I’m 100% Sure This Has Been Done Before But It’s True Nonetheless

okay king

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Twin sized mattress - the front bottoms

Steve’s parents move back home, and Steve can no longer handle it. So, he leaves. Leaves Hawkins for good.

••••••

Two things Steve was certain were not there when he left for work: the random car in his driveway and the disappearance of his spare key. What Steve was not certain of: whose car it was and who the hell would break in in plain sight.

Warily, Steve walks up the front stairs of the somewhat home he had made for himself, reaching for the baseball bat he kept in the front doorway and tucking it behind his back. He doesn’t bother to kick off his shoes, just closes the door extra quiet and tiptoes his way around, looking left and right and behind himself.

His heart was in the back of his throat, hands shaking slightly at the sudden thought that today could be his last day on earth. Sure, he had faced worse, but someone breaking in was up there on his list of fears. Especially with what Hawkins was becoming.

Voices coming from the dining room alerts him and sends his heart racing painfully harsh against his rib cage. “Fuck.” Mutters Steve, sucking in a deep breath and shaking out his limbs. “Fuck.”

The voices were somewhat familiar, people Steve had not heard from in almost a fucking year. People Steve wished he would never have to see for the rest of his life.

Chucking the bat off to the side, Steve kicks off his shoes and enters the dining area with a heavy heart and slouched shoulders. His parents are seated at the table, drinking cups of hot coffee and wearing clothes Steve had never seen in any stores around Hawkins. “Mother, father.” Steve greets, clearing his throat and forcing a smile onto his lips. “Long time no see.”

Both pairs of eyes catch his own and Steve almost faints right then and there. Their gazes are cold, mean and angry, Steve’s highest insecurities on the tips of their tongues. “Steven.” Replies his mother, not even pulling on a smile at the sight of her son. “Stop slouching, it’s for low end people, and you aren’t one of those now are you?”

Steve doesn’t argue. He wouldn’t win anyway. Brings his shoulders back, standing tall and mighty. “Sorry.”

“What are you wearing?” His father snaps, and Steve flinches. “It’s.. disgusting.”

“It’s my uniform.” Whispers Steve. “For family video.”

They both grimace. “And your hair, what the hell.” Harsh hands pull through his soft locks, sending an ache across his scalp. “Why is it so long.. you look like a fucking girl.”

Steve flinches. “I.. I like it long.” He mumbles. “I didn’t think it looked girly.”

He can’t help but rub anxiously at his arm, bowing his head to not have to look into the eyes of his disappointed parents. For almost an entire year, Steve had been free of their judgement. Steve had been free to do whatever he please, to wear whatever he liked and eat whatever he wanted. He had been free. And almost like a disease, Steve felt intoxicated with guilt and fear.

All his life, Steve had thought that that was how kids were supposed to feel around their parents. Fear and resentment. But fuck was he wrong. Now that he had become the kids honorary babysitter, he spent a lot of time at their homes and around their parents, the amount of love and care making Steve feel.. strange.

Joyce Byers always welcomed him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, as did Mrs Henderson and Mrs Buckley. They treated their kids with kindness and respect and understandable discipline when needed, and even that was still soft and gentle. Steve had expected yelling and screaming, slaps across the face or anything that would make him have to jump in front to save the kids from any sense of danger, but he was wrong.

So standing here, across from his parents, Steve felt abnormal. For the way they were speaking to him, acting around him, were not normal. He should not be afraid of them in the way that he is.

“I’m sorry, Steven, but this is the last straw.” His fathers distant voice states. “I can’t take your behaviour any longer.”

Steve’s head snaps up in high alert, hands shaking and heart pounding. “What?” He asks, lips quivering with fright. “What do you mean?”

Shaking his head, Steve’s father scoffs out a hurtful laugh, one that could only mean one thing. Steve starts to back away, starts looking for an easy exit if things grew bad. “Look at you. You look like a fucking girl and I’m sick of you trying to destroy the family name.”

The words hurt like a dagger to the heart. It makes Steve press his lips together, teeth gnawing at the inside of his cheek.

“We’ve heard about everything you’ve been doing. Dressing like a girl, going around and fucking men. I did not raise a fucking faggot.”

Steve takes in staggering breaths, backing himself up against the wall as his father draws closer. The fear in his gut was eating away at him, was making his skin crawl with anxiety. A hand slams against his cheek, and tears well in Steve’s eyes immediately. He doesn’t dare make a sound, stifling his sobs by a hand over his mouth.

“Now all of this, your hair, your actions and the way you choose to live is the last straw.” Stated his mother, whom he had forgotten was even there. “It’s no big surprise you turned out this way. We gave you too much freedom. That freedom is now over.”

Steve shakes his head, his entire body trembling with the overwhelming fear of what that entailed. “No.. no.. please, I’m sorry.. I’ll.. I’ll do anything, I- I swear. Please. PLEASE!”

Steve can’t remember anything after that. Just that he woke up on the floor with a bruised eye. It’s not that his father had attacked him, his head had seemed to whack against the wall and he was already prone enough to concussions, but the punch in the eye had not helped.

After waking up, his mother had forced him to get dressed into clothes that she had chosen specifically and dragged him into the car. Drove him all the way out of town to her hair salon to get his hair cut.

Having to sit in that chair made Steve have a panic attack. Made him have to run and hide in the bathrooms to try and calm himself down. He no longer looked like himself. Looked like a masculine, jackass who didn’t give too shits what he looked like.

Of course his mother loved it. Kissed his cheek and gushed about how “now that we’re back, you can finally get your life together”.

