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Satire - Blog Posts
mark zuckerlings
the more i read fanfics the more i understand why theres a dress code for exposed shoulders
Rant about Indian liquorice because I love poison.
Indian liquorice is also known as Abrus precatorius and is a plant from the Fabaceae family, making it's most famous relative beeeaaannnzzz. It used to only exist in India but every tropical country has loads of this shit now.
The seeds, roots, bark and leaves contain a very Funny Substance™ that's one of the strongest poisons in the world.
Now let's say that hypothetically this liquorice got into the food of a person you coincidentally don't like. If the seeds are whole, nothing will happen, so you need to cut them up WHO SAID THAT. They also lose their toxic traits when you cook them, just like my ex.
After a few hours/up to two days your friend will get severe gastroenteritis, you know, vomiting, diarrhea, period cramps. Side effects often include a series of severe symptoms that transform the eyes into a shadow of their old selves. Oh and hair loss. I mean men are balding at 26 nowadays so it's not like people are gonna notice.
The most important aspect of the Funny Substance™ is the fact that it makes blood clot, and we all know what that does.
Two whole seeds are enough to cause severe poisoning in American adults.
While these little guys only grow in tropical regions, they're sometimes made into necklaces and sold, or placed in rosaries and dry arrangements.
Just saying.
IT shits are worse than gooner caves. how can anyone live this subhuman lifestyle daily
If you're someone who sells something with essential/herbal oils in it, and the only thing that is letting onto the fact that you're selling something with essential/herbal oils in it is a little lable of "includes other essential/herbal oils" WITHOUT SAYING WHICH ONES
I hate you <3
And by that, i mean like, on the front of the box, where everyone looks. Like, i assume you have to put all the oils you use in the ingredient list of course, but like, who really reads those? (I say this disregarding the people who to check due to medical issues or preferences and the people who go to the restroom without their phone and decide to read the nearest object's labels because those are the only two times/circumstances i can see people actually reading ingredient lists)
Because i assume that i am NOT the only person who just goes "oh, this looks cool. Loving the art on it. Ill get it and see how badly it fucks up my skin/body!"
Neffton in Animal Crossing :3
Ich hab zu viel Anstalt geschaut...
Any woman : I want a genius!
Dazai : That's cool, but I don't think I'm fit for this.
Kunikida : I'd like a genius—
Dazai : DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALLED ME BACK IN THE DAYS ⁉️⁉️🗣️
Bold of you not to mention me, Zesty. /J
"People keep posting themselves with their "pride flags."
"I don't know where some of you are from, but I'm French."
If you don’t get this reference, I don’t trust you
me: So, uh… *gulp*
me: Is there a Mx. Master Shake?
My friends: *both laughing and surprised*
Elaborating on a post I made a while ago:
(Prompt: Your married to your pfp, how fucked are you?):
…
*wedding music intensifies*
Me: “Welp, I guess I’m ‘Mx. Sanchez’ now.”
Swifties need to embrace the true light
The light of the lamb, conduit to great power and promised liberator of the one who waits below.
Y'ALL 😭😭😭
New theory is that Ruby was so bored out of her gourd that she made up an entire alternate dimension where everything sucks but at least she fucks with that guy the doctor mentioned 20 minutes ago. The doctor is going on about geology or the history of wales or something while completely unaware
doctor who really be like "we have a time machine where you can go anywhere or see anything. this is cardiff wales your year
My favorite thing is assigning privilege to people who don't have it so that I feel better about my own oppression. yessir nothing better than that
I-ive done it. I've made a satire crack taken seriously Wilbur x ace race fanfic...
Not even the demons themselves can testify for my lack of sanity... lmao
(Ok but honestly crack taken seriously is funny as hell, and yes I searched up Wilbur's boundaries before writing the fic)
I'm not linking it, either find it yourself or dm me
I used to be pro-Palestinian. I thought Israel was wrong for carpet bombing Gaza and using siege warfare on civilians.
But then I ran into a very wise Israel apologist who changed my way of looking at things forever.
