Inspiredtrans - Naamloos

I'm not saying I'm mentally ill, but today I bought a new teddy bear because I had been looking at it for a couple weeks and finally caved into the temptation. Yet the moment I put it down on my bed, I felt an overwhelming urge of guilt and disgust and the need to throw it away and apologize to my old, trusty teddy. And now the new one won't stop looking at my with its devilish eyes and I actually want to get rid of it even though it's like brand-new but I also DO NOT want to touch that thing anymore.

your mental health will take everything from your life until it eventually takes your life

Parents gave me a "kayleigh" type of name and getting to change it to something normal may just be the only good thing I gained from being trans

Shstegwggevr girl help me I'm thinking about the experience of being the only 'girl' in so many spaces I occupied growing up and how that makes me feel weird and alien amongst men no matter how much I pass or whatever because I still always feel like I don't belong there again

You know that thing with a ball in a jar, where the ball represents grief and the jar represents you? And while the ball doesn't change, the jar gets bigger, representing that grief doesn't get less, it's just that you grow bigger. When I got first introduced to that concept, it seemed ridiculous. But since then... I know that it's true. There's certain things in my life, if I actively think about them, they get me just as mad and worked up as if they happened yesterday. However, they don't occupy my mind 24/7 anymore, like they did when they did happen recently. And I think that's exactly what they mean with the ball in a jar analogy. And I suppose that's better than nothing.

What if you pass really well but you're still horribly dysphoric and depressed 🙄🙄🙄. /j

Never forget that the purpose of transitioning is to make you happier not to make you pass!! You may never end up being able to pass but don’t let that take from your happiness.

This 100%. Why is it always "awwww but I'd miss you so much" and never like.... something that would actually matter to me, or would benefit me. Even just a "I'm sorry you'll never get to live life to the fullest" or "I'm sorry for everything you got robbed off" because at least that's about ME, the actual person, and not about the relation I have towards other people

It's cruel that others expect me to keep living a life of suffering just because it'd make them feel bad if I died

Dear diary...

All of this feels so pointless...

I feel like I'm wasting my time here.

There's no point in me being here if all I ever do is suffer...

Fuck anti depressants just give me a syringe full of pure serotonin