Me: I’m A Writer

the statement itself was so good too like it was like that post that said "tma listeners listen to tmagp like a wine taster" bc i kept going "oh it's definitely the lonely but it has strong elements of the spiral and corruption"

DID and The Grand Unified Theory

Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.

Written by Oliver.

As the host of a system of quantum, particle, and nuclear physicists, I have found comfort in relating our disorder's elements to physics concepts. These concepts help them feel less scary and more manageable to accept. Today, I will discuss the Grand Unified Theory and how it has helped me interpret, understand, and come to terms with the ideas of Splitting and Fusion in our system. However, this is not an educational post on splitting and fusion in (Dissociative Identity Disorder) DID systems. Those will be separate posts. This post is my symbolic interpretation of these concepts in a simplified way to aid in acceptance. I want to share what we have done, as it may help other systems do the same with topics they are interested in and help them come to terms with their disorder. 

So, what is the Grand Unified Theory?

Simply put, it attempts to combine three of the four fundamental forces in the universe into one singular force at the start of the universe. 

These forces are the Electromagnetic force, which acts between charged particles (such as two protons with a positive charge), the strong nuclear force, which holds the nucleus of an atom together, and the weak nuclear force, which is responsible for types of radioactive decay. The fourth fundamental force is Gravity, which acts between any two objects with mass regardless of distance. The ultimate goal of the theory is to combine all the forces into one singular force at the start of the universe, and then model when each force splits off into its separate fundamental force. This would combine classical physics (gravity) with quantum physics. 

How do I use this theory to bring comfort to myself? 

The idea of unity:

Even though these forces are now very distinct and have grown more distinct as time went on, they all have an underlying unified and linked identity. In the same way, dissociative identities in DID are distinct but not completely separate personalities; they are fractions of one whole. So, even when things are tough or unmanageable, or when people do not get along (similar to how gravity does not fit into the theory right now), there is something that will hold us together ultimately, and there is a chance of unification. 

Splitting over time:

In the theory, if gravity can be combined into it, it is believed that gravity split from the electronuclear force at the end of the Plank era. This is so early in the universe that not even subatomic particles existed yet. The Electronuclear force split into the electroweak force and strong nuclear force, and then split again into the electromagnetic force and the weak nuclear force. This initial split at the beginning of the universe could represent the initial split the brain must undergo during early childhood to develop DID. However, the theory also represents how those splits may change or not change. An alter may not split again after their initial split; they would be, like gravity, and remain the same but develop more distinctly over time. Or, they may split again, just like the electronuclear force did. These splits can occur later in life if trauma is experienced again. 

Fusion:

This theory brings both the comfort that fusion can work and that it is also okay if it does not. The theory is not perfect and cannot combine all four forces; similarly, a system, may not be able to fully fuse, perhaps only fuse into two or three final forms,  because of trauma, or may not have the skills to do so yet, and that is okay. Some may also strive to reach the stage where they can form a final fusion, but this does not have to happen right away and can take a long period in therapy. 

Energy conversions and fusion:

Fusion can be a scary concept because it will change the alter and the way the system will function later on. As dissociative identities fuse, it begins to restore the unity of the psyche, it coalesces experiences, memories, and feelings. This mirrors the principle of energy in physics, where it states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but transferred from one state to another. This means that even though that alter appears to be gone they will forever exist even though it is in a new form. Their experiences, memories, and work they have contributed to survival will always remain within the individual unity.

Written by Oliver.

Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.

Since that’s just my Tuesday, I feel the exact same.

this book is so clearly designed for people who have not experienced a decade plus of high dosage uninterrupted tumblr poisoning because to me this whole section reads somewhat like “enjoyers of food and beverages may be surprised to hear about ‘bread’ and ‘water’”

my brain is constantly writing like fifty fics at once. it's like one big and everlasting short circuit that keeps me from actually writing anything.🫠

I can’t believe that a war criminal is canonically a Tumblr Sexyman

Dehydration seems like such a good way to whump people.

There's the way your head slowly starts to hurt as the day progresses.

There's the way you wake up with your head feeling pinched in, like it might implode.

