Latest Posts by sayaosi - Page 4

Y'all, I just watched the Babadook on Netflix and I took from it a message I probably wasn’t intended to. Slight spoilers below.

With everything Amelia deals with, the depression from her losses, and everything that came with the Babadook, I could relate.

I don’t have a literal demon inside or around me, but when I look at it from the perspective that Amelia was dealing with significant mental illness, it makes sense to me. You can’t get rid of the Babadook, of mental illness.

But you can live with it. You can learn to control it, overpower it. To see the symptoms of mental illness flare up like the Babadook did and scream in its face to f*ck off.

Mental illness is like the Babadook. It can scare you, bring you horrifying hallucinations and prevent sleep and cause you to hurt the people you love because you can’t project the hatred you feel for something invisible onto anything that isn’t invisible. It brings you voices and the more you deny it, the stronger it becomes.

But like the Babadook, mental illness can be controlled. It can be kept on a leash and treated like what it is - a burden. It can be handled and it can be weathered through.

I don’t know how many others like me will see this and relate, but all I can say is that when your symptoms flare up and present themselves in a scary way, treat them like the Babadook. Don’t let them into your head and don’t let them make you feel like you have to be hopeless. Like you have to be afraid and tell yourself ‘It’s not real’ even if you don’t believe it.

Look those symptoms in the face like Amelia did the Babadook and scream. Even mentally, even out loud. Scream. Tell it to f*ck off, and tell it that YOU’RE the boss, and that sure, you’re afraid. You cry. You show fear and emotion. But that’s because you’re not afraid to do that. To expose your vulnerability to this thing and still be able to roar at it. To shrink it down to size and control it.

Idk, I’m sorry for this rant. But I just connect to this movie. My mental illness doesn’t define or control me. It’s the Babadook. I may not be able to get rid of it, but I’ll be damned if I let it hurt me or those I love. I can live just fine with it.

If you relate to this or know someone who will, could you pretty please reblog this?

I watched Dear Ex a couple of days ago because it had been recommended in a lot of LGBTQ Taiwanese film lists to me. And it was a good film. But what I found really interesting was how the film’s thesis statement about motherly love is ultimately one I think a lot of queer people, especially queer people who grew up in cultures emphasising filial piety, could find really cathartic.

In the film, there’s a teenage boy who decided to live away from his overbearing mother with a gay man (who was also his dad’s lover; the gay man functions as a sort of stepfather figure to him now since his dad passed away). And as revenge, his mom outed the man to his elderly mother, assuming that it would ruin their relationship (earlier the elderly woman also expressed confusion and admitted to not really ‘getting’ queer relationships too, which supported the assumption). She also spends much of the film helicopter parenting her son. Which her teenage son makes clear that he dislikes.

Later on in the film, mother and son go and see a play that the gay man directed and acted in. The play bombed. But at the very end, the gay man’s elderly mother was there, and gave him a bouquet of flowers and hugged him. The film ends with the teenage boy living with the gay man now, and his mother visiting from time to time. The teenage boy and his mother’s relationship is also shown to have greatly improved.

And I found this interesting, because ultimately, the thesis statement (or at least one interpretation one can derive from it) of the film is about motherly love. Or more specifically, how sometimes a mother can best show her love by stepping aside and allowing her child to live their life according to what they believe is right for them.

And I think this message is something that I think can resonate with a lot of queer people, because I think one of the big pains that a lot of queer people face in their lives is unaccepting families. Families who do expect something out of their child without giving them the freedom to live their life. Especially in a society like Taiwan, where children are very heavily expected to be filial to their parents. To have a film talk about motherly/parental love in such a manner - that the mothers eventually stepped back and allowed their children to be themselves and live their lives - would be very cathartic for a lot of queer people.

I love this film sm 💚

誰先愛上他的 | DEAR EX 2008 | dir. Mag Hsu, Hsu Chih-yen

An Cailín Ciúin // The Quiet Girl (2022)

Nanami deserved to be happy...🩵🪽

This is so good 💚

Follow me on Twitter link in bio!

Reblogs are appreciated!!

