This Is Either The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Made Or The Culmination

One does not simply burn toast without calling the toaster a dick.

"I'm not shy, I have social anxiety." -Me to other people "...unless I find you attractive, then yes, I am also shy." -Me finishing the sentence in my head.

"I can't sleep. I feel like I should do something productive, but what?" *looks around at clothes-strewn room* "What could I possibly do in the wee hours?" *Walks past exercise gear to put another plate on the pile* "My only option is to fuck around on the computer."

Speaking Thoughtfully on the Suicide Hotline

I was experiencing heavy ideation, worried I may actually try to go through with it again. I decided to call before it was too late. I thought of my potential suicide in the most logical ways possible, giving myself true pros and cons, considering grey areas, realistic impact, etc. The person on the other line was clearly struggling. Eventually he admitted that they were trained for people who were in paroxysms, simply panicking about their situation, and he had no idea what to do with someone who thoroughly thought it out in a rational manner. He couldn't help me. After a while of speaking to me, he assumed from my relative calm and way of speaking that I wasn't in danger. He said "it sounds like you're going to be okay. I need to talk to other people calling." I felt even more alone and uncared for after calling. If not even the people whose job it is to care (volunteer or otherwise) seem to care about me, I felt it must truly be hopeless, that there was no reason to be around. Sharing hotline numbers is great. I'm sure the service has helped many people. I wanted to share my experience to potentially help people like me, who don't sob and cite purely emotional motivations (a different experience which is also terrible) so they know what they may be walking into at such a vulnerable moment.

“Look at all these inspirational posts. I could get started on my goals right now. I have books    to learn from, and tools to practice. I have free time right now. Nothing’s stopping me.” *continues scrolling past the thought*

Monogamy never works out. I have a friend who tried a monogamous relationship, and they broke up.

"Not all Trump supporters are racist, but they're okay with racism." Naw. Like, I get it, but if someone thinks the safety of brown people would be nice, yet worth trading for the tax rate they want, then yes, that is still racist.

"Pretty pretty rainbow!" -Me "YOU'RE a pretty pretty rainbow!" -My S.O.

Letting Go of a Crush: a Haiku

My sweet, you and I Are like pineapple pizza We should never be.

Why is there not an ice cream delivery service?

I demand answers.