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"I want to know what happened in that ice shelter on Hoth" WORRY NOT for I, the god and preacher, know EXACTLY what happened

AU Where Stede Is Just Inexplicably Yolked, Dude: Part 2, Ed Wants To Be Carried

"... You know, I probably should've realized he's strong as fuck a while ago."

Izzy looks up at Ed, who's shamelessly watching as Stede is pulling up the dinghy form the last little excursion. He's been asked to do such things more often ever since Izzy's nose was sacrificed for the discovery.

"How so, sir?" Izzy can't think of a single time-

"I locked myself in his bathroom after The Fuckery. He broke the fucking door open."

"... He what?"

"I didn't realize in the moment, but he fucking broke it open, man. I locked it and then he broke it open to check on me."

"Why the fuck were you in his bathroom?"

"Doesn't matter. How many layers do you think that actually is, to hide his arms? But they didn't look very big or anything when I was watching him sleep after The Spanish. Maybe 'cause they were relaxed. And a healthy person does have fat over their muscles, so it's not like it'd be super obvious..."

"Sir. You're... you're oogling."

"Am I?" Ed tilts his head as he watches Stede wipe some sweat off of his forehead. "Do you think he could carry me?"

"Captain?"

As Stede walks by the staircase to the wheel, Ed hops onto the railing. "HEY STEDE!"

Stede looks up.

"CATCH ME, MATE!"

"ED NO-"

Ed flings himself off the stairs, and Stede screams and holds his arms out! Ed lands safely in his hold, laughing.

"You almost broke your neck, you nut!"

"But you caught me." Ed grins at Stede, and Izzy can't believe it but it's the only way to describe that fits, he grins at Stede dreamily.

"Don't make a habit of it," Stede pleads as he goes to set Ed down. But Ed clings on.

"I won't, man, promise."

"Um, you can let go now."

"Nah. Legs are tired. Time to live up to your name, Stede. You're carrying me around for the rest of the day."

"Is this... normal pirate protocol?"

"Sure, if that's what you want to hear."

Stede looks around, teeth showing in... not quite a grimace, not quite a smile, just in... thought. And then he shrugs, and carries Ed effortlessly into the lower decks.

"What the fuck is going on anymore," Izzy huffs under his breath.

sambucky sketches

There had to be a reason for sam to get so buffed up right ?

Do not repost or reproduce in anyway please and thank you

First. || Second

Empire strikes back

Ah yes, finally I made the next part of this awful thing. I lost a lot of energy for it after i lost the work of several pannels and had to start from zero, but hey, here it is.... :]

AU Where Stede Is Just Inexplicably Yolked, Dude

Weak. Delicate. Pathetic. All the words Izzy Hands would ever use to describe Stede Bonnet, joined only by the word 'annoying'.

That is, until Stede punches him in the face.

"Put your fuckin' back into it!" Izzy had been shouting as he made two of the useless crew (Roach? Wee John? He can't be arsed to remember their names) clean the deck.

"Actually," Stede had said in a sing-song voice as he walked up the stairs to the wheel, "We're going to forgo the chores today! I picked up some fab art supplies at port last time and-"

"Shut your fuckin' mouth."

Stede had stiffened. "Well. You could've phrased that more constructively-"

"Do you ever shut your fuckin' mouth?"

Stede had huffed, and then Ed had walked up. "Izzy, come on, man. He's the Captain."

"He's barely a Captain."

"It's his ship man."

And it had been enough. "And who's fuckin' fault is that, Edward? Who didn't steal the fuckin' ship like we'd planned? Who decided to let this ponce be in charge, huh?"

Ed had snarled back. "Think about who you're talking to, mate."

"I am. I'm not talking to Blackbeard, am I? I'm talking to Edward. A fuckin' soft-hearted, useless, doormat of a ma-"

And then there was a sharp pain and everything went black.

When he came to, he was on the deck with Fang and Ivan hovering over him while people chattered in the background. He slowly sat up and put his hand to his nose. His glove came away bloody, and the slight touch had sent sharp pain through his whole head.

"How the fuck did Captain do that?" he hears the scribe boy whispering, voice trembling a little.

