(He Denies It, But Kylo And I Could Both Use All The Hugs We Could Get. ♥)

Love my kiddo! Happy Mom's Day!

Kyloha

A (tiny, crocheted) shirtless Master of the Knights of Ren visits Oahu 

My sister lives in Oahu and made these dolls for me, so I had to go pick them up. I decided to make this Flat-Stanley-esque photo essay with my adorable Kylo Ren. 

I arrived with a trooper escort but soon got into the Aloha spirit and gave the trooper the week off.

View from the balcony of my accommodations. I don’t want to give away the name of the place lest they be flooded with visitors wanting to sleep in the same bed that I graced.

Taking Uber makes it easy to get around the island, away from the crowds

Enjoying a guava dumpling for breakfast at Island Brew Coffeehouse in Hawaii Kai

Halona Cove Lookout. This is a much prettier seaside location than where I “hooked up” with Rey, but it messed up my hair.

Halona Cove Lookout

At Koko Crater Botanical Gardens, I really felt the Aloha flowing through me. The Plumerias were beautiful and smelled almost as intoxicating as Rey.

At Makapu’u Beach working on my tan

Thought I heard some Resistance Scum nearby

Some shopping at Manoa Chocolate Factory. I hope Rey likes chocolate.

Rum tasting at KoHana Distillery

I wanted to see what they aging barrels look like, so I sliced them open.

Laie Church of Latter Day Saints Temple. Much better than any Jedi Temple

Going to find Rey a Hello Kitty sticker at Don Quijote

Happy Hour at Buho Cantina in Waikiki

It was taco Tuesday

I had a lot to drink. Met this cute, but very drunk, girl and her friends. She was strong with the Force and kept trying to touch my saber. I was a bit drunk, so I hope Rey understands.

Went for a ride with her on her Biki. I was too drunk to pedal the thing, but she wasn’t in a much better state to be pedaling, either, so we parked it.

Duke Kahanamoku statue on Waikiki Beach. He must have been as awesome to his people as I am.

Couldn’t find another Biki to rent, so I Force-choked a local and took this cruiser.

Breakfast on the last day of the trip

Alohi cakes with Guava jam and banana sour cream. I think Rey would like these.

Seeing if this banyan tree might be a Force tree while waiting for my tour of the Iolani Palace.

Darth Vader’s castle was much better than Iolani Palace.

Some final souvenir shopping at Ala Moana Mall

I hope Rey likes cookies

Waiting to board my flight. My saber needs some repairs. I had a great trip. Think I got a bit of a tan, too. I hope Rey likes that.

Rey, Kylo Ren, Luke, Finn, Phasma and Snoke from freshly leaked The Last Jedi promotional images. These are such a total delight, and they take my already obscene hype for this movie to new heights.

Master Ren loved my holiday shirt

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When This All Goes Away (pt. 2)

Hearing your devastating story of the years missing between us made it clear, made me understand you on a deeper level, and I loved every moment of you sharing – how does one love during a moment of hearing a heartbreaking story? 

In my whining and pining and imagining you rejecting me in the future, it reminded me to remember that it’s not all about me. Indeed, as you said, you need time for you to just be.

And as someone who has many times lost herself, been hidden by others from herself, submitted to pressure to give up myself, and as someone who then has had many years to be exactly who I want to be without interference let alone repression and the suffocation you suffered, I get it, and it is my biggest wish for you.

I want you so much to heal, recover, repair. Please don’t ever let me get in the way.

Of course, now I think I love you even more, now.

Adam Driver as Kylo Ren in the “Awake” TV Spot for Star Wars: The Last Jedi

because this is who they are, they fight harder. they are w a r r i o r s. (insp.)

FEMALE STAR WARS FANS: THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE

WHY DO SOME STILL ASSUME STAR WARS IS A GALAXY FOR MEN AND KIDS ONLY?

40 years after Star Wars arrived in our galaxy, society often still pushes the misconception that Star Wars is primarily the domain of adult males, then kids and teens (male ones primarily). And it gives the impression that maybe if you’re looking in unique places, you might find the unicorn of Star Wars fans, adult females, on the fringes of this domain. Mega-store Target was heralded as if they discovered the female Star Wars fanbase, celebrating this “discovery” to sell merchandise during film release time. It is an inaccurate perception of Star Wars that we keep having to melt away.

