Part Of Me Still Wants To Really Get Into Trying To Use Makeup, But I Have Oily Skin And Makeup Feels

Today is difficult. I am not ready for it.

The desire to pick up art again is boiling over. I just don't know how to approach it. I don't want to do just anime portraits digitally, but I also want to try traditional media. I'm just not sure how to start. I never am. Starting anything is the hardest part for me.

I also want to bake but I am trying to LOSE weight and "healthy" recipes keep having really expensive ingredients???

Most of Dawntrail's story was experienced like this.

As I read through this book, I am confronted over and over again with my mistaken understandings of terms and with how I do not really know myself.

I have adopted beliefs about myself from outside sources and ascribed that those are who I am. I haven't ever really taken time to get to know me because I thought others would know me better. I know it is not too late in my life for me to figure myself out and learn about myself... so I think I will.

October will be a month about myself (and my marriage). I'll be offline during October and whatever posts will be what is left in my queue. If anyone wants to keep in touch through October, please privately message me so we can exchange Discord information.

Blessings to you guys. All my love.

70 F outside with a soft breeze. It's a beautiful day and all I wanted to do was sit in my front yard and exist.

So, I did. I quietly existed on the ground for about 20 minutes, just allowing myself to be. It was refreshing, comforting, and I felt that everything was going to get better.

February has been a rough month with lots of ups and downs in my mind. I know it hasn't been terrible, but my anxiety and depression have created this image of failure in my mind. I was ill over my birthday, I didn't do anything romantic for my husband over valentine's, I wasn't able to take part in the simple photography challenge I set up for myself because I just wasn't motivated.

This all gathered up inside and makes me feel as though I wasted February. Winter should be about rest - the calm, silent season before the colorful rebirth of nature. I think I'm ready for spring.

I think I have sat still long enough that I am simply wallowing in the quiet and unable to relax. I live in a state of anxiety, so it's difficult, but I am ready for life. I'm ready to live.

I need to stay positive, to stay motivated, to allow myself to take days off to simply exist, but I want so much to enjoy the world around me and feel connected to it.

I'm optimistic.

I keep having this weird dream.

No this isn't a Kingdom Hearts fanfic.

I dream about being in a house with other people, who I can't name or recognize, but apparently, I know them. The house is never the same layout, but there is always one room that's pitch black and where I say the "witch" lives.

No one can go in there or you'll provoke her. You have to keep away from the door or she'll start coming out of the room.

It's unsettling and there's always some reason I have to go near the room. The room is a basement next to the laundry room where I'm supposed to do laundry. The room is right across from a bedroom I need to go into. The room is halfway up some stairs I need to ascend to get where I'm going.

I wake up feeling tension in my chest and unease. I'm not sure what it is, but this thing has been haunting me for about two weeks now. I don't like it.

It is December 26th, 2024 and I have fully filled two journals I've owned since at least 2019. From front to back they are filled with random things that crossed my mind, notes of my interests, and things I never felt safe to share.

I am proud of filling them. Proud they are no longer blank pages. Excited to start in the next.

I have learned so much about myself since I started my journey of self discovery and self love in September. I am such a unique, smart, and thoughtful individual, but I am sure everyone says that about themselves. There's so much I have to learn about myself and so much I want to accomplish. I have to work on how I set and approach goals, but that's a challenge I welcome.

I am starting to slowly understand myself and I am so excited to meet me.

Leriff by @aerynnyx! Thank you again for this cute little guy for @notleriff.

In watching a video about photography, as I would like to learn and I'm using my phone to do so, it was mentioned by the host that photographers are often compliment with a statement similar to, "Wow, that's a nice photo! You must have a great camera."

Never, in my life, have I thought about the quality of someone's tool assisting their work. Honestly! It might be because I grew up drawing and later writing and doing digital art, but I never thought to tell anyone, "Wow! Your artwork is gorgeous! You must have a great paintbrush!"

That's so odd, to me. People have been creating art with literal trash and I believe it's all dependent on skill. It's just interesting to learn that people bring up the quality of someone's tool in a compliment.

Artists: Have you been told a similar thing? How did it make you feel? Have you ever told someone else that?

It’s not on a sheet pan, but it was made by a Texan. Texas Sheet Cake so I can have a taste of home. I’m so proud of myself for doing this from scratch! I have missed baking so much.