I've always been bad at hiding things about myself from others, having to keep my therianthropy a secret from someone Im in a serious relationship with would be next to impossible, not to mention emotionally exhausting. I would want them to know and embrace it, but I can't pretend like there isn't a possibility that wont happen. Coming out to partners in the past hasn't gone quite the way Ive would have liked, nothing bad, but it just ended up feeling like an unspoken taboo between us and it kinda made me feel like shit. Like it was something that they loved me in spite of.
Ideally I'd love to be with another alterhuman, but obviously that more than halves my available options which are already small to begin with on account of the whole being gay thing. Idk it just stresses me out, I wish I could feel comfortable being my full self around someone else, animal and all, but I don't think Im ever going to find someone who isn't a little weirded out by it unfortunately.
i think if a femme ever traced my collarbone with her finger and called me "dog" i would simply have no choice other than to implode in on myself
Being a lesbian and nonhuman at the same time feels.. strange.
Because, like, human girls are these absolutely stunning, almost unreal beings. They're beautiful beyond words, the kind of beauty that can only ever be conveyed through the careful plucking of guitar strings, or through a vibrant splash of paint against barren canvases. They hold the stars in their eyes and flecks of gold in their hair, as if the forces of the cosmos themselves hand crafted their forms. They're soft and gentle and warm, but also strong and fierce and an unbelievable force to be reckoned with. Once when I was young, I got caught outside during a tropical hurricane and was almost lifted into the air by the winds; that is the closest thing I can compare to the feeling of falling for a girl. They are everything that a human being should be and more.
And then, there I am. A beast. This.. thing that stalks the woods in the darkest hours of the night, with dirt coated matted fur and piercing amber gaze, unseen and uncomprehended by man. Constant yearning, hunger. For flesh, for bloodlust, for isolation and freedom, to be feared, to be whispered about in hushed tales around a withering campfire. The creature in the forest, didn't you hear? If it catches you alone on a full moon it will peel your skin away from your body with fangs the size of your palms. Stay close. Your measly pocket knife won't do much in its wake I fear. A wild, snarling thing that flinches beneath humanity's touch and rejects their "civility" in favor of the murmuring creek that sings old and long forgotten hymns to the ancient mountains above.
I know when they look at me they see one of them, a human with soft skin and kind eyes, a human who smiles at them and perhaps offers a passing compliment, a human who always tries to coax the timid street cat and watchfully steps around sidewalk slugs. A human. But that is not what I am, at least not in the way that they are. And when I look back at them, with my green eyes that I wished glowed amber, I can't help but wonder "How could someone so divinely human find companionship with something so desperately unhuman as me? How long until you realize the humanoid body you see before you is merely a flawed disguise? Will you still grasp my hand with fond affection when it warps into a mangled paw?"
You’re Having a Sleepover With All Your Friends and They’re All Talking About Boys Which Makes You Feel a Little Out-of-Place but You Don’t Say Anything Because You Don’t Want to Seem Weird or Ruin Their Good Time