For a long time female fans have been a large part of this fandom, and I’m glad to see more coming to light to correct the perception of the female fanbase, particularly with news of the “Looking for Leia” documentary in the works, which talks about the strong female characters that attract a female fanbase (although it’s not just because of the female characters that I like Star Wars).  

I peek out at this topic well submerged in my Star Wars point of view. I’ve just assumed for a long time that there are just as many females as males are out there living the Star Wars life just like I do. I’ve seen moms at my kid’s school wearing Star Wars shirts, and my kid’s Cub Scout den leader has a Star Wars purse and she, like others I’ve met, are more into Star Wars than their husbands or kids. I’ve seen the large female fan base at Star Wars Celebration and follow social media run by female fans. So why is this prevalent conception that Star Wars is a male or child’s domain?  

A LONG TIME AGO…I WAS THERE TO SEE STAR WARS

My history of being a non-male Star Wars nerd runs deep. I saw Star Wars in the theaters in 1977, when I was 6 years old.

It was socially acceptable for me as a kid in the late-70s to be a Star Wars fan, less so to be one because I was a girl. But of course the assumption was that Princess Leia was my favorite. Leia certainly showed me that a brunette with brown eyes (like me) could be a princess, smart, skilled with a blaster, and someone who others looked to for guidance – not a common motif in the 70s. And, yes, I dressed up as Leia for like 5 Halloweens in a row (because my mom could not compute the idea that I wanted to dress up as Darth Vader). But it wasn’t just because there was a female lead character that I became consumed by the Force. 

SITHS NEED LOVE, TOO

Darth Vader was my favorite character. When my sister and I would pretend that we had boyfriends; she chose Han Solo, and I chose Darth Vader not really because I thought at age 6 that get up was sexy, but it was more because I wanted to be like him. I was introverted, a pushover, picked on by my sister, and if I were Darth Vader with Force choke powers none of that would be happening to me. I do wonder: where was the female Sith for me to identify with in the late 70s?   

JUST WHEN I THINK THE MYTH OF THE FEMALE FAN IS DISPELLED…

When looking for Star Wars bedding for my room, I learned that Pottery Barn Kids puts Star Wars sheets in the “boys sheeting” category. Some use George Lucas to defend this because he said that he intended Star Wars to be a kids’ movie. This assumption that it’s for kids leads some people to criticize men, in particular, who like Star Wars, diminishing their interest as something to hide like in this comment on a post for a Millennium Falcon Asteroid Field coffee table: “Who’s up for ditching the women, getting our own place, and having this as a centerpiece lol” Yes, the comment is for their personal situation, and it was said with a lighthearted tone as implied by the “LOL,” but it highlights one of the impressions given out there – that the Star Wars universe is a male or child’s dominion, that a home would have to be devoid of women for Star Wars furniture to be allowed in it.  With these impressions being given, it’s not surprising that merchandisers reflect this idea that female Star Wars fans are an anomaly.  

AND…WAIT, DO WE REALLY STILL USE THE TERM “HOUSEWIFE?”

I want Star Wars home decor, but not because I’m a housewife as this implies. Really, do we still use the term housewife? Ugh.  

Star Wars home decor was exactly what I was on the hunt for when I was pregnant in 2007. Of course, a Star Wars themed nursery was the only consideration. At this time there was little merchandise for such a choice. Not only that, I had to battle the social conventions like “blue is for boys,” and “pink is for girls.” Why does this still exist? It hasn’t always been that color association; it’s a relatively recent arbitrary phenomenon we mostly perpetuate in our society.

BACK IN MY DAY, WE HAD TO MAKE OUR OWN STAR WARS DECOR AND PARTY SUPPLIES

When I was pregnant, I refused to find out the gender of my child and wanted to surround it in primary colors and of course have a Star Wars-themed baby shower.  I planned and created all the needed supplies myself because they didn’t exist in 2007, and I knew that if I didn’t do it, whoever offered to host my baby shower would probably slip into the pink and blue conventions. To allay my mother’s anxieties from the idea of a Star Wars baby shower and her fear people wouldn’t know what to buy, I told her she could tell people it was a “space/Star Wars” theme. I specified to people that I wanted primary colors, and if they felt the need to get pastel that I wanted NO pink. People asked, “what if you have a girl?” As if I’d have no choice but to leave her undressed if there was nothing pink to put on her. They were okay with the Star Wars theme and primary colors if I was having a boy, but saying the theme applies whether it’s a boy or a girl really did confuse people.

