I DONT NEED THESE TEARS

Twin Flames

pairing: adult!Ao’nung x fem!metkayina na’vi reader

contains: angst with underlying bittersweet fluff, slight infidelity, no smut but a very brief, vague rehashing of events wc: 3,124

“Honestly I’m better as your boy, I’d be kinda shitty as ya man, let’s go back to only being friends. I’m sorry girl I hope you understand it’s just, I don’t wanna fall in love.” - KYLE

You and Ao’nung were written in the stars. Twin flames. A love so fierce among two souls that it’d be impractical to think you could come out unscathed. Like night and day, never one without the other, but never meant to be together.

He never intended to hurt you, really, he didn’t. But somewhere in all the gold that glittered and the feeling of something fresh and exciting, he simply lost sight and forgot what he really wanted.

Love and Ao’nung were two words that never should have been in the same sentence. You wished you had listened to those around you, to those who noticed the two of you growing far too close for the relationship to remain platonic.

You wished you had listened to those who recognized the familiar gleam he’d get in his eyes when he wanted something he knew he wasn’t supposed to have; to those who warned that he would break you into a million pieces like he did with the others. But what you felt in your heart and saw with your own two eyes, you couldn’t deny. He was different with you, you swear he was.

A friend was what you called each other. Bestfriends. Growing up in Awa’atlu, you were stuck to his side like glue as a child, always begging to go hunting with him and his friends. You wanted to go everywhere he went, do everything he did. Disgruntled and annoyed at first, a little Ao’nung had eventually taken a liking to you, much to his own surprise. And from then on, your presence in each other’s lives was as normal as breathing.

And somewhere along the line, Ao’nung had become gentle with you, contrary to his usual irreverent personality. He stopped treating you like you were just another one of his knuckle-headed friends, but instead something more than that. He found himself staring at you longer than he used to; captivated by the details about your features or personality that he never cared to relish on in the past.

The way your face would light up every time you heard his voice call for you. How you’d beam when you sat with him on the beach and raved about your day. He’d simply watch you, humming in response every now and then to let you know he was listening, on his face a smile so love-sickeningly drenched in admiration while you gesticulated animatedly.

He would have puked had someone held a mirror up to him to see his own besotted expression, but he loved how excited you were to talk to him about the smallest of things. How even while he’s studied the distinct map your starred freckles project along your body over and over again, for some reason, he still finds himself getting lost in them.

He doesn’t want to fall in love.

It’s what he tells himself every time a mention of your name has his ears perking attentively, listening in on the conversation regarding his newfound fascination. Every time a waft of your scent in the salt-laced breeze sends his mind reeling with thoughts he can’t seem to mute. But it’s too late.

Hell, how couldn’t he have fallen for you? You’re always perched on the dock outside his mauri before eclipse, swinging your legs as you patiently await his return from training so the two of you can spend some time alone before dinner.

Genuinely happy to see him regardless of how grumpy he can be, because you like him for him. And you’re completely unaware of how his mind battles with his heart as he admires you from afar, wondering how he’d let himself tumble face first into an irreversible fondness for you.

He doesn’t want to fall in love, but one can’t stop the inevitable.

Snarky teasing turned into transient observations that scarily resembled compliments. Chummy roughhousing morphed to playful touches to the most ticklish parts of you, just so he could hear your pretty laugh cascade through his ears like his own songcord. He had half the mind to add a bead, just for you.

And for a while, he felt it too, honestly he did. But Ao’nung wasn’t familiar with love, had pushed the thought of it away for so long that now he had no idea how it was supposed to happen. The things you were and weren’t supposed to do. He never knew that the fluttering feeling of butterflies swarming in his stomach were good, that he shouldn’t run from them, but embrace them.

Sure he’d grown up watching his parents display their affection to one another; grown up hearing the stories of an adamant, smitten Tonowari pining after a hard-to-get Ronal, despite her apparent aloofness. How he fell first and she fell even harder. But he never actually thought he would end up head over heels for a girl. It was usually the other way around, girls pining over him while he let the attention boost his ego.

He was a no strings kind of guy— utterly terrified by the thought of being responsible for breaking a girl’s heart. Breaking your heart, like he knew he would because he fucks everything up and he wanted no parts of it.

But he’s conflicted. Deep down he does want what his parents have. Someone to call his own, someone to come home to. Someone who means more than a stupid hookup that would leave him regretting his decision afterwards and wondering why the hell he went through with it. But like always with the metkayina boy, pride trumps what his heart already knows.

He’s well aware that it’s too good to be true. The thought that he could ever experience what it truly means to be happy, by letting himself be loved by you, is all that it will ever be. A thought. An unattainable aspiration. He knows you’re too good for him. Compassionate, thoughtful, kind. Everything he’ll never be, coupled with a heart much too pure to be polluted by his indecision.

But maybe, just maybe he could enjoy the reverie while it lingered, and pretend like he could really have you all to himself. Just for one night. Selfishly disregarding his issues with commitment, all he could think about while he laid in bed was how badly he wanted to see you, how badly he wanted to be with you.

Leading you on was the last thing on his mind that late night he’d snuck out from his Mauri and to yours, determinedly pitching small shells he’d collected on the way there between the flowing tulle curtains of your open window to get your attention.

And for some reason you couldn’t sleep, as if that was fate’s way of setting the two of you up for failure from the beginning. You’d already spent an hour staring up at the intricate weaving of your Mauri’s roof, wishing your eyelids would hurry up and become weighted, when the small disruption of something clattering against the floorboards had you sitting up almost instantly.

