If 2015 Taught Me Anything, It Is That Everything Is Fleeting. Even The Recurring Moments That We Come

You’ll Know This Is About You

I have been a different person with different people. I sometimes become who they want me to be, or I’ll retreat when I feel like they expect too much.  I’m the strong, silent type who talks a lot, and falls in love too quick, and breaks hearts too often, and is always there when I’m needed, and never answers the phone when it rings, and has a heart of gold, and a heart of coal, and is too selfish to ever consider anyone else, and will give away the very last of his things… 

at least thats whats they say, and they would all be telling the truth. 

I’m looking forward to discovering who I‘m going to become with you,

who will you turn me into?

Finally got to paint both of my grandparents for their birthdays.

I'm always here for the people I hurt.

Freedom is a lie  If I ever wake up and feel free I’m going back to sleep and try again because I need to be for someone I have to belong to something

I have an elastic heart. My heart stretches to let love in, and does so pretty easily. My heart has no walls, and no locks - it enjoys being full.  But once that love is gone, or you're gone, my heart bounces back like a rubber band. There is never any empty space. That space you once occupied is no longer there, my heart will still be just as full, only a little smaller, a little tighter - there are no voids in my heart. Only love. But just like a rubber band my heart can be stretched again. You may have to try a little harder next time. You may have to wiggle your way in. 

The D Train

I saw you tonight waiting for the D train. I was going uptown to Harlem and you were headed to downtown Manhattan, or Brooklyn, I don’t know, you were on the other side of the tracks so I couldn’t ask you.

You looked dead at me though, like you had something you had been waiting to tell me and you finally got the chance, but I was just out of whispering distance. So, you walked to the edge of the platform

like you wanted to jump. Not into my arms or anything, but like you realized you were about to get on the wrong train and you needed to hurry and get to the right side of the tracks. There was something you needed to tell me.

It’s an impossible leap, you would never make it. Plus, now the train is coming. I guess you didn’t care because you did it. HOLY SHIT, YOU DID IT! You actually ran to the edge and jumped

like you had been practicing your whole life for this. Like a gymnast who had never won a gold medal in anything in her life and now this were your Olympics. Just as you jumped, you opened your mouth to say something

and the train came and cut you in half. It was intense. There was confetti everywhere. I couldn’t wait to see if you were ok or anything because I had a train to catch. It was late and the D train runs funny at this hour.

I mourned you all the way to 145th Street until I remembered that you don’t even live in New York. Neither do I. I came to this island just to get away from you. I guess I should have chosen somewhere slightly more deserted.

8 million people in this city, I was bound to see you somewhere, in someone. Now I’m bound for the Bronx because I missed my stop and I have no idea how I’m going to make it home, or if I want to.  

Superhero

You set your bedroom on fire just to get my attention. You complained I never noticed you. I saw the smoke coming from your window as I walked down your street and heard you screaming for me to break through. Usually one to stand idly by and watch things burn I decided this time to run in and save you.

You wanted to be saved and I didn’t care if any of this was staged I still ran up your fire escape, mask and cape, wanting to be a hero. My only superpowers are superficial. You called for me by name. I made it all the way up to the 3rd floor, kicked in your door, and blew out every flame.

There was nothing left for us but ash and dust. Then things changed.

Spam

LoveAndWater: Hi how are you? www.meetmehere.com

NikRich1986: Re: Hey, I’m good actually. Been so long since we spoke. I thought you may have deleted me from your life all together, I guess it’s kind of hard to delete an email address from the internet. It's the piece of technology that gives all relationships their last bit of hope, lol. I saw a wrecked white Jeep Wrangler yesterday and thought about you, us. Hoping it wasnt you inside. I’m guessing you’re ok. How have you been?

LoveAndWater: Do you like music? Click here!  www.mp3fr.com

NikRich1986: Re: I’m always looking for something new to listen to. I’ll check them out. Music has been my only company these past few months. I say, listening to music is like always having a friend around. The thing I like about music is that it always takes you back to where you were the first time you heard it. Like a time machine. But time machines have drawbacks, some parts of the past are best not re-lived. How’s your job? Do you run the place yet?

LoveAndWater: When is the last time you went camping? Check out these deals! www.kayakthroughyourtears.com

NikRich1986: Re: Haven’t been since I was a kid with my dad. I remember we talked about going camping a few times, but it never really worked out did it? Do you still hate nature? lol. I can find us a cool spot in Mississippi and we can cross at least one thing off the list of the many things that we never got to do together. I can finally show you how to fish! October is probably the best month. Are you free then?

LoveAndWater: I just won a new iPod by filling out this survey! www.areyoudeadinside.com

LoveAndWater: Hey, I think my email has been spamming you. Sorry about that! I’m going to delete it so don’t bother messaging again. Thx.

“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” =)

NikRich1986: Re: Wow… I guess we haven’t spoken in so long that eventually some part of our subconscious would reach out to each other. Its funny that you can think about somebody hard enough for so long and the universe finds ways to manifest them for you. Its almost like my heart hacked into your computer. Its pretty romantic if you think about it, that’s some real soul mate shit right there. Anyway, call me sometime, or text. I prefer you text. Just to let me know you’re doing alright. 301-5320 Same number it’s always been.

Failure Notice: Message Undeliverable

An American Love Story In 4 Words:

It didn’t work out.

On September 15th, 1970 the New Orleans chapter of the Black Panther Party held their ground in the Desire Housing Projects against law enforcement in a shootout that lasted over 30 minutes. At 8:00 am over 100 officers in military gear stormed down on the Panther’s headquarters located at 3544 Piety St. and unloaded gunfire in an attempt to eradicate the Black Panther Party from the State of Louisiana. Miraculously no one was killed in this standoff.

Law enforcement made another attempt to raid the headquarters on November 19, but thousands of Desire residents circled the building in a successful effort to protect the members and fend off another violent attack.

In August of 1971 all of the members were found not guilty.