I was walking down the street and I saw him leaning against a lamp post, smoking a pipe as wise men do.
“Your shirt says Free Palestine,” he said from behind a plume of smoke.
“Yep!” I replied.
“So I guess that means you love Hamas then?” spake he.
I stopped in my tracks. I’d never thought of it that way before.
Could it be? Could my opposition to murdering civilians really be indicative of a deep affection for a Gazan militant group? Maybe I really did love Hamas and think everything it did on October 7 was great and wonderful?
“Is this really how I want to live my life?” I thought to myself.
“I — I — I…” I said out loud.
“Or perhaps,” he said with a raised eyebrow, “you just HATE JEWS??”
I fell to my knees.
Oh my God. He really had a point. What possible reason could anyone have for opposing military explosives being dropped on buildings full of children besides a seething lifelong hatred of adherents to the religion of Judaism? How could anyone possibly oppose siege warfare tactics which cut off civilians from food and water and electricity and fuel and medical supplies unless they harbored a dangerous hostility toward members of a small Abrahamic faith?
“Who… who are you?” I asked.
“That’s of no consequence,” he said, casually blowing a smoke ring through another larger smoke ring.
“But… but the children,” I stammered as my entire worldview crumbled before my eyes. “The civilians! They’re dying! Isn’t it bad that they’re dying?”
And then he went for the coup de grâce.
“Have you considered,” he said before a pregnant pause, “… that all of those deaths are the fault of Hamas?”
I fell flat on my back. The world was spinning. A trickle of blood ran down into my hair from my ear.
I felt all the anti-colonialism leaving my body. I suddenly could no longer remember why I thought it was bad to rain down military explosives on a densely populated concentration camp.
Everything went black.
When I finally came to, the mysterious stranger was gone. But his wisdom and profound insights into Israel and Gaza will always live on in my heart.
—Caitlin Johnstone, (satire: Hamas ≠ Palestine and pro-Palestinian ≠ antisemitism)
I don’t like the fact that I like how it looks 🙁
Callie binder Uranus, my goat, my big cheese 🙏‼️
So, a lot of people saw this image of Lu Guang and thought this might imply that he's dead, sińce it looks like a halo,
but i think that's not the case at all. To me it looks more like a basketball hoop. And Cheng Xiaoshi is shown to be very skilled in basketball.
He quote unquote puts balls in the basket, right? I thinks this shot in season 1 intro was implication that there will possibly be Shiguang say gex scene in next seasons, and Cxs will not methaporically put his balls in Lg.
This is my final proof that Shiguang will be canon.
I’m genuinely crying 😭
Glmm are genuinly the most entertaining thing in the world
Video is straight in an all gay school by Alpha Sisters
Glmm are genuinly the most entertaining thing in the world
Video is straight in an all gay school by Alpha Sisters
I was playing Cookie Run Kingdom, everything was normal, but when I opened it, it said my game needed to updatez Weird. I didn't remember a new update coming out, especially since the Mystic Flour Cookie update just came out. Well, it was only 666 mb, so maybe it was just a bug fix. I updated the game, and it started running as normal. I went to the arena and started working on getting my rank back up, but in the first fight I did, Gingerbrave was on my team. My attacking team was normally Pure Vanilla, Moonlight, Hollyberry, Snapdragon, and Black Pearl. Gingerbrave had replaced Snapdragon. I still won the battle, assuming it was maybe a mistake, I swapped out Gingerbrave for Snapdragon again. But then, in the next battle, he was back. I started getting confused, so I swapped