You smiled keenly, already having an idea of who it was. He told you he’d come for you later, sometime after eclipse, and he always kept his promises. At least, you thought he did.

The both of you waded by the shore beneath the light of the moon, legs brushing against the other from the effort of treading once you swam further out. Childishly splashing the other with small waves of cool, salty water and trying your best to keep your laughter quiet; the village long asleep but your hearts awake.

It was when he bundled you closer, when strong arms lagged through the calm waters to wind around your waist and pull you into him. That, was when you knew nothing would be the same.

You should have pulled away, should have called it a night before things could progress, like the voice in the back of your head was telling you to do. But just like always, those ocean eyes held you in a trance, a smug grin on his face in response to how deeply you blushed and it only made matters worse.

You wonder now if he knew what he was doing when he brought a hand up to caress your dampened cheek, his gaze undeniably tender when he told you he’d always thought you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

You see now that you were stupid to fall for it. But in that fleeting moment, with your arms around his neck and your hearts beating as one, his lips moving against yours felt so right. It felt like that was where you were always meant to be, in his arms, pressed against the warmth of his skin as he set your soul ablaze.

You’d spent the rest of the night on the sand, the comfort of your bed long forgotten. He was all you needed. Entangled underneath the moonlight as you let him see so much farther into you than you had with anyone. He kissed broken promises upon your skin, lust-drunken words slurred from his mouth swaddled in the crook of your neck and you can’t believe you trusted him.

Your ability to see the good in everyone ultimately played the role in your downfall. You took pride in being someone who went off actions, and not words. Because it had never failed you before, but since then you’ve learned to never say never.

Curse your aching heart. You really should have listened when everyone told you to run, that behind all the kind gestures and longing glances and saccharine kisses to the forehead— it was all a game to him.

Things weren’t official with the two of you but you had planned to change that. Flung so deep into the intensity of your own feelings, everything about the way he treated you let you know that he must have felt the same.

Surely it’d be impossible to do all that the two of you had done with someone and not catch feelings. It’d be unimaginable to let someone peer so extensively into what makes you you, and somehow not fall in love with them.

“Meet me by the mangroves at noon, our spot.” You’d murmured between a parting kiss, just the day before, and he can’t believe he forgot.

He was enjoying his time with you too much to notice that he let things go on for too long, too busy reveling in the feeling of what it felt like to truly be loved. To be cared for.

He never intended for it to go this far, constantly having to remind himself to break the news to you that he wanted to remain friends, so he wouldn’t lose you all together. To let you go before he could do something to hurt you.

Ao’nung knew he was in too deep the moment he realized you were the last image playing behind his eyelids when he fell asleep, and the first thing he thought about when he woke up.

The idea of him loving someone so profoundly shocked him to his core, scared him into submitting back into his old habits. He needed to be with someone who couldn’t see him, someone who if he were to mess things up, the sight of them in fragments due to his actions wouldn’t cause him to endure that same agony. So subconsciously, he did what he always does when he has a good thing going for him. Fuck it up.

The sound of his laughter in the distance carried your feet along the buoyant netting that served as walkway between the homes of your village. A hopeful grin plastered on your face and a freshly woven armband clutched between your hands. A gift from him to you, and though not very traditional for you to give the first courting gift, nothing about your situation was, so you found it more than fitting.

The sight in front of you halted your movements, leaving your mind to try and make sense of the scene before your eyes could confirm what you feared to be true. What everyone had tried to warn you of.

The man who succeeded in making you feel a way no other had, stood a little ways in front of you, with a girl. Her back leaned against the rocks while she batted her lashes and gazed at him as if he’d hung the stars in the sky himself. The same way you’d found yourself doing every time he so much as looked in your direction.

A mere conversation between the two of them would never have been enough to upset you, you liked to think you were more secure than that. But you’d be lying to yourself if you claimed you didn’t see the way his hand cradled her cheek, and how his eyes flitted over her features, as if she were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

Your insecurities didn’t have much work to do, as it was the words that left his own mouth that confirmed your fears. The same thing he had confessed to you— all those nights ago when you laid intwined under the stars— he swore to her. With that same glint in his eye, that same longing look that you were foolish to ever believe would be reserved for you.

A fire surged up the column of your throat and a dreadful weight settled in the pit of your stomach that almost had your knees buckling. Your lips parted to speak, to ask him what the hell he was doing with her when he was supposed to have met you here.

But the words never came, they remained lodged between the confines of your heart-wrenched vocal cords. Your fist tightened around what would’ve been a lovely moment between the two of you, and the sound of it thumping against the ground, paired with the cloud of sand it brought up in its wake was enough to peel his attention from your giggling contender.

His startled, turned guilt-ridden expression would’ve rendered comical to you, but the rush of hot tears that bubbled over your waterline and stained your seafoam cheeks were far too impatient to wait for you to get a laugh in.

You staggered back with a denying shake of your head, a string of curses inaudible as you threw your hands up once he made a move to get to you. The girl he had been so enamored with just moments ago conveniently forgotten the second he witnessed your heart fall through your chest.

He called out for you in a panic, hurriedly sifted his hands through pale golden and swiftly scooped the disheveled accessory from the sand before his feet took off.

Ao’nung chased you through the village until he was nearly winded. Ignoring your hisses for him to leave you alone and brushing off the harsh shoves you sent to his chest as if they weren’t actually starting to hurt.

“Please, wait!” Another plea for you that went ignored, your ears only filled with the painful ringing of betrayal.

Blinded by the moisture in your eyes, you realized he’d cornered you. Chased you all the way to a secluded clearing behind the palm trees so you would stop running and just talk to him.