But when he shows up to work the next day, a fresh bruise on his face and the horrible new haircut, Robin looks absolutely fucking horrified. “What the fuck.” She says as soon as he walks through the doors, the first time in weeks not having picked her up due to him requesting to start slightly later than usual. “What the fuck.”

Steve doesn’t say a word, drops his shit out back and puts on his name tag, all the while ignoring Robin’s fussing, chasing after him like a bad smell. And when he finally comes to a stop, Robin grabs him by the face and inspects his face with pure concern written across her own, biting her lower lip. “What the fuck happened to you?” Whispers Robin, voice shaking.

“It’s nothing.” Steve mutters, pulling her hands away gently and forcing a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Dude, don’t take this the wrong way, but you look fucking terrible.” Robin tries to reach out again, but Steve stops her quickly with a wince. “Ha! You winced, you’re not fine.”

Steve sighs. “Rob, please. I’m okay. I promise.”

Rolling her eyes, Robin paces around the counter. “If you were okay, you wouldn’t have winced. Did I hurt you in some way? Shove you too hard the other day at work? Did you get attacked? Jumped?”

Dragging his hands down his face at her panicked rambling, Steve gives into defeat. “My parents are back in town.” He says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “For good.”

“What?”

There’s disbelief hidden in Robin’s words, her eyes widening and body coming to a stop.

“They know about how I’ve been dressing and that I’ve hooked up with.. with guys.” Steve whispers the last part, still wary at the thought of any customers overhearing. “Said my hair made me look like a girl and said they were sick of my behaviour so they’re back. Mum made me get a haircut.”

“And the bruise?” Questions Robin.

Steve bows his head “My dad.”

Robin’s breath catches. “Steve..”

“Please, don’t do that.” Steve begs quietly. “Don’t. I’m okay. I’m used to it. It’s whatever.”

“Do.. do they know about you and..”

Steve shakes his head. “That’s the one thing they don’t know.”

Robin places a hand onto Steve’s shoulder, now back at his side, head resting overtop. “Does he know?”

Steve shakes his head once more.

“Steve.. you have to tell him.”

“I can’t.” Steve’s voice breaks painfully.

“He’ll understand. You know he will.”

Sighing, Steve nods slowly. “I know I just.. I don’t want him to know about my family life. Everything is perfect between us. I don’t want to ruin that.”

No matter what Robin says, it’s no use. Steve wouldn’t believe her. Steve wouldn’t budge from his point of view. What happened to him was between the two of them. No one else needed to know.

••••

The next time Steve arrives at his house, the red hair that belonged to his younger sister appears behind the door before Steve can put on a fake smile, his heart easing just the slightest. “Hey,” greets max, the beginning of a smile appearing on her lips, before it vanishes in an instant at one look at Steve’s face. “What happened?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” Assures Steve, pulling on a smile. “I’m okay. Is Billy still here?”

Max doesn’t have time to respond before Billy appears beside her at the door, his own grin falling from his lips as he takes in the other males appearance. “Steve-“

“I’m gonna go.” Max cuts in, tucking her skateboard under her arm and disappearing off down the street in a flash.

“Billy-“ Steve tries, but Billy cuts him off, his hands cupping Steve’s cheeks with the utmost care in the world.

Billy inspects the bruise, hands almost shaking with the absolute purest anger flowing through his veins. And after a brief pause, Steve’s heart skips a nervous beat as Billy looks him dead in the eyes. His voice is quiet and tense, his anger barely restrained.

"Who did this to you?"

Steve shivers, anxiety crawling all over his skin. "I-it was no one-" he tries, but it doesn't work. Billy sees right through his lies and it only makes Billy’s eyes harden. “It doesn’t matter-“

Billy doesn’t let up. “Of course it fucking matters. You’re hurt. Now tell me who did this.”

Steve bites his lip, then, like a switch flicked inside of him, he began sobbing, cupping a hand over his mouth.

Billy frowns sympathetically, eyes now soft, and gathers Steve into his arms, rocking him side to side. "Steve, I’m sorry for raising my voice, are.. are you okay?” He whispers, combing his fingers through Steve’s hair, Steve gripping tightly at his tank top. "I'm going to deal with this. Your gonna be okay."

Steve whimpers, pressing his sore face further into Billy’s shoulder, holding onto his boyfriend for dear life, sobbing and sobbing, body shaking at the force of them. "They.. they came out of nowhere. No call or letter. Nothing." Steve stammers, voice hoarse. "And wouldn't.. wouldn't stop.. they wouldn't stop."

His sobs become harsher and Billy can only hold him through it, resting his chin atop his head. "Who?" Billy urges softly. "Who wouldn't stop?"

Steve can barely get the words out. "My.. my parents.."

Billy stiffens, hands coming to a stop in Steve’s hair. His parents did thus? Billy thinks to himself, eyes hardening once again. I'll kill those sons of bitches!

Almost as though he could read Billy’s mind, Steve breaks away from the hug, shaking his head. "You- you cant do anything." He tells him. "Please, you can't."

Billy goes to protest, but the look of fear in Steve’s eyes makes him stop. Billy sighs. "Okay. Okay I won't. I promise. Just.. just tell me what happened.”

Steve tells Billy everything. From coming home from work to find the front door unlocked and a random car in his driveway, to the constant nitpicking and godawful fight, all the while keeping on a strong facade as he sits across from Billy on his bed, hands shaking. They fidget with the blankets, eyes unwilling to lock with Billy’s, far too fearful to take in just how much anger and fury was flowing through his boyfriends veins.

