Self Growth - Blog Posts

the real enemies to lovers plot was my arc in discovering how to love myself. it may have taken several years, but holy shit i think it worked

i hate that it's surprising when people are nice to me

how dare you make it harder for me to hate myself

FR GURLLL

Music

I think one of the most underrated topics when it comes to self-improvement is music. I mean it. No one really talks about it. And not in the “listen to classical/jazz music, go to the opera, become a cultured individual” way. In the “stop listening to music all the time” way.

And before jumping at conclusions, hear me out.

I am and I’ve always been a fan of music. I don’t have a type - I listen to everything that I like. I had so many phases - Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, kpop, depressive music (let’s keep it a secret ok). You name it, I’ve been there.

For about two years, I listened to music nonstop. Not in the “music is my life” way, but in the “let’s open spotify while I’m getting dressed up” kind of way. I was listening to music in the morning, after I woke up. I was listening while I was doing homework, while I was getting ready, while I was eating. All the time. And I liked it - it’s not like I was scrolling, right?

I only noticed everything two weeks ago, when I was in an awful mental state. I was feeling like the pressure was too much, like the world was too much. I couldn’t hear my thoughts. Why? Partly because of the music that I was listening to.

Music blocks the outside noise. It is an escaping mechanism, much like social media or watching series. It makes you numb, or happy, or sad, according to the lyrics and the beat. In the end, music is content.

Let’s get back to the story. After that, I decided to search about the effect music (with lyrics, especially) has on people, and here, loves, is what I discovered:

Dopamine Desensitization: Excessive listening to highly stimulating music can lead to dopamine over-release, causing temporary pleasure desensitization, where one needs more intense stimuli to feel pleasure. Eventually, you may find it harder to feel good without intense music. Over time, this can feel almost addictive.

Dependency on Music: As many people do (and I am no exception), you might be tempted to use music as a coping mechanism, a way to escape the reality or regulate your stress levels. Over the time, though, this dependency may hinder emotional self-regulation and negatively impact your mental resilience.

False Cure for Loneliness: Listening to music is often perceived as a “cure” for loneliness. You’ve probably experienced it. Songs are relatable - they talk about love, family, trauma and all that - and this the reason for the overconsumption. And loneliness, as we know, is the no. 1 cause of depression and mental illnesses. The thing is, which I hope you are aware of, the only cure for loneliness is meeting other people, socializing. Music makes you think everything is getting better. Well, no. Everything is getting worse.

Mood Manipulation: As well as music boosts your mood…it can always take it down. Let’s say you got a bad grade. You listen to depressive music. It feels good for a moment, right? Your feelings are validated. But then the trauma and the mommy issues come to light and that bad grade leads a feeling tsunami. Music won’t let you live in the present. Wake up, love.

Internalizing Negative Messages: As a note to no. 4, humans tend to mimic everything they see and understand. So when a song is telling you that no one will miss you when you’re gone or some other bs, you believe it, huh? Because you are human. You’ve heard of the subconscious mind - find some other posts about it and read (I don’t have any, but there are plenty on tumblr - you can even find articles so dive in).

Overstimulation. Your brain is fried. Why, love, why? You need music 24/7? No, what you need is a walk in the nature and a therapy session, not living in a world inside of your head. When you can’t hear your thoughts and all you can hear are the lyrics…it’s time to stop. Please.

Note: by any means, I am not telling you to quit listening to music. What I want you to understand is that you have to live the present and be aware of your own feelings, without being influences by the break-up song of whatever singer. What I did after I noticed all this: I switched to classical music. It rebuilt my focus, it helps me stay calm and relieve stress and I don’t have to deal with the drama. Now, feel free to choose your own path. Or even keep listening to music if you think you can manage it - but stay present. I’m telling you once again.

I hope this helps! Rya

“Don’t be the reason someone feels insecure. Be the reason someone feels seen, heard and supported.”

— Cleo Wade

“Listen closely: the only time it’s too late to change yourself is when you’re dead. Until then, you’re simply making excuses or lying to yourself.”