A strong hand gripped your forearm, turning you around rougher than intended to meet the frantic look in his eyes. “Please,” He implored breathlessly and his chest heaved from his efforts just moments earlier. “I never meant for it to go like this.”

You twirled from his grasp and swatted his hand away in the process, your face screwed up with hurt and he watched every conflicted emotion pass through your eyes at once. You didn’t even know how you were still standing.

“I gave myself to you!” Your voice wavered as you thrusted an accusatory finger to his chest. His lips moved, but no words left them as he clutched the forgotten gift in his hands. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.” You whisked your head away, shielding your face as another round of tears threatened to make themselves known, as if you weren’t embarrassed enough.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I-“ His head dipped to the side to match his drooping shoulders, and you felt the rough pad of his thumb graze your cheekbone in an attempt to fix what was already broken. “Tahni, please, I was going to tell you. I swear-“

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Was this all some kind of sick game to you?” You choked out and backed away from his touch with your arms crossed over your chest, suddenly feeling exposed in front of the man who had already seen you so much barer than you stood now.

But with your feelings worn on your sleeves and so obviously unreciprocated, you felt more naked than you’d ever been regardless of the coverings you were wearing. Completely vulnerable in front of him, so naively gullible to think he’d ever put aside his immature desires and feel the same way you did.

“What- No! I’d- I’d never-“ He sputtered an answer vehemently, his expression almost wounded as he immediately denied your claim. “I just, I can’t give you what you need. You deserve better than me.” His hands found yours despite your efforts to avoid them, and he quickly realized why you didn’t want to be touched.

A stark contrast from your pained stature, the affliction he had caused, your body relaxed the second he touched you and your composure crumbled before him.

Sobs racked through your body and you weakly tugged your hands from his grasp to no avail, your words shaky as you begged for him to let you go. And without another thought he pulled you into his embrace, firmly caging you between the arms that once comforted you.

But they failed to replicate that same feeling, the image of what once was completely tarnished by his own actions. The words that left your lips were enough to make his eyes well with a wetness foreign to him. A deep-seated feeling he’d never forget. Remorse.

“You’re cruel, Ao’nung.”

The sound of your heart shattering drowned out his incessant, anguished apologies and your body slumped in his arms. You let him hold you, allowed your forehead to fall into the dip of his chest as large hands caressed into the curve between your trembly shoulders.

You mindlessly permitted his attempts to console you as you knew you would never let him close to you again. The two of you stood like that for a few minutes, until your weeping reduced to jagged inhales while you struggled to catch your breath.

“Did it mean anything to you at all? Any of it?” You squeaked hopelessly, and the sound of your broken voice sent daggers to the heart you were almost certain he didn’t have.

With his chin rested atop your head, his eyes squeezed shut and he exhaled unsteadily before he spoke.

“More than you know.”

Reblogs + Likes + Comments are much appreciated 💗

More Posts from Ohdeersthings and Others

ohdeersthings

9 years ago

My Colorguard Coach marches Baritone here! GO NICHOLAS!

Phantom Regiment Rehearsal In Nevada Feat. The Phantomettes

Phantom Regiment rehearsal in Nevada feat. The Phantomettes

453 notes View Post

ohdeersthings

5 months ago

The mysterious demon snarled in defiance before Satan.

Heat radiated off him and his glowing eyes blazed with fury.

As my demon lover took a stand against his lord,

I felt my love for him burn even hotter than the fiery depths of Hell.

Emberlynn Pinkle you depraved little genius

2K notes View Post

ohdeersthings

2 years ago

MY HEART

THE LOVE YOU GET IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU GIVE | PART THREE

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x f!Reader Warnings/Tags: 18+ mdni, aged up characters, arranged marriage, rough sex, unprotected sex, creampies, car handjob + fingering, angst continues Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Things start to heat up between you and Katsuki and you think things are getting better, but when something happens to put you in the villain’s crosshairs, Bakugou finds it hard to open up to you, thinking he’s protecting you by keeping you in the dark.

Part One // Part Two // Part Three //

It had been a couple days since your failed attempt at dinner had interrupted your first real intimate moment with Katsuki since your wedding night, and you were determined to try again.

Getting off work early, you stopped at the store on the way home and began cooking as soon as you returned, tying Katsuki’s apron around your waist and triple checking the recipe. You wanted everything to be perfect for him when he got home.

To your surprise, everything was coming together well, and a delicious smell filled the kitchen instead of acrid smoke. Incredibly pleased and rather proud of yourself, you checked your phone, grinning at the text from Bakugou that he was on his way.

However, as soon as your phone chimed with a second notification, your smile faltered.

Kirishima: Hey, just thought I’d warn you. Not exactly a great day for Baku-bro.

‘What happened?’ you quickly typed back, your stomach twisting uncomfortably. ‘Is he alright??’

The seconds it took for Kirishima’s reply felt like ages and you stared at the three little dots with dread.

He had to be alright, you thought, trying to calm your racing heart. He’d texted you, so he couldn’t be hurt. His message was curt, but that’s just how he texts.

Keep reading

1K notes View Post

ohdeersthings

1 year ago

*Baby Dust to Myself*🌠 👶🏼🥰👶🏼

what if it all worked out

113K notes View Post

ohdeersthings

3 months ago

I keep clicking on tiktok like it's all just a bad dream 💀

Tags

tiktok musicals tumblr fyp fyp

0 notes View Post

ohdeersthings

1 year ago

🙌🏻❤️😭

TITLE: lights will guide you home

PAIRING: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

SUMMARY: Soul-lights aren’t as common in this day and age as they were in the past, before quirks, but they’re common enough that people do still find their soulmates.