For Steve knew how Billy could get. Yes, he had changed and was a much kinder individual now, that did not mean he did not still have his outbursts of anger. That did not mean he didn’t stop himself from keeping Steve safe in whatever way possible.

“I’m gonna kill them.” Steve hears Billy mutter into the silence, suddenly standing and pacing the room, hands raking through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down.

Finally looking up, Steve climbs to his shaking legs and reaches out to cup Billy’s cheeks, and only then does Billy stop his pacing. Only then does Billy refocus back on Steve and what Steve needed. “Hey.” Whispers Steve, resting their foreheads together and taking hold of Billy’s hands. “I’m okay.. I’m okay. I promise. There’s no need to go on a killing spree for a small bruise.”

Billy barely chuckles at the attempt at a joke, pressing a kiss against Steve’s temple and thumbing gently at the bruise over his eye. “You know id do anything for you-“

“I know.” Steve smiles, pulling away enough to have their eyes lock. “But I’m okay, really. I promise. I just.. want to spend time with you while I can.”

“Okay.” Nods Billy. “Okay.. what did you have in mind?”

Shifting nervously on his feet, Steve bows his head. “Hold me..?”

Steve can hear the smile on Billy’s lips as he chuckles, lifting the other male into his arms and making him squeak, tucking Steve against his chest as they lay down on the ever so soft bed, legs intertwined. “I’m just gonna put this out there. You come over with other bruise and I’m saying something.”

Steve sighs. “Okay.”

Thankfully, the next few times the couple hang out, Steve has no injuries. Nothing to make Billy go manic and do something he most definitely won’t regret. However, unbeknownst to Steve’s spinning mind, Billy has picked up on Steve’s change in mood.

He wasn’t eating. Just picking at whatever food was in front of him before pushing his plate away and stating that he was no longer hungry. He had lost weight. Too much to be healthy. Any ounce of muscle that was once on his body now gone and turned into skin and bone.

He was always shaking. Always on edge. Jumping at any loud noise, flinching at the raise of anyones voice. Every little thing was setting Steve off. And fuck, did it hurt to watch the one person Billy loves act in such a strange way. To be so scared, to be so close to tears and so so fucking skinny. Billy couldn’t handle it. He just couldn’t.

All he wanted to know was what was going on in Steve’s mind.

“Are you really going to eat that?” The voice of Steve’s mother says suddenly, now standing across from him, the bench the only thing between them. “Doesn’t seem like the best choice, does it?”

Freezing, Steve lowers the cookie from where it was pressed to his lips, dropping it back into the container and running his hand through his hair. “I’ll just.. have something else.”

His mother nods, but her eyes refused to leave his wandering figure. Steve could feel the anxiety flowing through his veins, could feel his heart raging in his ears. “Didnt you already eat something?” His mother speaks again, now directly in front of Steve and hiding his view of the fridge. “I don’t think you need to be eating again.”

“Oh.” Steve’s face falls, trying to ignore the growling of his stomach. “Right. Um. Okay..”

Steve had ran up to his room and sobbed himself to sleep that night.

“That shirt is unflattering, Steven. Go change.”

His favourite shirt.

“Honey, I think you might be getting a bit.. fat. I think I’m going to have to put a lock on the pantry.”

His mother had insisted that she was joking, but Steve couldn’t seem to shake the comment off. He basically stopped eating all together at home, and it was becoming a bad habit around those he loved most. He sometimes even flat out refused to eat in front of them. Including Billy.

None of his clothes fit like they used to. They were all baggy and loose and looked horrible.

Everything that was beginning to make that house feel like a home to him was gone. It was no longer a safe haven for him. It was a prison. And Steve needed to get out. He had to. He just had to.

••••••

Knocks sound erratically from the front door, Steve’s figure pacing in between each attempt of his fist banging on Billy’s front door. His car was parked messily on the street, his lights still on and key still in. Anxiety was running through his veins, was making his hands shake and the tears to keep rolling down his cheeks.

It was a last minute decision. But Steve knew it was the right one. He couldn’t take his parents shit anymore and here he was, covered in fresh blood and bruises, waiting to explain to the one person he loves that he was leaving.

The door opens suddenly, and Miss Mayfield appears, stopping in shock at the sight of the young male before her. “Steve?” She says, face falling. “Honey, are you okay?”

Wiping the tears from his cheeks erratically, Steve forces a smile, lips quivering. “Hi Miss Mayfield. Is uh.. is Billy home?”

She turns and calls out the other males name, before stepping into Steve’s space and inspecting the wounds with a horror-full expression on her face. “Steve.. sweetie, what happened?”

“Uh.. nothing.. nothing. I’m okay. I promise. I’m going to be okay. I just..” pausing, Steve runs a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky sigh. “I just really need to talk to Billy.”

“Okay. Okay.. I’ll.. I’ll go find him and bring him out to you.”

Miss Mayfield disappears in a flash into the house, and Steve can hear her voice calling out for Billy, voice getting louder and more frantic with each call. And Steve, Steve couldn’t stop pacing. Couldn’t stop moving. The amount of fear and anxiety in his gut was abnormal.

“Steve?” The familiar voice of Billy says suddenly, the door falling closed and his boyfriends figure enclosing into his space.

Steve looks over at him, unable to keep his sobs at bay at the expression on Billys face.

“Steve, are- are you okay? Oh my god, you- your bleeding!” Billy’s cupping his face then, trying to find where the bleeding had started, only for Steve to shake his head and pull his hands away.

