(and Everyone Else In Your Life) - Blog Posts

i mean, but also, knowing your limits and knowing when you need to step back so that you don’t act resentful or stressed out by your own kids, is part of being a good parent.

everyone has limits. getting to take a break can make you a better parent, because you’re a little refreshed when you get back, and you’re actively glad to see your kids, and it makes you happy to be with them! they can see that stuff clearly, too.

it’s OK to recognize that you as a parent need more support and more time to not-always-be-parenting. to retain your sanity and self-perception as your whole self and not just the parenting role. burnout is a real thing, and shutting down people who are grappling with this particular stress isn’t going to help them acknowledge or move through those feelings — or figure out ways to help themselves de-stress, recharge, and nourish themselves in spite of their life pressures.

no human can be 100% on, 100% of the time, and that doesn’t change when you have a kid. this is a huge part of why extended families and local communities are so important in child-rearing (‘it takes a village’) — having support makes you, yourself, a better and more patient parent, because you aren’t constantly running on fumes.

speaking from personal experience, my parents raised me without any help. it was really hard on them — and on me, because that just isn’t how children are meant to grow up. but it’s not how parents are meant to parent, either.

i understand that better now that i have kids myself and, hey, i’m still autistic! my limits are clearer than most people’s, and maybe as a result i need more help (=auxiliary carers so that i can take care of myself). it sure has made me aware of this balance.

of course, yes, it’s absolutely not okay for your kids to think or know that you resent them/parenthood, or that you don’t want to be around them. and they REALLY DO know much more than others guess. (again, i was one of those kids. a lot of us were, i imagine.)

but the best way to prevent that whole mess from happening is to handle your feelings yourself, so that you can engage in parent-child interactions better. (with calmness, affection, wisdom, humility, blah blah.) but that requires time and energy for self-care, which is obviously in short supply. aaannnd it also helps not to be judged by strangers on the internet.

sometimes venting to an adult is how you meet your emotional needs enough to leave that stuff aside, and go be genuinely present with your kid, with gratitude instead of resentment.

self care skills are parenting skills. ❤️