— Unknown

#selfimprovement #thoughts #postivity #selfreminder #mentalhealth #growth #remindingmyself #bookblr

be addicted to real dopamine

be in the present and notice those little things you never saw before, but that have always been there

experience new exciting things that bring you joy

love people, listen to them and create meaningful connections

make art and don’t label it as “good” or “bad,” just let your soul be free

stop scrolling on social media and start turning pages of an interesting book

do mindfulness meditation and feel your body and mind calming down

move your body, no matter how as long as you’re enjoying

listen to music that matches the moment you’re in

eat nourishing food, feel your stomach full without discomfort

get a good night of sleep and feel yourself ready for another day

Prompt 2: judgement

1. What are three things I’d change about myself if no one could judge me?

If no one could judge me I would make myself less nice. Im too often a pushover and people pleaser and I want to be stronger in myself. I would be slender and strong. Like one of those folks who doesnt look strong but can pick up nearly their own weight. Quietly powerful. I would be louder. I have been taught for so much of my life to keep quiet and deal with things. I want to be able to be LOUD. I'm not good at that even when it's appropriate.

2. What is my biggest fear about how others perceive me? People look to me for guidance and being a rational voice. Its nice to know that Im seen that way sometimes, but Im only human. I am fallible and I get things wrong. I fear giving bad advice and suggestions and leading folks wrong.

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Yes, yes, yes!

Only thing I can add to this is telling yourself "I will do x", where x is something that is somewhat inconvenient. The point of x is doing it because it sucks and is inconvenient. Doing this wont just build dicipline, it also shows your brain that you're loyal, which builds up trust, and eventually self esteem. X also shouldn't be a large thing, and can be a series of things.

RECLAIMING DISCIPLINE CAN LOOK LIKE:

• keeping small + manageable promises to yourself daily

• healing your attention span (ex: reading books, watching movies without scrolling, letting yourself be bored)

• moving from "I'll try" to "I will"

• reframing pain + difficulty as often where the growth happens

• showing up as the person you want to be

• making mindful & nourishing choices VS choices that result in instant gratification

Distance yourself from the people that you don't want to become

“So far, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.”

— Norm Kelly

"Remove shoulds from your vocabulary this year. Start your journey of self-love now." - Kelly Martin

Word of the Year for 2025

Transformation.

[noun] 1. change in form, appearance, nature, or character.

(Originally I had chose a different word, but then I realize my goals did not align with that word... so I changed it! I can always change it again, if I need to!)

September of 2024 began my journey of self love, self development, self awareness, and self improvement. I sat down with a journal and a determination to be a better me. To be a me who is true to myself and accepts who I am.

There is so much I have to learn and to work on, so many goals I aim to reach, but I know it will be a process. Perhaps one that never ends. I accept that, because I truly want to be the real me I know I am at my core and I want to express myself to others in honesty and with transparency.

This word means more than just my own transformation. It will apply to how I approach challenges, how I think, how I react, how I live and ultimately the world around me. I will struggle, but I have my wonderful husband at my side and friends who will stick with me through the hard parts.

I look forward to leaving my cocoon and spreading my wings.

November came in like the first freeze of winter. Beautiful, but cold and frustrating. I didn't take time to prepare for the change of autumn into winter. I didn't concern myself with the shortening of days and the long stretches of night. This led me into a whirlwind of panic and November clung to me like ice.

December won't be "my month", but it will be a collection of days I will work through bravely. I will continue to move forward and I know I will trip and stumble, but I have to keep my head up and I can't let those moments hold me back.

So I hope all of you welcome this final month of 2024 and all of its challenges. I hope you hold onto the happy memories of this year and use them as your strength while we coast into the next.

Diary of an aspiring Firefighter

Today was mildly productive. I need to remember resting my body makes me stronger

Woke up at 7:30 because my partner had to leave for work

Spent some time milling about and tidying my room before I went out for a walk

I practised the beep test, I got to 2.7 which was my goal (I plan to get .1 better everyday)

Spent some time playing the sims as my body hurt quite a lot from the gym the day before

Joined a teams call to learn about various graduate programs for the degree I'm completing (always need a plan B)

Went to the gym with the loml

Had dinner and had a cuddle before I left for my overnight shift

Everyday I get closer to my goal. Each day I can feel my body get stronger, each day I feel a renewed sense of motivation. I know the road to become a firefighter will be long and hard but I can get there

I'm starting the 25 Days of productivity challenge from 9th Feb 2025 , because I realised all those visions on your board, all those Pinterest boards I have saved , all those dreams of whatever I wanna do including grades , opportunities, all that adrenaline rush of doing , believing , all that mental pictures will stay there until move , until I get up and become uncomfortable with this life given to me not by chance but with purpose and belief from that almighty God .