I chop you down, hack at you with scissors like I greet the most evil character in a story. What power could a cluster of dead cells possibly hold over me, I think. Until I look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back. You keep growing, month after month after month, relentlessly like you are obsessed with caressing my neck. Others envy the liking you have taken to my collarbone and praise the fast paced journey you take to get there every month. But I know. Oh I know how cunning you are. I know how you plan to coil around my neck like an alive rope choking me tighter and tighter with every passing day and with every growing inch. I chop at you and you keep growing back, till the nape of my neck itches till it bleeds. But it's the ghost of an itch, and I really can't place it. My mom taught me to make beautiful braids out of the same rope that clutched my windpipe preventing me from breathing. I thank you mother, to have taught me to create something so beautiful out of something so horrible. But no mom, it doesn't help and it isn't me who you see in those pretty braids. No mom, you have ceased to know me from the moment you molded me out of your expectations and immaturity. No mom, I'm not going to hell for choosing to do what makes me happy. I choose to exist as I am, as I have been, and as I will be. I choose to breathe free. And I will not let anyone choke me dead for that matter.

Say what you want about Saltburn but the color aesthetics are amazing. Some of the cinematography is almost ethereal. The movie is 50 shades of fucked up but the setting was beautiful!

Also.... Everyone is talking about the bathtub scene and the grave scene, but the menstruation vampire scene had me crossing my legs and scrunching my face into a knot.

Baby Reindeer is a masterpiece. Anyone who can handle the content should watch it. These stories need to be told.

BABY REINDEER (2024) Episode 6.

I love it when characters who are romantic partners don't have to live together.

I love it when characters who are romantic partners don't have a traditional domestic relationship.

I love it when characters who are romantic partners are part of one another's lives in nontraditional ways.

I love it when characters who are romantic partners show their love in ways outside of a stereotypical understanding of romance.

I love it when characters who are romantic partners refuse to change their relationship to suit what other people think that kind of relationship should look like.

a man of culture 🫖

THE STRONGEST HAVE THE GREATEST MANSPREADS

ＯＯＣ

One of the most accurate descriptions of Innocent I’ve read - it’s written like a theatre piece or an opera. It’s exaggerated, flamboyant, dramatic, and the characters are merely actors, who are thrown on the stage, whenever they are needed. They all serve a purpose and stand for something the author wants to convey, so nothing about them has to be realistic.

I honestly love it! Whoever wrote this review, thanks, I couldn’t put my finger on it at all, but it’s the perfect comparison!

Ugh I accidentally looked into the mirror and now I’m aware of how fem I look. Why must I look this way

“Beef” is about so many fucking things, but ultimately it’s about the hardship of being human, the ultimate disappointment and disillusionment that you go through year after year when things don’t go your way and you’re miserable or when everything goes your way and you’re still miserable. When you think you’re living life right but you’re still so fucking unhappy and NOTHING fills the void that spasms inside of you and and and because of this feeling, that life isn’t what you thought it was going to be, the rage pot boils and it boils over and it spills onto everything.

And fuck fuck fuck, it’s about two people who are so disconnected from everyone else in their life because of this feeling that the only person they connect to toxically is each other, because this rage is known, this misery is shared, and even though it’s so fucking destructive, at least it’s not lonely anymore.

BEEF (2023) EP 10 | “Figures of Light” 

SWANN ARLAUD + LETTERBOXD REVIEWS Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

Messi the Dog as Snoop in Anatomie d’une chute (2023) dir. Justine Triet

every movie I've watched in 2023 [39/?]:

TÁR (2022) directed by Todd Field

tw: brief mentions of miscarriage and suicide attempt

the dichotomy of the level of stakes in each episode of Downton Abbey will always be funny to me. Some episodes are like

“Thomas is on the brink of being fired for being gay”

“it’s the actual World War I”

“Sybil could very well die in childbirth”

“Bates has been arrested for a murder he didn’t commit”

“one of the staff caused a MISCARRIAGE of someone from Upstairs”

“Thomas has been found half dead in a self-inflicted bloody bathtub”

And then other episodes are like

“Will Carson let the staff go to the town fair”

“who will win the flower competition”

“The cooks dropped the chicken on the floor”

“Sybil is wearing pants”

“Branson is still fraternizing with the Downstairs”

