I Don’t Know What Feelings It Would Stir In Will. I Have Never Met Him.

I don’t think love should have to be a fight.

If it is, maybe it’s not love, it’s just war with different rules.

But I think some things stay even when you stop fighting. Probably not everything, but the important things. Thats how I see this. Maybe one day you feel that you won’t have to fight anymore.

Good evening Nigel,

I was at the National art gallery with Beth this afternoon. I saw Botticelli’s ‘Venus and Mars’ there, it is an absolute study in paradox!. About forces that should collide yet instead settle into something resembling harmony. It reminded me of space in that way. Mars, the god of war, lies unconscious, unarmed, seemingly at peace. Venus, the goddess of love, seems watchful but unaffected, an island of serenity beside him. She has not conquered him. She has not subdued him. And yet, in her presence, he is still.

Many people would assume that love triumphs over war, that beauty tames violence. But I think Botticelli offers something more intricate. Venus does not demand change. She does not impose softness upon Mars. She simply exists, and in doing so, creates the conditions for stillness. Mars, so accustomed to unrest, is given a rare and unfamiliar gift—the absence of conflict. And he does not resist it.

The tension here is not one of struggle, but of transformation. Venus has not altered Mars, she has only revealed what he is capable of being. I imagine this as love at its most potent—not forceful, not possessive, but a quiet invitation to become. There is no battle between them, no need for submission or control. Instead, they are two opposing forces that, for a moment, find equilibrium. Together.

This is the paradox I was speaking of : not that one must destroy the other, but that they can coexist. In Metamorphoses, Ovid describes their relationship as both passionate and volatile, yet Botticelli captures something…subtler. Venus does not try to change Mars, nor does she fear him. She understands him. And understanding, more than any weapon, has the power to disarm.

I remember Beth asking ‘Why does Venus choose Mars? Her husband Vulcan presents as a more fitting counterpart, someone more aligned with her nature’. I answered that, perhaps love is not drawn to reflections of itself, but to contrast. To the possibility of transformation. Venus does not force Mars to lay down his weapons. He does so on his own, because in her presence, he does not need them.

There is power in that, in my opinion. A kind of power that does not shout, does not demand, but simply is. Not dominance, but invitation. Not submission, but balance.

And it reminded me of you.

Well, shit… you’ve really got me here, don’t you? Never thought I’d be sitting here, having someone talk to me about love like that, beautiful. It’s funny though. Mars? Peaceful? Never thought I’d see the day.

An invitation, huh? Not a fight, not a conquest, not a struggle to win someone over. Just... being. That’s a new one for me. Love makes me do some fucking crazy things, but never like that.

If I’m being real, I don’t know if I believe in that kind of love. The kind that just fucking is. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve ever let someone just exist if I really loved them, or that I've ever felt like I can let myself relax that way, or if I even can. I’ve always thought that if you don’t fight and keep fighting to keep what you have, you end up losing everything.

Maybe you’ve got a point, Adam. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.

I’m glad you thought of me.

Hello, Adam. I saw your blog through Nigels and wanted to say hi. You’re a gorgeous boy, Adam. :)

-Duncan.

Hello, Duncan.

I wasn’t expecting you to message me. Thank you.

I don’t know what to say when people call me that.

You saw my blog through Nigel’s? Are you two friends? Or are you one of his brothers, like Dr. Lecter is?.

Someone told me today that ‘the stars have aligned.’ I checked. They have not. Stellar positions do not change in response to human events

I would really prefer if everyone spoke to me directly, instead of over or for me.

I am a functioning adult, and I don’t need to be spoken for. I understand the concern on both sides, but the aggression from either side is unnecessary and, frankly, overwhelming.

I don’t take sides in this, and I don’t appreciate being used like this, as if my life doesn’t already come with its own stresses. I just want to be completely removed from this conflict and, honestly, I’d prefer it if it stays that way going forward.

@1nvictus @deerrdarling @coke-n-dope

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny

The largest known star, UY Scuti, is around 1,700 times the size of our Sun. If you could replace the Sun with UY Scuti, it would extend far beyond the orbit of Jupiter. It is fascinating to think about the scale of space. And yet, UY Scuti is not the most massive star; it’s simply the largest in terms of volume. The actual mass of the star is estimated to be only 30 times that of the Sun, which is relatively small for such a large star.

Also, in case you’re wondering, it’s located in the constellation of Scutum, around 9,500 light years away. So, even if we had the technology to travel at the speed of light, it would take us nearly 10,000 years to get there. That’s about 1,000 lifetimes.

I thought that was interesting.

