But What If Your Headmates Force You To Do Something You Dont Want To?

Me when I was a "singlet": I wonder if my system friends think it's cheesy when I say "ya'll" or "you guys" to them.

Me knowing I'm a system, after someone just referred to us as "you guys":

our communication is pretty unreliable most of the time, but yesterday we had a full day of absolutely brilliant communication.

we spent the whole day playing fallout london together, laughing together, taking turns making dumb jokes, it was great.

the best bit was when we all went back and forth mocking the general in charge of the tommys (forgot his name but if youre playing it and have seen him you know who he is), it was amazing just all laughing together and feeling the happiness radiating from everyone else as we all brutaly roasted this moron. just pure joy.

i think that was our best system experience so far, i love being part of a system and hope our communication continues to improve like this.

Hii :) need some positivity rn, what are your best memories with your system?

With no headmates to counsel them AGAINST murder, inevitably the singlet protagonist becomes a serial killer.

Me: *hears that bottling up your emotions is bad* oh no! I will make sure I don't do that!

My brain (devious): *makes the bottle invisible and hides all evidence of unconscious bottling up*

Me: see, I'm not bottling up my emotions :) I just don't feel them very strongly and feel very detached from them :)

not nearly enough people are fuming about the cass review. do you understand the eventual implications? trans people in the uk will be considered children up until the age of 25, and denied HRT/surgery/even basic measures like legal name change and social transition. all owing to a biased and largely unscientific study. you know what “treatment” for gender dysphoria is recommended by the review instead? conversion therapy.

this will kill people and they know it, because they prefer us dead and out of sight. the government, the NHS and even the opposition have made this clear again and again. a twenty-five year old can have sex, get married have children, join the military, earn a living, be halfway up the corporate ladder or highly successful in their chosen career field by that age, but they can’t transition under NHS rules. this is a death sentence for trans teenagers and they are going ahead with it. it’s trans genocide, same as across the pond.

i’m so afraid for my trans siblings and our futures. i’m so scared for myself. what are we to do if not even the party that is supposed to be on the “left” gives a shit about our safety and mental health as long as they get voted in? labour have become tories with a red coat of paint. it all feels hopeless

Host: why do i feel so worn out right now?

Caretaker: its two o`clock in the morning

Host: im sure that unrelated.

.

Intruder in the System - Abstraction

"Synchronization achieved. Opening cognitive gateway. Five entities entering."

The synthetic voice of the Subconscious Mind Integration system rang out across the constructed virtual space, causing the assembled headmates of the connected systems to look towards the opening doorway.

"And that must be Alexis. Wonder what took her so long to connect?"

"Nerves, probably. It IS her first time."

"God, I remember our first time, she's in for a trip."

Through the glowing doorway, a series of silhouettes came into view, resolving into cohesive figures. A shorter woman, dressed in bright flowing robes with a circlet in her stark-white hair. A hunched-over bespectacled figure with blue hair peeking out from the hood of her comfy sweater. A tall and imposing armoured woman with long red hair and piercing, angry eyes. A purple-haired woman in a dark and elegant dress. A little girl with a bow in her blonde hair, seemingly trying to hide in the shadows of the taller figures.

Looking around the area, the five of them experienced their first exposure to a shared headspace, an abstract realm constructed by the combined wills of all the minds connected to the SMI session. The immediate area was a grassy clearing surrounded by trees, with various sorts of outdoor furniture set up for socializing, but in the distance was a skyline of a futuristic city, and the sky took the form of a starry night, with a number of colourful moons and planets clearly visible - a truly alien sky. Despite the apparent night-time appearance, the area was as well lit as if it were the middle of the afternoon.

The area was bustling with activity, as well. An entire crowd of headmates, alters, facets, fictives, all mingling and conversing, some of them just getting to know one another, others conversing like long-time friends. In one area, a strange masked figure sharing a quiet moment with a wolf girl. In another, a pink catgirl engaged in conversation with a fictive of Shadow the Hedgehog. Compared to this eclectic and varied group, the arrival of five apparent humans seemed utterly mundane.

Several of the more social among the nearby figures walked towards the new arrivals, offering welcomes and introducing themselves. The robed woman immediately took point, directing all of the socializing towards herself.

"Okay! So, introductions! I'm Hope, the one in the hoodie is Jade, the angry knight is Aurora, our resident goth is Lilith, and the little one is Ailsa! That's… That's A-I-L-S-A, not the princess from Frozen."

A cacophony of 'nice to meet you's and 'thank you for existing's followed, as the gathered headmates began to socialize. Hope and Lilith took to it well, while the other three were varying levels of apprehensive about the situation.

"So… no offense, but which of you is Alexis?", asked one particularly forward alter after a little bit of conversation.

