Latest Posts by whos-the-seme - Page 3

how’s that virgo-libra cusp treatin’ ya, Shen Qingqiu?

[image is a portrait drawing of Shen Qingqiu looking serene and collected. behind this are eight faded drawings of Shen Qingqiu in various states of comical disarray and disbelief, grimacing exaggeratedly, ripping at his hair, collapsed on the ground, and so on.]

Shen Yuan is, of course, a sweetheart of a cat that is totally, entirely, wasted on that acerbic Peak Lord who named him.

That is, of course, until a demon attack on the sect includes the use of True Heart Vial Rose and shows exactly what Shen Yuan is thinking.

Which happens to be rampant and increasingly creative expletives as he hisses, batting fiercely at the downed demon.

"Fuck your mother!" the cat yeowls, scratching at the demon's eyes. "You dogshit, peh! Curse your family! Your ancestors and descendants should feel shame having you in their bloodline!"

He quickly changes gears as he runs over to Shen Qingqiu, rubbing against his legs. "Jiu-ge, Jiu-ge~ That thing is filthy! Hurry and salt this wretched corpse lest it spreads some sort of miasma!"

Shen Qingqiu is, of course, more than a little pleased to do exactly that.

Shen Yuan, it seems, is utterly unaware of the fact his thoughts are understood. It doesn't help that he doesn't actually understand much of human speech (yet), so even if he's understood, he can't do the same for them. And that means he's very honest about whatever he thinks at all times.

"Is this supposed to be a gift? It's crude. It's bloody. It's exactly the kind of thing that dogfight Bai Zhan Peak would consider a prized possession. Its liver should be impeccable for qi restoration, and its bones, once in a fine powder, can help heal meridians. It's a good gift. Jiu-ge should take it." It's that commentary over the large corpse sitting outside the bamboo house that A) helps Shen Qingqiu realize it's not a threat and B) realize who it came from.

Also, apparently the cat has some sort of instinctual knowledge of beasts like itself. How curious.

"Going out of their way to misunderstand. Hmmh. Don't mind them, Jiu-ge. They aren't worth the effort. A waste of space and breath, they are."

The Peak Lord can't help a little laugh as he agrees, watching the cultivators accosting him turned red in the face at being dismissed by a cat.

"Aiyah, what am I going to do with you..." He purrs softly as he helps Shen Qingqiu calm from another, increasingly infrequent qi deviation. "You can't keep getting hurt like this. If you can't stop, I guess this Yuan will have to watch over you for as long as I live."

If Shen Qingqiu starts looking into how to help a cat become a spiritual beast after that, well, that's no one else's business.

"Jiu-ge cultivated demonically first. Of course cultivating the spiritual way only will cause an imbalance! Qi is qi, none is good or evil on principle, just like people and demons. Jiu-ge should keep using demonic cultivation to balance his energies! Fuck Wu Yanzi, there's tons of demonic cultivators better than even those from 'righteous' sects!"

If Shen Qingqiu begins improving in leaps and bounds, well, that's also his own business.

By the time Luo Binghe arrives, Shen Qingqiu is much more settled in himself and doesn't bother spiting Liu Qingge by taking a promising, fluffy-looking child on the day to pick new disciples. Though, Shen Yuan starts trailing over to Bai Zhan to go stare at the child, and in turn, Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge end up spending more time around each other...gross.

"Aaa Jiu-ge, don't be so shy. You clearly brought that Thousand Silver Teardrop Tea to help Qingge-ge through his bottleneck. Why act like this, ah? You're so hopeless. I suppose this cat will have to keep you company forever. Haaah."

Well, there are times he mildly wished A'Yuan would shut up. But his thoughts do end up getting the other peak lords to relax more around him.

Liu Qingge, having heard the cat's thoughts time after time, starts talking to Shen Qingqiu and treating him better. Repulsive. Do it more.

--

Anyway, I just thought this would be cute.

"Why did you kill my brother?" Despite how most of her face was covered by a viel, Liu Mingyan's grey eyes alone held immeasurable hatred. She had been waiting, her grip on her sword white-knuckled, as if she was itching to cut him down where he stood.

Shen Jiu nearly flinched. The Old Palace Master had dragged introductions and the "testing" questions out long enough in order to make sure the serum was "working" and fighting his loose lips had take more of his willpower than he thought. Resisting drained the spare qi he had left circulating in his body. The Old Place Master had simply chuckled, enjoying the spectacle, and told him that it would be easier to answer.

He had wanted to laugh. Easier? No, it would be easier for them, but not for him. Not for anyone who had anything worth keeping buried. Any slip in his concentration and he would say something that he didn't want to. He was being run ragged, and they hadn't even gotten to the main plaintiffs that had demanded this whole trial in the first place, Liu Mingyan and Qiu Haitang.

(Seeing Tang'er made his heart pound in remembered affection. He didn't regret saving her.)

Why did you kill my brother? Lost in his thoughts, and with the serum clawing at his throat, Shen Jiu's mouth had opened without his notice.

"I didn't kill him." Silence fell.

Fuck.

"You-- what?" Liu Mingyan faltered, before her eyes hardened once more. "No, you killed him. Or you fatally injured him and then left him to die like the dishonorable wretch--"

"I didn't kill him." Shen Jiu desperately tried to shut his mouth but he was so tired. "He qi-deviated and attacked me, and I tried to save him. I poured myself into him, I nearly died giving everything that I had in my spiritual veins to save that brute from his own folly, but I failed. Just like--" He nearly bit through his tongue in his attempt to stop talking.

"Just like what?" Liu Mingyan demanded, stepping closer.

Shen Jiu clenched his teeth and his fists against the pull of the serum, sweating with the effort of restraining himself, but the words were ripped out, raw and vicious.

"Just like I always do," he spat, the bitterness thick in his throat. "I failed. I always fail."

"You expect me to beielve that? After everything, after how much you fought with him over the years, you want me to believe that you tried to save him?" The fire in Liu Mingyan's eyes hadn't died but there was something else now-- hesitation, confusion.