At thirteen, you meet Bakugou Katsuki, and he lights up for you in orange and gold. You tell him he's your soulmate. He sneers and tells you that you aren't his. He makes your adolescence miserable until you part ways.

You meet again as adults, late at night, in a grocery store, over a pile of bok choy. He apologizes for how he treated you when you were children.

(In which you have a choice—to reject Bakugou's apology, reject him, or to let him show you the man he's become, to learn with him what it means to love and forgive.)

TAGS: soulmate au, trope inversion/subversion, slow burn, getting together, falling in love, fluff, aged up characters, pro-hero characters, eventual smut, mild bullying

STATUS: Ongoing

WORD COUNT: 22.1K

Chapter One: In which you meet your soulmate, and he’s nothing like you dreamed about. Chapter Two: In which you get your bok choy (mission accomplished), grapple with old feelings you have about Bakugou, and experience new ones. Chapter Three: In which you and Bakugou get coffee, and you really don't know what to make of him. Chapter Four: In which you bump into Pro-Hero Dynamight on the street, and he invites himself on your errand. Chapter Five: In which Bakugou does something nice and proves that he's grumpy not just in-person but through texts, too. Chapter Six: In which Japan thinks you're dating Pro-Hero Dynamight, and you desperately need that to not be a thing. Chapter Seven: In which Bakugou has a kitten photoshoot in your apartment. Chapter Eight: In which Bakugou continues to feed you, and you have a realization: He’s handsome, it dawns on you. It’s like wires rearrange in your head, and you can’t stop looking at him. Chapter Nine: In which you find out running away from Bakugou is a bad idea, you become a familiar face at his agency, and he finds a way, as always, to make you feel cared for.

Read on AO3

1K notes View Post

ohdeersthings

2 years ago

I'm a damn mess 😭😭 this was so beautiful but so damn painful 🧡😭😭

Synopsis: Your worst nightmare comes to life after you receive a call well after midnight that isn't from your husband Bakugou but about him. Rushing to the hospital you're thankful to find him alive but when he comes to he asks to see his wife despite you standing there.

Warnings: Angst

A/N & wc: just something quick I whipped up, 3.6k

This is what you wanted isn't it?

All along you begged the Gods for this.

Asking with hot tears streaming down your face that you wished that you weren't here. Not dead but that you never truly existed at all. That no one could remember you and it would be that much easier to be nothing in the wind.

The Gods have a cruel sense of humor, granting your wish, much to your dismay, at an extremely shitty time in your life.

The call comes in the middle of the night, another fear you've had since you married him. Worry clawing up your stomach as your clammy hands reach for the phone. It's Kirishima, it's just Kirishima. He just wants to chat right?

At 2am he just wants to ask about your day doesn't he?

Deep down in the very marrow of your bones you know that's not true. Not even able to fool yourself for a second as your groggy voice shakes with a weak "H-hello?"

Kirishima comes out and just says it. Explains it all but it's as if he's speaking a different language. You barely make out Bakugou and the name of the hospital before the ringing in your ears is deafening. He goes on for what feels like hours as your mind plays out grotesque, horrifying images of what may be left if your husband.

He never got hurt.

Ever.

He promised.

He fucking promised he'd be okay. He always does when he kisses you goodbye. When you say stay safe and he affirms with a hum and "I will. For you I will."

But you didn't say stay safe this time did you? No you spat insults at him, hormonal, pms fueled rage over something he couldn't even control.

He was a superhero. He should be able to control everything.

"Sweetheart, I'm fuckin late." Is what he growled and when he leaned in for a kiss. You leaned away.

"That's it. I'm coming to get you." Kirishima hisses about to hang up when you tell him you're fine. That you'll be there and he can go home to his own worrying and extremely pregnant wife.

You use your quirk, illegally, flying at the speed of light to get to the hospital. Rushing out the syllables of your new last name, Bakugou in such a rush the nurse asks you three more times before you spy Kirishima's hands running through his red mane as he steps outside an ICU room.

Pushing past the nurse, biting your tongue as you rush towards Kirishima. Ignoring his warning as he tries to catch you as you slip under his large arms. Through the heavy door and pulling past the curtain.

It's worse than you imagined and yet still not as bad. He's unconscious, an oxygen mask over his face but thankfully no tube snaking down his throat. You launch yourself at his side, the slow beep from the monitor by your head reassures you he was still breathing.

Still alive.

Your palms are clammy again as it all comes rushing into focus. With each beep comes new information piled on top of the other. First is the pungent smell of cleaner. Disinfecting anything and everything until it's bleaching the lining of your lungs. Then comes the cold, thick plastic of the bed handle beneath your hands. Groaning from your grip as your heart rate increases.

Beep

The stiff blankets, they're scratchy and all wrong. Bakugou doesn't like this type of "cheap shit". He's more high maintenance than you. He likes tightly woven or soft down comforters.

Beep

Red, the bandages on his chest are weeping red. So much fucking color clashing with the white gauze. That can't be right. It'll get on this stupid scratchy blanket. The sharp inhale brings in more sanitation, your breath becomes more shallow. Teeth grinding and competing with the sound ringing in your head.

Beep

It's dark, it's so fucking dark in here you can barely see. Where are his eyes? Why won't his eyes open? You're whispering his name so softly like you do when he's worked overnight and you're leaving for work by mid morning. His crimson eyes always open. Always crinkle when he says goodbye. Why can't you see his fucking eyes?

