Find your tribe in a Sea of Creativity
Once again, the failed prototype takes a backseat to its creator's magnum opus. That's how it always happens.
A frame, gifted to me for my birthday sat empty because I had no friends and no fun memories with which to fill it.
They were put there instead.
"This is temporary."
It wasn't.
I used to shine so brightly, the brightest star in the sky, blocking out so many others. I was the pride of the galaxy. Now that I'm older, I've burned out and essentially been replaced. I lay here, wasting away with little to show for the time I've spent living.
I was gifted a frame once again. This time, it had something in it. A photo of the stars, the way they were in the sky over the place I was born, on the very night I was born.
Their photo sits on top of mine. In my frame.
How fitting. How poetic.
"Don't act like they're the favorite. Or like they have special privileges."
They clearly are, and they do.
I felt almost numb about it at first. I didn't want to be bothered by it, but I was. The tears fell immediately. I can barely complain about it. It always ends in my words being brushed off or a full blown argument. Never an apology or even an admission of wrongdoing.
How dare you. How dare you do this. It's such a small act, but the hate and disrespect feel earth shattering. I know I'm being dramatic, and it hurts that much more because of it. I know I sound crazy for crying and complaining about it. After all, it's a picture frame. It's not the end of the world. It feels like it, though. I'm literally nauseous.
"You have to toughen up. You can't be a soggy little sad sack."
I don't want to toughen up. People who have to steel themselves often lose their compassion, empathy, and patience. That's one of the many things I hate and fear. Those emotions don't disappear. They only fester and ferment until they bubble over. You could've had juice, and then maybe wine, but no. Now you have vinegar, and you can't just keep trying to hold it in. It will escape whether you like it or not. You can't keep pouring more juice into a full glass and expect it to not spill.
I shouldn't have to toughen up about this. Something so stupid shouldn't be happening in the first place. They knew the pictures were coming. They could've bought a new frame. They aren't expensive.
"His picture is from an achievement. Yours isn't. What do you need the frame for? You have no achievements and you haven't since you were younger."
I wanted to break the frame as soon as I saw the picture. Life has been kicking my ass, and I managed to keep my cool until I came home that terrible night and saw that photo.
Why do I have to be the broken, failed prototype? Why do I have to be defective? It isn't fair.