Astarion Wants To Enjoy Sex. He Wants To Have Loving Intimacy With The Player. The First Time They Had

Astarion wants to enjoy sex. He wants to have loving intimacy with the player. The first time they had sex was indeed different for him despite his disassociation. He reflected on it and enjoyed it enough to want to do it again (he still disassociated, it wasn't exactly wonderful but I digress) . He didn't have to. As far as he was concerned the player was already seduced.

He wants to have sex without the feelings of disgust. He isn't repulsed by sex, he's repulsed by not having the choice. The reason all of the scenes have to be approved or agreed upon by the player is because this is a roleplay game and if a sex cutscene just started playing without any options I think people wouldn't like that. Please stop babyfying Astarion and acting as if he never actually wants to and is people pleasing. That he is incapable of consent due to his trauma. If you feel that way why would you romance him at all? He makes it very clear when he doesn't want to. He asserts that boundary. And if you push it he breaks up with you. The "I could be persuaded" line in the graveyard is him being playful. If he actually has to be persuaded there would be a skill check like that other time.

In conclusion, Astarion wants intimacy with the player. And he wants it on his own terms. This is especially evident in his scenes because he's usually taking the lead in one way or another. If you don't choose to have sex with him after that one time that's perfectly fine, but that's because YOU are making the choice for your Tav, not Astarion.

*Edit, if the things I said don't apply to what you think or how you play the game, then this post wasn't for you. Please refrain from filling my comments with conjecture about unrelated things I never brought up*