Back To Work - Blog Posts

Scared.

I renamed this post three times... Petrified. Terrified. Frightened. Just plain scared. I am just plain scared. I am supposed to go back to work on Tuesday and I am just plain scared. I don't know that I'm ready. I know I'm not ready, who am I kidding. I can barely read a menu let alone the two hundred plus emails I have to go through and all the changes that I am sure they have made in two months since I've been out. I'm basically going back ready to fail. Ready to get fired. And guess? I don't care. Can you tell where my mood is? Yup. Still down. But I think this is what they call a mixed state- I can't keep a thought in my head, but I just don't have any energy to care. I have one more day of therapy in group to go to before Tuesday and I'm not terribly confident that I can express myself the way I want to... When I say I'm scared, I mean, I have spent the past three days with diarrhea, no appetite, and picked out three outfits to wear on that day back... No four. Changed my mind. I want the green striped sweater, my comfy sweater, to go back in... I can't seem to find a comfortable place in my own skin. My clothes irritate me, my stomach irritates me, my face irritates me, my house irritates me, even my kiddo- and i hate that the most. Everything I come I contact with bothers me in some way. I'm not ready but I don't feel like anyone is giving me a choice- even when they say they are... I don't know... Guess we just have to jump in with two feet and hope the water is deep enough that we don't break a leg...

Back-to-Work Sleeping Beauty Vampire

Name: Adelina Codruț 

Age: 1,291

Education:

University of the Dark Arts, PhD in Vampiric Studies

University of Transylvania, Master of Vampirism

Rural Academy of the Undead, Bachelor of Aerodynamics and Bachelor of Mental Aerodynamics

Skills:

Plowing, sowing and weeding garlic fields (Seriously, garlic.)

Fang sharpening

Moving undetected in the shadows

Transformation into a bat or wolf

Mistress of disguise even in human form

Seductive and charming

Mysterious skill sprouts

Bilingual in English and Romanian

Proficient in several other languages

Skilled in leadership, strategy, and negotiation

Writing bestsellers in coffins

Experience:

Founder and CEO of the Transylvanian Vampire Council

Author of the best-selling books "Nightweight, Nightyears," "Solar Utopias" and "Draculas" and the well-acclaimed investigative publication "The True Count: Vampire Migration and Statelessness"

Negotiated a peace treaty between the vampires and the humans in 2077

Led the vampire nation to victory in the Great War of 2123

Slept for almost a century after that due to exhaustion

Awards and Honors:

Vampire of the Year Award (2065, 2077, 2123)

Most Distinguished Vampire Award (2064, 2065)

Order of the Bat Medal (2077, 2123)

Vlad Dracul Award for Excellence in Vampiric Studies (2022)

Summary:

A highly experienced and skilled vampire with a proven track record of success. Seeking a position where I can use my talents and abilities to further the cause of the new vampire-human federation.

References:

Available upon request. (As long as I can find them alive.)

Additional Information:

I am a vegetarian and do not drink blood from humans.

As a being of darkness with unparalleled longevity, I am looking for a career that will provide me with a steady source of income. After slumbering for nearly a century, I am ready to bring my unique skillset and perspective to the world of the living once again.

I grew up in abject poverty. I knew from a young age how merciless life could be. I saw my grandfather burning at the stakes and my mother weeping in an unhinged manner as she cut off the one uncharred limb from his corpse and forced mush made up of the flesh down the throats of her hungry brood.

My education was punctuated numerous times by continental wars, civil strife and drastic policy about-turns. I toiled through a long string of menial jobs before I could afford college. To build up my endurance, I deliberately put myself through challenges like the garlic field stint above. You can trust me to rise up to the challenges of post-hibernation employment too.

During the many periods I have been awake, I have seen the rise and fall of numerous civilizations, some up close. I can give valuable insight into a multitude of ancient societies, offering my unique perspective as an immortal observer. Additionally, I can draw from my memory numerous specific events, figures, and cultural phenomena that would be lost to history were it not for my own personal repository. I believe I am a wealth of ancient knowledge waiting to be shared with the world.

I have also been blessed with the gift of vivid dreams, which, coupled with the yearning of my subconsciousness during those long years of hibernation, fortuitously allowed me to live a second life, experiencing the times and the people I missed in my long slumber. I was able to soak in stories from the olden days, keeping myself sharp and current with the events of the world even while I rested.

When I was not dreaming of the times and people I missed during my long slumber, my intrepid soul would travel through the fabric of time into the very far, post-species future, witnessing the course of fast-forward vampire and human history, collecting the knowledge and insight of millennia and emerging with unparalleled wisdom.

In short, my unrivaled experience in history, politics, and culture are unmatched in the present day, making me a perfect asset to any organization. My appetite for hard work and exploration is as clear as moonlight. I am eager to discuss this opportunity further and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The time-bending, blood-loathing, immortal vampire,

Adelina Codruț 

Email: vampadelina@ahumaneditor.ai

I wonder what this is 🤔

Edit: Here's the finish product