Got Me Woooping In My Quiet Empty Apartment

For those that aren't in Australia right now, we have the funniest scandal going on.

Firstly let us introduce you to the eye of the storm: Sam Kerr. Sam is a women's soccer player who has in the last year become one of the most famous and beloved athletes in Australia. Captain of the women's national team, Sam became something of a cult figure after the last Women's Soccer World Cup became a complete unpredicted sensation in Australia, with the whole country getting behind the team.

Sam, up until now, has had probably one of the most squeaky clean images in sport. Generally in Australia it is not uncommon for our sports stars to be caught up in scandals involving drugs:

violence:

drinking their own urine:

or if you're cricket legend Shane Warne, probably all three at once.

Contrasting all this, Sam's image as the squeaky clean saviour for sport made it all the more shocking this last week, when it was announced that Kerr was to face trial after having been charged by the UK police of a "racially aggravated offence" involving a taxi driver.

This was shocking news. Nobody knew what to make of it. Sam was a model for young girls everywhere and a national treasure. "This is why we can't have nice things" screamed the nation. It seemed like all hope was lost.

That is, until, yesterday, when the UK police finally revealed the full details of the case, in which Sam Kerr, sporting legend, was arrested for vomiting in a cab, and then telling an intervening police officer that he was a “stupid white bastard”.

Now we probably don't need to point out that in Australia, vomiting in a taxi and then calling a cop a bastard is about as close to a national culture as we have.

You could not have come up with a better headline to make someone a national hero.

Needless to say, Sam in now being hailed down under as the greatest legend that ever lived, and a petition has already been started to have her picture added to the $5 note.

The tide has swung so far that not one, but TWO, state Premiers have spoken out in support of Kerr, and the Prime Minister has even gone on the record describing her as "a delight".

And so ends the racial abuse saga of our greatest sports hero of all time, and the very first reverse milkshake duck to ever exist.

I am Broken

How does it feel… to be in love?

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH → 1.05 | 1.10

I just can't with these candid freebatch moments...

😍😭

Ed ‘Blackbeard’ Teach + Leather

Costume Designer: Christine Wada

JOHNLOCK FANFIC CULTURE IN A NUTSHELL

Cases: NO TIME FOR REAL CASES. THERE'S PORN ON THE HORIZON. (Either story begins just after a case, or incorporates a few legit-sounding details.)

Anderson: Not usually in story but inevitably mentioned with appropriate scorn.

Mycroft: Usually either very for or very against Johnlock. Either way he's kinkily watching the CCTV.

Tea: Everyone drinks at least half their body weight in tea during the course of a story. Even drabbles. You see that 800-word story? 400 of those words deal with making tea.

Milk: Getting the milk is a thing. It's practically a euphemism at this point. If Sherlock gets the milk, he's DTF. Or apologizing, and then offering his body as an extra form of apologetic-ness.

Mrs. Hudson: Ships Johnlock like a beast. Hell, she usually has some kind of Johnlockfucking-sense. She just KNOWS when they're hooking up and is determined to facilitate this/make it kind of embarrassing for them in a cute way.

Mummy Holmes: For not actually being in the show, she's surprisingly mentioned a lot. She's everything from a horrid bitch to actually a really loving rich lady who somehow just has these two weirdo sons.

Moran: Ditto, kind of. Moran is sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, sometimes seduces Moriarty/John/Sherlock/all of the above. Also somehow capable of holding 7 laser pointers I mean snipers in TGG.

Jumpers: JOHN WEARS JUMPERS ALL THE DAYS AND SHERLOCK SECRETLY LIKES IT.

Boredom: The best way to cure Sherlock's boredom to sex him vigorously. Or somehow get him hooked on James Bond and/or Doctor Who.

Sexytiems: This is the fun part. There is so much beautiful variation here. John is everything from secretly gay, to comfortably bisexual, to not even really wanting to fuck Sherlock but kind of wanting to anyway. Likewise, Sherlock is everything from purely virginal, to wholeheartedly asexual, to secretly shagging half of London for a case. Their sex ranges from WE ARE GODS OF LOVEMAKING to it goes where?

Common Situations: Being outed at crime scenes, very thorough medical investigations, post-case-compulsion-to-fuck, the Scotland Yard has a betting pool, heartfelt realizations during kidnapping, gratuitous casual high-functioning sociopath nudity.

Violin: Totally a euphemism. He took dat bow in his hand like some kind of musical god slut and handled it with sexual precision.

AUs: Dude, I don't even understand this crazy shit. There's wings and cats and Greek alphabet letters thrown all over the place.

Genderswap: Love it, but it's really funny because we never know what to call Sherlock other than Sherlock. Sherlock...ina? Sherlockette? Dafuq.

Avengers: They show up a lot, somehow. I think it's because we're all from tumblr and Hiddles is love.

Conclusion: I fucking love this fandom never change.

On jokes

Two types of music listeners

😭😭

HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS??

In 0.5 seconds and without saying a single word, Michael Sheen changed lives.

This was the bitchiest bitch moment Aziraphale had in all 2 seasons. Thank you for your service, respectfully, I am deceased.

GIF credit: @wildsflag