There's the chapped lips and the dry skin as the dehydration begins to take it's toll.

There's way your head starts to feel fuzzy and thoughts are harder to think.

There's just so many ways to make things worse just by withholding water.

“What makes you think I’m the only source? There could be hundreds of others! THOUSANDS! You could be spreading it too! It’s just using you to get what it wants!” - Tim Wright

[I spooked my stepdad with these images cuz he though they were real,, news flash! I made them! To which he proceeded to go on a tangent on why he doesn’t like scary stuff while watching ghost adventures.]

Upclose images for those who may not spot him,, it was like so hard to make it look apart of the background but also spooky??? Idk I tried.

omg… paaleeaassse

(emphasis on the please)

continue the story about superhero kidnapping hero i loved it

(I’m so sorry to the anon who requested the original and then the continuation I accidentally deleted your ask when I tried to answer it just now ksjdkdjfkd)

I’m going to be honest, I had no motivation to continue this until chocolate was involved heh

Prev.

Cw: kidnapping, drugging, restraints, starvation, refusal to eat, mentioned needles, blood, bruises, uhh idk what else to put here I feel like I’m missing stuff

Hot tears pricked the corners of Hero’s eyes as they squirmed and shrank back in their seat. The shackles around their wrists clanked loudly, each little twist causing the metal links to pinch against their skin.

Across the table from them, Superhero let out a long sigh. Dark circles were prominent under their bloodshot eyes, their hair uncombed and clothes wrinkled. The plate that sat in front of them was barely picked at, only a few peas missing from the small mountain which they had served themself. It was clear that they were tired, deeply exhausted as they tried to manage both their heroic duties and the defiance of their captive.

“Would you cut that out?!” Superhero finally snapped, slamming their fist down against the table and causing all the silverware to rattle.

Hero’s breath caught, their eyes going wide before narrowing with spite. They glared right back into Superhero’s eyes, their jaw clenching as they gave another violent tug against the chains.

With a grunt of anger, Superhero shoved back from the table, their chair toppling in their haste to rise. Hero barely had time to panic before Superhero was before them, their strong grip wrapping around Hero’s jaw and wrenching their head up to meet their eyes.

“I’m sick of your little antics,” They growled, nails biting into hero’s skin as they leaned in close. “I have been nothing but kind to you. I’ve given you a home, I have given you food and a place safe from this goddamned city.”

Hero couldn’t help but whimper as Superhero shoved their face next to theirs, so close Hero could feel the heat of their breath against their cheek as they tried to turn away.

“I have made sure nothing and no one will ever hurt you again, and this is how you repay me?!” Superhero spat. “I have tried everything, Hero. I gave you space. I gave you choices. But no, that’s not good enough for stuck up little Hero.”

They flinched back, squeezing their eyes shut as Superhero’s other hand wrapped around their wrist, biting back a cry as the shackles began to cut into their skin.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t fucking know!” Superhero yelled, an unfamiliar emotion glistening behind their eyes as they dragged Hero up out of their seat. “I never wanted to hurt you, Hero! I could never hurt you! But shit, you-”

Superhero cut themself off, drawing in a slow breath through their nose.

A moment later, they reopened their eyes and looked down at the terrified face of Hero, whom they still held in a tight grip.

“You know what, I think a night in the basement will do you well.”

Hero’s jaw fell slack as Superhero let go of their face, left to stumble along as they dragged them from the room by the wrist.

“Wait-” Hero gasped, their voice raw from disuse over the past couple weeks. “Wait Sup- Superhero don’t-”

But Superhero just ignored them as they pulled Hero up to a large steel door, digging around their pocket for a moment before producing a small metal key.

“There’s a mattress and a sink down there. You chose not to eat supper, so when you go hungry that’s on you.” Superhero’s voice was flat as they unlocked the deadbolt on the door and pulled it open.

Hero’s heart dropped as they were met with a steep, dark staircase that led into an abyss of shadows.

“Nono please-” They whimpered, eyes wide with terror as Superhero pushed them down to the first step. “Please don’t-”

“There’s a light switch down there somewhere. I’ll be back to get you in the morning.”

