Blackbonnet Headcannons

AU Where Stede Is Just Inexplicably Yolked, Dude: Part 2, Ed Wants To Be Carried

"... You know, I probably should've realized he's strong as fuck a while ago."

Izzy looks up at Ed, who's shamelessly watching as Stede is pulling up the dinghy form the last little excursion. He's been asked to do such things more often ever since Izzy's nose was sacrificed for the discovery.

"How so, sir?" Izzy can't think of a single time-

"I locked myself in his bathroom after The Fuckery. He broke the fucking door open."

"... He what?"

"I didn't realize in the moment, but he fucking broke it open, man. I locked it and then he broke it open to check on me."

"Why the fuck were you in his bathroom?"

"Doesn't matter. How many layers do you think that actually is, to hide his arms? But they didn't look very big or anything when I was watching him sleep after The Spanish. Maybe 'cause they were relaxed. And a healthy person does have fat over their muscles, so it's not like it'd be super obvious..."

"Sir. You're... you're oogling."

"Am I?" Ed tilts his head as he watches Stede wipe some sweat off of his forehead. "Do you think he could carry me?"

"Captain?"

As Stede walks by the staircase to the wheel, Ed hops onto the railing. "HEY STEDE!"

Stede looks up.

"CATCH ME, MATE!"

"ED NO-"

Ed flings himself off the stairs, and Stede screams and holds his arms out! Ed lands safely in his hold, laughing.

"You almost broke your neck, you nut!"

"But you caught me." Ed grins at Stede, and Izzy can't believe it but it's the only way to describe that fits, he grins at Stede dreamily.

"Don't make a habit of it," Stede pleads as he goes to set Ed down. But Ed clings on.

"I won't, man, promise."

"Um, you can let go now."

"Nah. Legs are tired. Time to live up to your name, Stede. You're carrying me around for the rest of the day."

"Is this... normal pirate protocol?"

"Sure, if that's what you want to hear."

Stede looks around, teeth showing in... not quite a grimace, not quite a smile, just in... thought. And then he shrugs, and carries Ed effortlessly into the lower decks.

"What the fuck is going on anymore," Izzy huffs under his breath.

Y’all, skysolo is crazy, im reading fics from the late 90’s-early 2000’s and there are even older ones on old archives, i have a fic rec from 2004 open that links to fics that were already on archived websites then! (thank you wayback machine)

2004 “ship manifesto” with some fic rec

Lot of links to stuff here with blurbs

Superman introducing his goth boyfriend to the Justice League (Batman founded it, he just doesn't go to meetings and communicates solely in tersely worded emails)

Superman: This is Batman, the terror of Gotham! Vengeance itself! He is the night!

Batman: *incomprehensible growls and mumbles, goes to sulk in the shadows by the door*

Superman: Awww, he likes you guys!!!

Firsts - A Blackbonnet Fic

Title: Firsts Wordcount: 927 Ship: Blackbonnet | Stede Bonnet/ Edward Teach

just some silly comedy-fluff

–

“Hey, whoa!” Ed laughed into his mouth as Stede kept pushing in to kiss him. The dinghy rocked uncertainly. Out on the open water, the waves lapping at them were high, even under this afternoon’s clear sky. The threat of tipping more than anything was what made him finally back off, looking a little sulky.

“Don’t squirm, Ed, or you’re going to sink us. I thought you were a professional.”

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Sam and Bucky get pulled into Westview’s illusions on their way to help Wanda (not that they remember)… and find they’re happily married and everything is fine. right?

AU Where Stede Is Just Inexplicably Yolked, Dude

Weak. Delicate. Pathetic. All the words Izzy Hands would ever use to describe Stede Bonnet, joined only by the word 'annoying'.

That is, until Stede punches him in the face.

"Put your fuckin' back into it!" Izzy had been shouting as he made two of the useless crew (Roach? Wee John? He can't be arsed to remember their names) clean the deck.

"Actually," Stede had said in a sing-song voice as he walked up the stairs to the wheel, "We're going to forgo the chores today! I picked up some fab art supplies at port last time and-"

"Shut your fuckin' mouth."

Stede had stiffened. "Well. You could've phrased that more constructively-"

"Do you ever shut your fuckin' mouth?"

Stede had huffed, and then Ed had walked up. "Izzy, come on, man. He's the Captain."

"He's barely a Captain."

"It's his ship man."

And it had been enough. "And who's fuckin' fault is that, Edward? Who didn't steal the fuckin' ship like we'd planned? Who decided to let this ponce be in charge, huh?"

Ed had snarled back. "Think about who you're talking to, mate."

"I am. I'm not talking to Blackbeard, am I? I'm talking to Edward. A fuckin' soft-hearted, useless, doormat of a ma-"

And then there was a sharp pain and everything went black.

When he came to, he was on the deck with Fang and Ivan hovering over him while people chattered in the background. He slowly sat up and put his hand to his nose. His glove came away bloody, and the slight touch had sent sharp pain through his whole head.

"How the fuck did Captain do that?" he hears the scribe boy whispering, voice trembling a little.

"It's always the quiet ones," the chef says, looking up at the wheel. "Did I say so before?"

"Yeah, but that turned out to be an accident," the annoying bald fanboy whispers. "This was like. Real."

No. No. No fuckin' way.

Izzy looks up at the wheel and sees Ed and Stede in a heated conversation, and holy fuck that's Izzy's blood on Stede Bonnet's knuckles.

Finally, the two descend, and Stede looks sheepish. He gives a wobbling smile to his crew, clapping his hands together. "So, ah, allow me to apologize for losing my temper, there."

"You knocked a man out," the one in the orange beanie says. "You didn't even use the stun move."

"Yes, I know."

"How the fuck do you have the strength to do that?" the one who freaks out about cats asks, both intrigued and frightened.

"Well... I don't know. I suppose the layers of my outfit get rather heavy sometimes."

Everyone stares. Stede clears his throat. "Anyway, it was completely unprofessional of me to strike someone else's First Mate over some harsh words. Now- oh, good, he's awake. Izzy Hands, I deeply apologize for um-"

"Smashing his nose in?" Jim (Izzy can remember Jim easily, that one's made of different stuff than the rest) provides.

"Yes. That." Stede offers an ingenuine apologetic smile. Izzy knows it's not genuine because the man never stops with the genuineness, and it's absence is almost shocking.

"You fuckin'-" Izzy begins to growl, but his own blood gurgles in his throat and Ed is looking at Stede with something like reverence and Stede, under all that hoity-toity propriety and apologetic nature, looks proud of himself.

And Izzy doesn't know if he could stand getting knocked out by Stede Fuckin' Bonnet twice.

"I accept your apology," he mumbles.

Stede grins and claps his hands together once again, and Izzy wants to punch himself in the nose when he flinches at it.

MORE TIPS ON FLIRTING TEMPTING (FROM CROWLEY)!

Well, what do you know...

You learn something useless new everyday!

-Bubbly, ROLL OUT!

…their first meeting seems a bit different here…

this episode is why people call it hatecrimes m.d