Asking For Reassurance Is So Embarrassing 😭

In another universe, I'm kind to everyone I know and myself. In another universe I am no longer frugal with love. In another universe when I pick up the phone, I answer it with "I love you" instead of "Y'ellow!"

In another universe I don't feel bad for asking for a hug. In another universe I don't infect everything around me with how awful I am. In another universe I reach out and hold your hand and you hold mine back.

I FEAR I WILL NEVER KNOW HAHAHAHAHAHA

"Who want me " I say as if I'm not extremely picky with who I obsess over

how it feels to distance from someone because you know your attachment to them is unhealthy and unrealistic:

*me after not showering a week* "Why do I feel so gross?"

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About to reinstall discord!!

To check if i missed any important messages!1!!

To check if my favorite person messaged me!!!

To only see an empty inbox

To 0 messages

To an empty dm list.

Another reminder that I have no one to talk to.

needy streamer overload

I bought the game because it was on sale so I don't regret buying it.

and it reminded me of an app called virtual and how you can be a vt-uber and shit. so i said fuck it why not im bored and lonely and might as well be a cute anime girl too.

i redownloaded it

but for fuck sakes its camera is awful at tracking

and im so goddam awful at socializing and i fucking wished it had an app on the pc BUT EVEN IF IT DID MY SHIT INTERNET IS SO GODDAM SLOW AND I CANT DO SHIT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE

so im stuck here in my room doing nothing but be on my phone and laptop. seeing other people do things i want to do. why cant that be me also. If i can't do shit how am i going to earn money. my anxiety holds me back i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this.

the only friend i have are online but even that is a pain in the ass BECAUSE OF MY SHITTY ASS WIFI THE FUCKING PING IS SO DAMN HIGH SO IM JUST WATCHING THEM HANGOUT WITH EACHOTHER WHILE I JUST STAND BY AND WATCH I CANT EVEN DOWNLOAD FUCKING VALORANT WITHOUT IT TAKING THE WHOLE DAY BITCH ASS CUNT KYS

gay ppl will talk to someone twice and then have a crush on them