"I Am So Excited To Watch The New ALNST Animation" I Said With Joys

fym people don't have OCs. Fym they don't daydream about complex stories in their head. Fym they don't doodle little guys they created in their notes for school. Fym they just? Don't write? Like I've been writing since I was four years old and it's just so weird to me how people just... don't. All my friends, all my family, and my s/o are all writers so it just throws me off.

also how do you need to use ai to create a story. daydream to music until it comes together like the rest of us you coward

People: Luke is dead, he was a traitor he betrayed-

Me: "HE'S INNOCENT! HE WAS A VICTIM! HE IS ALIVE" I scream as the nurses took me in the mental room

oomf posted about jason grace a bit too close to the sun and is now being haunted by jason grace himself and it's so fucking funny to me

@ruddigerspawss how does it feel to be haunted /j

was laying in bed thinking about pantheon , as you do , because holy shit i watched it with my dad back in november and still i have so many thoughts , its so peak , and realized that maddie and caspian parallel penelope and odysseus and I sprinted into the living room at full speed to tell my dad. i think i scared him. sorry dad

but like OH MY GOD CASPIAN AND MADDIE SYMBOLIZE ODYSSEUS AND PENELOPE I CANNOT DO THIS RN.

this show never fails to drive me insane. it's been 6 months and it still haunts my brain

the universe is punishing me. Currently sobbing at 5 am over wiege. I have a cold, pink eye, and ear infection, period, and depressive episode all at once rn and then alien stage threw THAT on. Ohh hyuluka they make me sick/pos

I was a passionate till is alive truther but I am starting to lose hope. Fellow till is alive genuine believers do we see any hope he's alive and well after this. Well not well but ykwim.

AND HYUNA 💔💔💔 I EXPECTED THIS BUT HYUNA NO.

oh I'm gonna cry I'm gonna scream I'm gonna throw up I'm so upset right now oh my god. why did this have to be my hyperfixation this show ruins me

Edit: im more awake now and I'm still a till is alive truther I refuse to believe this man is dead. Also I miss Hyuna

... Is Till's Part in "Cure" about Ivan?

now I'm really not sure about R2 in this regard (I've seen theories that it may be more about Ivan than it appears but I really haven't made up my mind on whether I agree or disagree), but what I do personally think is that Till's portion of "Cure" in R6 genuinely makes significantly more sense to me, lyrically, if it is -- at least partly -- about Ivan (consciously or subconsciously), than if it is 100% about Mizi and only Mizi from start to end, even though the MV only shows him thinking about Mizi as he sings the part.

let me explain:

Allow me, to the tips of your fingers Allow me, to the ends of your feet Dissolve me in your gaze I don't want to let you go Please, leave me scars Please, hurt me so that Not a single drop of me remains Let me drown in you

... idk, I feel like if this is indeed entirely about Mizi, Till must have made up a lot about their relationship in his mind by that point because it sounds kind of strange to me otherwise. Mainly because while they are sort of friends and have had friendly interactions, it seems that they are not especially close (based on Mizi's words about Till in the artbook), and what Till carries for her is a somewhat distant & idolizing crush sort of thing, which... isn't the sort of energy the lyrics gives?

Like. maybe this is just me, but I can view this portion two ways:

The singer is asking "you", the person being sang about, to hurt him, because he views "you" as someone who would indeed hurt them (e.g. maybe they have hurt him/harmed him/fought with him before; maybe they have a toxic or tumultuous relationship) and/or someone who is in a position where they have a reason/need to hurt him (e.g. going against each other on the Alien Stage); and/or,

The singer is asking "you", the person being sang about, to hurt him, because of his own self-loathing and depressive feelings -- but in this case this just. idk. to me at least, it sounds more like something you are more likely to sing about, like. someone you have been very close to at one point. e.g. a love interest or w/e, who has been in a romantic relationship or situationship or something in an ambiguous relationship with you -- or a closer friend, frenemy or someone like that, that you have complicated or untold feelings about. unless your idolized crush is someone you view as a person who would (hypothetically) hurt you, in which case it falls under 1... except Till's perception of Mizi just kinda doesn't feel that way to me

which. hmmm. idk because like Till's image of Mizi is someone kind, sweet, gentle, soft, comforting and angelic (even with the R5 stuff, we still see this in the way she's like in Till's eyes in Cure's MV), and she's an idol-like figure to him in that sense (and they are not... so 'close' that it feels like he would very naturally sing to her for her to hurt him out of self-flaggellation reasons), it has always been slightly jarring to me that he would sing about her like this, even back when I was sure he was singing about Mizi.