Downton Abbey S3E5 demonstrates how a well-written death can affect the audience beyond the screen;

Sybil was a side character for most of the show, but she had her moments to shine, especially during the war when she was working at the hospital, which is pointed out by Thomas when they hear of her death. Thomas's reaction in particular is one that stands out in terms of how well-written the scene is - it would have been easy to have him be cold about the matter, considering his insistence that he doesn't care much about their employers in earlier seasons, or to have a mild reaction of vague sadness at most, but no, Thomas, who was until now always cold and cynical, sobs. He tries to keep up his facade when Anna checks on him, tries to insist that Sybil wouldn't have cared if he had died, only to sob even more when admitting - more to himself than Anna, really - that she would have cared.

It's an especially heartbreaking scene to watch when remembering that the only other times he had previously shown this kind of desperate vulnerability were when he decided to get out of the trenches, after he figured out the scam, and - and! - after the death of Edward Courtenay, an experience he shared with Sybil. The first two can be argued to be selfish, in the roughest terms, as they are about Thomas, but the latter two and the pure grief he displays for both someone he was romantically interested in and someone he pretended not to care about speaks volumes in terms of who Sybil was, and that even after she is dead already. It's fascinating to see the scene in this light, how 'even' someone like Thomas, someone with little regard for the upper class, was touched by Sybil's life and death to such a degree that he will openly show this amount of pain and general emotion over her loss.

Alongside Thomas's, there are other particularly touching moments in this episode as well, of course, with especially the reaction of Daisy - who had been in a bad mood for the entire episode - standing out as one that shows how the news break her away from her jealousy; Mrs. Hughes referring to Sybil as "the kindest being in this house" with this barely contained sadness and, a bit later, hugging Daisy for comfort as well pushes this further, even if Mrs. Hughes has been established as having a bit of a softer side.

All of these small details just in the reactions of the servants show how well this episode and the show as a whole are written in terms of how they handle difficult emotions and especially grief. The reactions of the people around the deceased are always so much more powerful in touching the audience than the actual death itself. Wonderful writing, here the same as with the deaths of Edward, Lavinia and and William.

they really let this mf clock into work lookin like this

The Shining (1980) Hannibal (2013-2015)

Shinichi Sakamoto

Kodama:*Comes out as aro and starts lecturing her family on how harmful putting expectations on marriage can be.*

Takahashi:

Hannibal s1e7 "Sorbet" | s2e7 "Yakimono"

Kazu-kun & Chizuru

I talked about Kazu-kun last time, and now I wanted to talk about how his character mirrors Chizuru's.

They are both close friends of Sakuko who fall in love with her. Which obviously is a problem since Sakuko is aroace and not interested in dating her friends.

And I want to talk about how they are almost perfect opposite of each other.

Kazu-kun struggles a lot to understand how Sakuko can be uninterested in love, and gets pushy about it (refusing to let her break up with him, moving in and asking invasive questions). Chizuru has known (and accepted) for a long while that Sakuko isn’t interested in love and therefore that her feelings would never be reciprocated.And because the show already has Kazu-kun to explore the amatonormativity-is-a-bitch side of things, Chizuru gets to just be an example of a very common tragedy of human relationship — sometimes you just don’t want the same thing, and it’s sad but there is nothing to do about it.

Kazu-kun is very clear about his feelings for Sakuko, to the point of making them everyone else’s problem. Chizuru hides her feelins for Sakuko to avoid bothering her with them, to the point nobody knows they even exist.

Kazu-kun does everything he can to stay at Sakuko’s side, including forcing his way into moving in with her and refusing to let her break up properly. Chizuru cuts off contact, moves away and changes her number.

The first thing I want to talk about is how this is so very clearly a gendered dynamic.

Kazu-kun, has I’ve said already, starts off as a very Entitled Straight Man™. And that informs everything he does in how he treats his feelings to Sakuko. He expects his feelings to be returned the same way most straight men are taught they’re owned women’s attention. He wants to be present in her life and he wants answers to his questions and he has very little qualms about how he gets what he wants, because once again men are taught they deserve women but rarely to care how their actions make others feel.