For the shower, I made Star Wars baby bingo cards, matching game, and a pin-the-belly on Padmè game. I made R2D2 and Yoda soaps for the party favors. I made my own announcements too. Today, I could probably buy Star Wars baby shower supplies, in a much higher quality on Etsy. 

My mother overcame her anxieties and she as well as her good friend, made bassinet and crib sheets and a changing pad cover for me using Star Wars fabric. Gotta give credit to my late mom for enabling my Star Wars nursery dreams despite her inability to accept it. My godmother even made Star Wars chocolates to serve at the shower. 

Friends and family gave Star Wars toys (unable to find anything age appropriate for a baby, though, but great for decorating the nursery) and managed to find a few Star Wars baby clothes online which was not an easy thing to do at the time, and I was fortunate enough to find Star Wars mini-blinds for the nursery from 3-Day Blinds. I made my own birth announcements, too. 

My sister painted a series of prints for the room. 

Now that my son is older and wants nothing to do with Star Wars, they have taken a spot of honor in our living room. He still bugs me about removing the blinds.

IT’S 2017: THE MERCHANDISE ABOUNDS - THANK THE MAKER!

Now I’m pushing 50, and Star Wars is well integrated into my life thanks to the wealth of merchandise out there. With the amount available, I don’t have to make things. Every day I wear Star Wars apparel, whether it’s my Empire Strikes Back Vans, a t-shirt, cardigan, socks, jewelry, or a jacket, I am wearing something Star Wars. I have a Star Wars wallet, my “everyday” First Order purse and my “fancy dress” Boba Fett purse. My car has an imperial symbol on the rear window and Darth Vader hanging from the rear view mirror. My work bags are a Darth Vader brief case and a rolling Darth Vader backpack. I bring snacks to work in a Boba Fett lunch box and my water in a stainless steel Kylo Ren reusable bottle. When it rains I have a Darth Vader rain jacket and two lightsaber umbrellas to choose from, and if it’s cold a Boba Fett beanie. 

I lay me down to sleep under the watch of a Death Star on my wall, on Star Wars bed sheets and keep warm under a Star Wars comforter and, in the morning, I push my feet into Star Wars slippers upon my Death Star rug. I am cleansed by the water coming from my Darth Vader shower head, the Kylo Ren shower curtain keeping the spray contained, and I dispose of rubbish in my R2D2 bin. In the rare instances I bake, I have an R2D2 measuring cup set, a Stormtrooper and Darth Vader spatulas and Star Wars Cookie Cutters. I sip ale from Mos Eisley Cantina pint glasses. 

FEELING INADEQUATE

But, I’ve always considered myself of a low-grade fan because I don’t have the budget to have more merchandise and because I am wholly unfamiliar with the expanded universe and the canon debate. Hence, a mere squire in the house of Ren.

In addition, my cosplay is put to shame by the amazing ensembles I see. A doubled-edge lightsaber piece of evidence for my argument is sexy cosplay. I don’t have a problem with if women want to sexualize a Star Wars character and pose seductively. On one hand, it does put the association out there of women so fanatical about Star Wars that they do dedicate art and craft to there quite often amazing cosplay, breaking the perception that Star Wars is for the male of the species. Although some might argue that these women are not really fans and only dressing up as Star Wars characters, objectifying themselves to sell something to the large male, heterosexual demographic the Star Wars fanbase is perceived as being.  

VERITY OF GRANDEUR

In the world that I want to live in, Star Wars is never assumed to be only of interest to the male of the species. And it’s clear that I’m not the only one, but things had gotten to a point where I had to double-check. Hope continually shines through with stores like Her Universe, Hot Topic and Think Geek selling products to FINALLY reflect the needs of female fans; merchandising is getting more considerate of the diverse fanbase. 

Society, also, still has quite a way to progress with gender expectations and its assumptions what women want to buy, but it is progressing, and a film franchise, Star Wars, because of its immense awesomeness, is playing a role in this broader melting of arbitrary gender divisions and mislaid societal expectations.

–Squire Ren