Any Nostalgia I Feel Is Literary. It’s Not The Stillness Of Evenings In The Country That Endears Me

only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen.

-epiphany, taylor swift (2020)

epiphany definition:

a moment of sudden revelation or insight

she’s saying that these healthcare workers or soldiers only have 20 minutes to sleep cause they are in such difficult positions and when they do sleep they’re trying to escape the harsh things they’ve seen. these epiphany’s they are having are comforting.

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Call me by your name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino

words i wish were written for me

Including book quotes, poetry, song lyrics and everything in between, these are some of the words that make my soul wish someone cared about me so much they would write this. 

“Because you are the only person I can talk with about the shade of a cloud, about the song of a thought — and about how, when I went out to work today and looked a tall sunflower in the face, it smiled at me with all of its seeds.”

– Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Vera

“My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since, well, before any kiss. And now the prospect of those kisses seems to wind me like when you slip on the stairs and one of the steps hits you in the middle of the back. The notion of them continuing for what is traditionally terrifying forever excites me to an unfamiliar degree.” 

– Alex Turner’s Letter to Alexa Chung

“And I’d give up forever to touch you / ‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow / You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be / And I don’t want to go home right now.” 

– From the song “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls

“I’m not a religious person, but I do sometimes think God made you for me.” 

– Sally Rooney, Normal People

“It is late now, I am a bit tired; the sky is irritated by stars. And I love you, I love you, I love you – and perhaps this is how the whole enormous world, shining all over, can be created – out of five vowels and three consonants.”

– Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Vera

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

– Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”

– Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

“I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

-Haruki Murakami

life would be so different if i was a bookshop owner in a small village near some forest, who has a secret affair with the local poet

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W. I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never.” 

  ―Jane Austen, Persuasion    

as the years go on, i'm learning to accept my nature. i stopped pretending i like the sun, i stopped forcing my voice to sing hight, i don't walk with who i wanna be, faking my spring. i am no spring. i run in the dark, i am scars, blood and raw meat. i am no soft, my eyes will never sparkle, my hands are sharp, my body is solid, i got my father's wide rib cage, his strong lungs. i am a dark personality, i will always be, and that is good. and i will celebrate it and be who i am until the end, until the day i die and after.

“𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵, 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴?”

-𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘉𝘶𝘬𝘰𝘸𝘴𝘬𝘪

I'll change every version of myself to fit in. I've been having a hard time adjusting. Had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting. My cheeks are growing tired from growing red and faking smiles. Are we only biding time until I lose your affection? Ive got a hundren thrown out speeches i almost said to you. I have a lot of regrets about that. I'm a mirrorball. They see right through me. I cut off my nose just to spite my face. I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush. Will you still want me when I'm nothing new? You are so much older and wiser. Lord what will become of me when I've lost my novelty? You tolerate me. I sit and watch you.