"I don't give a damn what you believe," he snarled, voice like a whipcrack through the silence. Liu Mingyan stepped back at his words. "If I had wanted him dead, I wouldn't have wasted my own energy trying to save his stupid, arrogant, bullheaded self from his own mistakes!"

His breath was uneven and he was shaking subtly. His tongue throbbed and his mouth was flooded with the taste of blood, his blood. If not for the immortal binding cables, Shen Jiu was sure that he would be on edge of a qi deviation.

"You're lying," Liu Mingyan finally said. There was a waver in her voice. "You're lying, you must be."

He had said too much. And yet, it wasn't enough. It never was.

"The truth serum doesn’t allow for that," Mu Qingfang murmured from the side, his voice dangerously quiet. So much for his "cause no harm" oaths. "Especially not with him being so drained of qi."

Shen Jiu let out a harsh, humorless laugh. "Exactly."

What was the point in telling the truth if no one ever believed him?

Shen Qingqiu glared at the Old Palace Master. He just knew that the bastard was smirking behind his raised sleeves, sure of his destruction. Well, given the truth serum that they had just forced down his throat for this sham of a trial, the Old Palace Master might be right, but Shen Qingqiu-- Shen Jiu had never gone down without a fight.

Still, it would be hard to resist the serum. They had forced him to take Hearts' Sorrow, which was notorious for not only forcing a person to answer truthfully, but also had a tendency to loosen the person's inhibitions so as to make it harder to control their emotions and the ability to keep their mouth shut.

Shen Jiu liked to pretend that he didn't have any emotions to exploit, his heart as cold as his face, however, he was already exhausted and stressed from the entire ordeal. His mind raced through the fog of the serum and the weakness induced by the immortal binding cables, yet the only real tactic he had at the moment was to quite literally bite his tongue so he couldn't speak.

He knew he had the bad habit of not explaining himself, of just letting people think what they wanted to think, which often lead to people just assuming the worst of him. He knew he wasn't a good person, either, so often, it was justified. After all, he had kicked that little beast down into the Abyss (though, he had considered it a favor rather than killing the beast, and look where that had gotten him).

But he still had things he wanted to protect. Even if Yue Qingyuan (Qi-ge) liked to pretend to not have started in the dirt like the slaves they used to be, he still refused to reveal anything that might harm the other.

He bit down harder and tasted iron.

Even if Qi-ge had abandoned him, Xiao Jiu would keep his promise.

Shen Qingqiu glared at the Old Palace Master. He just knew that the bastard was smirking behind his raised sleeves, sure of his destruction. Well, given the truth serum that they had just forced down his throat for this sham of a trial, the Old Palace Master might be right, but Shen Qingqiu-- Shen Jiu had never gone down without a fight.

Still, it would be hard to resist the serum. They had forced him to take Hearts' Sorrow, which was notorious for not only forcing a person to answer truthfully, but also had a tendency to loosen the person's inhibitions so as to make it harder to control their emotions and the ability to keep their mouth shut.

Shen Jiu liked to pretend that he didn't have any emotions to exploit, his heart as cold as his face, however, he was already exhausted and stressed from the entire ordeal. His mind raced through the fog of the serum and the weakness induced by the immortal binding cables, yet the only real tactic he had at the moment was to quite literally bite his tongue so he couldn't speak.

He knew he had the bad habit of not explaining himself, of just letting people think what they wanted to think, which often lead to people just assuming the worst of him. He knew he wasn't a good person, either, so often, it was justified. After all, he had kicked that little beast down into the Abyss (though, he had considered it a favor rather than killing the beast, and look where that had gotten him).

But he still had things he wanted to protect. Even if Yue Qingyuan (Qi-ge) liked to pretend to not have started in the dirt like the slaves they used to be, he still refused to reveal anything that might harm the other.

He bit down harder and tasted iron.

Even if Qi-ge had abandoned him, Xiao Jiu would keep his promise.

"Hello, Binghe," Shen Qingqiu said.

It had taken him a while to begin to speak after settling in front of the sword mound a shichen ago. "It wasn't you but, I guess... I just. I saw your face today. In your shishu, Shang Qinghua." Shen Qingqiu glanced down at his hands.

Shang Qinghua had laughed at something that Shen Qingqiu had said and all of a sudden, all he could see was Binghe, Binghe, Binghe in the wrinkle of Shang Qinghua's nose, in the bouncy curls of his hair, in the shine of his eyes.

"He's not you, of course, nor are you him. I know that. I told myself that." There was a soft rustling of leaves and a whisper of Shizun? into the wind, but when Shen Qingqiu looked up, searching for his lost disciple, there was nothing there but a breeze.

Another grief-induced hallucination, is what Mu Qingfang would call them, though Shen Qingqiu hesitated to say the same. That would meant things about his attachment to this world that he disliked to think about.

He sighed, and got to his feet. His other precious disciples had been hounding him about trying to do something other than stand in front of the sword mound, and he hated to see the looks on their faces when they caught him here again.

Before he left, he brushed a hand over the top of the mound and said, "Still. I can't help it when I see your Shang-shishu. You look so much like the one who created you." He turned and swept away.

Having hidden around the corner upon realizing Shen Qingqiu was lost in thought at A-Luo's grave again, Ning Yingying stared after her Shizun, not knowing what to think.

wqw's brief mind-reading curse & some transmigrators <3

i NEED Shang Qinghua fics, where he’s just a bitch. He had fucking beef with everyone for the most petty reasons.

Qi qingqi? That bitch asked to use his water. If you want water go to your own peak!!

Liu qingge? He was such an ass to write, just to get nerfed. Fuck him.

Ming fan? Yeah that’s a fucking brat. Sqh would throw him into a wall if he could.

And I need. NEED! Him to have what seems to be 0 beef with sj.

Shen jiu? Oh he’s not too bad. Barely ever gives me too much paperwork. Barely even talks to me. My favourite to write, so it doesn’t matter that his story got nerfed.

And like, Shen jiu would be so smug. I don’t know how to explain it. Like, yeah, maybe the “other” peak lords don’t like him. But like, Shang Qinghua likes him. And Sqh hates everyone.