“No.. im.. im not okay, but- I but I will be.” Whispers Steve, smiling all wobbly. “Im sorry.. im.. im leaving Hawkins. Tonight.”

Immediately, Billys face falls. And fuck did it make Steve’s heart ache. “What?”

Cupping his hands to Billys cheeks, Steve caresses the golden skin with shaky thumbs. “I can’t take my parents anymore. I can’t live like this, Bill. I need.. I need to get away.”

“No, please, please.” Billy says, shaking his head and trying to stop his own tears from falling. “You can’t be leaving.. you can’t.. I.. I need you here..”

“I know, I know.” Steve says, so fucking soft and so fucking broken. “But I have to go, Billy. I can’t live like this anymore. I need to be free.”

“Let me go with you.” Billy is begging now, holding Steve’s face in his hands, desperate to do anything to make Steve agree. “We can go together-“

But Steve cuts him off. Because Steve couldn’t let Billy leave his family. Not when things were finally going good for him here in Hawkins. Steve would never forgive himself if he allowed Billy to come with him. “I have to do this alone.. okay? You have a family here that loves you. I can’t take you away from that.”

Lower lip wobbling, fresh tears in his eyes, Billy lets his head from forward slightly, biting the inside of his cheek. “Please, Steve. Please. Stay.”

“Hey, Billy. I love you, but no fucking way.” Steve says, voice breaking with the utmost intensity.

No matter how badly it hurt him, Billy knew Steve had to go. He knew that Steve needed this. “I promise, I will come and find you.” Whispers Billy, pressing the softest of kisses to Steve’s forehead. “You- you have my word. I love you. So fucking much. And if.. If you need to do this, you should. I will come and find you.”

Steve smiles. “I know you will.”

Flicking their eyes between each other’s lips and gazes, they crash their lips together in a kiss, hands cupping each other’s faces so sweetly, yet so harshly, neither of them want to pull away. For that meant goodbye. And neither of them were fully ready to say goodbye.

“I love you.” Steve breathes between their lips, kissing Billy’s once, twice, three times more before pulling away. “I love you. I’ll call you as soon as I find a place to go to. I promise.”

“You better.” Billy says, finally allowing himself to cry, lips quivering and hands shaking against Steve’s face. “I love you, Steve.”

“We’ll be together soon.” Steve promises, kissing billys cheek. “I’ll see you soon, Bill. I love you.”

“I love you too. Please.. be safe.”

Steve nods. “I will. You have my word.”

And just like that, with one last hug and kiss, Steve was gone. He really, truly was gone. And in that moment, Billy cannot stop himself from dropping to his knees and sobbing into his hands, his entire body shaking with emotion.

---

The bus always drops Billy off exactly a block from home. They took his car when he failed a vision test from his chronic migraines, so there isn’t much of a choice. Which is fair. He really doesn’t want to drive anyways after his accident. But, the bus isn’t always on time.

He’d been visiting Max at the hospital to play catch up before the new year. There’s always a good excuse to go visit her, but today especially. There’s fireworks going off like crazy from all the drunk hicks celebrating the passing of another year. Fireworks that terrify Max because she can’t even see them, after losing her vision in the battle for her life.

He’s lucky he got out of the hospital earlier that night because Max requested an extra strong dose of her meds to drown out the sound of the fireworks.

Unfortunately, there’s too many of those same drunks to cart around that the bus hadn’t made its way to the hospital until an hour after it was supposed to pick him up. He’d meant to be home by 9, but it’s already after 10.

Even on his eventual walk home from the bus stop, drawn out by his limp and his cane, the sky is full of smoke and colors. And noise. Lots and lots of irritating, terrifying noise.

Billy walks the last stretch faster than he should. He’s eager to get home to Steve for their first new year together anyhow. He’ll blame it on that instead of the lick of fear in his stride from the booming.

Right away as he shoulders the door open on his good side, the one not leaning on a cane, he calls out into the house, expecting Steve to be right there since he’s running a little late, “Baby?”

But there’s no answer. That’s not so unusual. They’re usually in bed by now anyways, aged at least three decades by the events of two summers ago and basically every day since. He’ll just hang up his coat, kick off his stretchy old man shoes, and try again.

“Steeeevie?”

Still nothing.

One too many times panicking from not knowing Steve’s exact location has taught him to calm down a little, and get his head on the right way before he starts tearing the place apart looking for him. Taking his time so as not to hurt himself in the process, Billy decides to go upstairs and check before he makes the ruling that Steve’s MIA. For his sanity.

He finds his boyfriend disguised as a pile of blankets on their bed, and he almost misses him because the lights are all out.

Right.

Fireworks are pretty rough for Steve too. Nothing brings more sensory overload than colorful death bombs in the sky. Billy sighs. He hates this town and the constant cacophony of fear it brings. Can’t they ever have a moment of peace?

He climbs into bed next to Steve, announcing his presence with a clearing of his throat before he plops down next to the curled up figure under the comforter.

“What’re you doing in here?”

The quiet response from Steve comes out barely audible, “Hiding.”

Yeah. Billy kinda wishes he could hide from a lot of things too. But right now, this is not about him,

“What from?”

The blankets rustle and a small mumbled response comes, “Loud.”

Just to be sure, and so Steve doesn’t have to do as much talking, Billy clarifies, “The fireworks are too loud?”

Again, there’s a shifting sound of Steve’s hair against the sheets, as he nods gently.