Beep

Why

Beep

Is he gonna..

Beep

"Hey." A solid hand clamps onto your shoulder pulling you out of your spiral. Bringing you to shore with his rough grip, "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

At some point Kirishima has pulled up the reclining chair for you, offering it silently with one of those stupid, shitty scratchy blankets. You feel your skin crawl and not from the low thread count.

Eyes flickering back towards your husband of three years.

Three whole years and he's just going to leave like this? Like a candle snuffed out by…by

By some damn extra?!

Kirishima watches your labored breathing, he is never going to go back on the promise he made his best friend and the one Bakugou made in turn.

"She's stubborn. Look after her if something fuckin happens."

"I'm staying with you. I'll ask the nurse to-"

"No!" It comes out too quick, too loud as you turn on him like a wild animal. For just a moment you can see it. Dully reflected in his eyes in this damned low light, your reflection. What he sees.

A scared little girl who's about to lose her shit.

You clear your throat, straightening your back before you breathe out deeply.

"Your wife is going to pop any minute. You need to be available for her." You say sternly, pretending this was something so much more mundane. Like you've missed the bus or the taxi Bakugou sent for you.

A small inconvenience, yea that's all this was. You were just going to be late, late to see Bakugou and-

"You're sure?" Thunderous voice threatens to crack, looking over his friend, making it harder on you.

"Yes. You're injured, yourself. Besides your paternity leave starts the second she goes into labor and as office manager I do have a say on that. In fact it starts now." There it is, there's that stern voice he's used to. The light scolding you've always given him and Bakugou for the last five years.

Kirishima seems to give it some thought, a lot of thought.

"Eiji, please I'll be okay." You smile up at him, lips twitching at how difficult it is to turn them upward when all you want to do is scream. Scream until the burn of bleach is replaced from the raw emotion that's bubbling up your throat.

The large man shifts his weight, debating giving you a hug and when he sees your body closed off, hands white knuckled on the bed frame he thinks better of it.

"You better call me if you need anything. At least give me that okay?"

"Okay." You appease him, still forcing the smile and hoping he'll get the fuck out.

Finally he does, staring you down with a soft goodbye and a stern I mean it that you wave off. Until finally he shuts the big, scary door.

Leaving you alone with that sound that is both reassuring and yet nauseating.

Beep

And this time you can't hold back the tears.

Crying enough tears to fill up two weeks. Almost drowning in the amount shed as the doctor reassures you he'll wake soon. He has healthy brain wave activity and he's breathing on his own.

"All good signs. Try more of his favorite music."

It's all they can say. All they can give you to cling onto as you replay your last words to him.

Hateful, cruel things.

Over the stupidest fucking fight.

"It's because you're still in love with her!"

Throwing insecurities in his face and for what?

Suddenly his heart rate monitor beeps loudly, quickly chirping the increase in speed as you watch his eyes move beneath his long lashes.

Before they flutter open, looking over at you with… with

With disgust.

Your heart hammers in your chest. Was he? Was he still mad at you?

"H-hey Suki." You go to reach for the hairs that cling to his damp forehead only to be caught in his deadly hot and tight grip, "Katsuki, you're hurting me."

His free hand rips the mask from his face as he looks over at you with harsh set eyes. The intensity weakened only by his groggy state.

"Don't use my given name." A threat that has your eyes watering, "I don't even fuckin know you."

He tosses your hand back into your lap as if you were trash, eyes narrowing to slits.

"Where's my wife?"

"I am your -" But he cuts you off.

"Where the fuck is Momo?!"

Momo, Bakugou's first wife, comes quicker than you'd like. Wrapping her arms around you, sickeningly sweet perfume chokes you out, almost drowning out the harsh chemicals of the room. She came straight from the movie set, long lavish dress fit for the Mafia Princess character she was playing in some new film.

The same very ex wife who you claimed Bakugou wasn't over. Gritting your teeth as she fusses over you, as if you were a delicate thing that could break any minute and not Bakugou who lies under that itchy blanket.

"Momo, darlin." He croaks and she visibly flushes. Rushing to him, spying the blanket as well before she's using her quirk to make something more to his liking.

"Baby why weren't you here?" You can hear the strain in his voice, the emotion he's biting back as she looks down at him confused, "Are you still filming that dumb super hero movie?"

"Bakugou-"

"Katsuki." He corrects sharply, even moving his mask that the doctors fought to put back on to make sure she heard it. Momo looks over her shoulder cautiously to gauge your reaction.

"Katsuki…" It feels odd to form the syllables on her tongue, "I finished that movie seven years ago…"

"Wha-what?"

"I'm also…Ba-" His glare causes Momo to correct herself, "Katsuki, doll, we aren't married anymore. We divorced. You're married to her now."

Momo pulls you into view and Bakugou stares at his ex and "current" wife.

A long, heavy moment of silence passes before the heart monitor beeps furiously. The smell of caramel permeating the room much too quickly before the doctor rushes in.

Just as Bakugou takes in a breath to start yelling, pulling at the mask and almost ripping out his IV his body goes slack. The doctor was barely faster than him, injecting him with something to lull him back to sleep.

Especially since explosives and oxygen did not mix well.

The doctor blinks rapidly having just caught the tail end of the conversation. Memory loss was normal, expected, but possibly six years or more…

Well that wasn't, even with his long history of concussions.

With the quick assessment he turns to the two women in the room. Debating on just how to go about this as bedside manner wasn't always his strong suit.