The other peak lords are so mad. So mad. This- this- shinxiong of theirs just, like, doesn’t like them. But he likes Shen jiu!! How the fuck is that possible!?

Also, Sqh and sj just gossiping. One of the other peak lords just walk into sqh and sj talking shit about everyone while sj is eating caramel popcorn that Shang Qinghua made, and Shang qinghua is AGGRESSIVELY chewing on Melon seeds. Extra points if that peak lord is mqf and he just get dragged into these weekly shit talks. Because, he’s not that bad.

Oh! And sy and Sqh playing fuck marry kill. That would be hilarious.

airplane sketchpage

"I know who you pretend I am. I'm not him. Shen Jiu died, alright? That qi deviation killed him." Pleading. "I'm all that's left. You're all that's left."

Hesitation. "Then what is this? Where is this?"

"You're here with me." Soft.

"Where am I, if not with Xiao Jiu?" Grief.

"Here." Sorrow. "With me."

🥒✈️Cumplane Secret identity AU???

Peerless cucumber becomes so notorious that he starts getting Airplane notices semi-regularly. Airplane needs some extra cash so he starts doing vtube/voice change streams where he draws PIDW characters, comics, monsters etc - he's a talented baby what can I say, and he gets a decent stream following, offering sneak peeks at his creative process - but he really doesn't want his face and ID as an erotica writer out there thank you!!!

Peerless Cucumber is absolutely ridiculous in his chat, ubiquitous, always there the second he starts streaming. Constantly dropping huge donos to ask ridiculous lore questions that literally go on for minutes... riding herd on other chatters and policing people... Eventually him being "worst mod" becomes a meme, and Airplane mods him mostly as a joke.

They start messaging, and weirdly it's not hellfire? Modding the channel is the first actually constructive thing Shen Yuan has done, like, ever. It turns out that when he has actual responsibility, he takes it pretty seriously? He's more reliable than anyone, especially himself, could have expected him to be? Everyone still clowns in him and calls him "worst mod", "everyone tell the mods they suck" but it starts to be affectionate, because he actually helps detoxify the community a little? (Only HE is allowed to be toxic on airplane's channel!!)

He decides to take a media and communications degree because social media is the only thing he's ever been good at. He sees a guy with a PIDW sticker on his laptop in his lectures, and they become study buddies! It's great!

They talk about their shared appreciation for PIDW probably more than they should. Study Buddy is pretty chill, he teases Shen Yuan for his BingGe obsession. Shen Yuan doesn't want to be a dick, so he doesn't really slag it off as much as he would online? And Study Buddy LIKES talking about the monsters and how cool Bing-gege is!! Maybe they talk enough that Shen Yuan figures maybe there's a reason he was never into wife plots? Maybe he's actually just... Not into... You know.... Girls? That way??? And Study Buddy is super chill? And maybe it's okay to talk about that stuff???

Meanwhile he's still chatting with airplane, who gets invited to attend a con to be on some kind of panel. He asks cucumber-bro along because he's shitting BRICKS, and he wants someone there who will, like... be in his corner?

Turns out Shen Yuan already has tickets because he and his study buddy were planning to go!

Oh, and look at that! He and airplane are booked at the same hotel! It's convenient!

They decide to meet in the lobby.

Shen Yuan and his study buddy go to their separate rooms to freshen up and rest, with a plan to meet for breakfast. Thirty minutes later, they're both back in the lobby.

Both of them are "waiting for someone."

Both of their "someones" are running LATE.

Shen yuan messages Airplane.

Study Buddy's phone buzzes.

Their eyes meet.

No fucking WAY. this is the guy who talked him through his LBH inspired GAY AWAKENING!! The friendly and supportive "bro" he has COMPLICATED FEELINGS ABOUT??? And that's AIRPLANE?

He literally spent five minutes TALKING ABOUT LBH'S MUSCULAR CHEST AND STAR STUDDED GAZE... to AIRPLANE????

Has he really spent MONTHS coming to the terms with the fact that AIRPLANE is kinda....

Could Bingge maybe portal in with Xin Mo and drag Shen Yuan to hell, because he can't deal with this 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

no thoughts, just cuddle pile with scumcumplane

sqh had been surviving on powernaps for a few days. he's barely keeping his eyes open when sy burst in to his room. sqh immediately straightened up at the sound of the door opening. sy doesn't even say anything. he lets his eyes roam all over sqh's form and sqh is waiting for a scathing remark but sy just gestures for him to follow. then he just walks out. sqh isn't sure what that was but he trails after sy.

sy leading him to sj's office. sj is stressed. he's been going over plans to how to help his disciples grow because of a dumb competition he's in with lqg and creating individual plans for all off them is difficult. sj is pouring over that when sy throws the door open. the two stare at each other. sy gestures for sj to follow him. he does (though he mutters some complaints under his breath).

sy takes them to his office where he has a large circular bed installed. he points to the bed. sqh, who had been standing only through willpower, promptly lays his head down and falls asleep. sy turns to sj, eyebrow raised. sj gestures with his head for sy to go first.

the three of them end up sleeping for several hours and the rest of the peak lords were freaking out trying to find them

why does no one see the beauty in (pre-transmigration) a relationship reveal for Cumplane being

Shen Yuan: *The lengthiest fucking most intricate hate comment under the newest chapter of PIDW like footnotes quotes cited sources*

Shang Qinghua: Babe please…😭🥺

Shen Yuan: You don’t get to fucking babe me with this fucking writing

A man needs a hobby while he's waiting for his beloved disciple to return from the dead and torture him!!!

