Being Kind Doesn’t Mean Becoming A Complete Pushover. You Can Be Kind And Have Very Clear Boundaries

This is really important.

I talk a lot about trauma-based PD’s because that’s what I experience. So I understand that kind the best, and I have some useful thoughts to share.

But it’s not the only kind that exists. And if you don’t have an “explanation” for how your disorder originated, that’s okay. You might not find my writing too relevant -- but that doesn’t make you irrelevant.

You matter, your experiences matter, and you’re still just as welcome here. <3

Shout out to kids with personality disorders whose disorder wasn’t caused by any specific event or a traumatic childhood. Disorders don’t need a specific reason to exist, sometimes they just appear.

I can probably help out here =) I’ve experienced a decent range of dissociation, because mine has gotten less intense over time.

So when dissociation is really severe, it can feel like the whole world is dead. You’re completely inert and still. It’s like your consciousness has become just a small floating thing in your head -- not connected to your body, your feelings, your environment, or anything that’s happening around you.

When mine was at its worst, I couldn’t speak. I often couldn’t move, I couldn’t respond to people who tried to talk to me or get me to notice them. I was AWARE they were there... I sort of heard and saw what they did... but I just couldn’t care or engage with them at all. Like watching a movie with the volume on mute. And just being stuck there... helpless to change it.

Over time, though, I stopped needing to defend against my feelings that strongly, and my dissociation eased up.

“Mild” dissociation is kind of like just turning the volume down, instead of muting it entirely.

Nowadays, for me, I’ll realize I’ve been staring off into space, or more often playing a really simple game on my phone (like 1010) for an hour or more. I’ll tune out of my environment somewhat. I normally have a constant monologue of thoughts in my head -- when I dissociate enough, those will go quiet. Sometimes my thoughts go completely silent, sometimes just vague and wordless.

(For me, the effects of my ADHD, sleep disorder and depression can overlap a lot, because they can all make me unfocused and disconnected. So it’s hard to tell exactly what’s what, but hopefully this is still useful for you to hear about.)

When you’re slightly dissociated, input is less demanding. Everything is a little further away, muffled. It matters a little less. It’s easier to go on auto-pilot. It’s much easier to forget things -- often, thoughts I'm having (“oh, I should do this thing”) will just slip away and disappear.

You don’t really care about anything, although you want to; you just can’t. And you probably don’t feel much of anything.

I used to shut down like this (completely!!) every time I got really, catastrophically upset. Then it happened only when I felt threatened, facing conflict etc. or basically when I needed to escape. Lately, it seems to happen when I’m struggling with really powerful emotions, like if I’m very lonely. I can’t turn off the emotion, but I can dampen my experience of it by not really feeling anything.

It also used to last for days at a time, until someone else interrupted it; now it lasts maybe a few hours, before I notice it and act to take care of myself.

So, all this to say: Dissociation can vary a lot, and it can definitely be a lot more subtle than “catatonic zombie”. I know people who function almost normally, and you even wouldn’t realize they were dissociated if they didn’t tell you.

It’s more about how you feel on the inside -- it’s numbness. Whatever that looks like for you.

Hope that helps =)

hi im really sorry if this is annoying or stupid or anything but a while (idk how long) ago you made a post asking whther not getting stuff done is an avpd thing and i just want to say dissasociation and fantasy living can both be symptoms of avpd that might stop people from getting stuff dine in the real world?? idk sorry sorry sorry sorry ignore me

omg thank you for sending me a message it’s not annoying at all i promise dw!!!! 

yeah it probably is something to do with that. i’ve been curious about dissociation recently bc i think that might happen to me but i’m still kind of confused/unsure. is there anyone else who has avpd that experiences it that can kind of explain to me what it is/feels like?? whenever i look it up it seems like it’s way more extreme than what i experience.

recovery is not ‘soon i will be untouched, perfect, and in a permanent state of bliss. i will be healed and all will be well, forever.’

recovery is ‘i will continue to survive despite what happens, i will find ways to cope instead of continually tearing myself down. i will recover and will see myself in a light that i never thought was possible.’

This is just extremely helpful right now, if you are feeling overwhelmed by current events, and maybe tempted to give up on the whole notion. TW for non-graphic suicidality at the link (but like... how to deal with it!)

Thank you for writing and sharing ❤️

I wrote a post as someone who has gone through months-long periods of time when I genuinely believed it was the end of the world and couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed because of it. These are some emotional strategies I figured out along the way, and hope they’re helpful to someone else.

That’s right, small achievements are still achievements #EthicalMemes

love 2 learn new things

“I love you and everything will be okay.” -me to myself

ohh my gosh the notes today?! and the nice comments and messages?! everything is so Meaningful and real, y’all are too sweet, honestly! aaaah avoidants <3

People always think you gain trust first and then you’re vulnerable with people. But the truth is, you can’t really earn trust over time with people without being somewhat vulnerable first.

Brene Brown (via samxcamargo)