Last Night As I Was Falling Asleep I Was Thinking About The Beauty Of Loving Someone In Any Form And

He’s the the love my life ( a fictional character) she’s practically me (words on paper) they’d burn the world for me( someone pay for my therapy) they have my entire heart ,body and soul ( 300 pages worth of content)

'cause i got too much life

running through my veins

going to waste

I really cant wait to read a scene from Cassians perspective when he watches Nesta interact with or care for illyrian children. Like this should be canon at this point. I want his future to flash before his eyes, his bro-varies to tingle and that same joy feysand felt when they discovered who the bone Carver was.

The reason I like staying up so late is because between the hours of 12am - 4am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. I can read or write for hours, draw crazy things, write poetry on my wrist. And there are no consequences. I can look at stars and moon for a long time, it’s so calm and relaxing.

“right where you left me” by taylor swift hurts me more than many of taylor swift’s other songs because, even though i’ve never felt the pain of a breakup, i’ve felt the pain of seeing myself as someone stuck in the past. i didn’t get frozen at 23 - i’m not even 23 yet -, but i think my mind froze when i was 17, when all my fantasies of growing up happy with caring friends and a caring boyfriend were shattered as i got thrown out of the closet. and it was the most excruciating pain i’ve ever felt in my life, and i never recovered from it, and sometimes i still think about the fantasies of a good life that i had when i was 17 and i think: won’t this bitch ever grow up? and then i realize the bitch is me and i had to do two things at the same time: i had to mature very quickly in order to not let my feelings be shown to the world, at the same time i had to stop every dream of mine from maturing. so i’m mature, but i’m not mature. this confusion hits me every single day, and i know i’d give everything to go back to when i was 17 and do something different just so i would feel better now - but this might never happen, right? i might never move on from the day when i realized the world is not what it looks like, and i don’t think anybody ever moves on when they feel the same realization, and everybody tries and finds other ways to pretend they’ve moved on, to pretend they don’t care about everything they lost when they were younger and felt frozen by the unexpected turnarounds of life. i hate that i can’t move on like everybody pretends they do, but i also hate that i had to move on so fast from what i should’ve lived more and never had the chance to live in a full form.

I told my brother I couldn’t sleep and he told me to watch something boring so, did you guys knew stars have different light colors? Actually red light stars are that color because since they are in the cool and bloated stage of their evolution they are more dense, therefore can dominate the infrared light. Still awake though.

Any nostalgia I feel is literary. It’s not the stillness of evenings in the country that endears me to the childhood I spent there, it’s the way the table was set for tea, it’s the way the furniture was arranged in the room, it’s the faces and physical gestures of the people. I feel nostalgia for scenes. Thus someone else’s childhood can move me as much as my own; both are purely visual phenomena from a past I’m unable to fathom, and my perception of them is literary. They move me, yes, but because I see them, not because I remember them.

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

Allow me to introduce…The 1989 (my version) Sunrise Boulevard Vinyl Edition💛 Available on my site for the next 48 hours 🥰

taylor.lnk.to/1989TaylorsVersion

being an only child and not close with your parents is hard when you love talking and can’t keep your mouth shut and are constantly making jokes. like i’ve always just kinda talked to myself since i had no one to talk to and now being think i’m weird. i cant be the only one who will have full on conversations out loud with only myself, right?

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