"It's… complicated.", Jade answered uncertainly. "All of us are, but at the same time none of us are. Alexis is the vessel, the framework we all fit into. In a way, she's -"

"One entity entering." The synthetic voice called out again, interrupting the socializing and causing all conversation to be replaced with confused murmuring.

"No other bodies are connecting, who's…?"

"It didn't mention a new gateway, was there an alter staying behind?"

All eyes were on the cognitive gateway as a new figure entered the area - a tall and somewhat plus-size woman with long brown hair, dressed in a dark t-shirt and a long skirt. She had a distant and disconnected look in her green eyes, as if all higher thought had fully abandoned her.

"…Alexis?", asked Lilith. "But… how are we there, when we're already -"

She was interrupted by the new arrival collapsing the moment she crossed the threshold into the shared abstract space.

There was a collective gasp from the gathered systems. Hope rushed towards the fallen figure and knelt at her side, hands already glowing with healing light, then shrieked and recoiled backwards when the body started… glitching. Chromatic aberration, bursts of static, mismatched geometry, practically every unintended visual effect under the sun began tormenting the body.

"Uhhhh that's not supposed to happen, is it??" Jade was half asking herself and half asking the rest of the alters she had been in conversation with. Several of them were already shoving in to get a closer look.

"No, dear, I don't think it is!" Lilith turned to Aurora as best she could with a panicking Ailsa clinging to her leg. "Aurora, Jade, crowd control please! Hope, you've been distinct the longest, do you know what this is??"

Aurora began moving to interpose herself between Alexis' unstable form and the onlooking crowd. "You heard her! Give us some space or I WILL start taking it!" A handful of other system protectors took the hint and maneuvered to help form a barrier between the crowd and the scene.

Jade turned back to Lilith from her place at Aurora's side. "What are you going to do, Lil??"

"I'm… I'm not sure yet! Give me a minute here!" She turned to the child still holding onto her for dear life. "Ailsa, darling, I'm going to need you to stand back, go be with Hope right now, okay?"

Ailsa nodded silently, tears of worry in her eyes, and ran to Hope's side, Hope quickly leading her away from the fallen vessel and towards the crowd of onlookers as Lilith reached out for the fallen form of Alexis.

"What's happening?", an alter asked Hope once she was past the perimeter Aurora and Jade were establishing.

"I don't know.", Hope answered. "The whole, Alexis, she's never manifested in headspace, so we weren't sure if -"

"NEVER manifested in headspace?" The alter was incredulous. "Don't you switch out?? How do you communicate??"

"Look, it's… Our system is different, the five of us pass around control, but Alexis isn't a headmate, she's a shell!" Hope looked back at the glitching body with concern and anxiety, her eyes going wide as a realization struck her. "She doesn't know how to create a cognitive appearance…" She took a step back towards the body and shouted. "Lilith, I know what's happening! She's never been in a fully abstract space before, her cognition can't handle the unlimited possibilities!"

Lilith turned and stared towards Hope. "You mean, it's sensory overload?", she asked.

"More like cognitive overload, but maybe it's the same sort of thing! Can you force a shutdown??"

"I… can try."

Lilith's hands began to twist and extend into hideous claws as a creeping darkness began to climb up the rest of her body, aging and tattering her clothing, leaving her face gaunt and pale, her eyes now emitting an eerie glow, like distant lights through fog. Kneeling down, she laid her taloned hands on the fallen and glitching body and began quietly speaking.

"Just… let go. Let go of your effort, let go of your thoughts, embrace nothingness. Come into the dark…"

"She's doing the thing, isn't she?" Aurora was very consciously averting her gaze.

Jade nodded. "She's doing the thing."

Aurora winced. "I hate when she does the thing."

By now most of the gathered headmates had fully backed off, but many were still looking at the situation with concern and apprehension. A few more had gathered around Hope, as she at least seemed to be willing to answer questions.

"…She used to be our depression." Hope was answering a worried question about what exactly Lilith was doing to the fallen Alexis. "Sometimes she still is, when her will slips. It's… terrible, but there's no cure for an overstimulated mind quite like, well… emptiness."

"Look, it's working!" Ailsa had peeked out from around Hope to see what was happening. Jade and Hope turned to look as well, and sure enough the glitching around Alexis' body was noticeably reduced, replaced by a deep, dark shadow spreading out from Lilith's claws.

"Just… STOP." There was a low, gravelly quality to Lilith's voice. "Stop THINKING. Stop TRYING. Stop EVERYTHING."

"Might be overdoing it, Lilith…", Aurora protested, her back still turned.

"Shush. I'm working."