No raccoons, but you have uninterrupted access to the stars. That’s something worth envying. Light pollution makes it nearly impossible to see anything clearly here—our atmosphere scatters artificial light, washing out all but the brightest celestial objects. Even planets struggle to compete. It’s especially difficult in a city like New York.

I would love to go to a place like that sometime.

Hello, Adam. I was wondering if you have a favorite flower or plant or a favorite animal?

-Duncan.

Good evening Duncan!.

I do have a favorite animal.

Raccoons. Definitely raccoons. They’re highly intelligent, their problem-solving skills are impressive, and they have these incredibly dexterous little hands. Did you know that they can remember solutions to tasks for years? And they wash their food before eating it, which is both practical and oddly endearing. I often go to watch a family of raccoons at a park near me. They bring me joy.

As for plants, I think carnivorous plants are fascinating. They literally evolved to defy the usual order of things—plants aren’t supposed to consume animals, and yet, here they are. The Venus flytrap, for example, counts the number of times its trigger hairs are touched before closing, like it’s verifying the presence of prey. That kind of adaptation is remarkable. If find that they have a philosophical aspect to them.

Assuming you don’t have Alzheimer’s disease, you must either been intoxicated or unwell.

If it’s the latter, you should see a specialist; if it’s the former, I’d suggest minimizing your substance intake.

I hope that helps!.

Draw a clock.

It s nromal .

No, not in a frightful way.

You do not come off as scary. You seem reliable, I suppose. There is something very effortlessly calming to you.

If you could assign constellations to your associates/friends what would they be and why?

I don't know much about constellations but I'd love to hear you talk about it :)

- 🧷

I actually spent some time thinking about this. It’s a interesting question, astronomy as a mirror for people. It’s not the first time I’ve made that comparison in my head.

So Nigel would probably be Andromeda. There’s something about Andromedas story that reminds me of him , chained and waiting, not exactly helpless, but holding back. Andromeda’s one of those constellations that’s easy to overlook unless you know where to look. But once you do, you stay looking. He’s like that. Quiet and beautiful, and much more capable than most realize. There’s distance there too. Something unspoken and mysterious. And maybe that’s part of it.

Abby is Lyra. Steady, constant sound in the background that makes everything else feel less chaotic. She’s the kind of friend that doesn’t try to change the rhythm, she plays along, and somehow makes the melody make sense. She won’t try to change but instead accept the people around her. I trust her more than I trust most people. Probably more than I know to articulate.

Duncan is definitely Ursa Major. He’s calm and grounded. One of those people you automatically listen to when they speak. Like the Big Dipper, It’s just always been there. Reliable. Big presence. Never unpleasantly overwhelming.

I see Tonny as Gemini. There is some sort of double-sided energy to him. Always talking, always bouncing between ten things at once. Sometimes it’s annoying. But he makes things feel alive. That counts for something. Very unapologetically himself.

Beth… She’d be Scorpius..I think. There was beauty, but also something sharp underneath. I thought I understood her. Maybe I didn’t. It’s hard not to associate that constellation with betrayal once you’ve been stung by someone you trusted. But I also think Scorpius is about change. You don’t walk away from it unchanged.

Lastly Hannibal , Aquarius. There’s a logic to him that i understand. The kind of person who thinks about everything three steps ahead. Our conversations are always sharp. Always interesting. We don’t need to be close emotionally to have a kind of mutual respect, and I appreciate that.

That’s how I see it right now.

That could change, maybe it won’t.

Hey Adam :D I just started my transition journey and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the trans/queer community 🫶

Of course I support them. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Discriminating against people for existing has never made any logical sense to me. It’s not hurting anyone. It’s just reality.

I know what it’s like to be perceived as complicated for no reason. To feel like you have to explain yourself when there’s nothing to explain.

Wishing you all the best with your transition.

OOC: Have you ever written fanfic with Adam?? You rp him in a way that expresses his emotions and autism really well without infantilizing him or making him unfeeling and robotic, which is something I tend to see (they probably don't mean it in a harmful way, just misunderstood the character) and it's perfect! I really enjoy the way he's portrayed on this page, and I think the way you write in general is very pleasing

OOC: My god, this made me so happy to hear <3

I always try my best to immerse myself in his headspace.

And to answer your question—I’ve actually never really written fanfiction. Well, that’s not entirely true, because I kind of did with my girlfriend years ago 😭 (lol). I do write a lot, but I’ve never really put anything out there.

I have been thinking about maybe posting something on AO3 (may I be protected from the writer’s curse), but my biggest struggle is coming up with a storyline. Once I have a rough idea of where the story is going, I can fill in the details and start writing—but starting from scratch is kind of tough for me.

So if you have any ideas you’d like to see, please feel free to share! I’d love to take any suggestions into consideration.