But if you interpret it as being about, or partly about, Ivan instead, then it feels more natural to me; they have a closer relationship, Ivan has hurt him/fought with him and stuff multiple times, and right now they are going against each other on the Alien Stage where the loser among them will be killed.

secondly:

Until these falling stars Are buried in the blur of time On your icy lips Read my soul Yes, my soul, oh, oh

If this is about Mizi: I guess it could be?? if "falling stars" are entirely metaphorical and/or refers to the rain actually... except, even in this case, I feel like it's very possible to interpret it as him subconsciously thinking of such a symbol / such imagery because of Ivan-related reasons.

If this is about Ivan: ...sorry what, "falling stars"? You mean like. a meteor shower?? Okay no yeah, that is literally a major memory he has with Ivan, not with Mizi. And this particular phrasing, "Until these falling stars / Are buried in the blur of time" does further suggest that this is very possibly about a memory that haunts him to this day. which. points to the meteor shower scene more than anything... yeah I honestly feel like this line ties back to Ivan no matter how I think about it.

in any case this is honestly just my opinion and I don't know if I'm right but. just a thought. I think Till might be singing a bit more about Ivan in "Cure" than it seems from a glance at the MV, even if he doesn't realize/acknowledge it himself

i think about alot how my irl bsf was being jokingly downbad for dabi/toya in art class and then our art teacher asked to see him and then when she did she heard my irl bsf out. she said "i see why you guys go so crazy for these men." we were flabbergasted

also i call him babygirl a lot jokingly, it's very much a joke, I just like calling grown fictional men that i love dearly babygirl, so when the teacher saw him she said "oh that's babygirl!"

shoutout to ms. typh idk how she puts up with us

filling out these because my sensory issues are not letting me sleep. ignore that im late and doing 14 days in one post

below read more bc long

April 1st: Do you have trouble recognizing emotions in either yourself or other people? Do you ever find it hard to tell how you're feeling or even to describe how you're feeling to other people? Have you ever had trouble properly expressing your feelings? Do you have trouble recognizing what other people are feeling? How does this make life difficult for you, if it does?

I can't really differentiate emotions besides them being positive and negative. Like I know when im upset and I know when im happy and that's about it. Others are similar, I can tell when they're upset and when they're happy but I can't make out specifics in emotions. I don't understand emotions either, I've never been able to "put myself in someone else's shoes." I try my best to comfort people, but it makes it very difficult, because I can't empathize in a typical way. Describing emotions I'm alright at according to my therapist, but that's really only after lots of psychology research and being a writer since I was four.

April 2nd: Dependence. How independent are you? Are you able to live alone? Have a caretaker? Live with a relative? Is there anything you need help with in your daily life? If you live alone, does being autistic make anything about it more difficult? Do you wish you lived with someone?

Okay, so im a teenager, so, by default I can't live alone. I'm somewhat dependent. I can do all bADLS, but it takes a lot of reminders as I often forget to do them. I struggle heavily or am unable to do iADLS but I blame that on me not being taught how to do them. I think I could be independent if I was given the right tools to be independent.

April 3rd: Talk about family. How are your relationships with your family members? Are they generally supportive of you as an autistic person? Are they accommodating to your needs? Does being autistic affect your familial relationships in any meaningful way?

I have a bad relationship with my mom but it's unrelated to my autism. My mom, my dad, and my brother are mostly understanding and supportive. My mom is also autistic so that helps me. My needs are not accommodated by them exactly, as my mom doesn't really let me advocate for myself, but my dad tries his best to get my mom to get me have a say in things.

April 4th: What are your current special interests if you have any? What are some positive ways having special interests have affected your life? What are some negative ways that they have affected your life? How long do they tend to last for you? You could even talk about past special interests if you want.

Writing, humans, computer science, natural disasters, healthcare, musical theatre, birds, alien stage, psychological horror, and anime.

April 5th: What are some ways that the neurotypical people in your life can help you specifically with the challenges you face as an autistic person? Ways they can accommodate you? How can neurotypical people help the autistic community as a whole?

Just be patient with me, please. I don't like it when im unable to talk either, I don't like it when I yell either, I don't like it when I'm accidentally rude either. People getting upset at me when my autism causes me to be in distress makes the distress worse, so please, just be patient. My individual needs are too large for me to list here, and ngl I don't feel comfortable putting that online, and no way in hell im gonna speak for the whole autistic community. I'm a low support needs afab white teenager, I can't understand what it's like to have any other kind of autism then my own.