Billy wants to hold him. He’d like to strike down every last motherfucker that made Steve feel like this too. He can settle for lifting up the blanket and sliding under it with Steve, and talking gently to try and soothe him.

“I think so too. They uh.. remind me of..”

His voice breaks off from the quiet whisper into just nothing. Even now, even trying to be strong for Steve, there are some things that are too hard to talk about.

Steve’s face goes scrunched up with sympathy. Like he’s trying hard on purpose to feel bad for Billy, though that’s not really how it goes in his head. He even apologizes, though that isn’t what Billy wanted at all, “I’m sorry.”

Instantly, Billy rushes to reassure him, “Stevie, you didn’t-“

But it doesn’t change what Steve was already determined to tell him. They don’t talk a lot about the serious things. About how they’re both disabled now, and certainly both jam-packed with more trauma than the sky is packed with lights tonight. Maybe they should, so Steve won’t sound as guilty as he speaks,

“I’m sorry I’ve always been like this and you were made into this.”

That makes Billy pause. He has to catch his breath and then turn on his side to look at Steve’s face, centering on his nose so accidental eye-contact won’t happen.

No way is he letting Steve blame himself for this, any of this.

“That’s not true. I hated fireworks before too. We’d watch them on the beach, and I’d get scared because the water looked like it was on fire.”

Just from that tidbit, Steve tears up. Billy tears up. They both know what part of the story is coming next, and suddenly Billy remembers that he told this story before and simply forgot, but it’s too late to stop now.

“Momma held me and told me that it wasn’t real, but.. after momma left.. I was always afraid of irrational shit like that. Still am. Just today I was scared the hospital would burn up from the fireworks if I left Max there. Or I’d choke on the smoke on my way home. And then I got back and I couldn’t find you and I just-“

Yeah. Steve gets it. They’re both trying their damndest, even when another pop sounds in the near distance, and Steve presses his headphones a little closer to his ears.

The not quite silence speaks more volumes than their words. Steve spreads his arm out, and makes a soft little humming sound. An invitation for Billy to come close and wrap his arms around Steve. They need each other right now.

Billy dives into the offered cuddle. He’s been waiting for this moment all day. The moment where he could just sob into Steve’s chest, and feel Steve’s own tears wetting his hair. Sometimes, this is what it takes.

Laying in bed and purging out all their bad emotions isn’t exactly the ideal way for two ex-King’s like them to spend their New Year’s Eve, but it’s how they’re going to, and neither would ask for any other way to move into another year. They fought hard to be able to do that.

Nobody can take that away.

They don’t talk again until Steve is ready. With all the noise and chaos, Billy doesn’t mind the silence, just listening to Steve’s steady, unsteady, one-two-skip, heartbeat. He hears Steve’s words rattle up in his chest as he speaks them, “Fireworks are stupid.”

That makes Billy crack a smile. They both know all this crying isn’t about the fireworks. Not that it helps, but that’s not the point.

Maybe fireworks will be the spark that lit the fire. From now on, it’s about opening up a little more.

“Yeah. What’s so great about all that toxic shit in the air anyways?” Billy meant that in more ways than one, but whether or not Steve got the double meaning about all that glory covering up the ugly truth, isn’t what he focuses on.

Steve lingers on the idea of the bad air, and Billy’s asthmatic lungs, and lets the worry come back, “I didn’t even think about that. You okay?”

Billy nods against Steve’s chest, and pulls back a little so his head is resting by his arm instead, and they’re face to face now, “I’m just fine.”

It’s such an automatic answer, Steve catches it too. Satisfied that he noticed, he points out, “You sound just like Max.”

He does. It feels like it’s already been an eternity since he got back in Steve’s arms. He forgot that today was the same day he visited Max. His memories get mixed up like that sometimes.

The silence after Steve’s little teasing must eat away at Billy’s mask, because Steve makes a small sound of worry, like a gruff sniffle, and asks, “Was she okay?”

Trying hard to remember today’s visit over yesterday's or the day before's or nine months before that’s, Billy gives details by the moment he remembers them, “Still tired. But alright. Got her to smile.”

“Did you tell her-“ Every single day Steve asks the same questions. He cares so much about doing the right thing.

Seeing him now, all curled up in bed and sad on a day that’s a celebration for everybody else, makes Billy even more sure that he’s going to do the right thing as well. Right now, that’s reassurance,

“Yep, I said ‘hi from Steve.’ And I made sure to tell her you miss her. All the usual.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come.” Steve went once, and that was all it took for the constant beeping, rushing, wheeling, to trigger a meltdown. Never again.

But Billy’s alright with that, and Max was too the last time they talked, “Baby, we’ve told you. It’s fine. I can barely get my ass on the bus either.”

Steve doesn’t look like he believes him. His eyes are wide and teary again. His nails scratch at his palms, so Billy gently takes his hands and keeps them separated.

“Promise?”

Billy kisses Steve’s knuckles on each hand, soft and barely able to be felt as a graze across warm flesh. He’s going to do anything to make Steve stop worrying about the harder things they’ve been through a few times now.

“I promise.”

Billy reaches out slowly, ever so slowly so Steve has time to assert his boundaries before Billy's hand makes contact with his face. Instead of stopping him though, Steve blinks slowly and closes his eyes, and allows Billy to gently hold his cheek. His skin is flushed warm, despite it being so cold out. He’s the softest thing Billy’s ever had the privilege to hold.

Next he wants to taste. The angle they’re at is awkward and it hurts Billy’s back. He taps Steve’s cheek as a silent way of asking him to be the one to initiate their kiss and fix their tangle of limbs. Steve obliges, without opening his eyes, shifting off of his hip so his chest is against Billy’s now, and their faces are just inches apart.