(SQQ is a complete fucking freak and I love him so much)

I left a comment on a cumplane fic earlier about how Shang Qinghua deserves to suffer (context was that he was suffering from getting a surplus of affection fyi the comment was obviously a compliment) and the author was like, “what did my husband ever do to you?” Be blorbo snapped obviously. We gotta put him through Situations ™ as a treat. It’s what we deserve 🙂‍↕️✨

Cute idea:

-SQH and SY end up chatting over PIDW (after some heated comments which led to heated arguments which led to them talking about what SHOULDVE been PIDW)

-They slowly but surely get to know each other, eventually start meeting up and hanging out

-They do, in fact, fall in love, and they have a few very happy years together

-And then SY proposes, but he hands SQH the box with the ring in it, and with a good-natured laugh he says 'don't just jump into your decision because of the moment. I know we both agree proposals are kinda cringe. Think about it overnight. Then tell me your answer.'

-SQH wants to say yes immediately but doesn't argue with SY. He doesn't need the night to think, but he thinks anyway. For love. For his love.

-And then his computer breaks when he's up on it while writing cause he wants to pass the time.

-He goes to try unplugging and plugging it back in, but spills his tea. A spark. And then nothing.

-SQH suddenly finds himself growing up in PIDW. He gains all of his memories back gradually, completing them at around 25. Tragedy and grief and whirlwind of emotions strike him. This is NOT fair.

-SQH is the author. He logs into the System and declares himself an admin, unlocking all of the System's functions to him.

-He makes his plan. He'll bring SY back as SQQ. The character is a real asshole anyway, it would be good to have a replacement. (So...maybe SJ kicked him around one too many times...and he's lowkey getting his revenge...) unfortunately his plans take so long that by the time he's ready, LBH has been thrown into the Abyss. This means he has new worries. Bringing SY back in SQQ's body means LBH will come back to kill him. This is bad.

-(BTW SQQ is the most convenient body to bring SY back in so.)

-So he decides to use his Admin skills...to enact one of his most evil, diabolical, horrible curses: the puppy curse. He turns LBH into a fucking puppy. Bingpup. And then he waits until LBH emerges from the Abyss...and he snatches him up. LBH is not happy and threatens murder but sorry lil buddy, you're a puppy now. Good luck.

-Meanwhile SY is worried about the proposal after radio silence for a day, goes to SQH's apartment, sees the overturned cup of tea and messed up computer, and finds it horribly weird.

-SQH is declared missing. SY uses every penny at his disposal to find him.

-After a year or two passes, SQH is declared dead.

-A couple years after that, SY stops looking. And he mourns. And mourns. And mourns. He stays inside. Day and night. Listless. Eventually his family has to hire a home helper to keep his place livable + make sure SY eats.

-With Bingpup secured, all is good to go! SQH initiates the plan.

-SY finds himself drawn to one of the outlets in his house. He reaches out to tap and- Zap! Gone in the blink of an eye.

-SY arrives in PIDW. And the first face he sees? A snarling mutt trying to rip his face off. Tho it's less like ripping and more like licking/slobbering all over him.

-And then he looks up. And his boyfriend may look different, but that body IS his self-insert. He cries. He cries and throws himself into his arms. He can't ask anything yet, too overwhelmed with emotion. And he knows it's not a dream, too. His boyfriend loves him.

-The whole thing is explained to SY, including Bingpup and his new body.

-And they run off together, get married, and live life traveling PIDW, just two 'npc' (SQH changed their statuses to non-killable npcs) husbands and their vicious (adorable) puppy that never ages nor grows

I wanted some hurt/comfort so I made it :3

your brain is my chewtoy omg omg

Thinking about cumplane... scumcumplane...?

The peak lords (sy!sqq and sqh) going on a trip or mission. On that journey, they are met with a plant that entrapped people into tripping over vine-like tentacles, and into their mouth. Their head is shapped like a Venus fly trap—it is constantly open flat on the ground unless it was processing its meal—camouflaged by the greenery that surrounds it.

Sqq was able to notice the plant before anyone got tripped into its jaw simply because he smelled cup ramen. (Something that doesn't exist in ancient China or PIDW.) The plant entices people/animals by letting off a scent that people yearn, whether its perfume or food. If it is inhaled a lot, it can even cause hallucinations and/or paralysis.

Sqh just forgot that he even created the plant for some random, forgotten wife that was devoured by said plant, and lost their qi to papapa with lbh. (Fortunately, in some sense, it was a consented papapa as the random, forgotten wife was lured into the plant's jaw because she was hallucinating lbh after smelling "lbh's" scent for way too long.) It wasn't until sqh literally saw sqq getting his leg devoured did it instantaneously come to mind.

Had sqq, been a second late from jumping away, he would've been completely devoured. However, just one leg was enough for the venus trap to quickly devour sqq's qi. He groans in pain, as the hairs on the plant pierced into his leg.

In the same instant, the vine-like tentacles had yanked sqh up into the air, leaving him hanging upside down. It was probably its next meal after it was done with sqq. Sqh cuts off the entangling vines, sliding down the same vines he had cut before he rolls onto the floor, and lands on one knee acting like some super hero. Practically scoffing proudly because heh, wasn't that so cool of him? (Not the right time to be joking, though!) As sqh gets slammed to the side by another vine. Sqq had laughed at sqh because of how ridiculously stupid this whole situation was, and as a coping mechanism.

The fool coughs, like shit. The attack had knocked the wind out of his lungs. He hackles and wheezes, inhaling the plant's scent way more than necessary. He was lying prone on the leaves that had helped camouflaged the venus trap. It is especially coated with honey-like substance that acts like a sticky trap for insects or mices. He's stuck against the leaf. He covers his mouth with the end of his robe sleeves. Not that it's of any help because of the hallucination/paralysis-inducing trap. Suddenly, he remembered another key point of the venus trap.

His head swung up, eyes widened as he watches the very moment sqq had lost consciousness. "Fuck, Cucumber-bro!" He hissed underneath his breath.

"Wake up...!" He shouts, coughing. "Wake up!" He shouts again, with more urgency. His face twisted in anguish and pain as he couldn't move, he could only watch helplessly as the jaws of the venus trap released sqq's leg, and vines wiggled around sqq's limbs. (It was acting like some tentacle hentai...) That's not the key point, the key point is that the vines have this ability—oh. It needn't be elaborated as sqh gets a first class view of what exactly the vines do.