April 6th: Talk about miscommunication. As autistic people communicating is something that is harder for us than neurotypical people, in what ways is communicating generally hard for you? Talk about how being autistic has led to an instance of miscommunication in the past. Talk about social blunders that you've made due to autism. Perhaps a situation where you misinterpreted something or where you said the wrong/insensitive thing.

I'm gonna steal the term my (also autistic) theatre teacher used, "Resting autism tone." I have resting autism tone so I seem rude a lot when im trying to be nice, because I am insanely monotone. I also have situational mutism and a stutter, so talking sucks sometimes. I use TTS at times and that helps me a lot. But even when typing, it's hard. I rely heavily on tone tags. I don't understand social cues at all so that causes a lot of miscommunications too.

April 7th: Have you had people treat you differently after you told them you were autistic? In what ways? How did you feel about it and what did you do?

Yeah. Sometimes it's infantilization and/or weird looks, but sometimes it's a "that makes sense" and then they treat me differently to accommodate me. That one's nice. The infantilization sucks. I'm not a little kid, me being autistic and a minor does not make me incapable, stop treating me like I am.

April 8th: Are you a creative person? What are the types of things you create? Do you think being autistic has any influence over the types of things you create or your creativity in general?

I'm an artist and a writer, and have been my entire life. It's helped me work through a lot of my problems caused by being autistic, because I don't understand my own problems, but I understand the ones of my characters. My autism influences my art and writing in so many ways because it's integral to who I am and I put a bit of myself in every single character I create. Also I have comorbid dyspraxia, so that affects my art.

April 9th: Do you struggle with mental health? Does being autistic affect your struggle with mental health? Do you have depression or anxiety and is it influenced by being autistic?

Yeah, I've got a lot of mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, addiction, ocd, pmdd, and ptsd. I may also have BPD but too young to say for sure. I won't get into the details of my mental health issues as it could be triggering, and also it's not something i want the whole world to know, but it's severe. You can blame autism comorbidities and a bad homelife for that. My therapist says that's the cause at least.

April 10th: Do you struggle with keeping up with physical health? Does being autistic affect it?

Yep. Literally procrastinating on getting medicine right now because I'm nervous about accidentally waking someone. I have a hard time with bADLS without reminders, as priorly mentioned. I have heart issues caused by dehydration because of it. PDA and comorbid OCD w/ an avoidance compulsion is a shit combo.

April 11th: What are some things that might come easy to neurotypical people, but which you either can't do or need help to do?

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all sorts of chores, managing money, remembering basic self care, taking medications, tying my shoes, crochet, any sort of fine motor task tbh

April 12th: What are some social rules that you don't understand? Talk about it.

GENDER. My dad has explained to me why we have the social rule of gender like multiple times and I still hate it. WHY?? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN A GENDER BOX?? Also why is me using a lot of punctuation considered rude. It adds whimsy. Let me live.

April 13th: Are you able to pick up when someone is flirting with you or alternatively when someone is flirting with someone else? Do you know how to flirt?

Yeah. I mean I have a BF, and I can tell when he flirts with me. I can flirt well but usually don't. I should flirt with my BF more-

April 14th: What are some of the most difficult aspects of being autistic to you? What makes it difficult? Talk about it.

Sensory issues. I hate constantly being overwhelmed by the smallest abnormality in senses. Actually, no, the worst part is the meltdowns. I have autistic meltdowns where I scream and cry and flail around and throw things and have no control over my actions, and it's scary. My mind is there, I know what I'm doing, but my body and mouth move on it's own. I hate it so much. Also the not being able to fit in like ever sucks.

Alright, that's all, I think. I'm gonna go take some medication for this fever I'm probably running then try to sleep. Thanks for reading :)

it sucks how neurodiversity terms have become misused by neurotypicals, and then when i show my struggle with that actual thing, I get treated like I'm dramatic. I'm tired man :/ like no janis, you're not going non-verbal just because you stopped talking willingly. if you are non-verbal you cannot speak at all verbally. (I'm not non verbal tho so could be wrong) if you mean situational mutism, that feels like someone taped my fucking mouth shut, and I would not be able to talk then to save my life. I'm tired of seeing the terms non-verbal, overstimulated, hyperfixation, and the like misused. ughhhh

is that an mcu reference /ij

@mocha-505 i will helena at you