"It's always the quiet ones," the chef says, looking up at the wheel. "Did I say so before?"

"Yeah, but that turned out to be an accident," the annoying bald fanboy whispers. "This was like. Real."

No. No. No fuckin' way.

Izzy looks up at the wheel and sees Ed and Stede in a heated conversation, and holy fuck that's Izzy's blood on Stede Bonnet's knuckles.

Finally, the two descend, and Stede looks sheepish. He gives a wobbling smile to his crew, clapping his hands together. "So, ah, allow me to apologize for losing my temper, there."

"You knocked a man out," the one in the orange beanie says. "You didn't even use the stun move."

"Yes, I know."

"How the fuck do you have the strength to do that?" the one who freaks out about cats asks, both intrigued and frightened.

"Well... I don't know. I suppose the layers of my outfit get rather heavy sometimes."

Everyone stares. Stede clears his throat. "Anyway, it was completely unprofessional of me to strike someone else's First Mate over some harsh words. Now- oh, good, he's awake. Izzy Hands, I deeply apologize for um-"

"Smashing his nose in?" Jim (Izzy can remember Jim easily, that one's made of different stuff than the rest) provides.

"Yes. That." Stede offers an ingenuine apologetic smile. Izzy knows it's not genuine because the man never stops with the genuineness, and it's absence is almost shocking.

"You fuckin'-" Izzy begins to growl, but his own blood gurgles in his throat and Ed is looking at Stede with something like reverence and Stede, under all that hoity-toity propriety and apologetic nature, looks proud of himself.

And Izzy doesn't know if he could stand getting knocked out by Stede Fuckin' Bonnet twice.

"I accept your apology," he mumbles.

Stede grins and claps his hands together once again, and Izzy wants to punch himself in the nose when he flinches at it.

Can you imagine the sheer amount of horror and panic for the rebels if Padmé decided to be evil and "yeah, okay, you know what, let's cut Palpatine's head and let me see what I can do to fix this galaxy my way"?

No no like they're like "The Chancellor tricked us, almost all the jedi are dead, there's no republic anymore, but there's still hope! There's still a fight in us, there's still---!" and they see Padmé, with Anakin/Vader following her close with raging, horrible, yellow eyes, but what's more scary is that Padmé is just smilling? With a sith so close to her? Padmé, he's- he's a murderer, Padmé? Why are you giving him pats- Oh damn, he's the father, oh damn-.

"We're doomed" the rebels mutter when they realize Senator Amidala- wait, what? Is Empress Amidala now? Okay-.

Yeah, okay, theorically she would be a better choice than the bastard of Palpatine. But at the same time she's so loved, so clever as a politician and Anakin is so devoted to her that forming a rebellion against her would be twice as hard. Even more when she actually originally was one of the founders of that very same rebellion? And General Skywalker is insane now, and he's very insane about her too, and he's very murderous and did I say insane? and...

What, all the highly trained look-alikes handmaidens are now secret service? Well that's...complicated, but...What, Naboo supports her? The whole planet? That's not so much of a shock, but...Bail, wait, listen to yourself, Bail what are you saying, she's evil now, stay with us, Bail. Okay, well, you might have a point-

"We're doomed." The rebels mutter again as they facepalm at the most cheesy and dumb royal wedding between the worst power couple in existence and the Organas are guests of honor and the groomsmen/honor guard are a chained General Kenobi, an astromech and a protocol droid.

Prompt: gentlehands "are you flirting with me" "have been for the past [x amount of time] but thanks for noticing ~ blackhannetandco

@blackhannetandco this one's for you!!! *fucks up immediately*

***

"You have to remember to keep your back straight as you parry, or else you're risking losing your nose. Bonnet? Oh, for fuck's sake. Bonnet? Are you listening?"

Stede wasn't listening. It was decidedly hard to do, given that Izzy was shirtless, flexing his muscles before God and everybody.

Which, to be fair, that "everybody" was just Stede himself.

It's been several weeks since the two of them reconnected. Several weeks since Izzy started training Stede in combat in an old back room of an inn with a leaking roof, in the hopes that, if sufficiently prepared, he could at least survive the confrontation with Ed, or rather - Blackbeard. At least long enough to talk some sense into him.