"What I'm about to say may be difficult for you two however keep in mind this is what is going to be best for the patient and his recovery. Since he is experiencing amnesia we will have to go along with what he thinks is true right now. Just like one would when someone has dementia. There will be less stress on his body if we indulge in his perceived reality."

"For how long?" Momo asks tentatively. Doctor Yashido takes a sharp inhale.

"Until his memories return."

"And how long will that take?" Two different tones ask in unison. One a frustrated bark the other laced with deep concern.

"Could be weeks. Could be months." He swallows thickly, Yashido never was good at delivering bad news and this was almost as bad as it gets, "If they ever return at all."

The hospital floor falls away from beneath your feet. Causing you to plummet into the deep dark depths. Questions buzzing in your head battling alongside the screaming. The sound echoes in your mind whipping up the thoughts of Bakugou having never loved you. Of Bakugou thinking so little of you, of finding you so fucking annoying, like the gnat you were he went and forced himself to forget the last three years of your marriage and taking it a step further by going back far enough to forget you existed at all.

Isn't this what you wanted? What you wished for that night? That you'd wake up and you hadn't existed at all?

Beep

This wasn't about you. Fuck this was about him. Would he be happier with Momo? He never really did say why they broke up. He always said it was "just mutual" and left it at that.

Beep

At least he was alive right? You could watch him from afar again. Watch the star rise as your feet stayed firmly planted on the ground.

Beep

You could forget he ever brought you up in the night sky to dance along with him. It would be easy right?

"Love." Momo calls for the third time, manicured hands on your shoulders, "Why don't you go home for some rest. And a shower."

You stare up at her blankly, at the doctor who gives a curious look before you slowly nod.

"Yea….yea that's a good idea."

Returning the next day proves painful as you see Momo has changed, stunning even in leggings and a cropped shirt. Even took the initiative to alter the decor of his ICU room. Soft yellow string lights, a humidifier, soft fluffy blankets and silky sheets that Bakugou might bleed on anyway if he didn't stop moving around so much.

It's awkward to stand in the corner and watch them interact. To watch everyone else interact with the man you so desperately wanted to see.

And wanted him to see you in return.

But he can't now, he doesn't even know your name. And everytime you come close to the bed he stares at you with such discontent, with suspicion as if you were the dirty liar in the room.

Kirishima falls back, bumping his shoulder into yours gently. You look up at him with deep bags under your eyes.

"Mina is worried about you, ya know. She says you can stay at our place if your apartment is too…much." He offers with a strained smile, you place another lip twitching half assed smile on your own mouth.

"I'll be fine."

Yet the late hours of the night, all alone in your too big apartment, curled into his pillow that is slowly losing the smell of him haunt you the most.

A few more weeks pass and even with Bakugou's restlessness the doctors argue with him about downgrading his stay to general admission. They instead move him from the ICU to the neurology floor, making this the longest Bakugou had ever been in the hospital to date. Meeting even more doctors that now talk to both you, for legal reasons and Momo, for Bakugou's fantasy, about his brain damage.

How there is hardly any and that there were many things about the brain that we as humans had yet to understand.

But that was his whole fucking job wasn't it? To study the brain and unlock its god damn mysteries. Not tell you you were shit out of luck and non-existent to your very real husband who was in such a twisted reality.

It's baffling to see his scans, to hear nothing is wrong. Painful to see the love in his eyes that shine for Momo and not a spark for you.

How odd it is to share your husband with his ex wife.

Sometimes you're brave enough to sit closer to him like you are today. Steeling your nerves against his harsh interrogation as if you were the nasty villain that put him here in the first place. Sitting second to Momo who holds his hand or smooths down his blanket. Watching the days bleed together as her once, almost forced and polite smile turns into something else.

Turns real, genuine.

It makes your stomach churn.

"The fuck are ya still doing here extra?" He hisses at you when he wakes from a nap, Momo shushing him. Scolding him about being rude and he counters.

"What's rude is that she fuckin exists! Why is she fuckin here, Sweetheart?" Your heart falls into your stomach. Throat closing up as your body rejects this.

Rejects everything, especially the sound of his nickname for you aimed at someone else. At someone you're stupidly jealous of. At someone whose fault this could never be and who has only ever shown you kindness.

Sent your flowers on your birthday.

Avoided hero galas the two of you went to.

"Katsuki!" No correction on his name now, Momo having settled into his given name once again and quickly at that.

"No, it's okay. I'll- I'll get us some coffee, Momo." You say abruptly getting up. Wanting comfort from no one but the man that just cut you with his sharp tongue.

He's just groggy. It's cause he's hurting. It's the meds that are saying that.

The same excuses echo through your head as you walk through the halls, air thick with intangible weight as you trudge towards the sludge machine painted in coffee labels.

You wondered what exactly the air was thick with. Grief most likely, of lives forever altered resting on the shoulders of sobbing loved ones who could barely hold themselves up but were now expected to carry the weight of the world.

Or maybe it was resentment, festering anger. Angry that this happened. Angry at God or the Gods or at no one in particular that let this happen to their loved one.

All you knew was that the air was thick with it. Smothering you with every futile breath you took.

Somehow you make it back to the room, muscle memory must have guided you back here. Toeing open the door that you left slightly ajar quietly.

Only to find a sleeping Bakugou, breathing even and heart rate lazy, slow. Momo sighs softly as she pushes his ash blonde hair away from his forehead murmuring ever so softly.

"Why'd I leave again?"

The paper cups in your hands crush easily. The scalding liquid burning in your hands as Momo startles from the sound. But nothing burns as badly as the angry tears you're holding back.

Maybe you should leave. Give these two their happily ever after.