Billy isn’t even sure which of them actually closes the gap, but in the next moment he’s kissing Steve slowly and carefully like either of them could break at any second.

In the next moment, Steve does break, only in that he separates the kiss.

“Wait a sec.”

Billy’s eyes are half open, his face warmed by the love he felt from the kiss, which left him too lax and calm to be worried about Steve’s interruption, “Hm?”

Not for no reason. Steve’s panic looks a lot different from his lightbulb ideas, and right now, Billy can tell before Steve even speaks it’s going to be the latter. One of his good ideas.

“We have to save up our kisses for midnight.”

Not exactly the most thrilling idea ever. Billy instinctually scrunches his nose as an expression of doubt, but Steve’s eyes are still shining with his own brilliance.

“I don’t know, babe..”

“It’s good luck!” Steve swears it like it’s a revelation, and he’s just cured all that ails Billy.

Seeing him that happy, instead of shaking and hiding from the overstimulation like earlier, Billy could say that Steve’s just about done that for real.

Billy plays his role as the skeptic though, pouting over-exaggeratedly so Steve knows he’s not serious, “Didn’t know that meant we had to wait.”

It earns a laugh, more akin to a delighted giggle, out of Steve, who decides on a compromise for their imaginary plight, “You can have one kiss on the cheek for now.”

He leans over and just barely pecks his cheek, soft lips ghosting over Billy’s skin and making him shiver with the feeling of goose pimples popping up on his neck. The small kiss transforms with the shape of Steve’s smile from Billy's reaction, and then Steve gives him another, slightly stronger, press of his lips.

“Thank you, Stevie.” Billy makes doubly-sure Steve knows he’s not really as pouty as he was playing to be. Really, any affection from Steve makes his entire day better, after months where they weren’t able to have these moments between doctors visits and monster battles. The peace of just being in one another’s arms, finally safe from all of that, is enough. “Love you.”

Declarations of love always give Steve a reason to show his happy hands. He taps the tips of his fingers in a rhythm against Billy’s collar bone, and returns the declaration in a silly, stimmy voice, “I love you too.”

Their bliss is interrupted by another thundering firework outside. A distressed squeak cuts off Steve’s words, and he buries his face into Billy’s form, hiding along the contour of his arm, with his face pressed against Billy’s ribcage, so he’s as close to Billy as possible, and as far away from the threat.

It’s not really a comfortable position, but if it keeps Steve feeling safe, Billy can live with a dead arm for a while.

“I got you, Steve. Those fireworks aren’t gonna get us, babe.”

“Too loud.” Steve repeats his sentiment from earlier. That’s a nice affirmation that this is all rational. They’ve both had their share of fear driven breaks, which are much harder to solve.

Since this one’s the kind that doesn’t scare Billy, he keeps joking with Steve to keep him from slipping into that worse place.

“Want me to sing for you? Drown it all out?” He questions, knowing full well he can’t hold a tune worth a damn.

“Please no.” Steve’s so polite about telling Billy what he already knew. It’s really sweet actually.

Billy chuckles lightly, suppressing his laugh so he doesn’t jostle Steve too much, “I hear you. We’ll just be nice and quiet then.”

After so long like that, without any more booming interruptions from outside of their safe spot, Billy’s eyes start to get heavy. He caught Steve the same way, blinking extra hard so his eyelashes danced over Billy’s skin, and so his eyes wouldn’t shut without him.

Normally he’d just let him sleep, and he considers it for a moment, but it’s the celebration of the new year, and Steve would be devastated if they missed the midnight kiss.

Billy realizes they’ve been laying here for so long, he doesn’t even know what time it is, “I’m gonna peek out of the blanket. Check the time.”

Steve doesn’t waste energy on responding beyond a simple nod.

Billy uses his free hand that isn’t under Steve to pull the heavy comforter back down to let the real world back in. His eyes take a moment to adjust to the room again, and then he squints at the clock to see how close they are to the moment.

“Oh shit. It’s 11:56. Only 4 minutes left.” He announces, and Steve pops up beside him from under the blanket eagerly, every bit of tiredness gone from his face and replaced with glowing excitement.

“Are we gonna count them down?”

Billy smiles and shrugs as much as he can with Steve’s weight still on his one arm, “Don’t see why not.”

They count the minutes down together quietly. That’s too long to do it out loud and wear Steve out before it’s even time. Their way of doing that consists of Billy laying still and letting Steve tap out each passing second against the scar in the center of his chest.

When they finally reach an achievable countdown, Billy starts with, “10.”

“9.” Steve takes the next, and they do it in alternating order, although from the way Steve is vibrating with excitement, he’d probably rather skip this step altogether

Still, Steve is so loving with him, even when Billy feels like he doesn’t deserve it.

“8.”

Billy would hold him through anything it took to make Steve feel safe expressing that kind of love.

“7.”

They fought so hard to be this comfortable. Last year, Billy was still in a coma, and Steve was still too scared to even touch him to hold hands.

“6.”

Their first kiss was two months after they started dating, leaning around stitches and big emotions to both finally feel like everything was in place.

“5.”

Someday, they’ll be totally in sync and know when those hard times have passed, but right now it’s a loving, tender work in progress.

“4.”

And maybe someday, they’ll get out of Hawkins, and far away from all the chaos here.

“3.”

Billy gets stronger every day, mentally and physically. Steve gets more in tune with his own needs and self-worth. That’s what a support system and a whole lotta care will do for a couple of guys like them.