Sqq echoed...? It was like watching a rock plop into water, causing the surface of the water to riddle wavy lines. It was like watching a player lag back and forth. Sqq's soul—or rather sy's soul—had been ripped away from sqq's body. The vines that had previously been entangling sqq's body dropped him, and was now entangling sy's soul.

"Wake up before your soul gets taken away, Shen Qingqiu!" Unable to move a limb, sqh shouts, screams, and cuss to no avail. He's unable to strip the robes away as the he is being held down by vines. This is not the type of shitty porno he wrote! Hell, why did he just now realize that he doesn't know sy's real name aside from Peerless Cucumber?

And just seconds before the venus trap had open its jaws to chomp sy's soul entirely, the vines were cut into multiple pieces. Its jaw completely cut in half. Green robes fluttered, grabbing ahold of the soul before landing on their one good leg.

Sy's soul glitched like some broken TV frizzing with rgb colors. It cackles as if a fuzz had popped. The soul had previously been a cyan green color. It is now that of a normal human. Their hair is no longer long or ebony, its more slightly gray. Their skin blushed red, they huffed a fever. Their long lashes contorted into their scrunched face, they kind of look adorable... Hell, who the hell is that? It doesn't look like sqq at all, which makes sense as the one that had been occupying sqq this whole time wasn't sqq.

But then, who the hell is actually occupying sqq now...? Of course, who else but the original goods? The original sqq has sy in his arms, looking down at him as if he was looking at some bug. At any moment, he looked like he'll drop sy into the hole where the venus trap had once been hiding in. However, that never comes. He merely stares at sy, looking rather displeased.

With the venus trap dead, the honey-like substance that had once entrapped sqh prone to the leaf had lost its effect. Its unknown how it works, really. May hap it was the results of qi-depletion. Whatever, the details of how the plant works are not that important.

Sqh runs to sqq? Sy? With whatever adrenaline helping him. He looks up at sqq and down at sy before he just hugs the both of them. "Thank you. Oh my fucking god. Thank you, thank you for being alive." It's unknown who exactly he's saying that to...

And then, I never got past this idea! Lmao, it simply loops in my brain, never continuing

Cumplane doodles! Pretty sure I made all of these last year so have them in one post :P

What's wrong with them (affectionate)

wife-plot fireworks (SVSSS)

Cumplane, Shang Qinghua & Shen Yuan | Shen Qingqiu (vibes are there for both, readers choice). Canon universe.

It’s not like Airplane could be expected to remember everything he wrote about; he’s not Cucumber-bro who could simply flip through his rolodex of complaints for whatever plotline they stumble into. Writing isn’t an exact science, there’s too many scenes gutted for their edible flesh and the bones discarded onto his cluttered apartment floor for him to keep track of who, what, when, where. He’d been fucking starving, okay? Real singing-for-his-supper shit which is cute when he had been in his twenties, desperate when he hit thirty, and downright chronic when forty began to loom on the horizon. So all of the papapa scenes that got Cucumber-bro’s silken boxers in such a twist had been necessary after a point, the reasons thinner and thinner as he scraped his knife against his bread to make it stretch further. 

“Disgraceful,” Shen Qingqiu snaps, each syllable as crisp as the fan he wields with devastating accuracy at the back of Shang Qinghua’s head. He’s pulling his blows, a necessity given their current situation, and Shang Qinghua takes the next corner without slowing, planting his sword in the ground to give him the leverage needed. 

“Hey, bro! Not cool.” Shang Qinghua hefts Shen Qingqiu higher — fuck, there’s barely anything to him, inertia might be keeping him stable but it wasn’t doing anything to cushion the hips currently bruising Shang Qinghua’s shoulder, his collarbone — wobbles and keeps running. “Not my fault that you seem to be wife-plot catnip for every poor sucker you bat your eyelashes at.”

“I do not—” Another corner, another slide of Shen Qingqiu across Shang Qinghua’s shoulder, slight enough that if he keeps whining then Shang Qinghua is just going to tuck him under one arm to carry him. Out of the corner of his eye, Shen Qingqiu’s face is crimson, a flush covering his sharp features like a veil. “—bat my eyelashes!”

He does. Might be thinking it makes him look sophisticated or even mysterious, that lidded gaze from behind his fan, and it does. Sometimes. 

“You agreed to be a human sacrifice, Cucumber-bro.”

“Airplane-bro, it’s the wife-plot for 287, I’m sure of it.” 

Fuck, how many narrow alleyways did one small town need? In the distance, Shang Qinghua can still make out the mob condensing behind them, their shouts barely audible beneath the desperate pounding of his own heart. 

Shen Qingqiu continues, measured the same way he must have written his novels entirely in comment-format, rapid-fire and barely pausing for breath. “She was the daughter of a village chief and Binghe encountered her during a spring festival that was held every ten years, like everytime he turned up at some small village.”

“Cucumber-bro, it was what the readers wanted and festivals are fun and convenient.”

“Hack writer.”

“Who’s carrying your skinny wife-plot arse around.”

Shen Qingqiu scowls, palpable through the very air cooling several degrees. Shang Qinghua, his heart lodged in his throat, his lungs burning for air, reflexively turns to look for a portal, waits for a heavy hand on his shoulder. Shit, he meant to send a missive to his king over an hour ago. They round another corner, Shang Qinghua’s shoulder knocking into the building opposite, bruising but that’s a problem for later, and slide to a halt. 

A crowd stares back, dark eyes glittering beneath the flare of their torches, faces shadowed by the encroaching gloom.

Shen Qingqiu lowers himself to look beneath Shang Qinghua’s elbow, the ornament from his hair finally coming loose and landing with a gentle plink on the cobblestones. His hair falls freely with it, dark tresses brushing the ground.

“Give us back the maiden!” A voice shouts from the back, indignant, brash to match the flourish of a blade drawn.

“Time to run. Again!”

“Head for the outskirts,” Shen Qingqiu snaps, fumbling with the pouch at his waist as he drags himself back upright. It’s uncomfortable, a hand shoved between a press of bone against bone, a flare of energy that bursts behind Shang Qinghua’s eyes like a three-day-old headache. “If we can just set off the fireworks, then the festival will be over and they’ll stop chasing us.”