On the other hand, Chizuru is not only a woman, but she’s also a shappic woman in love with another woman. Both these things heavily influence how she deals with her feelings for Sakuko.

Firstly, she’s a woman. She has most likely been taught not to bother anyone with her feelings, while learning to be mindful of other people’s feelings. She’s also aware that unwanted romantic attention can hurt, in a way most men aren’t. She’s of course especially aware of it in relation to Sakuko, since she’s known her for years and knows very well Sakuko isn’t interested in love with anyone.

Secondly, she’s a woman in love with another woman. And like a lot of other sapphic women, she’s afraid of her attraction to women being invasive, dirty, or predatory. It’s particularly true here because Sakuko is a long-time friend, so attraction can feel like it’s “tainting” an otherwise “pure” friendship, or “invading” with “dirty feelings” what was supposed to be a safe space; and because Sakuko is AroAce, which in this perspective makes her even more “pure”, and therefore makes the “stain” even more unforgivable.

Hence why she runs away and cut all ties with Sakuko — when Kazu-kun doesn’t, even though he’s facing the same unrequited-love situation.

So yes, the dynamic between Kazu-kun and Chizuru is 100% a gendered dynamic. They could have had the same parallels with two men, but it would have felt and read very differently.

The second thing is: in the end, the both hurt Sakuko.

Chizuru, by desperately trying not to impose her feelings on Sakuko, still imposes her decision to leave and cut ties. Sakuko is hurt when their plans to live together fall through, worried when she can’t reach Chizuru, and hurt again when Chizuru explains why she cut ties and that they can’t go back to being friends (yet).

Kazu-kun drags her into a relationship she doesn’t actually want, then refuses to break up with her, then invades her privacy. Sakuko ends up needing to be the one to officially break up which hurts her too (though Kazu-kun accepts it with grace and keeps being her friend).

Even though they had opposite ways to deal with their feelings for Sakuko, they both did it in a way that worked for themselves without asking Sakuko’s input, and ended up hurting her in the process.

It’s the illustration of a very old fear of mine, that I believe is fairly common among aros : loosing friends because they fell in love with me. It’s not a fear exclusive to aros; it’s the driving tension in almost all friends-to-lovers stories; but it’s very prevalent in the aro community for obvious reasons.

It’s also an example of how amatonormativity fucks up relationships. Both Kazu-kun and Chizuru are first acting under the idea that romantic love comes first and is more important than anything else — that it justifies breaking up a very close friendship with no explanation or invading someone else’s privacy.

But thirdly, having two parallels situations also allows for nuances.

I have talked a lot about amatonormativity in these analysis, for very good reasons (such as it being the show’s main theme). But it’s not the end-all be-all. Even in a perfect society with no stupid rules and expectations, people’s feelings would still be messy and hurt sometimes. And having two different relationships to explore the friend-falls-in-love-with-your-aro-ass-what-do-you-do allows the show a real space for nuances.

Sometimes deconstruction works. Sometimes you take a step back and realize most of your problems came from assumptions and rules that have no real basis, and you’re able to work through them.

Kazu-kun does come to the realization that things can be done differently, which is shown when he asks Sakuko to be in a QPR with him instead of a romantic relationship. It’s him realizing that while their feelings may never be the same, they could make a relationship work if they focus on what they actually want to do together — for example, they enjoy karaoke together as new colleagues, as lovers, and as situationship-it’s-complicated-we’re-maybe-on-a-break. And when Sakuko refuses, he’s the one reassuring that they can stay friends, because he now understands that they can keep enjoying karaoke as friends.

But sometimes feelings are just messy. Sometimes even once the air is cleared you still hurt. Sometimes you don’t feel and want the same things and no amount of deconstruction or compromise will solve that.

Chizuru is still hurting that her feelings aren’t and will never be reciprocated. And the show allows her that. She hurt Sakuko, yes, but the situation is unfair to both of them. They don’t want the same thing and it’s hurting both of them and no one is really in the wrong.

Could Chizuru have dealt with the situation better? Obviously yes. Is there amatonormativity (and probably some internalized homophobia) at play? Yes of course. But even outside of all that, there are still tangled, hurting feelings.