Without another word, Superhero slammed the door shut and clicked the lock back into place.

•••

Villain squinted as they watched Superhero slip through the door of a lavish house and draw their cape tighter around themself as the breeze pricks their skin. Through their binoculars, Villain could see the wrinkles on their uniform, smudges of dirt and reminants of the battle from the day before.

If Villain had doubts before, they were certainly sure now. Superhero never went out in a dirty uniform. Their entire personality was centered on being “neat” and “presentable”.

Villain shoved their binoculars back into their bag and stood up. They waited a few minutes for Superhero to take off into alleyways, double checking that the coast was clear before making their way down from the little perch which they spied.

It had been three weeks since Hero disappeared. As if into thin air, not a trace of their existence left behind. No media coverage, no reporters snooping and stalking.. it had been eerie. A disappearance like this would have been publishing gold. Even though Hero wasn’t the most well known, they were certainly up there. For them to not jump on the case- something was up.

At first, Villain suspected OtherVillain. The creep had always been obsessed with Hero, gushing for hours about how “beautiful their screams are” or “how gorgeous they looked covered in blood”. They were the obvious choice. But after a late night meeting in an abandoned factory, a little bit of bloodshed, and bruises that did not fade from Villain’s knuckles for weeks, Villain came to realize they were innocent.

Their next thought had been Supervillain. If anyone was able to control the publishings within the city, it was certainly them. When investigating, however, Villain had to be much more discreet than they had with OtherVillain. Supervillain had eyes and ears everywhere, and if Villain was caught snooping in their base…

They had made quick work of it. Sneaking in through a shipment of ammo, knocking out a henchman and…borrowing their uniform.

From there they just walked around for a while, pretending to be busy at work. Once they dared to ask another henchman about hero, but they had just shrugged.

“I thought Villain finished them off.”

Villain didn’t waste any more time there after that.

For almost two weeks, they spent every waking hour searching. Scanning the city from top to bottom for a mere hint at where their Hero could have gone. They found and fought every Villain to the next city over, desperate for a shred of information. There was always something missing, something they knew they were overlooking.

Until the news interview.

Superhero had had a talk show session planned out with the largest broadcasting company in the city. Thousands of eyes locked against their screens, ready for Superhero to make their appearance-

And they didn’t show.

At first Villain had thought it was stupid, stupid of them even to think that Superhero could have something to do with the disappearance. But the more they thought about it, the more likely it seemed. After a week of waiting, of spying from a distance, watching the change in Superhero’s appearance, they found themself finally breaking in.

The front door was surprisingly easy to kick down. A single deadbolt was all that guarded Superhero’s home, one flimsy lock between Villain and whatever was inside.

The house was clean—Not clean in a recently vacuumed and dusted way. It looked.. untouched. A fine layer of dust had settled over nearly everything, the room before them giving off a strange feeling, one that Villain couldn’t quite identify.

It almost felt like they were wandering the halls of some museum as they stepped out of the parlor and into what appeared to be the dining room. Like everything’s was preserved, tucked away from the prying eyes of the world.

The table was empty, the surface clear of all except two placemats, positioned at opposite heads of the table. On one side of the room, a large stone fireplace took up a good portion of the wall, filled with cinders and half-burned logs. On another, a window with the curtains drawn tight.

Villain stepped closer, their brows furrowing as they crouched down by one of the chair’s legs.

Scuff marks liked the floor, shallow scratches in the wood as if someone had been carelessly dragging the chair back and forth. On the armrests, odd little divots dotted the wood, speckled with-

Villain faltered, their mouth suddenly going dry.

They had enough experience im the business to know what dried blood looked like.

“Hero?” Villain called out as they stood up. The floorboards creaked under them as theirs fingers wrapped around the pistol hidden in their jacket. “Hero, are you here?”

All Villain was met with was the quiet echo of their own voice as it carried through the halls.

