398 posts
Latest Posts by popsicleinatoaster - Page 4
people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.
you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.
like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.
wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?
batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing
the league:
batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*
the league:
batman:
batman: *coughs awkwardly*
superman: *sighs*
batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-
superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.
the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?
wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.
superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.
batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me
green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?
'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.
they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.
wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?
batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.
wonder woman:
green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?
superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.
the league:
batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...
the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?
'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.
the league, concerned:
superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-
batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!
superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.
bonus
the league, squinting at batman:
the league: ...
superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*
the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*
duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?
Ghost Jason and Dickiebird - featuring ghost!jason vs. hallucination!jason, the power of chilidogs, and dick confronting the robins about their secret meeting.
Part 4 | Part 5 of Ghost Jason Series
Ghost Jason and Timmy - definition of best friends
I think I made too many people cry in the previous post so something wholesome this time:))
Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 of Ghost Jason series
Ghost Jay and Bruce - Ghost Jay witnessing how fucked up Bruce got after his death. And accepting how people move on (or as they seem to).
Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 of Ghost Jason series
Collection of “I’m Robin and being Robin gives me magic!”
Part 1 | Part 2 of Ghost Jason Series
it's december so time to stare at my art output for the year!!!
picked out some stuff that i'm ok with. wish i had more art to show but im trying to let it go since i was gone for 4 months this year. here's hoping for more drawing time next year
Yesterday I brought you Batfam twitter. Today I bring you Batfam twitter. Tomorrow? Who knows
Duke in the back of the Batmobile covered in paint: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Dick, in passenger seat as oldest rules staring absentmindedly out the window: They do.
Bruce, side eye in the cowl hits different: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?
Edit: now with a fanfic
To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.
Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.
Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.
Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.
The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.
The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.
Dick, holding Wally’s hand while they lie in bed: God I love this bed. God I love this house. And you. Especially you.
Voice: How domestic.
Wally: God?
Damian in his Robin suit, holding his bleeding side: No. It’s me. May one of you please direct me to the nearest medical kit.
[Frantic scrambling]
remember when i said Bruce would forget his kids arre adopted?
imagine the same thing but opposite w damian for some reason.
Damian starts showing interest in medical stuff and Alfred lightly comments, "just like his grandfather," and Bruce hums with a finger on his chin, "Ra's?" and Alfred gives him a look and THEN Bruce realises, oh his father. his side of the family. because he's the dad. for real this time. ohhhhh.
I bet the criminals in Gotham city freak the fuck out when the Batman shows up without Robin.
Because, yeah, you’re going to get the shit kicked out of you either way—but when the kids’ around, Batman’s more… merciful. He’ll knock you out instead of breaking both your arms. He’ll round-house you but not stab you in the gut with a bat-a-rang. There’s less blood and gore, like Batman’s trying to spare the kiddo from the more unsavory aspects of vigilantism.
I bet when the goons see Robin, they breathe a sigh of relief. Cause Batman’s gonna fuck ‘em, but he isn’t going to fucking annihilate them—not in front of his kid.
The justice league sees Batman periodically updating a database of his, at the oddest of times, and naturally they think it's got something to do with his contingency plans or a dataset about the Gotham rogues, but in reality it's just him keeping record of his many children's changing tastes
Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?
Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."
"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."
"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."
"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."
"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."
"Damian watched Bluey for a total of 50 hours this week. Update to favourites."
everytime tim pisses off jason jason's like "first you steal my fucking job, now this?!" and tim goes "i didn't STEAL robin, you were DEAD and the position needed to be FILLED." and then jason says "but when i stopped being dead you didn't give it BACK. when an office worker gets a replacement so they can go on maternity leave the replacement is supposed to FUCK OFF once the maternity leave ENDS." and tim argues "YOU WEREN'T ON FUCKING MATERNITY LEAVE JASON" and jason screams back equally loud "WELL I DISAPPEARED FOR AROUND NINE MONTHS AND THEN SHOWED BACK UP WITH DAMIAN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" and then tim leaping strikes him off a 6 story building
-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-
Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?
Damian: *looks up* yes
Bruce: what do you think of her...?
Dick: *tries not to laugh*
Tim: *fails not to laugh*
Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*
Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?
Tim: He's trying to set you up!
Batkids -Damian: *laughs*
Damian: *stares blankly*
Bruce: of course, you don't hav-
Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?
Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*
Steph: *chokes on her drink*
Cass: *smiles*
Batkids: WHAT?!
Bruce: ... I-....
Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!
Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!
Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?
Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon
Damian: I was.
Dick: but you just-
Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*
Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*
Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!
-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-
Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep
Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner
Jon: hehe... fuck