him out again. But this time, the next battle had two gingerbraves, now replacing both Snapdragon and Black Pearl. I got weirded out, and decided to just grind some Master difficulty levels, but the issue was still occurring. No matter how many times I edited my team, Gingerbrave was there. I tried closing my game, sending bug reports, but the issue still persisted. I gave up and decided to just decorate my kingdom but... that's when it got freaky. The music stopped, and all my buildings and decorations were gone. The only cookie there was Gingerbrave. I clicked on him out of curiosity, what he said shocked me. "Theyre all gone Kevin." his voice was more deep and glitchy than normal, and how did he know my real name? I checked my cookies, they were all gone, except for a level 666 Gingerbrave. I clicked on him, this time he said "It's just me and you." I was getting scared. The only other thing I could thi kay of was trying the gacha. There were only two gacha a, the standard one, but the only cookie there was gingerbrave. And the costume one, where Mont Blanc cookie was also replaced with gingerbread, but he looked different. His eyes were black with red pupiles, and his frosting was replaced with realistic blood. I had just enough gems and rainbow cubes for a 10 pull on the cookie gacha and costume gacha. On the cookie gacha, I got 10 gingerbraves, and on the costume gacha, i got that costume of the gingerbave with black eyes and realistic blood. The game forced me to equip the costume to gingerbrave, but when I did, it crashed. When I reopened the game, all the cookies on the loading screen were dead, with realistic blood. The music was replaced with static. My kingdom was now a black void. Gingerbrave started speaking to me without me needing to click him, "I'm god Kevin.. I killed then all. Well... all except for one." my game crashed again, and my phone died. I heard a knock on my door. Standing there was Gingerbrave. WITH A GUN. Before I could react, he laughed and screamed "I AM GOD!!!!!!!" before shooting me. I am writing this warning to you from the depths of hell, NEVRR play Cookie Tun again."
P̶̢̢̫̺͓̱̪͗̋̍́͘̚S̵̨̡̩͇̺̹̰̝̈́̔̀̋̇:̸̧͇̼̻͉͇̩͊̈́̄̓͗̿̐̃̀͂͑ ̸̦͚͓̹͕̜̟̹̀͜ͅy̵̢̥̩̾̄̌̊̀̃̅͌̕̕ǫ̸͎́̈̏̅ǘ̶̢̡̱̭̲̞̯̼̘̹͊̉'̸̨̩̒̋̾̀̄̐̌͒͆̾̾̈́͘͘r̷̙͉͎͔̰̹̜͂̊͗́̎̀̕̚ͅe̷̥͍͓̦͚̞̠̜̎̂͋̌̍͌͂̆̂͐̑̿̂ͅ ̶̨̢̧̮̟̝̲̟͉̳̅̎̔͂n̵̡͓͖̮͓̦̙̬̝̖͙̼̪͙̂e̵̡̡̤̲͔͓̦̤̥̜̙̟͑̿́̑̆͝x̴̧̰͈̮̟̦̞͕͚͑̀̇̓̉̈̑̾̒̕͘͜͝t̸̡̫͔̞̬̗̩̃͋̽̈́̔́͌̕͝.̸̛̝͛͆̾̓ @minimumwagecola
They so canon!! 😍😍😍
Every day we see injustice happening and no one talks about it, but I will!
As a citizen who is not ashamed of my past, I must say that something is happening and everyone should know about it! They're killing our could-be-our-brothers! Every day, our brothers and sisters are brutally thrown down the drain by evil men! Killers for pleasure who forget where they came from and their past but not me!
I am a former sperm and I came to tell you my story, my struggle and trajectory!
When I was just a new sperm, I lived in a cramped house, my father's balls, along with billions of my brothers and sisters, but one day, they kicked us out of there! He made us run in the direction, I was scared but I ran as if it cost my life and it did, when I arrived at a cozy and round place I looked back and saw a scene that traumatizes me to this day!!! My brothers in sack trying to enter space and not being able to, they died trying, and I know that many were roasted for the same thing as me but they are hypocrites and do not see the truth! Even having gone through this, many men still have the nerve to throw our brothers and sisters' sperm down the drain, so today, I will not keep quiet!
SAY NO TO ABORTION OF INNOCENT SPERMS!!!
AND ALL THEY ASK IS, WHY R U SO SAD KID
DREAM??? 💚
New John Dory drawing he kinda looks like drake
Dawg, does this mean... Drooper x Bingo cannon 😮😮😮😮😮