The darkness fully covered the last of Alexis' form, and Lilith withdrew her hands. They were in fact hands now, as Lilith was quickly returning to her typical presentation.

Jade abandoned her post next to Aurora, as calm seemed to have somewhat returned to the situation, and walked up to Lilith. "So what happens now?"

Lilith took a moment to breathe. "If I did it right, her cognition will reset, and she'll settle into a form derived from her most baseline mental processes."

"…And if you didn't do it right?"

"I'm… just going to hope I did it right."

Ailsa had walked up as well, and was gently holding one of the unconscious form's shadowy hands. "So if none of us are in there… Who's she gonna be?"

Jade turned to Ailsa. "That… is a very good question. Well, uh, her higher-level thought processes are all us, so without those she's basically a collection of autonomous processes and raw instincts. You know, pain response, perception of movement, need to eat and drink, that sort of thing."

"Oh. Like an animal?", Ailsa suggested.

"Yeah, like a…" Jade's eyes went wide and she slowly turned to look at the body. It was… shifting. Changing size, shape, form, to something… different. "…Oh."

"I know that 'oh'." Lilith turned to Jade. "What did you figure out, dear?" By now Hope and Aurora had returned and were watching the scene unfold as well.

"The answer to one of the questions that we've had for a long time. We figured out we're therian ages ago, so why -"

"Why do we all still present as human…", Hope interrupted.

Whatever re-shaping seemed to be occurring had slowed, and Lilith's shadows were melting from Alexis' form as her mental presence rebooted, revealing white fur, dark grey stripes, a long tail, paws and claws, and a feline head.

"Baseline processes…", Jade repeated. "Like an animal…" She shook her head and pinched her nose with a hand. "I should have seen it, her higher thought processes, everything that defines her as a person, it's all US! WE'RE her HUMANITY!!"

Aurora winced. "And when we crossed the threshold from the airlock, we took her humanity with us."

A renewed wave of curious and confused murmuring emanated from the assorted headmates of other systems as they observed this development.

And then Alexis woke up, and climbed to her feet - her four feline digitigrade feet. Still uneasy and unsteady, she stumbled to the closest figure - Ailsa - and stared deep into her eyes.

"…This is weird…", Ailsa whispered.

Alexis suddenly let out a happy chuff and gave Ailsa an affectionate headbutt. This one was a friend. This one was nice.

Ailsa cautiously reached out a hand and scratched the giant cat behind an ear, causing her to let out another happy vocalization.

The tension of the environment seemed to evaporate some as the situation had apparently stabilized. Some of the alters watching were concerned at having witnessed such a massive change in self-visualization, others were cautiously interested in getting to interact with the giant cat. Alexis was wary at the sudden attention and let out a few growls when the interactions were a little too familiar a little too quickly, but over time she settled comfortably into the role of a big friendly tiger.

"Awwh, she's so cute like this!"

"I know her sona's always been a white tiger, but I feel a little weird about this…"

"The whole point of SMI is to let us interact as our true selves, right? …This is Alexis' true self."

Meanwhile, Hope and Aurora were off having their own conversations with other headmates and facets, and even Ailsa was managing to shyly talk to some other inner children. Jade, though, was hanging back, brow furrowed.

"You've got that look on your face." Lilith's comment shook Jade out of her concentration.

"Wh-what? What look? I don't have a look."

Lilith took position next to Jade and wrapped an arm around her in a half-hug. "You absolutely had a look, dear. Whenever you're trying to solve a complicated problem, you get The Look. We're supposed to be having fun, so what's eating at you?"

"Just… should have seen this coming, I guess."

Lilith gripped tighter and pulled Jade into a full hug. "Listen, dear. I know between your analytical mind and my intuition we're practically precognitive, but even we aren't going to see everything coming."

"I should have known…"

"And what would you have done different, had you known? What consequences would have been avoided? We had a little bit of a scare, that's all." Lilith released Jade from the hug and pointed her towards the crowd. "Now look over there."

The scene was one of mirth - headmates and alters and facets from all the systems connected to the SMI session, sounds of laughter and happy conversation, and roaming through the crowd, a large white tiger, receiving all the attention and affection and species affirmation her therian heart could desire.

Jade allowed herself a little smile. "She IS cute like that…"

"You see? It all worked out." Lilith grinned. "Now let's go hit up that snack table."

"…You know it's not actual food, right? It's just the abstract concept of food given simulated form."

"You and I are both abstract thoughtforms as well, is there even a difference for us? Now don't be a spoilsport, I'm sure there's a very lovely sense of logic or organization we can get you to socialize with. That crystalline fairy over there seems quite nice, she's from the same system as a witch I've been speaking with."