“Remind me how that’ll work? Your plan so far was to volunteer—” Shang Qinghua raises his voice to a near shout, slamming his words over Shen Qingqiu’s spluttered complaint. “—and then say ‘No time to explain. Just grab the fireworks and follow me.’ You got three steps away.”

“Without-A-Cure was your creation.”

“This entire place is my creation.” Shang Qinghua can’t let himself dwell too long on that fact because then he’d need to sit down somewhere dark and quiet and chew his knuckles until they bleed. The buildings are becoming sparser now, glimpses of the horizon visible in the spaces between them, but it doesn’t help the sinking sensation of eyes crawling over his skin, something small and fragile skittering out in the open while a predator circles overhead. 

Shouts echo behind him but he doesn’t slow, vaulting over a fence and sinking into the tangle of grass on the other side. He lands on his knees in a crouch, tipping himself sideways to let Shen Qingqiu down with a grunt of effort. He’s no longer moving so the panic begins to fizz in his belly, his eyes wide and staring out at the tiny pinpricks of light filtering between the buildings. “What now?”

“Wife 287 was scheduled to participate in the festival but Binghe’s cultivation prowess caused a reaction and the spirits were appeased early.”

Shang Qinghua chews his lower lip, pulling some of the grass free in front of him and twisting it around his fingers. Lights skim across his vision, the crowd still searching for them both, and he ties a knot into the grass, beginning to braid it. “So, fireworks?”

“Fireworks. If you could?” 

It’s kind of nice to just lie down and watch the fireworks rain overhead. Shen Qingqiu’s fingers twist into Shang Qinghua’s, squeezing tight before they relax.

shang qinghua does not feel good about the fact that his son was thrown into the abyss. he doesn’t feel good about all the disciples who died in the invasion, or about the fact that he basically traded all their lives to spare his own. he doesn’t feel good about the fact that he could’ve killed his king years ago and chose not to, even knowing what it would mean he’d have to do.

and listen, he knows he’s not a good person. who could be, having done what he has? there’s a reason he’s lord of an ding peak, and it’s not just because the system said he had to be. shang qinghua is smart and smooth. and sure, some might call him sleazy or slimy or manipulative, but he prefers to call himself effective. he might play at being pathetic, but even that is a calculated decision. whatever needs doing, he gets it done. he is not a good person, but he is an efficient logistician, a shrewd businessman, a cunning spy.

he has rarely been dragged down by dumb shit like guilt. no, he doesn’t feel good about what he did, but the other option was feeling dead, and that’s really not on the table. it’s just—there are rumors. the widow of qing jing peak, they’ve started calling shen qingqiu. and like, that’s embarrassing as shit, yeah. he’s sure if shen qingqiu knew they were calling him that, he’d throw a fit. but also it’s—they’re not really wrong? wasting away as he is, losing himself kneeling at that sword mound, calling for his disciple like he’s haunted by the ghost of his presence. he is the picture of a widow ruined by grief.

shang qinghua doesn’t feel good about that either, especially after he learned that shen qingqiu is a fellow transmigrator. he knew, in an abstract sort of way, that people would die in the invasion and those people would have loved ones, and those loved ones would grieve them. people die all the time, and they are allegedly grieved by their loved ones. shang qinghua has never grieved a loved one. has he ever even had loved ones who he would truly grieve? did anyone grieve him when he died alone in his apartment like an idiot? did anyone even look for him before his corpse started to smell?

anyway.

he knew he’d be causing a lot of grief, is the point, but it’s different when it’s a hometown bro who’s grieving. even if that hometown bro refuses to acknowledge his grief for what it is. shen qingqiu is grieving. when he loses days at a time at that sword mound; when he flits about the world and avoids his peak for months; when he comes home and haunts the bamboo forests, a ghost of himself. all of it is grief, which shang qinghua is starting to believe he has never felt for anyone but his own sorry self.

shang qinghua is not a good person, has never let himself be dragged down by dumb shit like guilt. maybe what he feels for his hometown bro is pity. maybe that’s why, when he hears that shen qingqiu is nearing cang qiong again after months away, he decides to bring some snacks and wine and his pipe to the bamboo house. the disciples say their shizun hasn’t been eating, and shen qingqiu has been looking rather thin at the peak lord meetings he bothers to attend. so maybe it’s pity that has shang qinghua breaking into the bamboo house and cooking something light and simple, setting it out on the table along with the snacks and the wine, and curling up to read while he waits.

and then, when shen qingqiu steps into his house and calls for luo binghe, it’s pity that moves shang qinghua to greet him fast, so shen qingqiu doesn’t embarrass himself imagining that it was his disciple who cooked for him. it’s pity that has him convincing shen qingqiu to eat, that has him politely looking away when shen qingqiu quietly cries as he tastes the simple stir fry. pity keeps him from responding when shen qingqiu excuses his reaction, saying ‘it tastes just like binghe’s, is all.’ no, binghe’s cooking taste’s like airplane shooting toward the sky’s. where does shen qingqiu think luo binghe got it from, indirect though that inherited skill might be? luo binghe is still airplane’s son.

shang qinghua does not feel guilty for the invasion at the immortal alliance conference, but he does not feel good about it either. he does not feel good about the grief he’s caused, or the way it’s hollowed his hometown bro out into a ghost of himself. so whenever shen qingqiu returns to the sect, shang qinghua does his best to make sure there’s a meal waiting for him, and an afternoon of drinking and smoking and distracting him from the grief he refuses to acknowledge. shang qinghua doesn’t hover. he doesn’t imagine that he and shen qingqiu are now friends—if anything, it seems like shen qingqiu is politely humoring his presence. shang qinghua does not feel any better about himself because of these rare afternoons. he imagines, though, that he would feel worse about himself if they were to stop.

Cumplane AU: SQH being married to SY by accident. No transmigration.