I have STs coming up( 17th Feb) , which are basically the tests but have high importance and if I did my best for them , then end terms will be in my favour obviously. So rules are all uncomfortable, all difficult but uncomfortable = success chances are high . Secondly believe in yourself.

Try to:

1. Wake up at 5:00 AM everyday.

2. Yoga for body .

3. Meditation is mandatory for mind

4. Min 4 hours ( deep work) of study everyday.

5. Journaling everyday( grateful, thoughts)

6. 1.5 hr of coding everyday.( Practice)

7. Read the Joe dispenza book (becoming supernatural) , second read at night ( pragmatic programmer). = 1hr of reading / daily.

8. Drink 1.5 L water 🌊 ( 1.5 bottle of water).

9.

My inspo for 2025 🦋🕊️🫶

I'm done being moderate, I'm done being the person i was when 2024 starts , it's embarrassing I know ... it's not for the show but ..still embarrassing to myself too that i haven't changed it's not that I haven't done challenging things ...in the whole 2024 but ... I'm that satisfied or maybe I'll never be ....but still ..i don't want 2025 to go the same.. i don't want to come out of 2025 and be thinking I could have done better , i could have been more than what I'm...no because this way ......one day i would be on my death bed ... And still be thinking I could have done that . that ....etc ...you know that drill . But the point is life is short , i know it's so talkative or the most boring line to say ..but it's what it is. There was a time when we were in 2020 and now suddenly it's 2025 where all those years in between go .... Have i done the most challenging thing I said to me to do.... Have I ???? I'm not criticizing myself... I'm being aware of what the hell has happened. In those all years and I'm still that person, but my Higher self , my own self , my inner critic know i could be more of what I'm..... And I'm done ... I have deleted all the social media apps which were distracting me in the smallest possible way ...my social media usage never exceeds 1.5 hrs ...but still . Not even the smallest possible distraction.... I know I would be bored... But boring means I'm getting better ..... So I'm going to start a challenge from today , it's sem break and I have 10 days left to my 2nd sem to start and I have them whole 2nd sem but still I'm going to start bygones bygones .... 2025 will tolerate the new me ....new version of my body , my personality, my future , my face , my body language, my speaking, my actions, my words , my behaviour, my confidence.

So hey , I'm the Ist year CSE major college student and I'm going to document my life with the people I never met but we are all going through the same phase , same challenges and we need each other on this journey to survive 2025 in the best possible way and I'm sure we are going to come out of 2025 with the shine on our face which we have never imagined to be there .

Day- 02 ☕

Today was a day where I could do more , I could be getting the results I wanted but i didn't because the universe was testing me with a lot of troubles, distractions etc. But still I'm grateful because I have done something and I learned and i survived it 🪐🌸

🌷Physical:

Did yoga and breathwork together and I'm being consistent in it . ❤️

Did 16 pushups - a win for me .

💌Mental:

Found telegram channels teaching business and making money.

Started joe dispenza - Lewis howes podcast half way through it.

Learned new lessons.

Did journaling and intentions for the day .

🕯️Fallouts:

I did scrolling and it was bad because I felt bad after that .

Goal 01 : control anonymously scrolling through every platform available with focus, timer etc.

I wasted time and i don't even know where and i admit it .

Goal 02: Everyday, Do a feedback loop or reflection at the end of the day about the time spent .

Compared, I felt jealous and envious of others = human behaviour

Goal 03: Feel gratitude everyday for 5 mins with good music and do start manifest journal.

🌛Lessons learned today:

A person who is disciplined is the one who is free, others are just slaves to their emotions, feelings and instant pleasures.

You can always start again and again until you get better.

Tomorrow will be better and I'm here for it.

🌸🌪️🌊🕯️🙂‍↔️

Day 01 💟

Today was a good day with some motivation from various things , I'm trying to get out of the rut I have trapped myself in for the last 1 year , it's going to be difficult to do everything all at once so I'm focusing on 1 by 1 . There was a lot of friction and resistance felt by me from my body and mind but I tried my best.

🌊Physical:

Did some push-ups and arm exercises.

I got good sleep and woke up early before 7:30 am .

🌷Mental:

Read 5-7 pages .

Did journaling a little bit but satisfactory.

Search on the upcoming course I'm going to begin with .

🌸Spiritual:

I did yoga and breathwork in the morning= best thing I did.

Meditation one time at night .

Been grateful and learned a lot today.

🕯️Things I learned from today :

Failure happened, life sucked for once , dreams broken but if I quit it will never happen and if not, there is more than 1% chance of it to happen.