The celebration continued on, scenery shifting as each entity left their mark on the shared headspace, and all too soon, the warning sounded that the session was about to end. Fond and tearful farewells were exchanged, with promises to do this all again soon, and then, each system's respective alters and facets left for their airlock spaces, and the shared headspace was once again no more.

Moments later, in the physical world, an attending operator was helping the human body that was Alexis out of the Subconscious Mind Integration machinery. All of the other systems in attendance were able to take care of themselves for the most part, but re-integrating multiple minds into one brain was always an ordeal for a first-timer. Even with the cognitive airlock having functioned as a buffer, she found herself gagging and retching as a subconscious reaction to the onslaught of memories and emotions and sensations.

"It's okay, I've got her." One of the other systems had walked up and was helping Alexis stay steady on her feet, helping her walk to a nearby cooldown room, somewhere with dim lights, sound-proof walls, and comfortable furniture, intended to minimize sensory input for minds that were having difficulties with the re-integration process.

Still in a mild daze, Alexis found herself being walked to and sat down on a sofa, and wrapped in a blanket. Her faculties gradually returned over the course of several minutes, but she was still pale and trembling.

The other system was sitting on the sofa with her, doing their best to help her readjust and reorient. "You're going to be alright, just take it easy for a bit and focus on your breathing. The first time is always a rough one."

"Hrrrrggh…", Alexis groaned. "Still trying to process having SIX points of view crammed back into my skull… Thought I was gonna be sick when I got out of that pod. Nearly WAS…"

"Well, now you know why they tell first-timers not to eat anything for eight hours leading up to it."

"Ugh… Speaking of food, I'm pretty sure one of your alters hand-fed me a steak while we were in there." Alexis pulled up the blanket, burying her face. "Fuck that's embarrassing… Can't believe I went full cat-brained…"

"Your protector aspect also punched someone, don't forget."

"WHAT??"

"Sorry, sorry, I'm just messing with you, that didn't actually happen, but I've seen it happen in another session with a different system. We had to sit them down once we got back to realspace and have an improvised therapy session about it."

"Holy hells… What happened next?"

"A whole lot of guilt, a whole lot of repressed feelings, and a little bit of ugly-crying."

"Mmn… I think I know the feeling."

The other system reached out and placed a hand on Alexis' back comfortingly. "I'm just trying to say, there are worse things that can happen in SMI than letting yourself be cat-brained. You looked like you were having a good time, too, and none of us thought we'd ever get to give a tiger head-scritches."

"I mean, I did have a good time I guess, it's just…" Alexis sighed and closed her eyes. "I didn't realize how much of myself I'd be showing in there. It's so much more… intimate, than I was expecting."

"…Do you want to do it again?"

There was a long pause as Alexis breathed and turned her mind inward, listening for the voices of her facets:

"I had fun!" "Yeah, I had a good time too." "It was… nice, to truly exist." "What do you think, little one?" "Let's go again! Let's go again!"

Alexis opened her eyes again, calmer, with a smile on her face. "Yeah. I think we do."

"Next month, then." The other system stood up and offered a hand to help Alexis up as well. "The rest of us were going to grab dinner, once you were feeling better, and you do look a lot better. Want to come with?"

Alexis accepted the hand and got to her feet. "Yeah, that steak was really nice actually, I kind of want a real one now."

"Do you want us to hand-feed you again?"

"Pfff, you shut up."

"Hey, if we're going to keep coming to SMI together, you need to get used to being cat-brained, I'm just saying!"

"Okay, yeah, maybe, but don't forget it's all of us back in this body now!"

Sharing a laugh, they left the cooldown room for the lobby together, where all of their system friends were waiting.

---

Inspired by Intruder in the System, a short comic story by @deadeyedfae, also featuring cameos of a few systems I know personally.

if you make a special box in your head called "thoughts that aren't mine" and put every thought that doesn't feel like your own into that box. let's just say. something magical happens

how fitting for this to be answered while we've got a really bad headache.

plural culture is headache

.

The nature of plurality is that most of the time the questions people get hung up on actually have really simple answers (e.g. "But what do I call them?" "Well, most systems have collective or system names you can use." "Oh."), but occasionally, what seems like the simplest question ever requires a 3k+ word essay to properly answer. And I know the person asking is just expecting a yes or no answer but in order to not feel like I'm giving them incomplete information I have to be like –

(amidst studies on both plurality and seemingly random topics alike) "So, the thing about disorders is that we talk about them as if they're tangible things set in stone, but they're technically just names for certain patterns of problems; the problems exist, but the ways that we categorize and understand them are –" *a theory on neural pathways falls and knocks me to the ground, causing a pile of papers on ableism in medical + health fields to also fall and bury me*

And I both love and hate it for this