We Grieve The Future We Will Never Have. We Grieve The Memories We Will Never Make. We Grieve The Person

trees are very 🥺 because sometimes i’ll stand under the shade of a tree and look up at it and it’ll sway its branches about in the wind and i’m like oh my God i’m alive and YOU’RE alive. we are alive together and made up of the same starry stuff and standing right next to each other in this moment on this earth. do u feel it when i reach out and press my hand to your trunk? can you hear me? i think you’re so neat. and then the sunlight filters through its leaves just so and that lovely green color leaves me dazzled. it’s just very nice to be an alive thing next to a different sort of alive thing

The first occurrence of Einstein’s E=MC^2 equation in his own writing.

Things I wanna research more:

When movie musicals became second best to theatre musicals

Time theories

Quantum theories

Astronomy

The seven other units at uni that I can’t do for this degree

Did I say time theories

Quantum physics

Physics in general

Psychology things (mental health, trauma, etc)

illicit affairs and clandestine meetings

I’m having a hard time accepting death as I remain alive. I watch my loved ones go but where does my love for them go? I feel it leaving me trying to nest in undeserving places. These other people don’t know what to do with it. I feel it trying to return back to me but I cannot keep it, it does not belong to me. It belongs with them, the ones who are already gone. So I let it get swallowed up by the earth, bits of me I will never get back. I am only a fraction, I carry a hidden life by the side of my life.

Dara Karadag

as the years go on, i'm learning to accept my nature. i stopped pretending i like the sun, i stopped forcing my voice to sing hight, i don't walk with who i wanna be, faking my spring. i am no spring. i run in the dark, i am scars, blood and raw meat. i am no soft, my eyes will never sparkle, my hands are sharp, my body is solid, i got my father's wide rib cage, his strong lungs. i am a dark personality, i will always be, and that is good. and i will celebrate it and be who i am until the end, until the day i die and after.

Your comfort movie is “dead poets society”, you’re in love with the smell of old books, poetry and classical music. You’re an introvert and like to journal and read in old libraries. 

Click here to go to the playlist (inspired by dead poets society)

I love reading.

I love the way it makes me feel. The way I get lost in the pages, in the words that seem to create a new world around me, in the feeling that I stop being myself and finally I'm someone else worth living. Because books for me it's a way to feel. Yo actually feel. Deeply, without being afraid, marking my very soul to the point the are part of me in a way, the shaped and changed my existence, bringing me into new families and friends and loved ones. Because no matter the end the feeling of being loved is there.

For me reading a book is a holy experience.

When I first hold the book in my hands I want to just sit there and stare a few seconds felling the way my heart beats faster and I can't stop smiling and the anticipation is eating me alive. Just sit there and smell the pages, the way the ink smell, the contrast of the black letter on the white paper.

The I open it and it's like a whole new world. I'm no longer in my existence, but I'm living a different life, a few of them. I have loved ones and I have enemies and I fight for what I believe it's right or causing destruction in my path because I had enough, I'm both the villain and the hero, I'm the good and the bad, I'm more than I'll ever be as myself. I feel the pain, I feel the joy, I laugh at the jokes and the sarcastic comments, I die of embarrassment, I crie and I smile, and I fall in love I judge everyone around me and I can't stop until I know the end.

And then I'm back. Back at my very existence I hate, but how can you hate something when each part of it belongs to something you love so much? When I finish reading is like a subdrop. It's like the world is crashing down on me. It's like a reminder that none of it was real, but yet for me it was. The pain and the joy it was real. It make me feel.

I love reading. It never disappoints me. It keeps my soul company. In a way a human never did, because they never tried. Reading hurts me and puts me back together. It's heals a hurting soul and protects a loved one.

I really love reading. Even when no one else understands it. I do. It's mine. It's make me want to live, to explore, to love, to be.

i don't understand much but what i do know is that people who read books and poetries are so attractive and they have the best vibe

Taylor Swift (2006)