Maybe everyone was right. Bakugou was a lot to handle. Mitsuki had said so herself. Saying you'd never be good enough for her son as long as you stayed weak willed.

Weak hearted.

"You won't last four years with my son. Mark my words. You'll give up on him because he's too good for you, Momo was the better fit."

She muttered them to you as she pulled the veil over your blurring vision before you walked down the aisle to her son.

You never did tell him. And now you never would.

Mind made up as you storm from the hospital room. Biting your lip until you tasted blood as you held yourself back. A war raging inside your head.

He's just lost his memories, that's all this is. No you fucking idiot his love for Momo was stronger.

Soon you're marching up the stairs to your shared apartment, almost snapping the key off in the lock from the sharp turn of your wrist. Rushing inside without bothering to remove your shoes as tears cloud your eyes. Threatening to fall in fat drops as you rummage through the closet for your suitcase. Stacking it haphazardly with random items in the room. A small painting, your charger, random clothes and jewelry. All the while murmuring to yourself before you bully your way into the en suite.

Gathering things here and there before you see it. The box catching your eye that has you instantly nausted.

It's quiet for a moment. The buzzing in your throat and head silenced by your intense concentration.

Before erupting with a raw scream shoving everything off of the granite in one foul swoop.

Shattering his expensive cologne and your pricy perfume onto the wood grain tile. The scents meld together reminding you of hot dinner dates the two of you never made it to. Too busy fucking on the vanity counter, staring at one another in the mirror. Now all that stares back at you is a ghost. Hollow eyes and a heavier heart.

Biting your lip you stare at the black box on the floor, torturing yourself by picking it up. The rectangular shape feels different in your hands, the rounded edges feel sharp as you gently unwrap the gift as if you didn't know what sat inside.

Two white tests. Neatly capped and set in tissue paper. Two solid pink lines on one test and the other written clear as day in digital text Pregnant

With finality you slam the box into the trash with such force the can falls over. The other several tests toppled out indicating the same thing. Confirming what your blood tests results in your voicemail echoed back to you from your OBGYN

Congratulations!

The sound of her voice rings in your head. Was it a "congratulations", was it really?

This is what you wanted right? A baby?

To not exist? To fall off the face of the earth?

Fate is a twisted and cruel thing, giving but always taking its hefty price as tears burn your eyes, bags packed leaving the once shared apartment.

The universe only gave you what you wanted right?

So congratulations, you got exactly what you wanted.

You were finally forgotten.

2K notes View Post

ohdeersthings

3 years ago

One Day

(Aizawa Shouta x F!Wife!Reader)

Warnings!: Dicusses infertility, sensitive issues, adoption, miscarriages, depression, IVF treatments, angst, fluff, blood mentioned,

Summary: You and Aizawa have tried for years to have a child, nothing seems to work and you're losing all hope.

*Some people struggle with having children. This does not make anyone less than who they are as a person. You are special and loved.*

You had met Shouta in third year of U.A. You were training under Recovery Girl due to your quirk, Aura, you could heal almost any injury but you would use your own stamina to do it. He had come in to get checked out after a particularly harsh training time in class.

You were sending him side glances, and he was doing sending some your way as well. You'd caught his attention. You were so gentle with everyone, always going out of your way to make sure everyone was taken care of, even if it made you sick from how over worked you were. Of course, you also weren't scared to put people in their place.

To you, he seemed lazy, like he'd rather be anywhere else, yet he was so hard working. His quirk wasn't flashy and didn't catch alot of people's attention, but he'd been more than enough to catch yours.

Present Mic will always say it was thanks to him you two got together. If he hadn't pushed Shouta onto you that day and forced you two to kiss, who knows how it would've turned out.

The kiss had led to a confession, which led to dating, soon dating turned into marriage and being husband and wife should lead to...lead to....mother and father...

"Its negative again,"

You clutched the test in your hand, feeling your throat starting to close up as you tried to hold back your tears. Shouta wrapped his arms around you and brought you in close. He knew how bad you wanted to have a child. He shared the same dream, but he knew how hard it was hurting you. He assured you over and over again, "It'll happen one day, we just need to be patient," "Shouta we just turned thirty! We've tried for so long, I'm so tired and hurt," You sobbed into his chest, clutching his shirt tightly as he ran a hand over your back. "Maybe we should give it a rest for a little while, maybe talk to some more doctors," he suggested, you shaking your head, "They've all said the same thing, IVF is the way, just relax and it'll happen, it'll happen when you least expect it," he knew you were right, years of you being poked and tested. Even him to see if years of Hero work had done somthing to make it impossible to have children now. No more words were said as you two embraced eachother, both longing for the same thing.

After the last negative test, you and Shouta had taken a break from trying. The heartbreak had finally driven both of you to almost give up. He focused back on his class and you went back to Recovery Girl who simply patted your hand in support as you explained to her what'd happened. "Don't worry my dear, it'll all work itself out," she smiled, handing you a lollipop that caused a smile to grace your lips. "Thank you," you accepted the lollipop and stuck it in your mouth. Hopefully it will get better from here.

You stared at the plus sign with wide eyes. There was no way. It's been a year since you and Shouta had decided to stop trying for a while. This all had to be some cruel trick.

Tears fell from your eyes as you put your hands to your mouth in shock. Your knees grew weak and you slumped to the bathroom tile as hope and a new found vigor had blossomed. It was finally happening. After all these years you and Shouta were finally gonna be blessed as parents. As you placed a hand to your stomach you couldn't help but smile through the tears.