And because the show already has Kazu-kun to explore the amatonormativity-is-a-bitch side of things, Chizuru gets to just be an example of a very common tragedy of human relationships — sometimes you just don’t want the same thing, and it’s sad but there is nothing to do about it.

And Chizuru does say that she wants to go back to cutting Sakuko’s hair, to be her friend. But she needs the space to sort her feelings first.

Koisenu Futari’s Kazu-kun: one step further into the amato-normativity discussion

So. What’s up with Kazu-kun. Why does he deserve his own post.

Kazu-kun starts as a background character, and then progressively becomes the third main character of the show.

And I love him. Which is not a small feat because I started out hating him. And all of it was very much on purpose.

Kazu-kun, I believe, exists as a vessel for the allo audience.

He’s there to asks all the questions the allo viewers are asking themselves, and then to learn and grow from the answers, and become both a friend to our protagonists and an ally to aroace people in general.

He exemplifies the arc the allo viewer would ideally go through while watching the show.

The thing about Koisenu Futari is, it’s a show made from the perspective of aroace characters, for aroace viewers. It’s about our fears, our insecurities, our experience with amato- and allo-normativity, our lives.

And it’s good thing! It’s a significant part of why I love it so much!

But it also means that it’s risking loosing it’s allo audience a bit. (I’d be curious to know how many allo people have watched this show at all tbh). Almost all the other allo characters in the show exist so our protagonists can experience being faced with yet another form of amatonormativity. Kazu-kun exist so an allo character can experience being faced with aromanticism and asexuality.

And it impacts his entire character, including and especially the flaws that made me hate him at the beginning.

Part of it is, of course, because a character needs flaws to grow out of, as the most basic way to write a character arc.

For example, he begins as the most Straight Man™ ever. He thinks Sakuko belongs to him because they dated in the past (are kinda technically on a break the situation wasn’t clear the expectations were very different), thinks cooking is easy and a woman’s job and of course doesn’t know how and thinks it’s perfectly normal because he’s a man, absolutely cannot fathom how a man could not be sexually attracted to a woman he’s even somewhat close to.

All those traits are flaws he will overcome as he grows and becomes a better man.

But part of it is also traits he needs to play his role well.

He is, for one, a very nosy character, with a strong sens of entitlement that means he’ll stop at little to get his answers. Which of course makes him absolutely insufferable at the beginning! I spent almost all of episode 4 wanting to slap him! But it’s a necessary character trait for him to actually ask out loud the questions the allo audience is quietly wondering about. If he was a proper and polite Japanese man, he wouldn’t be asking those questions, and therefore wouldn’t be fulfilling his role in the story.

And then he learns. All his questions and indiscretions get him somewhere, which is a much better understanding of aroace people. And with some luck, the allo audience learned with him, without needing to invade actual aroace people’s privacy!

(yes I’m still salty about ep4, why do you ask. just because it was narratively necessary doesn’t make it any less hard to watch)

To be perfectly honest, from a pure character development perspective, I think he changes a bit too quickly. But, well. The show is only 8 episodes. Also that’s my only complaint about this show.

He first learns how to cook, and most importantly, instantly apologizes to Sakuko for asking her to cook like it was nothing. This ability to 1) recognize when he was wrong and 2) apologize for it, is key in his whole development and one of the main reasons I’m ready to accept that he did a 180 so quickly.

Cooking, of course, if a synecdoche for every gendered expectation about couples. He’s not just learning how to cook, he’s learning that the things he was taught to expect from his future wife actually take work and are very much doable and enjoyable as a man.

Most importantly, he learns that romance is not the only register he can use to interact with women; in this case especially Sakuko. In fact, at the end of episode 4, he offers that since she is aroace, they could have a QPR together.

(the show doesn’t call it a QPR, doesn’t use the word at all, but that’s exactly what it is, both the actual arrangement between Sakuko and Takahashi, and what Kazu-kun offers to Sakuko)

So, big points for getting what Minori can’t seem to grasp in ep 6: QPR are not reserved to aromantics! Really important lesson that a lot of allies never learn.

In this specific case, I don’t think it would have worked, and it can very well be interpreted as him refusing to let go. I don’t think a QPR with the woman he’s still very much in love with is a good idea. And while he has learned a lot, he’s still pretty new to the whole thing, and I think he’d still have too many expectations that would end up hurting Sakuko.

