Me In The Middle Of The Night: *coming Up With Ideas For Papers, Developing Points To Argue, Thinking

life is so hard when you like fictional characters more than real people

Evermore is for people who don't know if some incident is supposed to lead to their red era or their rep era. Their existence is made out of indecision and a couple of times when they bothered to take a decision, the outcome, well, it did not come out as planned. Scratch that, the outcome was terrible and now they're scarred for life. They can go from loving someone toxic and then missing them after they've buried them consecutively. They've been through a lot, please leave them alone.

In the depth of those words, i intend to write a letter to myself but it came out as a death note instead, i was in awe-destruction. These words carry heavy bricks and burning rage, where should i put it down? I wanted to write about what a fine and a good day looks like but then i remember Van Gogh's saying, 'this sadness will last forever' and so i hold the pen and start pouring blood, spilled on the pages of my dear diary. These kind of stuff happens when you cant pull the trigger. Millions of thoughts written yet none could be able to elucidate the unsaid., it always went down the grave coverted in the dead bones.

- Marium.

being an only child and not close with your parents is hard when you love talking and can’t keep your mouth shut and are constantly making jokes. like i’ve always just kinda talked to myself since i had no one to talk to and now being think i’m weird. i cant be the only one who will have full on conversations out loud with only myself, right?

Why is nobody talking about Chole or Sam or Sophia or Marcus? Like why ? That song is so good. Like wishing the other person happiness and at the same time wanting a closer like just tell me that you loved me and it's going to be fine(my mental peace), I don't want to hate you, I just wanted to hear that you loved me once and I know it didn't workout between us but I still want to know what you will be up to in your life later, let me be a part of it (like maybe exes on good terms) even if you and I both have someone in our lives.

idk but when i discover new books and music i’m just excited to be alive again. yes a bit dramatic but that’s how i feel when i discover them

If you show me something you've not shown anyone else, tell me secrets you've not told anyone else and take me to places you've not taken anyone else to, best believe I'm going to publish a novel about how beautiful you are.

—

“right where you left me” by taylor swift hurts me more than many of taylor swift’s other songs because, even though i’ve never felt the pain of a breakup, i’ve felt the pain of seeing myself as someone stuck in the past. i didn’t get frozen at 23 - i’m not even 23 yet -, but i think my mind froze when i was 17, when all my fantasies of growing up happy with caring friends and a caring boyfriend were shattered as i got thrown out of the closet. and it was the most excruciating pain i’ve ever felt in my life, and i never recovered from it, and sometimes i still think about the fantasies of a good life that i had when i was 17 and i think: won’t this bitch ever grow up? and then i realize the bitch is me and i had to do two things at the same time: i had to mature very quickly in order to not let my feelings be shown to the world, at the same time i had to stop every dream of mine from maturing. so i’m mature, but i’m not mature. this confusion hits me every single day, and i know i’d give everything to go back to when i was 17 and do something different just so i would feel better now - but this might never happen, right? i might never move on from the day when i realized the world is not what it looks like, and i don’t think anybody ever moves on when they feel the same realization, and everybody tries and finds other ways to pretend they’ve moved on, to pretend they don’t care about everything they lost when they were younger and felt frozen by the unexpected turnarounds of life. i hate that i can’t move on like everybody pretends they do, but i also hate that i had to move on so fast from what i should’ve lived more and never had the chance to live in a full form.

my skills include reading books, eating snacks, sleeping during the day, scrolling through tumblr quickly enough that people’s stupid videos don’t start playing automatically, listening to music, ignoring reality and being a massive crybaby.

“Ainda assim, a imagem assombrou seus sonhos a noite toda: a linda garota que olhava as estrelas e as estrelas que a olhavam de volta.”

— Trono de Vidro