You had called Recovery Girl who asked you to come in and do a blood test to verify. And if was true. You were finally pregnant. Tears flew down your cheeks again in happiness as Recovery Girl held you in a congratulating hug. "I think Aizawa is on break right now, I'm sure he could use some news," she winked and you beamed at her and nodded. "Thanks so much! I'll be back later,"

You hurried through the school and once you reached the teachers break room you took a deep breathe to compose yourself. This was it.

Opening the door you noticed Shouta napping in his favorite sleeping bag. Nemuri waved a hello to you and smiled one back, walking up to your sleeping husband. "Honey? Shouta I need to talk to you," you giggled, running a hand through his dark tresses. He cracked an eye open and was met with your beaming face. "What is it?" He questioned but you motioned for him to follow you into the hallway.

"You seem like you're in a good mood," he grinned lazily, and you nodded with a large smile, "of course, most mothers are," you replied, his eyes widening in shock and disbelief, "w-wait.. are y-you," he couldn't finish his sentence before you squealed and wrapped your arms around him. He hugged you tight and spun you both around, a large grin over taking his face, "(Y/n), I'm so excited! We're going to be parents," his grin still held his lazy self but this was a side of him he only shows around you. "We are. We're a Mommy and a Daddy," you smiled, tears filling your eyes again as you embraced with a hug and a kiss. Everything was finally coming together.

"I'm sorry, the fetus was just too weak to survive."

Those words had broken you. You'd woken up a month after finding out you were pregnant to abdominal pain and blood coating your entire lower half. Sheets and blankets stained as Shouta placed you in the tub to clean you off, you clinging to his shirt in pain and fear, "Please...Not my baby," you cried, nails digging into his chest as you tried to grasp onto reality. Why. Why did it have to be your baby. The one thing you'd prayed and hoped for.

The warm water washed away the blood, clots running down the drain as Shouta hugged you close as tears escaped his own eyes. Everything was starting to work out. The grief he felt for you and himself, the unknowing of what your future together would've looked like. Would the baby have been a boy with his hair but your kind eyes? A little girl maybe who could be your twin?

Now you sat in the drs office to follow up and get the diagnosis you'd already known. "You did suffer a miscarriage. It is a more common thing than most women realize, some women have them and don't even know," the Dr tried to inform you, yet all you heard was silence.

Bags were under your eyes and your skin was frail looking. Shouta held your hand in comfort on the ride home. Both of you sitting in silence as a way to process the loss.

It wasn't until you both walked into your house that you finally spoke, "Why do you stay with me Shouta?" The question had come out of nowhere. He turned to you and saw you staring at the ground with tears in your glossy (e/c) eyes. "I can't give you children and I killed the only one I've barely been able to have," you slowly looked up at him, his wide, dark eyes looking back at you in disbelief. "Why stay with someone whose defective?" You whispered, but it seemed to echo throughout the silent house.

Shouta hurried to you and took your face into his hands, "You are not defective. There is nothing wrong with you. Many couples struggle, but I'll never leave you. I married you. Not for children, or money, or even a pass fancy, I married you for you. I married you for the love we have for one another. Never forget that," he pressed his forehead to yours as you broke down sobbing again.

Shouta picked you up and took your to your shared bedroom. You both got changed and laid in bed together, just holding eachother close as you listened to one anothers heartbeat. You felt yourself slip into unconsciousness but Shouta stayed awake, simply staring at your exhausted person.

He knew how badly you wanted this. He grieved with you. The sorrow and guilt he feels knowing there's not much he can do but just sit with you through it all. The struggle and the pain you went through. If anyone deserved to be a mother it was you. The way you cared for the students, fed them, nursed them back to health. Even scolded them when they took certain things too far.

He ran a hand down you back and placed a light kiss to your forehead and snuggled closer to you. He'd make you a mother. One day.

"What do you mean this little girl was experimented on!?" You shrieked, looking through a hallway window into a hospital room where a little girl, Eri was her name, was currently sleeping with a high sitting fever. You turned to your husband in shock, "How can someone do this to her!? To any child?" You placed a hand on the window, wishing you could be in there with her. To try and give her some comfort at least. "She's safe now, that's what matters," Shouta spoke, his arm coming around your shoulder as he pulled you in close.

A few weeks had passed and Eri had finally woken up, you and Shouta beside her the whole time. She was stronger than before, more energized. Though she was confused on some things, you and Shouta were there to guide her and help her. The real problem came when it was time for her to leave the hospital. Her quirk was too strong to put her in a care home, and was still unstable.

"Shouta. I want her here," you declared as you both got ready for bed. "I don't want her with strangers, please. Talk to Nezu, Toshi-Chan. Anyone. I want Eri with us," you were begging at this point. Shouta simply gazed at you, his thoughts turning in his head, "I'll see what I can do, let's go to bed for now,"

"Eri, would you like to come live with us?" You smiled, squating down to the young girls height. "What do you mean?" She asked, her red eyes curious as they looked between you and Shouta. "You can come live with us, we have a nice house with a pretty room for you. A nice backyard where you can run and play, we want you to become apart of our family," you grinned in excitement. "Like a Mommy and Daddy?" She wondered.

You froze for a second before your lips turned up gently, "only if you want to baby, we won't force you too, but yes. It'll be like that," Eri clenched her bed sheet before nodding, tears springing up to your eyes as you asked for a hug which she granted you permission as you both embraced. You glanced back to Shouta who smiled back you. Finally.

One Day....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiiii..... yeah wanted to cover a sensitive topic I feel like doesn't get talked about enough. Let me know what you thought about it. ❤