And once Sakuko has taken the time to think about it and tells him no, not only does he listen, not only doesn’t he get upset, but he immediately reassure her that they are still friends and will keep being friends.

In that way, this whole journey of his allows Kazu-kun and Sakuko to get back the easy and joyous friendship they seemed to have lost when they broke up. Which is both the biggest and final proof of maturity on his part and the best thing he got from the whole adventure.

Once he understand that Sakuko and Takahashi are aroace and quite happy with it, he also becomes their first defender. He tells Minori off twice when she steps out of line, and is ready to correct one of their colleagues when he assumes that he and Sakuko are a couple. Good example of how to be an ally.

Faced with micro-aggression (or even overt and intentional aggression), minorities:

might get overwhelmed by emotions and are almost certainly more sensitive to it than allies

are less likely to be listened to if they correct the person, because they are a minority

often cannot afford to be angry or aggressive or anything other than incredibly diplomatic about it without being told off, a problem allies face a lot less

Hence why a big part of allies' job is correcting other privileged people. Great ally-ship, take notes everyone.

In conclusion, I said last time that Minori and Haruka exemplify how amatonormativity also harms allo people. I’d argue that, with all this:

Kazu-kun shows what allo people have to gain from getting rid of it.

(his best friend back, at least one new friend, a new vital skill, and a lot less expectations)

Another thing I really like about Koisenu Futari, is how it exemplifies the ways amatonormativity also impacts allo people.

When Sakuko’s sister Minori gets proof that her husband is cheating on her (after actively investigating to make sure).

She’s still hesitant to divorce him.

Not because she still loves him (that doesn’t come up even once).

Not because he is a great husband beyond the cheating (the screaming match about how she was the only one taking care of their daughter shows pretty clearly that he wasn’t pulling his weight).

Not even because it’s a lot harder to raise two kids on her own (tough it is mention in passing - did I mention she’s 9 months pregnant at that point? and then promptly goes into labor?).

Not even really what society is going to say about her (even tough it would be completely justified, especially in Japan).

But because she’s terrified of being alone.

And then again while she's in labor

In that way, she mirrors Sakuko’s own fear of loneliness.

And of course, she associates being single with being lonely. Because amatonormativity.

She verbalizes the relationship elevator: getting married, having a child, buying a house, another child. She calls it "a game of adulthood".

But while she comes to the conclusion that she failed at this "game of adulthood", she doesn't really get to the conclusion that it's bullshit.

Even with her sister's example right in front of her, she has trouble imagining happiness outside of marriage.

Most likely because she still sees Sakuko and Takahashi's relationship as abnormal, and therefore reserved to abnormal people. So she can't apply their example of being happy outside of marriage to herself yet. Not when she's tried to hard to be the perfect normal woman.

But no matter if Minori believes it or not, single doesn't have to mean lonely, which Sakuko proves immediately by promising to always stand by her sister's side.

And then Sakuko meets Takahashi’s ex Haruka, who explains that she moved to the countryside after their break-up, and then started up her (now very successful) farm.

Sakuko’s reaction is to say it was then a blessing in disguise

To which Haruka thanks her, saying that most people are just sad for her because she’s “old” (around 40) and still single, even tough she’s perfectly happy as is.

She’s a really good illustration that:

amatonormativity impacts everyone who strays out of it, it doesn't matter if you're aro or allo

you don’t need to be aro to be happy outside of amatonormativity’s expectation

And in that way, I feel like that makes her an optimistic answer to Minori’s concerns about loneliness.

(And then of course there is Kazu-kun, but there is so much to say about him, he'll get his own post.)

I really liked that the shows takes the time to talk about those experiences, because it makes amatonormativity much more real. It is a systemic issue, so of course it impacts everyone.

And I think we've all had discussions like this, where other people's own internalized amatonormativity also completely invalidated our experiences.

So it was great to see it explored so clearly here.

(also this has nothing and everything to do with it, but the fact that in the credit, Minori is called by her husband's name. I don't think it's used in the show itself but. You know. All of a woman identity depending on her husband. All that.)