“2.”

Most importantly, they’re getting better all the time at communicating, building up the foundations of their relationship.

“1!”

Steve initiates the kiss, grabbing both sides of Billy’s face and smashing their lips together rather than kissing him. It’s reminiscent of their first kiss, in all its clumsy, anxious glory. Billy thinks that’s a good momento to end the worst year of their lives with, and start into what will hopefully be the best.

“Looking forward to another year with you, baby.” He promises, when they break apart and finally get a breath.

Steve wears a delightful smile, “Here’s to another.. hm.. 100?”

That sounds nice. Just him and Steve for the rest of time, no matter how many years pass or how many painful explosions happen.

“Yeah. Cheers to that.”

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tbblobnoern tuesday

i love soulmate aus. so, imagine that the universe has some way of showing you who your soulmate is, but no one is ever 100% sure because it depends on the pair. some people have the first or final words said to them somewhere on their body, other can see what their soulmates write on their bodies and others only see in black and white until they lock eyes with their fated other half, which is when they start seeing in color. some people have their soulmate's name or initials on their wrists and other have a spot of color on their bodies, which is where their soulmate will touch them for the first time.

steve had none of those. when he turned 15, he spent hours checking every inch of his body to see if he had any writing or spots of color. once he was sure that wasn't the case, he wrote on his forearms and the back of his hand with red pen in hopes of getting a response. his heart broke more and more the longer he went without a response until he eventually admitted it to himself: he was probably unpaired. meant to either stay alone or enter an unhappy marriage full of infidelity like his parents. he tried not to let the thought of that bring him down, even as everyone around him started finding their soulmates.

then one day, after he turned 18, he went to bed like normal and woke up confused. this wasn't his room or his bed or his house. he sat up to get a better look around him. the room was big and spacious, but unlike his, it was comfortable and felt like... home. the walls were painted light blue and filled with paintings of various ocean creatures. there were two comfy chairs looking towards a big window and the furniture was made of a light wood, making the room feel even bigger than it already was. the bedsheets were a darker shade of blue mixed with white and oh so soft and steve normally would've loved this place but this wasn't his fucking house. his room was ugly and boring and full of plaid that he desperately wanted to get rid of but couldn't because it sadly reminded him of his mom.

so instead of freaking out, he just sat silently and waited for someone to give him a clue as to where he was. as he waited, he happened to look down at his hand and his jaw dropped when he saw a ring. a ring on the fourth finger of his left hand. where wedding bands went. so it was clearly a wedding ring. he was married? jesus, did he get blackout drunk and get married to some chick and just forget about it?

before he could get up and look for the poor girl that was probably even more confused than he was, a door on the left side of the room opened and he heard a voice say "good morning, pretty boy.", a very familiar voice. he turned his head to see billy hargrove stepping out of the bathroom with a towel slung low over his hips, using a smaller towel to dry his hair. steve's heart started beating fast at the sight of him. billy looked to be a few years older, probably in his late 20s or early 30s, and his hair was shorter but he was still fit and so fucking hot. he tried to not think about the way his heart skipped a few beats when he saw the matching wedding ring on billy's finger.

steve was ready to drown billy in questions about where he was and what they were doing and why they were married, but when he opened his mouth, what came out instead was a tired "hey, handsome." that made him blush. the blonde seemed to find this funny because he chuckled quietly and stepped closer to pull steve into a deep and loving kiss, cupping his cheeks gently.

"you okay to walk?" billy asked him quietly and steve was surprised to find himself nodding his head and shifting to stand. billy simply gave him an amused look and stepped back a few feet to give him some space, but as soon as steve was on his feet, his knees buckled and he nearly fell to the floor. billy simply laughed as he caught him in his arms and swept him up into a bridal carry, pressing a kiss to his forehead and taking him to the bathroom. steve was once again surprised to find himself simply throwing his arms around billy's shoulders and snuggling closer to him. it was like he was stuck in his mind, able to think freely but not being able to control what he said and how his body moved.

when billy lowered him into a steaming tub, he sighed in relief and kissed back when the blonde pressed a kiss to his lips. "be nicer to me, i'm getting old." he grumbled and watched his husband(?) go right back to drying his hair, standing over him and looking down with dark eyes. his words made billy laugh again and steve made a mental note that the other male had a beautiful laugh. "you're only 28. besides," billy smirked, reaching down to run his fingers through steve's hair "i recall you enjoying every second and even begging for more all night." he hummed and steve's breath hitched for a second before he was scowling and pushing the laughing blonde away, desperately ignoring the crimson blush on his cheeks.

"just go wake up the girls! max is coming to pick them up at 11." he huffed and billy gave him a mocking salute as he left the bathroom, probably to get dressed. and steve- steve almost cried. he was apparently 10 years in the future, married to billy hargrove and with children? this was probably some amazing dream he was having- wait. dream. this must be a soulmate dream. from what he heard, they were rare and sometimes didn't come true at all but... this must mean that billy hargrove was his soulmate. the thought of that made him smile like an idiot and he promised to not think about that for now and focused on cleaning himself and getting dressed in some comfortable sweatpants and his favorite yellow sweater that was somehow still alive, taking his sweet time since he was in a lot of pain. it was like they went at it like rabbits the whole night, fuck.

when he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen where he could hear a commotion, it was a few minutes until the clock struck 11. he was nervous and his thoughts were going a mile a minute but when he stepped into the kitchen, his body automatically went for the coffee and the two painkillers that billy had probably left out for him. after taking them and draining about half the cup in one go, he turned around and his breath caught in his chest.