Keep going , Aim high , keep working hard towards that thing .... Because if it is in your mind , it's a coming reality.

Time will change, and definitely for my good now.

Blossom 🌸🌊 28 Days Challenge #1

Start date : 29 June 2024

🌪️🪐🌷

Physical 🏋️

Wake up at 7 am and go to bed at 11 pm.

Exercise 20 mins (>70%)

Drink 3 bottles

Mental 🕯️

Journaling Day and Night 🌃

Read 10-12 pages every day with notes.

Learn English Advance ( 1-2 tasks)

1 podcast everyday with notes up Or article .

Start the course on 1 skill of your liking.

Spiritual 🌷

Yoga class everyday.

Meditation 2 times (Joe dispenza) + youtube one .

Breathwork 5-10 mins in morning.

Affirmations 369

Pray + Grateful 🫧.

More tips ☕

Limit the screen time as much as you can.

Be aware and mindful of everything you do.

Remember discipline over regret.

This time is precious so don't lose it.

It's possible and we can do this .

And like this we will blossom, blossom into the best of our versions with the feathers and free will to fly as far as we can .🦋

💟🌸🕯️

Beauty exists because life exists. Vibrant plants look best when they’re well taken care of. Fields of green and patches of grass look best when they’re watered regularly. You can tell when a pet is doing well, fed well, brushed and washed and loved. In people, someone’s kindness makes them more beautiful. Someone’s sense of humor. The snort when they laugh. The way they mispronounce certain words, their habits, their individuality. The color in their cheeks, the little scars and the stories behind them (fell off of a trampoline, thought I could swing without holding onto anything, my sister hit me with the remote because we were fighting over the remote—and the way they laugh or shake their head telling the story). Expressing their emotions. Being fragile and soft. Being loud and talkative. Beauty is so interesting because it goes farther than outward appearances, and sometimes even seems to affect it. I think, the more unapologetically alive you are, the more beautiful you are. The more you find beauty in other people, in the depths of them and not just the way they look, the more you’ll find it in yourself.

🧁🤍THE BATMAN EFFECT🤍🧁

🤍Are you aware of the meme where people start identifying themselves as batman ? Turns out it is more than a meme. The batman effect means where you pretend to be character like Batman or Barbie to complete a task.

🧁In a University of Michigan a researcher , Professor Ethan Kross , he completed a study he completed with several colleagues where a sample of 4 and 6 year old children were invited to complete a boring task on computer . The children were instructed to work hard , keep it as long as they could and they were reminded the task were boring . To test their commitment to the cause , the researchers informed the kids that they could take the break whenever they wanted to play a game on tablet .

Group one - Researchers told them to ask themselves , " Am I working hard ? " while they completed the task.

Group Two- Researchers instructed these children to ask themselves , " is y/n working hard ? " .

Group Three - Researchers told these kids children to pretend they were a favourite hardworking character like Batman , Bob the Builder or Dora the explorer . They received a prop like a cape as a visual reminder to act like their character. They were instructed to ask themselves, " Is Batman working hard ? "

Result - Children in group one did not enjoy their task . They took most breaks and their motivation was poor. The second group did a little better . The third group or the Batman group worked harder , took fewer breaks and enjoyed their tasks more than others.

🤍The batman effect works for not only children but for adults too !! Beyonce has an alter ego " Sasha Fierce " , her alter ego allowed her to be confident . Adele also has an alter ego " Sasha Carter " , her alter ego was a combination of Beyonce's Sasha Fierce and the real music star June Cartar. Adele admitted that her alter ego helped her give her best to every performance during her breakout year. I believe even k-pop idols have alter egos , there are idols who are bubbly and shy in real life but on stage they are confident.

🧁The Batman effect helps us to reduce anxiety. Adopting an alter ego is an extreme form of self-distancing which involves taking a step back from our immediate feelings to allow us to view a situation more dispassionately. When you think of yourself as a separate identity , it is not you that has to perform the task , it is Batman . It can help you to build confidence, increase concentration , improve your emotional regulation and help you to gain self-control . Your alter ego has no limitations.

🧁So the next time , you lose your motivation to study ? Pretend you are Rory Gilmore. ( whoever you upto for study inspiration) . You feel you cannot do anything ? Pretend you are Barbie. You feel you cannot dance ? Pretend you are Michael Jackson.

Everyday of trying is a successful day

Treat yourself to a self care day this weekend!💕