i dont like the term host,
i mean it is what i am, but i dont like the connotations connected to it. the idea that im the "real one" or that im in charge somehow.
or maybe it just makes me think of the word "parasite" when i hear it.
either way, i think i much prefer the using the term "pilot" to desctibe my place in the system.
i think that it describes what i actually do without the same negative connotations (and also our fronting room is a literal cockpit so it fits)
Hey, system originals and hosts--or whatever word you'd use. And anyone else who needs to hear it.
It's ok if you want to put your headmates first, before even IRL connections you have. It's not wrong. You're not "cringe". You're not evil or selfish or "worsening your condition" by default. You share your body with your headmates. Whether you view them as parts of your'self' or not, you share a singular form you all have to coexist inside of. People outside your body shouldn't get a say as to what you do with it.
It's ok if you want to do things for them that you wouldn't otherwise do with your life. It's ok if you need to make compromises together about what path you wanna take, and change up some life plans until you can all agree or at least be okay with them. It's ok if the closest connections to anyone you have are those within your own body. It's ok to not want to be close to people unless they accept everyone in your system.
You're not anti-recovery. You're not "giving up" your body to some evil parasite. You're not "throwing your life away because of an illness". You're not bad if you "make everything about your system" because those people are a part of your life as much as any other friend or partner or coworker, you should be able to talk about them.
If you want to make decisions about your body as a collective, please do. You can live a happy and fulfilling life, connected closely with your headmates and all being happy together. It doesn't have to be a struggle 24/7. There will be good days, there will be bad. You won't always agree easily. Things can be difficult, but you aren't wrong for wanting your system to be as big of a part in your life as you yourself are.
struggling with your identity?
try dissociation!!
dissociating from my identity worked great for the last 20 years.
i mean i am 6 people now but im sure thats completely unrelated.
sometimes I doubt my plurality and think I'm just a faker but honestly I'm not surprised I am plural as well considering the shit I went through plus growing up in a doomsday cult. my own experiences are quite complex, and like I talk about it because I want other systems to know they shouldn't be scared or feel ashamed. it just sucks when people think they know me better than I do and try to fake claim me and that in result, messes with my own consciousness.