Find your tribe in a Sea of Creativity
I recently rewatched THE scene from "Brazil" and was struck by how sad and resigned they both were. This "palate cleanser" of a fic under the cut is an interpretation of that scene. I've tried to lift their soul crushing sorrow a little (or made it worse?). My media literacy has grown so much reading fiction and analysis, but I'm just dabbling here. I got the urge to play a bit as I am not a creative writer (especially of the quality within FAM fandom-y'all rule).
(And a warning; Google translated Russian contained below!)
Sergei observed that there was a brief moment when Margo's gaze turned inwards to consider his gambit to escape Irina and the KGB that his spirit lifted. She was letting the idea take center focus. He didn't know if his heart would fare better with the limbo of her pause, or the finality of her answer. When her eyes fell to her hands and then back up to meet his gaze, his spirit fell back to Earth. He met eyes filled with regret.
Sergei knew then that they would never have more than what they’d had in the past. They were in the past. Unable to keep the disappointment off his face, his features soon matched hers. Resignation banished any further thought of Brazil.
They would never get the dream of blueprints over a shared kitchen table. Of kisses freely shared over clasped hands. Of working together on their shared passion. It was all beyond their capacity to realize.
He watched as her eyes wetted with unshared tears. Wanting to spare her the pain of explaining what he knew she felt she needed to do, he reached forward to cover her hand with his. She had learned too well in Moscow how tenuous matters were. He let the dream fade and focused on the present moment. They only shared the comfort of moments over their long association, and if this was to be the last, he was going to make it count.
When her hand rested on his and she returned his smile with her own half smothered version he stood up and tugged on her hand to do the same.
With only a brief hesitation she climbed to her feet. Margo wouldn’t meet his eyes at first, so he gently nudged her chin up with his hand. His heart ached in his chest but it would not fail, encouraged by the softness of her skin and her gaze as she met his eye. They always did seem to be on the same page.
He brushed along the curl of her hair, enjoying the feeling of her closeness. Taking a beat he nodded and pulled her into an embrace. She folded into his arms with a soft exhale. Having her in his arms again was almost too much after so long, but he couldn't help but feel lighter and a bit more whole. They both reacquainted each other with the warmth of their embrace. With a tightening of his hold on her, Sergei dared to push a little more.
“я бы хотел, чтобы ты меня поцеловал,” he said quietly into her ear.
Margo flushed brilliantly and closed her eyes. She eased back from him and shook her head at his incorrigible nature. A small smile flitted across her face. Sergei’s own smile quivered as he watched her face transform.
Opening her eyes, she brought one hand to his chest and the other to stroke his cheek. He leant into her cool hand. He felt his spirit soar higher and with Margo’s soft sigh, he knew she was lifted too.
Margo leant forward and pressed her lips to his. If this was their last moment, it would be a good one.
What began as a soft press of their lips deepened as they wrapped their arms around each other. Echoing so many earlier moments, it was over before they were able to get started.
Margo pulled away with a final caress of his cheek, and she turned back to the work on the table. Not ready to move from this moment just yet, Sergei's hand drifted up to rest on the nape of her neck, his thumb caressing her skin. Margo exhaled softly and reached up to rest her own hand upon his, gently squeezing his fingers. Sergei quirked a smile before stepping closer, gently pressing a kiss to the side of her head.
They both heard Aleida bustling through the house, coming back to the kitchen. With a final caress of her neck, Sergei sat heavily back at the table and gazed up at Margo as she busied herself collecting her papers. Margo was always the strong one.
His eyes took their fill of her, as his hands lay uselessly on the table, longing to hold her.
Aleida entered the kitchen ending their time together, “Are we done here?”
“Enough… for tonight,” Margo replied. Sergei dropped his gaze to his hands just as Margo reached over and nudged him. “We’ll speak again soon, yes?” Her eyes searched his.
“Yes… of course, Margo. Yes.” Was his hoarse reply.
One thing I think a lot about is how, as precious as the handhold was, we weren't shown Sergei and Margo's actual goodbye moment when she left Aleida's house in S4E9. I continue to hold out some hope that we may see this as a flashback in the next season (although if we do I'm sure it will kill me dead). But if we never see this scene, then we can continue believing it included whatever we want, yes? I desperately want at least one, if not both, of them to have said "I love you." I go back and forth about whether or not that would be in character. However, I've decided that the most emotionally devastating possibility is Sergei saying to Margo, "I would like you to kiss me." In Russian. And then it would break my heart if she didn't and break my heart even more if she did.