If Stede wasn't already just a little bit nervous at the thought of seeing Ed again, the thought that the love of his life could actively want to kill him made him absolutely mortified.

And yet, at times, all of that seemed to pale in comparison with the feelings that have been raising in Stede's chest for a little while now. Nevermind that Izzy Hands was an incredibly talented swordsman, nevermind the way he looked in candlelight, his chest bare, eyes focused, forehead misted with sweat.

He was also, as much as it surprised Stede - a very decent guy to talk to. He had so many stories to tell, both from his youth, as well as from the time he spent pirating with Ed.

To be fair, Stede did have to pry words out of Izzy's mouth at the beginning, but when Hands saw that Stede's interest was genuine, he did start opening up, slowly but surely.

All of these factors combined amounted to Stede's confusing, no good, very weird time. He barely just realised he had feelings for Ed - what's all this, then? He couldn't help but imagine that after he reunited with Ed, they would live happily ever after with no hiccups at all. And this. This was a big hiccup.

And it wasn't even that he stopped loving Ed amidst all this, not even for a second. No siree, then he could at least have something to beat himself up for. No, these bizarre feelings he had for Izzy existed in tandem, as it were, not instead of his feelings for Ed, but rather next to them.

At least that's how Stede explained it to himself. It made sense in his head.

He couldn't help glancing at Izzy time and time again when the man wasn't looking his way, and looking away when their eyes met. He couldn't help the way his voice would sometimes get quiet, softer, when he was talking to Izzy. He couldn't help the warm feeling spreading all across his body whenever Izzy would touch him to help perfect his stance. Stede was just a man, up against something unfathomable.

"Huh? Um, yeah. I'm listening. Obviously." Stede said, convincing neither Izzy nor himself.

Izzy let out a long sigh.

"You know what? Let's wrap things up for today. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Make sure you're focused by then."

Stede nodded, and having put away his sword started making his way to his shoes that he abandoned in the corner of the room.

Izzy in the meantime snuffed out the candles, with only the moonlight seeping in through the window serving as a modest source of lighting.

Neither of them however accounted for the small puddle slowly but surely forming in the middle of the room, thanks to a sneaky little hole in the roof that's been there for years.

It was a moment. A blink of the eye.

Izzy was walking, until gravity took a hold of him.

Stede launched himself in the man's direction without thinking. Izzy has been helping him with sharpening his reflexes, and it's been working... rather splendidly.

There they were - Stede leaned over Izzy, strong arms of the Gentleman Pirate wrapped around his middle, Izzy's face turned towards the ceiling, one leg stuck midair.

They were stuck like that, simply staring at each other in shocked silence.

It was Stede that finally broke it off.

"Well..." he tried, slowly. "You know Izzy, if you wanted me to hold you that badly, all you had to do was say so. No need to risk injuring yourself."

Stede was weirdly proud of himself for getting that out as smoothly as he did. All the more chance he would be this suave and confident flirting with Ed, right?

Izzy scoffed in response, equally shocked as he was amused.

"Fuck off." he said, though there was no malice in his voice.

Stede quietly helped Izzy stand up. When the first mate's back was turned to him, he waited a beat and said:

"Bonnet?"

"Yes, Izzy?"

Izzy turned to face Stede, his eyebrow cocked.

"Did you just flirt with me?"

Stede couldn't help but chuckle.

"Have been trying to for a little while now. Thanks for noticing, though."

And with that Stede passed him and made for the door.

Izzy considered this. His head was spinning ever so slightly. This was going to become a problem.

***

Right so first of all

Can you believe I waited over a year to answer this ask. It was sent to me... In June? Last year? In the meantime I dropped out of uni. Dear god. Sorry it took me so long 😭😅

Anyways, hope you like it!!!!!!!

Superman introducing his goth boyfriend to the Justice League (Batman founded it, he just doesn't go to meetings and communicates solely in tersely worded emails)

Superman: This is Batman, the terror of Gotham! Vengeance itself! He is the night!

Batman: *incomprehensible growls and mumbles, goes to sulk in the shadows by the door*

Superman: Awww, he likes you guys!!!

A cute drunken confession request for a patron!