Twilight 🖤

Midnights was a perfect album for all our thoughts that we have at midnight, which aren't very perfect, smooth or poetic to the core or storytelling kind but rather organic, about yearning, melancholia, sadness, depression, sorrow, grief revenge, thoughts that keep us wide awake at night, wondering about what ifs, should've or could've beens and karma and dreams and stars and rain and midnight melodies and musings and ramblings and starry purple, black and dark blue skies and advises from older self to younger self and all your deepest darkest fears and feelings and secrets and heartbreaking moments and missing people we lost and self reflection and loathing and romance and being in love and in lavender haze and being out of love and self love self hatred and betrayal and independence and being stuck in a spiral and in a labyrinth of our thoughts and midnight conversations and creative ideas that pop in our minds at midnight and the secret meetups and tragic endings.

In Greek, "nostalgia” literally means "the pain from an old wound”. It's a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards and forwards, it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.

Don Draper, “The Wheel”

as the years go on, i'm learning to accept my nature. i stopped pretending i like the sun, i stopped forcing my voice to sing hight, i don't walk with who i wanna be, faking my spring. i am no spring. i run in the dark, i am scars, blood and raw meat. i am no soft, my eyes will never sparkle, my hands are sharp, my body is solid, i got my father's wide rib cage, his strong lungs. i am a dark personality, i will always be, and that is good. and i will celebrate it and be who i am until the end, until the day i die and after.

Evermore is for people who don't know if some incident is supposed to lead to their red era or their rep era. Their existence is made out of indecision and a couple of times when they bothered to take a decision, the outcome, well, it did not come out as planned. Scratch that, the outcome was terrible and now they're scarred for life. They can go from loving someone toxic and then missing them after they've buried them consecutively. They've been through a lot, please leave them alone.

It’s about how gentle you can be; with the rain that you’re touching, the grass you’re running on, the sunset you’re watching, the hands you’re holding, the flower you’re picking, the heart you’re feeling, the breath you’re taking; it’s about how gentle are

“from the moment i met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. i was dominated, soul, brain and power by you. you became to me the visible incarnation of that unseen ideal whose memory haunts us artists like an exquisite dream. i worshipped you. i grew jealous of everyone to whom you spoke. i wanted to have you all to myself. i was only happy when i was with you.”

mr oscar wilde, you’re telling me that they’re just friends?

When I was younger, I was in love with the idea of moving out to a lone island and never speaking to anyone again. I wasn’t good at talking, physically, nor did conversations come easy to me, so I kept quiet and I was totally fine with that. But while the people closest to me rolled their eyes at my wishes (again, lone island), nobody told me how talking to people was fun. Nobody told me how nice of a feeling it was to feel a new friendship blossom, to have inside jokes with people, to hand out compliments and get them back, to ask questions to people who are excited about having the answers, to remember something that someone mentioned last time and make them feel heard, to flatter people, to share slightly embarrassing facts and be able to laugh about them, to have people to say hi and bye to. It took me years and years and years to gather the courage to speak, but it was so worth it. It’s so much fun.

" the love of your life isn't, always, the one you marry "

“Quando me perguntarem do que eu mais gostei, vou dizer que foi de você.”

— Cidade dos Anjos.

Alternate universe where Neil Perry & Todd Anderson graduate and get married and grow old together.

(i am deeply in denial, I'll never get over this)