Perverts By Ethel Cain Save Me - Blog Posts

John Schmidt never quite fit in. It wasn’t just his outstanding intellect that set him apart from his peers. It was something else, somewhere deep inside him.

He was a tall and scrawny kid who didn’t have much in common with the other boys or girls around him. He so desperately wanted to connect with them, but his nerdy interests and shy demeanor made it difficult. A profound sense of loneliness began setting in.

As he matured, he realized it wasn’t just a friendship he was seeking from the other guys, but his judgmental community drove him to suppress his abominable desires deep in his wretched soul. His feelings didn’t matter much anyway, since his insecurities convinced him, that anyone would find him repulsive if he tried getting closer.

He finally left his small town when he was effortlessly accepted into university to study mechanical engineering. During his first year, he met Andrew Morgan, a fellow student who lit up every room he walked into. Andrew was everything his classmate could only dream of being: charismatic, well-liked, funny, and John became infatuated with him. Soon, an unexpected friendship flourished, and as they got closer, John realized that he felt something more for Andrew than just friendly admiration.

He repressed his feelings, because his buddy, who was never strapped for attention from beautiful women, couldn’t possibly reciprocate. He ultimately deemed his desires shameful, as his best friend showed him nothing but kindness, and he was repaying him with these immoral thoughts. He felt like a creep, a monster, who prayed on an unassuming young man, which only deepened his self-hatred.

Years passed, and both brilliant men graduated at the top of their class. As if his résumé wasn’t impressive enough, John earned a doctorate and secured a position in a prestigious research facility. Andrew became a professor at their alma mater, beloved by his students and other staff members alike, and found a nice woman with whom he eventually settled down.

John watched from the sidelines as the relationship of the man he loved blossomed. On one fateful day, he received a wedding invitation accompanied by a request to be his dear friend’s best man.

John had no choice but to choke back his tears as he put on his best suit and tie.