They let out a sigh, pushing down the unease that began to creep up their chest. Everything was fine. They had seen how Superhero and Hero interacted on the battlefield- they were friends! This was just villain being paranoid, Superhero would never do something like this to Hero…

Villain hurried out of the dining room, glancing both ways down the hallway they stepped into. They were sure Superhero had cameras, some sort of surveillance system in place to monitor their home. Even though they were on patrol, Villain wasn’t sure how long they had until Superhero got back. They had given up stealth, now all they had left to work with was speed.

“Hero, it’s me, Villain!” They yelled, choosing one direction and quickly walking, throwing open each door they passed before moving on. “I- I’m here to help you!”

Villain took a deep breath, trying to shake off their growing anxiety. Maybe Hero had run away on their own, by their own choice. Yeah- yeah that’s probably what it was. They were probably living a normal life somewhere in a little suburban town with low crime rates, happy and healthy and safe-

Villain’s heart nearly stopped as their eyes caught on a door.

The door itself was made of a strong metal, sealed shut with a padlock. They could feel a cold draft slip from the gaps near the hinges.

Oh fuck…

“Is anyone in there?!” Villain slammed their fist hard against the door, making the latch rattle. They let out a string of curses, bringing their hand up to tug at the padlock. It was much sturdier than the one that had been on the front door, undoubtedly impossible to remove without some sort of lock pick or a sledgehammer.

Villain glanced down at the pistol, still clutched tight in their left hand.

“If there’s someone in there, get away from the door,” They yelled, pulling the gun fully out of their jacket and flicking off the safety. “I’m coming in- brace yourself.”

For a moment, Villain hesitated. If the room was empty, they’d be wasting a good bullet and precious time. But who kept a door locked- sturdily locked without good reason? Even if Hero wasn’t inside, there had to be something important.

They adjusted their grip on the gun, aimed at the lock, and pulled the trigger.

•••

Villain shoved their gun back into their jacket, switching on the safety as they did so. The stench of gunpowder overtook their senses for a moment, making them cough as they ripped the broken padlock from the door and flung it aside. The handle was cold to the touch as Villain grabbed it and twisted, pushing it open.

They paused, every thought in their mind slowing to a halt as they stared down the poorly lit staircase into what seemed to be a basement below. A rush of cold air made their hair stand on end, goosebumps raising along their arms.

“Hero..?” Villain swallowed back the bile that began to creep up their throat, taking a cautious step through the doorway. Every alarm in their mind was going off, screaming at them to turn the other way. A tension filled the air, so thick Villain couldn’t breathe right as they slowly descended the stairs. They kept one hand against the pistol, ready to pull it free at any moment.

When Villain got to the bottom of the stairs, a wave of emotions crashed over them, their heart twisting. Part of them wished they had run, while another was glad they didn’t. Their minuscule reliefs was short lived, though, when they noticed the limp form strewn across the mattress wasn’t moving.

“Shit,” Villain cursed, their face going pale as they sprinted across the room and dropped to Hero’s side. Even with their back to them, Villain could recognize them anywhere. “Shit shit shit-”

Villain grabbed Hero by the shoulder, rolling them off their side and onto their back. Their heart was beating so hard they could feel it in the tips of their fingers as they looked to Hero’s face.

Villain nearly sobbed in relief as they watched Hero slowly blink open their eyes.

“Hey hero- hero it’s me,” They rushed out, stumbling over their words as they brought a hand up to cup Hero’s cheek. Their skin was cold and clammy to the touch, half-staved and sickly but they were alive. They were alive and they were here.

Villain’s joy quickly faded when they received no response. Hero’s eyes were glassy, their gaze distant as they stared ahead at the ceiling. The rise and fall of their chest was shallow, their body otherwise still.

“Hero?” Villain echoed, their chest tightening as they carefully gathered Hero in their arms. “Hero can you hear me?”

Villain waited, watching Hero’s face for so much as a twitch, but their expression remained blank. Blank and empty.

“Fuck,” Villain’s stomach twisted, disgust and hatred quickly swelling behind their eyes as they noticed the marks on the side of Hero’s neck. Dozens of needle marks and bruises littered their skin, all recent.

Villain forced the anger down, shaking their head to clear their mind as they stood up, cradling Hero’s limp form close.

“Oh Hero.. what did they do to you…”