After the end of PIDW, SY decided to track down Airplane through very very definitely very LEGAL ways.

He yelled at him when he trapped sqh in a grocery store where sqh just wanted to buy more noodles. Then, SY offered him a place to live and paid him to fix and rewrite PIDW.

After SY's parents nagged him about getting married and finding a partner. sy find himself thinking that he should just marry SQH for the tax benefits and also to stop his parents from nagging. He didn't have anyone else to marry, so why not. One day SY complained about the inaccurate marriage procedures in PIDW and dragged sqh to the courthouse for a 'fake marriage'.

SQH didn't find out until SY's sister asked how it was like to be married to her hermit of a brother.

"Married??? What are you talking about?" SY's sister quickly sends sqh the very real marriage certificate and license with his name on it.

"WTF, haha, no way. It was fake. He only took me there to improve the wedding scenes in my story. Ahaha... fuck."

👀👀👀👀

delightful *licks fingers*

open your arms and say you're home, look up to the vast endless sky and think no more.

Because the sky isn't endless, it has an end. Its vast, but not as vast as the outside. The outside? What is the outside? What is there outside?

Think no more, don't. Open your arms and embrace the wind,

And let yourself crumble to dust."

Aka Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are going home(home?) and they sit in a field together holding hands as they both slowly turn to dust, and shang qinghua asks "hey, bro, will you still be there?" And shen yuan smiles "yes. Promise me that you will, too, you hack author."

Shang qinghua finds out Shen yuan is already dead hahahaahhesowlsx

He then wakes up to sy sleepin next to him the end ok bye

YES PLS

i NEED a fic where cumplane become sworn brothers actually

i’m desperately low on fanfics about shen yuan and shang qinghua goofing off in their normal modern fashion only to get discovered by either their husbands or the sect leaders.

i need some good old truth serums.

i need masks falling away forcibly.

i need drunken shenanigans.

i need them to not realize people have seen them talk about vine and memes.

pls i need more

"You promised!" Shang Qinghua, despite his efforts, couldn't stop the gasping sobs. "You said you wouldn't leave me behind again! And then you died then and you're dying now and you promised!"

Shen Yuan reached for the other, fighting through the darkness and blurriness encroaching his vision. He managed to grasp his best friend's cheek, weak fingers brushing away the falling tears. "I'm sorry--"

"No! You don't get to be sorry," Shang Qinghua tried to sneer but his face crumpled instead. He didn't shake off Shen Yuan's hand. "This is the second time you're leaving. That's all you know how to do, isn't it? All you do is run away!"

"Qinghua--" Shen Yuan tried to say, but began to cough, hand falling away. The pain was unbearable and it was making it difficult to take in air. Shang Qinghua immediately reached out to steady him as Shen Yuan hacked out his lungs. In between each new flare of pain that swam along with every cough, Shen Yuan could make out the mumbles of his best friend.

"I didn't mean it, please, I didn't mean it, please not now, I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry, please, please..."

This was familiar. The pain, the loss of breath, even his best friend beside him, keeping him upright. All that was missing was the hospital bed and the frantic beeping of machines. No nurses coming to save his ass now in this forest.

Shen Yuan briefly lost consciousness and when he came back to himself, vision clearing a little, he found Shang Qinghua holding his wrist, pouring more qi into him. As if they hadn't already discovered that qi transfers didn't work when the thing taking all of his was the poison of a Soul-Sucking Bewildered-beest. Shang Qinghua could've tried to get him back to the sect but Shen Qingqiu would have been long drained of qi and, most importantly, dead by then. He couldn't fly and transfer qi at the same time.

It only prolonged the inevitable.

"S-stop," he said, weakly pushing at Shang Qinghua's hand. The other ignored him. "You're gonna d-drain yourself. And then you won't be able to get back at all."

"I don't care," Shang Qinghua said. Shen Yuan wondered how long he had lost consciousness for, as the tear tracks on Shang Qinghua's face were now mostly dry. "You promised."

"I know," Shen Yuan didn't apologize again. "But you know it's not gonna work. And I'd rather you return, at least." He could feel his eyelids getting heavy.

Shang Qinghua let go of him only to throw up his hands in anger. Fresh tears were starting to spill down his cheeks again. "So what? I just leave you here to die without even trying?" He balled up his fists. "Typical. You always think that your actions won't affect other people."

Shen Yuan got the sense that Shang Qinghua was referring to something else, but his mind was starting to get too muddy to think of what. Breathing was getting a little harder. A lot harder.

"Qinghua. A-Hua, please listen to me. C-could you come kneel down next to me? Right here." He waited until Shang Qinghua lowered himself a bit, still frowning, before gently placing his forehead against the other peak lord's. "Listen to me, okay? I know I broke my promise again. But you've found me before and I trust you'll find me again." He said between gasps of air.

"A-Yuan--"

"We've met again and again... and we'll keep meeting. I k-know it." Gasp. Cough. "Beyond all ideas of... right and wrong, there's a field." Vision dimming. Grasp slackening. "I'll be... waiting for you... there."

"A-Yuan?"

"..."

"A-Yuan!?"

"..."

A wail broke through the serenity of the forest.

One of the things that tickles me about SJ and SY fics is that well, sometimes they're brothers, sometimes they're parent and kid, etc, but the overall vibe is usually consistent like:

Older Bro Shen Jiu: this is my idiot didi, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Younger Bro Shen Jiu: this my idiot gege, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Father Shen Jiu: this is my idiot son, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Son Shen Jiu: this is my idiot father, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Shizun Shen Jiu: this is my idiot head disciple, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Boyfriend Shen Jiu: this is some idiot I've never met before in my life, if any of you fuckers corrupt him I will bite out your throats.

Every Shen Yuan Regardless: please stop threatening to bite out peoples throats, oh my god this is the shit that will get you killed, DO NOT KICK THAT CHILD WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU I am trying to save your life here! (」°ロ°)」

USA people! Buy NOTHING Feb 28 2025. Not anything. 24 hours. No spending. Buy the day before or after but nothing. NOTHING. February 28 2025. Not gas. Not milk. Not something on a gaming app. Not a penny spent. (Only option in a crisis is local small mom and pop. Nothing. Else.) Promise me. Commit. 1 day. 1 day to scare the shit out of them that they don't get to follow the bullshit executive orders. They don't get to be cowards. If they do, it costs. It costs.

