I Told My Brother I Couldn’t Sleep And He Told Me To Watch Something Boring So, Did You Guys Knew Stars

It’s weird .physically I’m in my teens but mentally- spiritually if you will, I feel so old. So so old. As though I’ve lived a thousand lives and experienced a thousand scenarios each leaving me exhausted by the end . I feel the weight of all those lives sometimes; When I’m alone in my room . Gaze switching between each wall and then finally , meeting my ceiling-Where my mind explodes with thoughts while simultaneously remaining eerily barren.quite.empty.

Allow me to introduce…The 1989 (my version) Sunrise Boulevard Vinyl Edition💛 Available on my site for the next 48 hours 🥰

taylor.lnk.to/1989TaylorsVersion

my problem is that i cannot stop reading a book i don’t like without feeling guilty about it.

either i’m not interested in the story or the writing is bad, i cannot put the book down because then i’m a failure who doesn’t actually like to read, just pretends she does.

this is exactly why i stopped reading at all for years and i don’t want that to happen again but i cannot put this book down because i need to finish it, it was expensive and i’m just wasting money if i don’t finish it.

Name moodboard for Diana Requested by @d14n4ol

something that truly saddens me is that there are planets and stars that could live out their entire existence without any acknowledgement. entire solar systems could be born and destroyed without anyone to witness. it saddens me because it shows how truly lonely the universe is. the universe has been alive for longer than any human being can observe for and its existence had been neglected for centuries. i can only imagine the history that the universe has seen that we would never be able to know of. i can only imagine what the universe went through all on its own without anyone to watch. and it makes me wonder if this will be our story too. so far, we have no evidence or proof of any life. so, what if we die out? what if we slowly go extinct? there wouldnt be any one to support us or to even realize or understand our disappearance. they could be too late and only get to see the remains of what once was. would they question those remains? or would they assume that they were what always was? that those remains were the only things this planet has seen? similar to how we, now, look at the remains of what might have once been with no idea that we were too late. we may not question those remains and mistake them for the natural state of a planet or a star. it really is sad that the universe lives on its own, almost completely empty of life. and that with all of our attempts, we could/would always be too late to let some parts of the universe know that they’re not alone.

if they ever ask you about me tell them I was the only person in your entire life who ever loved you with honesty. and then, tell them how you broke my heart

i'm sitting on my bed reading. it’s almost midnight. it’s summer. my window is open and the cool wind is blowing. it's cloudy but i can see the moon shining through the clouds. the crickets are very loud but very soothing. my room smells dusty and warm and no one else exists. the feeling never goes away. everything is quiet and i'm at peace.

books?? amazing. paperbacks?? soft, cozy, may fit in your pocket, cheap so you don’t feel bad for taking notes in them. hardcovers??? beautiful, pristine, ground you into the world they hold by making you grip them tighter, the stars of every bookshelf. ebooks?? convenient, cheap, always with you, a vast library that you can hold in your palm. new books?? crisp, the smell of wood, ideas waiting to imprint themselves upon the world. old books?? objects transcending history, sweet smelling, enriched by the hands that stroked their pages. books.

As a child i already had a longing for a life that wasn't mine. I thought it was the future. Now i sit at my desk and there are sunbeams on the floor. I cry because they look like how they used to in our old living room when i was 5. I long for a past unlived, dreamt away, filled with hope for something that already happened almost unnoticed, but at least it was bathed in honey and sunlight.

Tea Time Emotiku

Monday, 10/24/2022, Grief

Nothing before God / Grief falls on the weary soul / We grow from this, too. © keefderpoet 2022