Idk But When I Discover New Books And Music I’m Just Excited To Be Alive Again. Yes A Bit Dramatic

I'll change every version of myself to fit in. I've been having a hard time adjusting. Had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting. My cheeks are growing tired from growing red and faking smiles. Are we only biding time until I lose your affection? Ive got a hundren thrown out speeches i almost said to you. I have a lot of regrets about that. I'm a mirrorball. They see right through me. I cut off my nose just to spite my face. I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush. Will you still want me when I'm nothing new? You are so much older and wiser. Lord what will become of me when I've lost my novelty? You tolerate me. I sit and watch you.

in my sylvia plath, tortured poet, the lakes, jo march, dead poets society, albert camus, folklore, evermore, metamorphosis, dostovesky era

// Tom Marvolo Riddle //

In the depth of those words, i intend to write a letter to myself but it came out as a death note instead, i was in awe-destruction. These words carry heavy bricks and burning rage, where should i put it down? I wanted to write about what a fine and a good day looks like but then i remember Van Gogh's saying, 'this sadness will last forever' and so i hold the pen and start pouring blood, spilled on the pages of my dear diary. These kind of stuff happens when you cant pull the trigger. Millions of thoughts written yet none could be able to elucidate the unsaid., it always went down the grave coverted in the dead bones.

- Marium.

You know what I liked about snyder’s justice league? That at the end of the day, Batman was about hope and faith. We’re so used to this dark brooding character that they try to portray but Batman is about a little boy wanting to change the world, to try and protect anyone from hurting the way he hurt and for having faith in people and the world to be good. Superman’s symbol may stand for hope, but all of Bruce Wayne stands for it too.

like

books?? amazing. paperbacks?? soft, cozy, may fit in your pocket, cheap so you don’t feel bad for taking notes in them. hardcovers??? beautiful, pristine, ground you into the world they hold by making you grip them tighter, the stars of every bookshelf. ebooks?? convenient, cheap, always with you, a vast library that you can hold in your palm. new books?? crisp, the smell of wood, ideas waiting to imprint themselves upon the world. old books?? objects transcending history, sweet smelling, enriched by the hands that stroked their pages. books.

The side that you don’t know about being an only child....

Sooo your siblings are annoying. They’re brats. Your sister stole your curling iron and won’t give it back, she also has that pair of jeans that you literally love to china and back. You want some alone time, some peace? Being alone is not all that it is hyped up to be. Here’s some reasons why: 

1: imagine coming home from school, your parents are both at work, and having n o o n e. Nada. Absolute no one to vent to about the crap day you’ve had. I mean sure, for you sibling people out there, an afternoon alone might seem like heaven, but try every day for your whole childhood….not so fun. 

2: No one understands you. Don’t get me wrong, you parents might get you. But they don’t understand you! They’re not sixteen years old. They don’t understand how your brain works they can’t relate to you. So they’re going to say that you’re being ridiculous when you’re making perfect logical sense and any sibling would agree with you on that. Key thing here: no one in your house relates to you or understands you. 

3: Play. You can’t play tag with one person. Or uno. Or twister. Or guess who. Or even freaking battle ships! The swings are only fun if you got your homie sister on the other one and you two are debating whether that cloud is a horse or a cactus. i literally had to like….use my imagination.

4: Sleepovers. You know what i’ve always envied? You know that scene in Parent trap? When the two girls are chillin playing cards on the bed with the dog and they’re just talking about life like its just casual—I WANT THAT! I want impromptu sleepovers, I want to fangirl over harry potter. I want to be eating chocolate at midnight with my sister/brother whilst watching Narnia. I WANT A SLEEPOVER EVERY SINGLE NIGHT/DAY AND WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND I WOULDN’T HAVE TO FALL ASLEEP KNOWING THAT I’LL BE ALL ALONE TOMORROW MY SAD LIFE IS SO TRUE AHHHHH

5: Family pictures at school. Okay so. a bunch of kids always complain when they have to take school pictures with their siblings, but hey I would freaking cherish this ish to the max. I’d be like ‘leave class ten minutes earlier than you’re supposed to meet me outside the gym and I’ll let you know about all the stuff thats happening. lets talk’. And you have a nice or not so nice photograph as a token of the time you told your sister that you liked Johnny from Science class and you both freaked out like teenagers because thats what you are. 

6: Having someone to fight for. Ima not gonna lie. I want a kind of relationship that siblings have–the one where even when you’ve just had an argument you know if they ever got into trouble you’d be the first one to jump in and help them. Also, I’ve always wanted to like  put someone in their place like: “Hey, that’s my brother and if you’re gonna talk about him like that you better run like hell because your ass will be hanging by its underwear from the roof in five seconds. Thank you.” 

7: . Building forts. Okay so I built forts when I was younger. Everyone did, come on. But the most exciting part about forts is actually making them. And I was all by myself. I didn’t have an assistant. I didn’t have a co pilot. I didn’t have someone to ask: “should this go here or there?” “Do you think we should have a chair here or no chair.” I needed advice and I had no one to give it to me. Plus like when your spreading out blankets you have to like ruffle it out by your self on one end and then walk all the way to the other end to fix that end only to discover that you’ve messed up the other end and then it goes on and on—honestly just like having two people spread out a blanket is so much easier and more effective. 

8: No cousins. Coming from a huge family, my mother has a lot of brothers and sisters which means that I have a lot of cousins. 26 to be exact. Being an only child, I have come to the realisation that my children will not get to have that. Or even a fraction of it. The family get togethers that are always hectic but make everyone the happiest they ever been. The exchange gifts. christmas. They won’t have any cousins on my side. So i just hope my future husband has siblings otherwise its going to be a lot of sad christmases. 

9: Having a sibling is like having a built in best friend. They’re always there, around the corner. theres no need to call and ask if they can come over, theres no need to plan it or arrange time…just simply go down the hall and knock on their door 

10: everyone thinks we’re spoilt self conceded brats when actually we’re not. like the ‘oh but you get all the attention and all the presents.’ like literally, kid, i got one present one year and it was a book. loved it, but it was just one. nothing was given to me freely just for the sake of it. i literally had to work my tiny butt off for everything. and then i become a teenager and my parents were like: ‘you want that? go buy it yourself.’ so we’re no less spoilt than you guys are. this stereotype is stupid and not to mention wrong. 

All in all. The Only child life can be summed up in one word: lonely. 

Very, very lonely. 

much love ❤️

as the years go on, i'm learning to accept my nature. i stopped pretending i like the sun, i stopped forcing my voice to sing hight, i don't walk with who i wanna be, faking my spring. i am no spring. i run in the dark, i am scars, blood and raw meat. i am no soft, my eyes will never sparkle, my hands are sharp, my body is solid, i got my father's wide rib cage, his strong lungs. i am a dark personality, i will always be, and that is good. and i will celebrate it and be who i am until the end, until the day i die and after.

Fiction doesn’t exist to provide us with comprehensive instructions to navigate life. It exists to provide us with the perspective, questions, critical consideration, exploration, beauty, and escape we need to figure it out for ourselves.