I was experiencing heavy ideation, worried I may actually try to go through with it again. I decided to call before it was too late. I thought of my potential suicide in the most logical ways possible, giving myself true pros and cons, considering grey areas, realistic impact, etc. The person on the other line was clearly struggling. Eventually he admitted that they were trained for people who were in paroxysms, simply panicking about their situation, and he had no idea what to do with someone who thoroughly thought it out in a rational manner. He couldn't help me. After a while of speaking to me, he assumed from my relative calm and way of speaking that I wasn't in danger. He said "it sounds like you're going to be okay. I need to talk to other people calling." I felt even more alone and uncared for after calling. If not even the people whose job it is to care (volunteer or otherwise) seem to care about me, I felt it must truly be hopeless, that there was no reason to be around. Sharing hotline numbers is great. I'm sure the service has helped many people. I wanted to share my experience to potentially help people like me, who don't sob and cite purely emotional motivations (a different experience which is also terrible) so they know what they may be walking into at such a vulnerable moment.
Eye contact = too much intimacy. Touching hair= ah, perfect.
Ever wake up after having spoken to multiple people and have, like, a socializing-hangover? "I feel so different...oh god I talked to people last night...what did I say, what did I do?..but it was fun, right?.."
Bilbo: wait I get it now. The dragon is a metaphor for greed and power. We need to ‘defeat’ it by being humble when we get the treasure.
Thorin: Bilbo, for the last time, it’s a real dragon and it has my gold
Love is knowing your person would snort coke off your boobs if they did coke.
It should be illegal to be a seamstress. Like, if you just want to sew as a hobby, that's fine, but look at children who are forced to work in sweatshops all day. You know no one would be in that industry if they had any other choice. It's really a public safety issue when you think about it, because all those people in a room with all those blades and needles - that's bloodborne illness waiting to be spread. Not to mention it's just another example of demeaning and exploiting women, because it's almost always women. The people we really need to go after, though, are their employers. I don't know what's worse, that they pay the seamstresses for the "labor" they provide, or that the employer forces the seamstress to cede a portion of her payment in return for facilitating her "work." I can't believe some people seriously call it "work," like it's legitimate. Just because you provide a service and get paid for it doesn't make it work, and we all know it. -Some of the inanity that sex workers have to deal with constantly.
I don't claim to be certain about many things, but one thing I'm one hundred per cent sure of is that The Pythons wrote this scene as a metaphor for my relationship with Life.
Monogamy never works out. I have a friend who tried a monogamous relationship, and they broke up.
I wanna hear a gay guy sing "I Kissed a Girl," like he's secure in his homosexuality, he just had a bi-curious moment. "I kissed a girl, and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl, just to try it, hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight..."