the girls were beautiful. they were clearly twins, both with fiery red hair and emerald green eyes and about 2 years old, but one was quietly (and very clumsily) eating her food and the other was arguing with billy with her limited vocabulary. nicole and cynthia were their names. or so his brain told him. "let me help you, sweetheart." steve said and approached the quiet twin, wiping her mouth and feeding her the rest of the food that was on her plate. she simply grinned up at steve and gladly accepted the help with a soft 'thank you, dada'.

steve's heart melted in his chest at the sweet voice, but then the other twin was screeching "no, dammit!" and steve saw billy turn away to hide his laughter. asshole. "nicole!" steve scolded and kicked billy's leg under the table. the little girl turned to look at him and her expression went from angry to delighted in seconds, squealing in delight at the sight of him. steve smiled fondly at her and told her to let papa help, darling and she accepted easily, no longer arguing and letting billy feed her. billy kicked him back at that, flipping him off when both girls were distracted briefly.

after that, at exactly 11'o'clock, there was a knock on their door and lucas sinclair was letting himself in and greeting him and billy briefly before crouching to greet the suddenly very excited girls. "where's max?" billy asked as steve cleaned the girls' sticky hands and wiped their faces and made sure they had their bags with them, sneakily verifying that billy had packed everything properly as lucas told the blonde that max was waiting in the car along with jane. then they were saying goodbye to lucas and the girls after inviting him to go to the beach with them next weekend and then he and billy were alone, the girls going to spend the day with max and then stay over at her house.

they spent the day cleaning around the house together and occasionally kissing and every once in a while, max would send them pictures of her and the girls together at the aquarium, some with lucas in them and others with a smiling jane. after they finished cleaning, they made dinner and then curled up together on the couch to watch tv, with steve promising to clean the dirty dishes the next day and billy rolling his eyes fondly but accepting. as they watched tv, billy complained about the snotty kids he gave surfing lessons to and told steve that he didn't understand how he could work with rowdy children and pta moms five days a week and not go insane. steve simply chuckled sleepily and listened to whatever billy said, ecstatic that this was gonna be his future but tired from the emotional rollercoaster that the day had been.

before he fell asleep in billy's arms, he made sure to press a long kiss to the blonde's lips and whisper a quiet 'i love you'.

and then he woke up back in his bedroom with pain in his chest and tears in his eyes. he spent a while just laying in bed, simply trying to remember every possible detail of his dream- of his future.

sudden loud and desperate knocking on his front door made him jump out of bed and rush downstairs, already having a pretty solid idea of who was on the other side of the door.

and he was right. when he opened the door, billy hargrove was standing on his front porch and panting heavily. his clothes were wrinkled and askew, meaning that he had probably rushed to dress and make his way over to steve's house.

they stared at each other for a few solid seconds before they both moved forward at the same time, hugging each other tightly. "we'll make it happen. that's- our future. we'll make it ours." billy was desperately muttering into his hair and steve was nodding his head to agree, not being able to speak due to the knot of feelings clogging his throat.

and they did, they desperately tried to make that future theirs.

until billy died on the fourth of july, in the year 1985. and steve was left alone, haunted with the knowledge of what could've been, what he lost and what never got to truly have.

tagging: @every-dayiwakeup

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“Steve…" 

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It’s past midnight. Perfect time for nightmares.

Music: Out of the Darkness -Matthew And The Atlas 

Inspiration:

Patreon | Twitter | Instagram | VK

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lmao guys we win

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i just had a thought... imagine steve and billy moving to california and getting an apartment together. then one day, the harringtons decide to visit steve to "see how he's doing" and they don't really like billy at all. whenever they visit, he always just stares at them and glares whenever they try to give steve life advice. he refuses to leave the room so they can have private conversations with their son, he always makes them serve their own food themselves instead of letting steve do it for them and he calls them by their first name instead of respectfully calling them mr. and mrs. harrington.

worst of all, no matter how many times they tell him to, he refuses to put a shirt on and is always showing off the dark hickeys on his neck and chest. "i wish he would stop trying to show everyone that he's sleeping around with girls." mrs. harrington says one day and ignores billy's smug grin and steve's awkward laugh.

and then, they decide to visit steve one day to try and convince him to move back in with them but no matter how many times mrs. harrington knocks on the door, no one comes to open it. mr. harrington tells her to try the doorknob and to their surprise, it's unlocked so they just let themselves in.

only to find steve and billy making out on the couch, billy pinning their son down and said son desperately gripping the blond's shoulder to pull him closer.

the only thing steve and billy hear is a horrified "oh my god, james, they're gay!" followed by quickly receding footsteps but when they look, they're alone and their front door is wide open.

"i thought i heard your mom." billy says as he gets up to shut the door and lock it, trying to hide his wide grin from his boyfriend. "whatever. she wasn't there so it doesn't matter." steve says and pulls billy on top of him once the blond is close enough. they both smile at each other and lean forward at the same time, happy to make out for a few more hours.

after that, they suddenly stop getting visits from the harringtons and instead receive awkward christmas cards with money in them every year. steve always asks why billy grins smugly at the sight of them but billy just shrugs and says "let's just say that i have a better ear for hearing when people are knocking on our door." and steve just accepts it, happy that he doesn't have to deal with his parents and doesn't have to hide the hickeys on his chest and thighs from them anymore.

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Commission for @phaesporiamuse and her story “there’s a place I’d like to be (the place I’d be happy)”