Then, if you can join me for Phase 2. March 7 2025 thtough March 14 2025? No Amazon. None. 1 week. No orders. Not a single item. Not one ebook. Nothing. 1 week. Just 1.

If you live outside the USA boycott US products on February 28 2025 and stand in solidarity with us and also join us for the week of no Amazon.

Are you with me?

Spread the word.

Someone should honestly write a "4 Times That Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu Accidentally Acted Like Partners (and 1 Time They Finally Realized It)" thing. That would be so fun.

Here's some of what I got so far, though they're a tad incomplete. Feel free to add on!!!

Sharing a Bed

Shen Qingqiu stumbled into the peak lord meeting right before the starting time, eyes barely even open. He was impeccably dressed, as always, but the slight puffiness of his eyes and the way he was fighting back a yawn signaled to the fact that he might have rolled out of bed barely 5 minutes before.

He ignored the stares that he received as he made his way over and slid into the seat next to Shang Qinghua, groaning. Shang Qinghua raised his eyebrow at him, mildly amused. For once, he was the slightly well-rested one and his friend was the sleep-deprived mess. Despite this, he started pouring a cup of tea for the other.

"Shen-shixiong, did you even sleep properly? You were the one who told me to go home and get more sleep." He finished pouring the tea and passed the cup to his friend, before pouring himself a cup.

Shen Qingqiu groaned even louder at his words but accepted the cup. "I know, I know. I just couldn't get to sleep, though." He took a small sip and sighed in delight. "It's just that your bed is so much more comfortable than mine, so--"

Shang Qinghua, midway through drinking his tea, choked.

Silence.

Absolute silence. Mu Qingfang slowly put down his brush while Qi Qingqi's eyes darted between Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu, a smile spreading on her face.

Shen Qingqiu's slowly turning cog wheels finally realizes what he just said and the people he just said it in front of. Shang Qinghua made a slight wheezing sound.

Yue Qingyuan set down his own teacup, smiling pleasantly. "Shang-shidi's bed?"

"His guest bed!" Shen Qingqiu nearly yells. "I meant to say his guest bed, obviously that's where I sleep when I stay over, where else would I sleep, of course! I sleep in the bed that is not his!"

Shang Qinghua begins to nod his head frantically. "Yes, yes, he sleeps in my guest bed." Noticing the still dangerous glint in Yue Qingyuan's eyes, he begins to wave his hands around as if trying to stave off his impending doom. "N-not that Shen Qingqiu sleeps over often, or anything, ahahaha! It's just a spare bed that I happen to have--"

"I see," Yue Qingyuan interrupts, still smiling. Never before has Shang Qinghua feared for his life like this. He continues cheerfully, "Thank you for the clarification. Why don't we get this meeting started."

2. Robe Mix-Up

Shit! Shen Qingqiu had completely forgotten that he had to teach a morning class and was running late. He might have had too much fun last night reading trashy novels and bitching about them with Shang Qinghua, only to forget his responsibilities to his students. Upon waking and realizing the sun was already up, he nearly shoved Shang Qinghua off the bed trying to get up.

In his hurry to look presentable and still arrive on time, Shen Qingqiu grabbed the nearest outer robe that he could find and slipped it on, while simultaneously trying to fix his hair. Shang Qinghua, the traitor, simply rolled over and muttered something in his sleep, despite the chaos. He rolled his eyes at his best friend, despite the other not being awake to see it.

Finally ready, Shen Qingqiu rushes out of his bamboo house and starts to speed-walk, doing his best to still look majestic and peak lord-like, and not like he was running late to his own class. In his hurry, he doesn't notice the wide-eyed looks he was garnering from the older disciples he passed.

It was only when he steps into the classroom, and the previously hushed whispers and laughter of the teens fall dead silent, that he notices that something is wrong. They all stare at him.

"Good morning, everyone," Shen Qingqiu says pleasantly. No response. What, did he have something on his face or something?? He discreetly wiped at his cheeks, wondering what they were looking at. "Did something happen?"

"Shizun... isn't that...?" Ming Fan hesitantly spoke up, eyeing the blue robes that his teacher was wearing.

Shen Qingqiu followed his disciple's line of sight and looked down.

Ah. An Ding Peak Lord Blue. He must have accidentally grabbed Shang Qinghua's robes when getting dressed this morning.

Wait.

Fuck.

Shen Qingqiu can feel his face freeze.

Another brave disciple spoke up. "A-are those Shang-shishu's--"

"No," Shen Qingqiu says. His eye began to switch.

"But--"

"I said no."

Unfortunately for him, word spread fast, and by midday meal, there were people whispering about the fact that Shen Qingqiu had left his residence wearing Shang Qinghua's robes.

Shang Qinghua tsk'd at him from over the tea table they were taking their lunch at on An Ding Peak. "You just had to take my robe, huh? If you wanted to wear my clothes so bad, you could have just asked." An Ding disciples gawked at them on their way to do errands. One walked into a wooden post.

Shen Qingqiu glared at him, ears still burning red from embarrassment. "Shut up, Qinghua."

Announcer: Welcome everybody to the 37th Annual Shen Yuan Shipping Competition, the game show where we go to multiple universes to see who is able to seduce their very own Shen Yuan

Announcer: This universe's winner is Shang Qinghua, author and god of these very worlds!

Announcer: Tell me Shang Qinghua, what motivated you to seduce your Cucumber-Bro?

Shang Qinghua: I thought it would be funny to piss everyone off

Announcer: A classic Shang Qinghua. Now, how does this universe's Shen Yuan feel about his choice?

Shen Yuan: I will never forgive that bastard for making me fall for him

Yeah so anyways, contrary to popular misconceptions and fear mongering spread by bigots, post op trans women's vaginas are amazing actually. 💛