I Was Crying Yesterday I’m Tired Of Having Schizotypal Personality Disorder, I’m Tired Of Accusing

Yet you remain Still you remain And she says: Pray for daylight Pray for morning Pray for an end to our deception...

Last night I was terrified to fall asleep because I felt like I was being watched again :(

mother :)

Mother is within us all she is within all forms of life if one isn’t with life then they would have to cleanse themselves because they are sinful and use items that represent life to show your worth to mother, that could be menstrual blood, plants, blood, animals even dirt take care of life as a duty to mother

I burned my arm with hot water today and it felt good

Idk why I do it

I made new friends who don’t treat me badly I love life :)

why did you have a crush on me? why did you keep pushing for sex when I said no multiple times? Why did you even like me? Why didn’t you listen to me when I spoke about my feelings? Why are you so selfish? Why are you an asshole? Why don’t you care? Why do you lie so much? Why are you delusional? We still could’ve been friends but you broke my trust and made me feel disgusted in myself, you brought back my disgust in sex you made me realize how much I hate my vagina again, why didn’t you listen why? Why are you telling people what they heard is a rumor knowing what you did? Why didn’t you listen? Why are you playing the victim again? I have a boyfriend why didn’t you listen? I don’t want to have sex with you why didn’t you listen? I don’t like you why didn’t you listen? I don’t secretly like you why didn’t you listen? I developed hatred for you because I realized you crossed my boundaries multiple times and I didn’t say much back then because I still wanted to be your friend but I’m human I could only take so much you made me mentally exhausted it was a chore to be your friend sometimes I didn’t even want to be on call with you because I knew you are sensitive and we would argue over nothing I hated the way you disrespected me over stupid arguments why didn’t you listen? Then I stopped caring I found new friends who didn’t treat me the way you did and I slowly stopped caring you, I would care if you listened the first time we still would’ve been friends, but after the people I met what is there to care about a friend who didn’t care about my feelings? Who played mind games? Who let me know my voice doesn’t matter? Who only cared when I threatened to leave? What is even the purpose of being my friend if your going to treat me this way, my new friends made me realize you are the problem and I didn’t deserve any of this my new friends gave me hope that I can form friendships with my disorder if you listened I would still be there with you, I would probably be on a call with you right now, we would probably be making jokes or I would make up a silly argument because those silly arguments were fun but I don’t trust you anymore you’ll probably sexualize me again and that makes me feel dirty like I have to shower why didn’t you listen?

The only man I love is my bf

voices

I heard voices today and they told me my current new friend is a good person and we should stay in contact so I’ll do just that :)

Anyone get scared to sleep to sleep because they feel entities watching them

Schizospec culture is not understanding why people demonize voices/hallucinations/delusions so much. They are just trying to keep me safe even if they aren't very good at it.

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